


Fulfilling His Promise

by palominopup



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gay Sex, Kid Fic, M/M, Photographer Castiel, Soldier Dean, mild PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-05-30 03:01:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 91,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6406084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palominopup/pseuds/palominopup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak was the guardian to his twin’s son while Jimmy was in Afghanistan serving his country. As a well-known underwater photographer and marine biologist, it meant he couldn’t travel as much, but he’d do anything for his brother. Including raising his son when Jimmy is killed in action. As they settled into their new life, a stranger knocked on their door of their home in Oahu. A beautiful man in full dress uniform stood on the porch. “My name is Captain Dean Winchester.” Castiel recognized the name from Jimmy’s letters. Jimmy had called Dean Winchester his best friend. </p><p>Dean and Jimmy had a pact. If one died while in the Middle East, the other would deliver special letters and mementos to the other’s family. Dean was fulfilling his promise. Dean didn’t expect to fall for Jimmy’s brother, but he had to stay and make sure Jimmy’s son knew how brave his father was. Dean served his stint in the Army and now a civilian. Castiel’s home in Hawaii was a paradise. Beaches, crystal clear water and it seemed like a good place to settle until he decided what to do with the rest of his life. He’d get a job and see how things went.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dean has a mild case of PTSD. He has nightmares of Jimmy's last moments and it was a violent death. There are graphic descriptions of war. I use it to set the scene only and as the story progresses, Dean heals as he falls for Castiel. This starts out sad, but for those of you who follow my work, you know it ends with a happily ever after. This first chapter ripped my heart out, but as these two idiots get to know each other, you will see all of the humor and fluffiness that I love.

** **

 

**Prologue**

  
Standing on his lanai looking out over the crystal blue ocean that was his backyard, Castiel left his tears unchecked. How was he going to tell Matthew? He crumpled the papers in his hands. The soldiers that brought the news had been kind. James Novak, his twin, wasn’t coming home from Afghanistan. He would never share the same smile with Castiel again. He wouldn’t see his four year old son grow to be a man. The soldiers, from Fort Shafter near Honolulu, had informed Castiel that Matthew would be the sole beneficiary of James’ military insurance policy and would also receive survivor’s benefits. None of that mattered. Castiel leaned against the railing and let the sobs overtake him.

  
“Mr. Novak?” Castiel lifted his chin, but didn’t turn around. “Can I get you anything?”

  
“No, Jo. Thank you. When will Matthew be up from his nap?” Jo, his personal assistant’s daughter, was acting as Matthew’s nanny while his father was on deployment. Castiel wondered if she would want to make it a permanent position. Then again, she was a college student. It was something he’d have to give thought to, along with everything else.

  
“He should be up in about thirty minutes.” The petite blonde said softly.

  
“Thank you, Jo.” Castiel heard the lanai door open, but not close.

  
“Castiel, will you need help with the arrangements?” Ellen Harvelle asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.

  
“I don’t know, Ellen.” He looked down at the papers clutched in his fist and tried to straighten them out. “They said everything concerning his military funeral would be in here.” She gently took it out of his hands.

  
“I’ll read over it. You just focus on Matthew.” She wrapped her arms around him and he held on tightly.

  
“What am I going to do?” He felt like a part of him was missing.

  
Ellen released him and stepped back. “You are going to raise that boy in there like he was your own. You will be his father, his confidant and his friend. You’ll spoil him, but teach him right from wrong. You will watch him grow up to be a man James would be proud of.” Tears coursed down her cheeks.

  
**Chapter 1**

  
The funeral was over. It was all of the pomp and circumstance expected of a military funeral. Taps played by a lone bugler. A twenty-one gun salute. The flag draped coffin. The presentation of the flag to Castiel.

  
Matthew stood soberly beside him in his small suit bought just for this occasion. The boy still wasn’t sure what was going on. Castiel tried to explain that his daddy was in heaven with his mommy…to put it in words a child would understand, but he was only four. Rachel, his mother, had died of ovarian cancer when he was barely two. James tried to keep her memory alive with pictures and stories, but now that he was gone too…Castiel was at a loss.

  
With James stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas, he had no friends here. Other than the detachment of soldiers from the base, it was just Castiel and a few of his associates and friends. Jo and Ellen stood with him.

  
Back at the house, Jo took Matthew for a swim in the pool to get his mind off the knowledge he’d never see his father again. Castiel sat in his office pouring over all the paperwork that had to be taken care of when an officer in the United States military lost his life in action. The insurance money, Castiel decided, would be set up in a trust for Matthew when he reached the age of consent. His attorney was already working on that.

  
From his office, he could see the pool and a smile touched his lips. Matthew was holding his nose, preparing to jump into the water to Jo. Even though Matthew had only been with Castiel for eight months, since James had left for the Middle East, he’d really taken to swimming. He loved the ocean and while Castiel couldn’t take Matthew on all of his dives, the child did love the boat rides he was allowed on.

  
“Castiel, I’ve got Deeper Blue on the phone. I informed them of the circumstances and they agreed to bump your article to July’s issue instead of June’s.” Castiel nodded. Deeper Blue was one of the magazines that Castiel wrote for on a regular basis. It focused on diving, but they peppered it with informative pieces about marine biology and travel.

  
“Thanks, Ellen. I’ve got most of it written, but need to edit it before it’s ready. And I still need to get some more pictures of the Phyllidia Polkadotsa.” The article was about the invertebrates of the South Pacific. It would probably take two to three more dives to get the photographs he needed. “Do they need to talk to me?”

  
“Yes, the editor needs to know a page count.” Castiel sighed and picked up the extension.

  
“This is Castiel Novak. Yes. Yes. Four and that includes the photographs. Thank you. Goodbye.” He hung up and smiled at Ellen. “Handled it.”

  
The ringing of the doorbell sent Ellen out of the room. Castiel pushed the papers concerning James’ death away and opened his laptop to find the article that should have been due next month. He thanked God that Ellen was his personal assistant. He clicked on the folder that held his notes and photographs.

  
A knock on the doorjamb made him glance away from the screen. Ellen stood there, looking strangely somber. “Yes.”

  
“There is a…gentleman here to see you.” Her pause made him frown.

  
Castiel asked, “Was I expecting anyone?” He looked down at his desk calendar. It was blank. It was the day of his twin’s funeral after all.

  
“No, but you will want to see him,” Ellen said cryptically. Castiel pushed his chair back and followed her to the front door. She stepped off to enter the kitchen while Castiel was left to open the heavy, teak door.

  
Castiel groaned inwardly, it was just another soldier from the base. What now? “Can I help you?”

  
“My name is Captain Dean Winchester. I served with your brother, Jimmy. He was my friend.” Intense green eyes stared back at Castiel. Dean Winchester. James wrote about him. Dean was his best friend over there. Over there in that Godforsaken place that took the life of his twin.

  
“James mentioned you in his letters and emails.” Castiel didn’t remember seeing this man at the funeral. He would have remembered him.

  
“He talked about you too. You take pictures of fish, right?” Castiel felt the corner of his mouth lift.

  
“Something like that.” Castiel stood awkwardly, debating whether to invite the man in or not. He did look warm in his uniform. Castiel noted the captain’s bars. He was the same rank as James. So, not a soldier, but an officer.

  
The man shifted his feet and Castiel blurted out, “You weren’t at the funeral.”

  
The man bowed his head. “No, I just flew in this afternoon. They screwed up my reservations.”

  
“Oh, well, those things happen.” Castiel was at a loss. “Would you like to come in?”

  
“Yeah, thanks.” Castiel backed up and allowed the man into the foyer. He led him into his office. The officer looked around. “Nice digs.” Castiel glanced around his office. It was darker than the rest of the house, lined with bookcases. Some of his favorite family pictures of James and Matthew adorned the shelves.

  
“Thank you. This is where I spend a great deal of time.” The captain sat stiffly in one of the leather chairs and Castiel moved behind his desk to sit. They were silent, staring at each other. Castiel took the time to note the smattering of freckles over the man’s nose and cheeks, the close cropped brunette hair, and those eyes. Green like the waters of the Amazon tributary in Brazil he visited last spring before Matthew came to live with him.

  
“Where’s Matt?”

  
“Matthew is out by the pool with his nanny.” Was that a look of disapproval on the captain’s face? Castiel wasn’t good at reading people. He wasn’t good with people in general. James was the social one…the partier…the outgoing twin. “Why are you here, Captain Winchester?”

  
“Jimmy and I had a pact, _Mister_ Novak.” Castiel picked up the sarcasm on the salutation.

  
“It’s actually _Doctor_ Novak,” Castiel said snidely. Two could play at this game.

  
“Yeah, right. You’re really different from Jimmy. He was a great guy.” Castiel tried not to be hurt by the man’s words.

  
“Regardless of my personality flaws, could you please continue, as you can see, I’m quite busy.” Castiel moved his hand over the papers on his desk.

  
Winchester had the audacity to laugh. Castiel narrowed his eyes. What did his brother see in him? He was obviously attractive, though James wouldn’t notice anything like that. “Sure, Doctor Novak.” There it was again, the blatant sarcasm. Castiel chose to ignore it. He sat back in his chair and folded his hands on his desk, the perfect picture of nonchalance.

  
“Like I was saying…Jimmy and I had a pact. If one of us…” Winchester looked away, but not before Castiel saw the grief in his expression. “…didn’t make it home...” He swallowed and Castiel was shocked to see the moisture in the corner of the captain’s eye. “If one of us didn’t make it home, the other was supposed to hand deliver…” Winchester stopped talking and pulled a thick manila envelope out from under his jacket. He held it almost reverently in his hands before pushing it across the desk towards Castiel.

  
Castiel simply stared at it. In James’ neat scrawl, was his name and below it Matthew’s. “Thank you, Captain Winchester,” Castiel said gruffly. What was he supposed to do now? Open it – with the other man staring at him? No. No, this was private.

  
As if sensing Castiel’s discomfort, Winchester sat back and crossed his legs. “Jimmy talked about you and Matt all the time.”

  
“His name was James,” Castiel didn’t know why he was being such an ass. He wanted to take back the words.

  
Winchester stood up suddenly and leaned across the desk. “Listen to me you sanctimonious bastard. I lost my best friend. I held him while he bled out and I couldn’t do a fucking thing. I was covered in his…in his… No, you know what. Fuck you. I want to see Matt and then I’m out of here.”

  
Castiel sat in stunned silence. The reports of James’ death said that he died in the field before medical attention could get to him. He had no idea…this man had held his brother as he died. “I’m sorry.” The words were more of a croak and Castiel closed his eyes trying to block out the vision of his twin bleeding to death while this man…his friend…offered comfort. It should have been Castiel. James was his twin…his other half.

  
“Save it. Just let me see Matt.” Castiel stood up, feeling weak at the knees.

  
“He doesn’t understand. He’s only four. Matthew is only four,” Castiel whispered.

  
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell him all the gory details. I just…I promised Jimmy…that I would make sure Matt knows his dad died serving his country. I need him to know his father was one of the bravest men I knew.”

  
“Okay.” And with that, Castiel led him through the house to the lanai. He opened the French doors and heard Matthew’s laughter and splashing. Children were so resilient. The funeral was already forgotten. “Matthew, can you come here for a minute. I want you to meet someone.”

  
Matthew blinked water out of his eyes and Jo helped him to the side of the pool. He pulled off his water wings and tossed them on the ground. The boy’s eyes were round as he stared at the officer. He ran over, leaving a trail of small wet footprints in his wake. “Are you a Army man like my daddy?”

  
Winchester knelt down on one knee. “I am. I was a friend of your daddy’s.”

  
“Daddy’s in heaven with my mama.” Matthew’s innocence tore at Castiel’s heart.

  
“I know.” Winchester took out his phone. “I have some pictures of your dad. Would you like to look at them?”

  
Matthew looked up at Castiel and Castiel nodded. “Why don’t you take Captain Winchester into the shade, Matthew. Castiel pointed to the lanai. Matthew gripped Winchester’s hand and led him to the cooler patio area. Castiel turned to Jo, who’d been staring unabashed at the captain. “Jo, could you go get the captain something to drink, please.”

  
Unsure what to do, Castiel walked over to the lanai, but sat in a chair closer to the pool. He could still hear what was being said, but didn’t feel as if he was intruding.

  
***

  
Seeing the young boy running towards them, wet and tan, made a part of Dean ache. He looked so much like Jimmy. This kid was going to grow up knowing what type of man his father was, Dean would make sure of it. Even if his uncle was a dick.

  
Jimmy and Dean shared their life stories over the eight months they were deployed together. Eight months didn’t seem like a long time, but in the desert, it was a lifetime. They shared a room in the modular barracks and spent their off time talking about home. Dean talked of Sam and Bobby, the only family he had left. Jimmy shared pictures of his son. He’d told Dean of his wife’s fight with cancer. It sucked for someone young and vibrant like the woman in the pictures to just die. Jimmy shouldn’t have died either. Life wasn’t fair.

  
So, now here Dean was, sitting on a covered patio in Hawaii of all places. The kid, Matt, sat next to him and Dean didn’t care the boy was getting his uniform pants wet. This would probably be the last time he wore it anyway. In less than a week, he would be out-processing. He’d be a free man. No more deployments, no more military bases, no more seeing friends get blown up by IEDs. The boy asked him a question and Dean brought himself back to the present. “What, Kiddo?”

  
“I wants to see the pictures.” Jimmy’s eyes stared up into his.

  
“Sure, let’s see.” Dean tapped the icon and showed Matt how to flip the pictures by swishing his fingertip across the screen. “That’s me and your dad in our room. That’s your dad in the chow hall.” Dean grinned at the picture.

  
“What’s he doing?”

  
“I dared him to eat everyone’s Jello.” Jimmy was sitting at a table with stacks of one serving containers of the flavored gelatin all around him. He’d done good. He got down seventy-two before he barfed.

  
“I only like red Jello.”

  
“Hey, me too.” Dean held out his fist and when the boy just looked at it, Dean told him to make a fist. “It’s called a fist bump.”

  
Matt grinned and then went back to looking at Dean’s pictures. “See, that’s me and your dad by a tank. And that’s a Humvee.”

  
The cute blonde from the pool came out holding a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and two glasses, plus a plastic cup. She sat it next to Jimmy’s brother, the asshole, and poured them each a glass. She handed Matt the plastic cup. “This is my cup. It’s blue.”

  
“It is blue. That’s my favorite color.” The blonde held a glass out to him and he took it, but sat it down on the table.

  
“Mine too. My room has blue stuff in it. Wanna see?”

  
“Maybe some other time, Matt. I’ve got to go soon.” Dean took his phone out of the boy’s hands and took his hand. “Matt, I want you to know something important.”

  
“Okay.” The kid looked so solemn. Dean wanted to hug him close and tell him everything was going to be alright.

  
“You dad was my best friend. He was so brave. The bravest man I’ve ever known. I want you to remember that.” Dean reached into his jacket and pulled out a box. He’d pulled a lot of strings to get this pushed through. He opened the box. “This is called a Medal of Honor. It means your dad was a hero.” Traditionally, the medal was given to a serviceman by the President, but Jimmy was dead and Dean took the honor to present it to Matt.

  
“Like Superman?”

  
Dean smiled. “Yeah, like Superman, only better.”

  
Matt looked at the bronze star on a light blue ribbon. “My daddy is a hero.”

  
Dean had to take a deep breath before he could speak. “Yeah, Kid, your dad is a hero.”

  
Dean stood up. He had to get out of there before he starting bawling. A quick glance at the other man made Dean pause. He was staring at his hands, but Dean could see the tears on his face. Maybe he wasn’t that big of a dick after all.

  
“I’ll show myself out,” Dean said and headed for the door.

  
“Captain, wait. Please.”

  
Novak followed him through the door and closed it behind him. “Thank you. We got off on the wrong foot…before…but thank you. I’ve tried to tell Matthew that James was brave, but you connected with him. Again, thank you.”

  
“Not a problem.” Dean glanced at the front door, but was torn. The other man seemed to want to say something else.

  
“What are your plans now, Captain? Are you stationed at Shafter?”

  
“No. My last duty station before my deployment was Ft. Hood. But my commission is up and I’m not going to sign on the dotted line again. In less than a week, I will be a civilian.”

  
“Oh, well…congratulations,” Novak seemed unsure of himself and Dean thought he might be human after all.

  
“Thanks.” Dean looked at the door again. “I guess I should get out of your hair.”

  
“Of course, I imagine you have a lot to take care of. Will you be flying back to the mainland soon?”

  
“Probably next weekend. I’m doing my out-processing here. Then I thought I’d take a couple of days to see the sights. My little brother said I was long overdue for a vacation.” Dean laughed. “I told him I’d seen enough sand to last me a lifetime.”

  
Novak seemed to be having an internal dialogue with himself. The poor guy looked constipated. “Well, take care of Matt. My number is in the envelope if you have any questions, or if Matt ever wants copies of the pictures.”

  
“Captain…are you staying at the base?”

  
“Yep. It’s nothing like this,” Dean said, waving his hand to indicate Novak’s lavish house. “…but it has a bed and a television.”

  
“Okay, well…enjoy your stay.”

  
When Dean got back into his rental car, he stared at the beautiful house for a few minutes. Jimmy told him a lot about his brother. Apparently, the man was a famous underwater photographer as well as a world renowned marine biologist. Jimmy always said that Castiel got the brains and he got the looks. Dean chuckled to himself. Castiel definitely got the looks too. They were identical. Funny how he never felt a sexual attraction to Jimmy, but his brother was just all kinds of hot, too bad he was such an asshole. Shrugging, Dean put the car in drive and headed back to the base.

  
He ate at a small roadside café and enjoyed the tropical scenery. Jimmy had lived in Kansas and before that, he moved around wherever the Army sent him. The Novaks were originally from Boston. Dean knew all about Jimmy’s parents. Ultra-conservative asshats who disowned Jimmy’s brother for being gay. Fuckers. Not that Dean’s father would have been any better, but he’d never know. John and Mary died when he was four. The same age as Matt.

  
Jimmy was loyal though and didn’t stand for his parents tossing Castiel out. When Castiel left home, Jimmy went with him, cutting all ties with them. They both got scholarships at Boston College, but Jimmy earned a nomination to Westpoint from Rachel’s dad, a senator. Castiel graduated and then went on to get his PhD in Marine Biology at UCLA. Yep, Dean knew a whole hell of a lot about the Novak family.

  
Back at the base, he let himself into his room at billeting. He didn’t exaggerate to Novak, the place was smaller than a hotel room, but as long as Dean had a TV, he was fine. He changed out of his uniform and hung it up carefully. He ran his fingertip over the rows of ribbons. He was a good soldier…a good officer, he just couldn’t save Jimmy. And for that, he felt like a failure.

  
Just in his boxer briefs, he laid back on the bed. His fingers scrolling through the same pictures he’d shown Matt. Next to Sam and Bobby, Jimmy was like family. He remembered the night they got shit-faced, knee walking drunk and Dean confessed that he was bi. Jimmy sat up from where he was sprawled on the floor and pointed to him. “You should marry my brother and then we’d be family.” It sent them both into peals of laughter. Jimmy never treated him any differently after that.

  
“Yeah, Jimbo, your brother has a stick up his ass,” he said to the ceiling.

  
The nightmares came again. He kept calling for Jimmy to stop, but his friend ran forward, intent on saving their men, the IED sent Dean flying backwards, shrapnel digging into his shoulder. He rolled and staggered to his feet. Jimmy was there…but not all of him. Dean ran and grabbed Jimmy to him. The lower half of his body was gone. Crying, Dean slapped at Jimmy’s face begging him to wake up. Jimmy’s eyes fluttered, but didn’t focus. “Matt…” Then he was gone. Dean woke up shaking and covered in a cold sweat.


	2. Chapter 2

Long after Captain Winchester left, Castiel felt out of sorts. He couldn’t concentrate on the damn article and James’ paperwork from the Army was frustrating. He wanted to give the whole packet to his attorney and let him sort it out. Matthew was taking a late nap and Castiel stood at the door to his room, watching him sleep. He still sucked his thumb when he slept. James did the same thing until he was six.

  
As the sun set, Castiel strolled around the yard with his nephew, hand in hand. The scent of the millions of flowers always gave Castiel a sense of peace, but not tonight.

  
“Unca Casteel, when is daddy coming home from heaven.” Castiel sighed and knelt in the grass.

  
“Matthew, your father can’t ever come home again. He went to be with your mother. I’m going to take care of you from now on. This is your home now.

  
“Forever and ever?”

  
“Yes, forever and ever.” Castiel vowed to find a child psychologist to help his nephew cope with the loss of not one, but both parents. He might not really remember Rachael, but he would have questions as he got older.

  
He was flying to Fort Riley next weekend to arrange for the sale of Jimmy’s house and to take care of his belongings. It would be difficult, but better to rip the bandaid off while the wound was still fresh. Jo and Ellen would take care of Matthew while he was gone. “Unca Casteel, can we goes swimming?”

  
Castiel looked at his watch. It was close to Matthew’s bedtime. Ellen’s words came back to him. ‘Spoil him, but teach him right from wrong.’ It wouldn’t hurt to let him miss a bedtime.

  
“Sure, let’s get changed.” Upstairs, Matthew ran down the hall to his room, while Castiel moved at a more sedate pace. He opened his dresser drawer and took out a pair of swim trunks. Slipping out of his dress slacks he still wore from the funeral, he donned the shorts and met Matthew in the hall. “Beach or pool?”

  
“Beach,” Matthew said excitedly. He gripped Castiel’s forefinger and tugged him down the stairs. Castiel stopped by the cabinet that held the larger towels and grabbed two. The slap of their flipflops on the cement mixed with the sounds of the insects and the sea. They stepped onto the grass and Matthew released Castiel’s hand to run ahead. Castiel wasn’t worried. Matthew knew the rules. No going into the water unless an adult was with you.

  
Castiel kicked off his shoes. Matthew’s Mickey Mouse flip flops were further down on the sand. Castiel placed the towels on one of the beach chairs and met Matthew at the edge of the water. Together, they waded into the warm water. Castiel took both of Matthew’s hands and let the boy kick and splash as they moved out further. When Castiel was chest deep and Matthew was floating in front of him, he looked into his brother’s eyes. “I love you, Matthew.”

  
“Loves you too, Unca Casteel.” The happy grin was infectious and for the first time since being informed of his twin’s death, Castiel really and truly smiled. The two talked and Matthew sang a song he’d learned from Jo. It was close to nine and both had shriveled skin on their fingers and toes when Castiel decided it was time to get out.

  
“I need to get you to bed, Little Man.”

  
“Not sleepy.” But his words were almost drowned out by a huge yawn. Castiel chuckled and flipped the boy around until he was on Castiel’s back, his little arms around Castiel’s neck.

  
“Ready?”

  
“Ready,” Matthew shouted gleefully. Castiel struck out for shore, his strong, sure strokes cut through the water. When he’s knees hit the sandy bottom, he stood, holding onto Matthew’s legs, giving him a piggyback ride up to the beach.

  
Wrapped in towels, they stepped into the house. “Go take a quick shower, get your pajamas on and brush your teeth. I’ll be up in a second. The boy scampered to the stairway and disappeared. Castiel wrapped the towel more snugly about his waist and entered his office. The house was quiet. Both Ellen and Jo left at five every day unless Castiel needed them for something special. He looked at the package the captain had brought. It still lay unopened on his desk. He picked it up and took it upstairs. After tossing it on his bed, he strolled down the hall to Matthew’s room.

  
The room was Matthew’s in every sense of the word. When Jimmy brought him to Hawaii to live with Castiel while he was deployed, Castiel contacted an interior designer and told her to make one of his spare bedrooms a place a little boy would love. She brought in bunk beds and colorful fabrics, mounted to the ceiling were three surfboards. Matthew loved it and Castiel would keep his promise to let Matthew take surfing lessons when he was a bit older.

  
The boy was in his Ironman pajamas and he bared his teeth at Castiel to show him they were indeed brushed. Castiel tucked him in and sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to bump his head on the upper bunk. “Matthew, I’m so sorry that your daddy died, but you will always have me.”

  
Matthew held out his arms and Castiel sank into them, loving the smell of the child…toothpaste and watermelon flavored shampoo.

  
After he had his own shower, Castiel got into bed and stared at the envelope. He was torn. There was a part of him that wanted to rip it open and devour anything and everything that was his brother, but another part of him didn’t want to pick at the scab…let that wound heal some more. He set it on his nightstand and reached for the half finished novel. He settled back on his pillows and began to read. He read the same paragraph three times before huffing out a frustrated breath.

  
The contents of the envelope spilled out in his lap. There was a letter addressed to him, but he put that aside. Another one had a yellow post-it attached to it, it simply read, ‘for Matthew when he is old enough.’ Castiel traced his fingertip over Jimmy’s handwriting. His brother trusted him to know when Matthew would be able to handle it. He put it on top of the one that was his. Next he picked up a stack of pictures. They were printed on regular paper and were not the best quality, but Castiel assumed the small zipdrive that landed near his left knee might have the originals.

  
Since Castiel wasn’t privy to the photos on Winchester’s phone, he took his time going through these. Jimmy’s explanations for each picture were written in red marker.

  
_Me and Dean-o celebrating our first full weekend off._ The picture showed his twin and the captain, shirtless, holding up matching bottles of tequila. Stupid, drunken grins looked back at him.

  
The next one showed the two of them standing on a stage with microphones. _Karaoke night at the club. I sucked, but Dean kicked ass._

  
_Hey, Castiel, doesn’t Dean look great? He’s a good man._ The picture showed Dean from the back, his BDU pants hung low on his hips and he was shirtless again. Castiel could see the waistband of his underwear peeking out. Was his brother hinting at something? Winchester had said they each had made one of these packages to be delivered in case of death. Jimmy knew if something happened to him, Dean Winchester would be handing him this envelope.

  
Castiel made his way through the rest of the pictures. Some were just of Jimmy, but most were of the two friends or the rest of their platoon.

  
Besides the zipdrive, all of Jimmy’s medals were there. Except for the most important one. The one the captain had hand delivered to Matthew. Ellen had put the box on Matthew’s bookcase. Castiel would give her these and she would put together a display box for them. They were Matthew’s legacy.

  
A piece of folded notebook paper was the last thing in the packet. Castiel opened it. Neatly printed were Winchester’s name, a phone number and an email address.

  
***

  
Dean stretched and yawned. His body still hadn’t adjusted to the new time zone and the nightmare didn’t help. It was still dark outside. He looked at the LED numbers on the cheap alarm clock. Four. He probably got about five hours of sleep. Knowing he wouldn’t be going back to sleep, he got up and turned on the light. He rummaged in his duffle bag for his running shoes and a pair of shorts. Jimmy was the one who pushed him into running. They would get up and do three laps around the flightline every morning.

  
After tying his laces and doing a few limbering exercises, he stepped out of his room. The base was quiet at this hour. Soldiers were already working, but nowhere near here. Remembering the layout of the base, Dean struck out towards the commissary. His Fitbit told him he’d run a half mile when he reached the parking lot of the PX. He took a left and ran past the base hospital.

  
Ten minutes later, he was back at his room. He was showered and dressed in his BDUs and it wasn’t even five. His first appointment for out-processing wasn’t until eight. He picked up the thick envelope that held all the documents he would need to leave the military life behind. Fifteen years…and it all fit in one packet.

  
Dean sat down on his unmade bed and tapped his brother’s icon. It was around ten in Dallas. “Hey, Sammy. You sound hungover,” Dean said after his brother’s mumbled hello.

  
“No, just a late night. I had to close.” Sam owned a nightclub in Dallas. “How’s Hawaii?”

  
“Hot and sandy…but hey, it has flowers. And I got laid at the airport.” Sam laughed at Dean’s pun. Dean looked over at the pretty lei he’d been given when he landed. It was hanging on the doorknob to the bathroom.

  
“Did you make it in time for the funeral?”

  
Dean sobered. “No, the airlines got my reservations screwed up. I met Jimmy’s brother though. He was a real douche.”

  
“Dean, he just lost his brother. And weren’t they twins? There’s been scientific research that says twins…”

  
“Sam, enough with the science already. Jeez. I get it that he just lost his brother, but he was all James this and James that. He even fuckin’ corrected me when I called him Jimmy. Fuckin’ asshole. But Jimmy’s kid…Matt…he’s great. Looks just like Jimbo.”

  
“You going to be able to see him again before you leave?”

  
“Nah, I don’t think Mister High and Mighty would allow it.” Dean knew he was being harsh. Novak had lightened up some before Dean left.

  
“Well, you did what you promised Jimmy. What are your plans now?” Sam had offered him a job as a bartender until he decided what he wanted to do.

  
“I have a few more days of out-processing to get through and I thought I might hang out a few days. Maybe try surfing. Eat a lot of seafood. Hang out at the beach and stare at bikinis.”

  
“I told you you needed a vacation. Live it up.”

  
“Maybe I will.”

  
“Hey, one other thing…” Sam’s hesitation told Dean he might not like what his brother was getting ready to tell him. “I may have met someone.”

  
“You may have met someone? You either did or you didn’t, Bitch.”

  
“Jerk... Her name is Hannah.”

  
“And…” Dean prompted.

  
“And, she’s sweet and cute.”

  
“Sweet and cute…got it. Does she have nice tits?”

  
“Dean, Jesus. Can you for once stop thinking with your dick?”

  
“But I love my dick,” Dean said, grinning. He loved yanking Sammy’s chain.

  
“She’s smart and funny too.”

  
“And she likes you? You sure she’s smart?”

  
“Kiss my ass.”

  
“So, what does this perfect woman do? Besides date losers?”

  
“She writes for a travel magazine.”

  
“Huh…she travel a lot?”

  
“Duh…travel magazine…”

  
“You do realize, I can kick your ass, right?”

  
The two brothers continued to talk and banter back and forth until it was time for Dean to start the first in a long list of out-processing procedures. He was glad Sam met someone. Neither of them had good track records in the relationship department.

  
Dean was parking the rental in front of the Control Station when his phone rang. It was a number he didn’t recognize, but it was local. Dean assumed it must have to do with all the crap he had to do this week.

  
“Captain Winchester.”

  
“Captain, this is Castiel Novak.” Dean took the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a few seconds. “Captain?”

  
“Yeah, I’m here.”

  
“I’m sorry to bother you and I know you are probably very busy, but would you consider having lunch with me and Matthew?”

  
“Uhm…sure…when.” To say Dean was shocked would have been an understatement. He really never thought he’d hear from the man again.

  
“Today? I can make us something nice and we could sit by the pool. I know Matthew would love to see you again.”

  
“Hang on a sec.” Dean dumped the paperwork out of the envelope onto the front seat of the rental. His schedule was in there somewhere. Using his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear, he shoved all the military documents out of the way until he found what he was looking for. “Ah ha.”

  
“Was that a yes?”

  
“No…I mean…I just located my schedule for the day…hold on…” Dean’s eyes raked over the document. He had his eight o’clock, another one at ten. That one was just about finances…shouldn’t last long. From the base to Novak’s house was about thirty miles. He calculated the hours in his head. “Sure, I can do it. Would twelve be okay?”

  
“That will be fine. Goodbye, Captain.”

  
“Yeah, bye,” Dean said, still perplexed. Shrugging, he got out of the car and took all the various forms he needed into the building. Two grueling hours later, Dean left there and drove to the Base Finance building. Sorting out his money situation didn’t take long at all. Being a single officer, Dean managed to save up a nice amount, especially with the combat pay. He was reading his financial statement as he walked back to the rental. He could easily bum around for a couple of months before looking for a job.  
He drove to his room and changed out of his BDUs. He pulled out a pair of jeans and a tacky Hawaiian shirt he’d bought at the airport. Grabbing a bottle of water out of the small refrigerator, he walked quickly to the car. He didn’t want to be late. He passed a few people in the parking lot and called out a greeting to the lieutenant that was here TDY from Fort Bragg. They’d met when they were both checking into billeting.

  
The drive was relaxing. Dean could really get used to the scenery. Novak was one lucky bastard to be able to live here. As he shut off the engine, he touched the dog tags around his neck. They stayed tucked under his shirt. Two were his, but one was Jimmy’s. He’d taken it as they covered and loaded Jimmy’s body into the helicopter. “You said your brother was great, Jimmy. I’m trusting you on this.”

  
Dean wondered what the Army shrink would say about his conversations with his best friend. His dead best friend. Dean would probably keep that small tidbit of information to himself. He only had one more mandatory appointment with a psyche doctor. His diagnosis was mild PTSD. The dude he saw right after it happened said Dean was handling it really well. No flashbacks. No triggers from backfiring cars. No thoughts of suicide. No jitters. Just the nightmares and something he called situational depression.

  
***

  
Castiel woke suddenly. The dream was about James. They were sharing a cup of coffee on Castiel’s sailboat. James looked at him intently and said, “Castiel, you need to live.”

  
He rolled his legs off the bed and padded to the window. He’d paid seven million for this view. Blue water as far as the eye could see. The ocean calmed him.

  
Downstairs, the coffee was already brewed. Ellen must be here already. He fixed a mug and took it to the lanai. Ellen, dressed in a floral sundress, was staring out at the garden. “Good morning.”

  
She turned, her smile bright. “Good morning, Castiel. How did you sleep?”

  
“I’m fine, Ellen.” She let her eyes drift over his face and he knew she was seeing the dark circles and the fine lines. She moved to sit on the rattan loveseat and patted the cushion beside her. He sat.

  
“Tell me about your visitor yesterday.”

  
“What’s to tell? He was a friend of James’.” At her frown, he huffed and continued. “He was there when James…died. He brought me a package of letters and pictures…all of James’ medals.”

  
“Oh, Hon,” she said, putting her hand on his arm. He looked down at her delicate hand. Delicate in looks but not in strength. He’d met Ellen Harvelle bartending in a dive bar in the Florida Keys. She was tough and smart. She had one of his pictures, taken from a magazine and placed in a cheap department store frame, hanging on the wall behind the bar. He pointed to it. She’d told him that it spoke to her. That the plight of sea turtles was something she thought about every day. Four beers later, he found out that she volunteered at a rehabilitation facility for the majestic sea creatures. He’d asked her if she knew who took the picture. She’d said, “A man by the name of Castiel Novak. I’d love to meet him one day and shake his hand for the work he does to save our oceans.” He stood up and held out his hand, introducing himself and offering her a job as his assistant. That was six years ago. Ellen and Jo came as a package deal, since Ellen’s daughter was just a senior in high school. They had an apartment close to the college campus and Jo was studying to be an educator. She wanted to teach children with disabilities. Castiel set up a scholarship for the young woman, but Ellen wasn’t to know about that.

  
“James talked about him a lot, you know. I was jealous of him. It was always Dean this and Dean that every time he called or emailed.” Castiel stopped. He hadn’t meant to let that slip out. He expected to see pity in Ellen’s eyes, but instead there was amusement.

  
“After seeing him, I would have been jealous too. He’s easy on the eyes.”

  
Castiel blushed and looked out to sea. “Yes, he is that.”

  
“How long will he be here?”

  
“He’s out-processing, so a week? More or less. He’s resigning his commission.”

  
Ellen’s eyes widened. “He’s leaving the Army?”

  
“Yes. I think James’ death…” Castiel sighed. He didn’t know the reason Dean Winchester was leaving the Army and he shouldn’t speculate. “I was rude to him. And then I realized he lost someone important to him too. James’ death hurt him deeply. He wasn’t just there when James’ died…he held him in his arms.”

  
“Oh, God…” He knew Ellen had read the same report he did. He knew the extent of James’ injuries. “Call him.”

  
“What?” Castiel asked, eyebrows knit in a frown.

  
“Call him, Castiel. Spend a little time with him before he leaves. It would probably do you both good. Jo told me that he was really good with Matthew.”

  
“I’m not sure he would even want to spend time with me. I told you I was rude.” She smiled and patted his leg before standing.

  
“Then, I’d say you need to make it up to him.”

  
“I don’t know…he called me a sanctimonious bastard.”

  
Ellen laughed. “You really did make a great first impression, didn’t you?”

  
Castiel managed to look abashed. “He wasn’t the easiest person to deal with,” he said petulantly.

  
“Call him,” she repeated before letting herself back into the house. Castiel finished his coffee and headed upstairs. The papers, pictures and medals were still on the nightstand where he left them the night before. He found the sheet of paper with Winchester’s number on it and before he could change his mind, he picked up his phone.

  
After the awkward call, Castiel checked on Matthew. Jo was helping him decide what to wear. He stepped into the room. “Matthew, Captain Winchester is coming to lunch today.”

  
“Yay,” Matthew shouted, dropping a pair of red shorts to run to Castiel. Tiny arms wrapped around his thighs. “He’s a Army man like Daddy. I like him.”

  
Castiel ran his fingers through the boy’s dark, fine hair. “I’m glad you do. And now, you should probably finish dressing.” Matthew was just wearing a pair of black underwear with the bright yellow Batman emblem on the front.

  
He knew Jo would make sure Matthew had his breakfast, so he went into the kitchen to plan lunch. Since the captain wouldn’t be here long, Castiel decided on a local favorite. He went to his office where Ellen was sitting at the computer. “I’m going to the market.”

  
She started to stand up. “Did I forget something on the list?” Castiel waved her back down.

  
“No, I invited the captain to lunch. I thought I’d give him a taste of the islands.” He left before she could comment, but he did she her wide grin.

  
His first stop was the fish market where he bought a large Mahimahi fillet and some prawns. At the small local grocery, he picked out fresh fruit and vegetables. Having eaten all over the world, Castiel considered himself a foodie. Ellen might do all the shopping, but he did the cooking.

  
By noon, the meal was complete and Matthew was waiting by the front window. Castiel forced himself to stay busy and not prop his elbows on the back of the bench, mimicking his nephew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BDUs are the working uniform of the military. BDU stands for Battle Dress Uniform.  
> A PX is the post exchange, a retail store found on military installations, they sell clothing, toiletries, electronics, etc.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. For the first time ever, I'm attempting to juggle more than one fic at a time. I will never do it again...okay maybe I will...
> 
> Anyway, Hedge Witch is with the editor, so that next chapter should be up soon and we only have one chapter left in that one, so the updates on this one will be quicker. Thanks for your patience.

Dean got out of the car and pocketed the keys. Maybe he should have brought wine? Then again, it was lunch and there would be a kid present. As he walked up the stone pathway, he saw movement in one of the windows. Matt was plastered to the glass waving. Dean grinned and waved back.

  
The door opened before he could knock. The woman from yesterday stood there. “Welcome back, Captain Winchester.”

  
“It’s just Dean.”

  
“Okay, Just Dean, come in. Castiel is in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on your meal. If you want to follow me, I’ll take you there.” She stood back so he could enter the house. Matt ran up to him, sneakers making slapping sounds against the ceramic tiled floor. He was in a pair of red shorts and a bright yellow t-shirt.

  
“Hey, Kiddo, what’s up?” Dean picked him up and swung him around. How had this little person stolen his heart already?

  
The woman led him through the living room, pausing when Dean stopped to look at the view from the huge windows. “Wow, I can’t even imagine waking up to this every single day.”

  
“Castiel says the view makes the world seem like a better place,” she said as she began walking again. Dean, still holding Matt, followed. He hadn’t had the time or inclination to look around Castiel’s home yesterday. The place was gorgeous. Neat, in a not lived in kind of way though. How did he manage that with a small child? The wall of windows continued around the corner. The kitchen was huge. Granite countertops, glass front cabinets and stainless steel appliances…now this room looked well used and well loved.

  
Novak was standing at the stove, stirring a small saucepan. “Hello, Captain.” Dean took a second to appreciate the way the man filled out the ass of his tight jeans.

  
“Dean,” Dean corrected automatically. “Something smells amazing.”

  
“Unca Casteel cooks good,” Matt told Dean, his tiny hand rubbing at the short hairs at Dean’s nape.

  
“I hope you like seafood. I forgot to ask if you had any allergies,” Novak said, smiling. It was one of the nervous smiles. The man had held out the olive branch by inviting him to lunch, Dean could meet him halfway.

  
“No allergies. Unless you’re serving cat.”

  
“Ewww,” Matt groaned, giggling. “You don’t eat cats, Cappin.”

  
“Well, there are…” Novak cleared his throat loudly and Dean bit back his words. Yeah, maybe he shouldn’t talk about the countries that do eat cats and dogs. Time to change the topic of conversation. “Hey, Matt, you got a girlfriend?”

  
“I’m gonna marry Jo.”

  
“Jo, the pretty blonde?”

  
“Uh, huh. We gonna gets married.” Dean sat Matt down on his feet. The boy was getting heavy. He wasn’t used to carrying around kids. “You gots a girlfriend?”

  
“Nope. You know any pretty girls you can introduce me too?” Dean asked in mock seriousness. He didn't think Matt was old enough for him to explain bisexuality to.

  
Matt looked like he was giving it serious thought, biting his lips and shuffling on his feet. “I don’t think so.

  
“That’s okay, Matt. I’ll keep looking.”

  
“Would you like to eat in here or out on the lanai?” Novak asked and Dean shrugged.

  
“I’m easy. Where do you want to eat, Matt?” The boy was practically dancing around him. Dean wished he had half that energy.

  
“Outside,” the boy cried excitedly.

  
“Outside it is,” Novak said. Dean watched as the man set out five plates.

  
Ellen spoke up for the first time since entering the kitchen. “Jo and I are going out to lunch, Castiel. I thought I told you…” Dean didn’t miss the questioning look Novak gave her.

  
“No, I don’t remember you mentioning…”

  
“Well, you guys have fun.” And she was gone. Just like that.

  
Novak put two of the plates back in the cabinet and began filling the remaining ones with some colorful and really good looking food. “Captain…Dean, would you mind pouring the juice?”

  
“Sure thing.” Dean stepped towards the fridge and stopped. “Uhm…”

  
Novak, nodded to a cabinet by the sink. “Glasses there. Matt gets a plastic cup. And the juice is in a pitcher right inside the fridge. It’s a mango, orange, guava blend. Is that okay? I have beer, if you’d prefer.”

  
“Juice is fine.” Dean didn’t even know what a guava was, but hoped it tasted okay. Dean grabbed the glasses and a blue plastic cup and sat them on the center island. He found the pitcher easily enough and gave it an experimental sniff. It smelled good.

  
Since Matt was obviously too little to handle carrying his plate outside, it took Novak and Dean two trips. Once the plates, glasses and flatware were on the table, they sat down. Dean looked down at his plate. He wasn’t sure what anything really was, but it looked awesome. “This looks awesome, uhm…can I call you Castiel?”

  
“Of course.” Castiel bowed his head and picked up his fork. “I hope you like it.”

  
Dean looked over at Matt and the boy was already digging in. He thought of Sam when he was little. The boy had been the pickiest eater. Lucky Charms and boxed macaroni and cheese were staples at their house.

  
Dean took a shrimp and put it in his mouth. He groaned, loudly, if Castiel’s wide-eyed stare was anything to go by. “Sorry…” Dean said, mouth still full. “…this is fuuuu…fabulous.” He’d really have to watch his language around the kid. When Dean looked at Castiel apologetically, the other man was trying to hide a smile.

  
“So, Castiel, what are we eating here?”

  
Castiel used his fork to point to the different things on his plate. “Mahimahi with olena pesto, saimin noodles, broiled pineapple with a papaya puree and Kahuku prawns.”

  
“I’m not sure what you just said, but it’s all really great.”

  
“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel was pretty quiet, but Matt chattered on and on about fish and swimming. Apparently, Castiel took the boy with him on some of his photo shoots. Raising a kid alone when you have a job like his, must be tough. No wonder he had a nanny. It was still pretty cool that he seemed to spend a lot of time with the boy. Jimmy would approve.

  
***

  
Castiel barely tasted any of his food. He was too busy watching Dean enjoy it and listening to him interact with Matthew. Matthew was full of questions about Dean…Dean, what a strong name…and his nephew kept up a running commentary about his trips with Castiel out on the boat.

  
“You got a boat, huh?” When he’d first arrived, Castiel groaned inwardly at the tacky Hawaiian shirt the man was wearing, but now he thought Dean looked handsome in it.

  
“Yes. Well, two actually.” At Dean’s raised eyebrow, Castiel was quick to explain. “One is a sailboat, it’s just for fun. The other is a cabin cruiser, set up for diving. I use that one for work.”

  
“That’s pretty cool.”

  
“You can come wif us Satday,” Matthew mumble through a mouthful of food.

  
“Matthew, finish what you eating before you talk,” Castiel corrected before remembering that Dean tended to talk with his mouth full too. He hoped he didn’t insult the man.

  
“Saturday?” Dean asked. Castiel wasn’t sure if he was asking Matthew or himself, so he took a fifty-fifty shot.

  
“Saturday is the day that Matthew and I spend the whole day together. If the weather is nice, we take the boat out. If it rains, we spend time at the Hawaiian culture center or we go to museums.”

  
“We has shave ice too,” Matthew chimed in, his mouth now empty.

  
Dean smiled at Matthew and Castiel’s breath caught. He really was a beautiful man. “Shaved ice, huh? Is that like a snow cone?”

  
“They are similar. Shave ice is more snow-like. Snow cones are coarser,” Castiel informed him. “You must try it while you are here.”

"Shave ice...not shaved?" Dean asked with a smile.

"Yes, on the islands, it is called shave ice."

  
“Cool. I’ll put it on my list. Anything else that I shouldn’t miss?”

  
“Diamond Head, Hanauma Bay, you should attend a luau, many of the local resorts have them on weekends, Pearl Harbor obviously, Iolani Palace…I’ve heard the helicopter tours are nice…I guess it depends on what you are interested in.”

  
“Surfing,” shouted out Matthew. Castiel smiled indulgently.

  
“And surfing. They have day lessons.”

  
“Yeah, I might skip the surfing,” Dean said, pushing his empty plate away. “That was amazing, Castiel. Thank you.”

  
“You are quiet welcome.” Castiel thought back to Matthew’s original suggestion. “You are welcome to come with us Saturday.”

  
Dean looked uncomfortable and Castiel regretted saying anything. It wasn’t like they had a lot in common, other than Jimmy. “Of course, you probably will want to explore the island before you leave for home.”

  
“No, it’s not that…” Dean looked at Matthew and Castiel understood.

  
“Matthew, can you take your plate into the house?” Matthew nodded and stood up, balancing the dish in his small hands. “Be careful.” They waited until Matthew was inside.

  
“Cas…look, I really appreciate you inviting me to lunch, so I could hang out with Matthew, but you don’t need to give up your time with him to entertain me.”

  
“Dean, I have Matthew all the time. Saturdays are just fun days for us. I don’t work unless I’m out of the country. It’s relaxing for me and you are more than welcome to join us. I usually pack a cooler with food and beverages and we spend the day drifting, swimming and fishing.”

  
“You’re sure about this?” Dean still looked hesitant.

  
“Yes.” He met Dean’s eyes. “I realize we didn’t get off on the best foot, but my brother cared about you and that tells me that you are a good man. Matthew seems to enjoy your company.” _Yes, use Matthew, so he won’t know you wouldn’t mind seeing him again. Idiot._

  
“Alright.” Dean looked out towards the ocean. “So, where is your boat?”

  
“She’s at the Makani Kai Marina. I’ll give you directions before you leave today.”

  
“Okay. Sounds like a plan. Do I need to bring anything?” Matthew chose that moment to come back outside, dressed in his swim trunks.

  
“Just something to swim in, sunblock.”

  
“Unca Casteel. Can we swim?”

  
“You’ll have to wait until Jo gets back, Matthew.” Castiel saw the pout and braced himself for a meltdown. Matthew had his father’s temper. Castiel had a temper too, but he was better at controlling it.

  
“But…but…” The lips began to tremble. “We always go swimming after lunch.”

  
“I know, Matthew, but we have a guest today.” Matthew turned mutinous eyes on Dean.

  
“Hey, that’s okay, I should probably be leaving anyway.” He stood up and began gathering the plates. Castiel rose as well.

  
“You don’t have to do that,” Castiel said, trying to take the plates, but the other man held him out of his reach.

  
“Nope, you cooked…I’ll clean.”

  
“I want to swim,” Matthew demanded, stomping one foot. Castiel felt control slip away. He hated that Dean was seeing his poor parenting skills.

  
“Matthew, I said no. Not now.”

  
“You’re not my daddy,” the words, said angrily, ripped at Castiel’s heart. Dean sat the plates on the table with a loud thunk.

  
“Matt...” Dean started, but Castiel held up his hand.

  
“You’re right, Matthew. I’m not your daddy, but I am your guardian and that means I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.”

  
“I hate you,” Matt ran into the house and slammed the door.

  
“I’m sorry, Dean.” Castiel avoided eye contact and reached for the glasses.

  
***

  
“Hey…no, don’t sweat it, man. I raised a little brother. Damn, he was a brat sometimes. The good news is that he grew up to be a great guy…a good man.” Dean felt sorry for Cas. Cas? Hey, sure beat Castiel…that was a mouthful.

  
“While James was alive, I didn’t discipline Matthew like I should have…I felt it wasn’t my place. Now…I still don’t know my place,” Cas said, shrugging and looking out at the ocean. Dean came over to stand beside him.

  
“You know, Jimmy talked to me about that.” Castiel turned to look at him and for a second, Dean lost his train of thought. Cas’ eyes were so blue.

  
“He did?”

  
“I’m surprised he didn’t mention it in his letter to you.” Cas looked sheepish. Dean’s eyes widened. “Wait, you haven’t read it yet, have you?”

  
“I couldn’t,” Cas admitted. “I did open the envelope. And looked at the pictures…”

  
Dean put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “I get it. Hey, and for the record, Matt gets his temper honestly. Jimmy could be a dick sometimes.”

  
Cas laughed, really laughed and Dean grinned. “Yes, James could be a dick sometimes.”

  
“What do you say, we get this mess cleaned up?”

  
“Thank you, Dean.” They gathered the dishes from lunch and Dean ran water into the sink. “I have a dishwasher,” Cas pointed out, but Dean waved him off.

  
“I don’t mind washing dishes, Dude.” Cas opened a drawer and picked out a towel. While Dean washed, Cas dried. “You got a great view here.” The window over the sink looked out on a lush growth of palm trees and through the trees, Dean could see make out what looked like a mountain rising out of the sea. “What’s over there?”

  
“Ka’ena Point. It’s a state park and nature preserve. Folklore says that it is the jumping off point for souls leaving the world.”

  
“Huh, interesting.” Dean said, handing Cas the last plate. He dried his hands while Cas placed the plate in the cabinet.

  
“I should go check on Matthew. He usually holes up in his room until Jo or I go into talk to him.”

  
“Yeah, I should probably go.” Dean started making his way towards the front door, with Cas trailing behind him. At the door, he turned. “Thanks again for lunch and I guess I’ll see you Saturday. You have my number, just text me the address of the marina.”

  
After Dean was in the car and on the road back to the base, he frowned. He should’ve said no to Saturday. He was flying back to Fort Hood on Monday. That only gave him Thursday and Friday afternoons and all day Sunday to see the sights…maybe hook up with a local girl…or guy. Well, there was always tonight. He took the long way back, stopping several times to look at the scenery. He’d have to download some pictures to his laptop tonight since his phone was getting low on memory. By the time he got back to his room, showered and dressed in dark jeans and a black t-shirt that showed off his chest and biceps, it was time for dinner.

  
He was on his way to the car when he saw the lieutenant from Fort Bragg sitting on a bench, smoking a cigarette. “Hi, Captain.”

  
“Lieutenant.” Dean nodded. “You know of a good restaurant close by…maybe near a bar with a good nightlife?”

  
“Duke’s is pretty cool. It’s got good food and a casual bar. It’s on Waikiki, so you get a great view of the beach. The ribs are really great.”

  
“Sounds like my kind of place.” Dean turned to go, but stopped. “Hey, you have any plans tonight?”

  
“Nope. I was just going to grab some takeout and watch TV.”

  
“Want to hang out with me?” Dean asked casually. It was usually more fun to hang out in bars with other people.

  
“Sure, can you give me ten minutes to change?”

  
After the guy left, Dean sat on the bench and flipped through his pictures. When he got to the one of him and Jimmy sitting on the bumper of an old flatbed, he stopped. “I hung out with Matt today. He’s got your temper, man. Cas isn’t so bad. I should have listened to your sorry ass and not jumped to conclusions.” Jimmy’s grin stared back at him. After spending the afternoon with Cas, he could really tell the difference between the two twins. Yeah, they looked alike, but Jimmy kept his hair a lot shorter. Cas’ hair looked like he’d just been fucked all night. A twinge in his groin told Dean to delete those thoughts from his brain. Their eyes were the same brilliant blue, but Cas’ had more depth. It was like Dean could really see into the man. Jimmy was his best friend, but the man could be hard to read. He had a nasty temper, but was easy to forgive. And yeah, he was pretty superficial sometimes. Another difference, Cas had a sexy stubble, where Jimmy was always clean shaven.

  
Dean opened up the app for his email. Nothing interesting, just a few jokes from friends. He was just about to Google some of the things Cas told him to do while in Hawaii when the lieutenant showed up. He cleaned up pretty good. Dean had only seen the guy in uniform, but in jeans and a grey t-shirt, he was hot. “I’m Dean by the way.”

  
“Cole.” They shook hands and Cole nodded towards the parking lot. “I can drive, if you want. I know the way.”

  
“Sure. That means I can drink more,” Dean said, laughing.

  
“Fuck that. We’ll get a cab home.”

  
Cole parked in front of a large hotel. They strolled through the lobby and entered the bar. Once inside the tropical looking room, Dean looked around. “So, this is where the beautiful people hang out?”

  
The other man grinned, his eyes already roaming the place. “Let’s sit out there,” Cole said, pointing to some tables outside overlooking the beach. Tiki style umbrellas covered the tables, but with the sun setting soon, they weren’t needed. As they sat down, a beautiful waitress came over to the them. “Can I get you gentlemen a drink?” She placed menus on the table in front of them.

  
“What do you have on draft,” Dean asked, staring at the woman’s cleavage. She looked like someone from his Busty Asian Beauties magazines.

  
The waitress recited a long list, most of which Dean had never heard of. “What do you recommend? He asked, pouring on his charm.

  
“If you like IPAs, the Joe is really good,” she said with a wide smile. Dean smiled back.

  
“Sure, that sounds good. Cole, what about you?”

  
“I’ll have the same.” Cole watched the waitress’ ass as she walked away. “Damn, she’s smokin’.”

  
“Yes, she is,” Dean agreed. He gazed out at the beach. It was still jam-packed with people. Cole grinned.

  
“You just got back from Afghanistan, right?”

  
“Uh huh,” Dean answered and their waitress returned with their drinks. She sat the chilled pint glasses in front of them.

  
“Are you ready to order?”

  
“I’ll have the ribs,” Dean said, shutting his menu and handing it back to her.

  
“Same,” Cole said. Again, the lieutenant watched her leave. “Damn, I’d love to tap that.”

  
“Go for it.” Dean took a sip of his beer and hummed. It tasted pretty damn good.

  
“Yeah, so how long’s it been since you got any?”

  
Dean narrowed his eyes. “Why? You interested?” Dean tried to keep his tone light…joking.

  
“Fuck, no. I don’t do dick. I’m just making conversation. I guess you don’t get much of a chance to find some pussy over there.”

  
“Nope,” Dean murmured, taking another long drink of the beer.

  
“What’s it like?” Dean looked across the table at the younger man.

  
“Hot, dry, sandy, fucked up.”

  
Cole took the hint that Dean didn’t want to talk about his stint in the Middle East and he changed the subject back to sex. Dean didn’t know which topic was worse.

  
“So, how long has it been?”

  
Dean chuckled. “Obsessed much? Damn, let’s see…” Dean calculated quickly. “…it’s been about eighteen months.” He’d been over there for ten months before Jimmy showed up. He was just finishing up his tour when Jimmy was killed.

  
“Fuck. I’d fucking die.” Cole looked horrified.

  
Dean just shook his head and smiled. “It’s not that big of a deal. Some people go their whole lives without sex.”

  
“We need to get you laid tonight,” Cole seemed a bit obsessed with Dean’s sex life, or lack thereof. He looked around the bar. “What about those ladies over there?”

  
Dean swiveled his head and saw a table full of thirty-somethings. They were all attractive, but Dean wasn’t drawn to any of them. “I’m good. If it happens…it happens.”

  
It was Dean’s turn to change the subject. He got Cole talking about himself and even after they were served their meal, the younger man kept talking about his car, his family, his sexual conquests while Dean just nodded and commented in all the right spots. Mainly he watched the sun sink below the horizon, turning the sky into a multitude of pinks and purples. When the waitress brought the check, Dean reached for it. Cole pulled out his wallet and Dean shook his head. “I got this.”

  
Cole tried to argue, but Dean pulled the rank card. “Captain trumps Lieutenant.” They meandered to the bar area and found two bar stools. Cole was chatting up a painfully thin girl. Dean thought she looked all of eighteen, but he knew she had to be at least twenty-one to be in the bar. He left Cole to it and turned around to scan the bar. There were a plethora of women, tall, short, thin and thick. Dean found them all pretty, but not what he was looking for. After eighteen months, you’d think he would jump at the chance to snag a piece of ass.

  
“Dean, I’m going to take Melissa home. You want me to drop you off at the base?” Cole was standing, the girl leaning into him. At least one of them was going to get laid tonight.

  
“Nah, I think I’ll stay awhile. I’ll catch a cab.” Dean was relieved when they left. Cole was a nice guy, but Dean didn’t need a wingman, no matter how well-intentioned he was.

  
Two hours and twelve women trying to pick him up later, Dean stood up and tossed his credit card on the bar. The bartender took it and gave him a sly smile. “Not feeling it tonight, huh?”

  
“Nope.” Dean went outside and walked to the front of the hotel. He spotted a cab and hailed it. On the way back to the base, Dean’s mind turned to his lack of desire. He wanted sex…he definitely wanted sex. The kind of sex that was hard and fast…rutting into someone, biting and leaving bruises on his skin…being bitten, stubble leaving a red rash on your skin so you see it in the mirror the next day. He didn’t want a woman…not now…


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I humbly apologize for not updating this sooner. I had to finish up Hedge Witch first. It is hard for me to write two stories at once because I think one or both will suffer, but now I'm ready to put my all into this one. Hope you enjoy.

Castiel paused before opening Matthew’s door. He raised his hand to touch the doorknob and then stopped. He turned and went to his bedroom. James’ letter was where he had left it. Dean told him James had mentioned discipline and Castiel’s role in Matthew’s life. He sat on the edge of the bed and picked up the envelope. He counted to seven, his favorite number, and then ran his finger under the seam. The letter had been written on a yellow legal pad.

  
**_Castiel,_**

  
**_If you are reading this, then it means I didn’t make it home. The man that delivered this to you was my best friend, next to you. Treat him with the respect he deserves. I’ve known many officers over the years, but I’ve never met one that wouldn’t think twice before giving his life for me or his men. Dean wouldn’t hesitate. Sorry, I know you probably aren’t doing so great right now and here I am playing matchmaker._ **

  
**_Just know that I love you, Castiel. You are my brother, my twin, my friend. I’ve always been so proud of you. I always told people you were the smart one. At home, I have a scrapbook of every article you ever wrote. Speaking of home, take someone with you to clean it out. Promise me. I don’t want you doing it alone. If you ask, Dean will go with you._ **

  
**_I don’t know what to write. Crazy, huh? You always told me that I talked too damn much. Remember that photo shoot you took me on in Australia? You were stalking up to get a better shot of the saltwater crocodile and I saw the big ass spider. I started talking about the size of dangerous shit on that continent and you kept shushing me. You lost the shot and yelled at me all the way back to the base camp. Good times. Well, for a guy that talks too much, I can’t think of anything to say to you._ **

  
**_Matt is yours. I know you’ll raise him right, probably even better than I would have. You are his father now and that includes all the perks and headaches that go with the title. I won’t tell you to take care of him, because that’s a given. I will tell you to not be afraid to discipline him. He’s a mini-me, Castiel. While I spent our childhood standing in corners or being put on restriction, you were the polite one, the good twin. Matt will be the one standing in the corner or getting his butt smacked for being a smartass. Teach him respect. Teach him to do his best. Love him like you loved me. You will make a terrific father._**

  
**_And Castiel, he’s young. If he starts calling you dad, let him. It’s what I want. A boy needs his dad. Congrats on your new kid, Castiel. I know you won’t let him forget me, but don’t be morbid about it. Just know that I wouldn’t trust anyone else with my boy._ **

  
**_I guess that’s about it. I’ll probably think of a thousand more things to say after I seal this up, but you know me. Take care of yourself, Castiel. Don’t ever be afraid to love. Life is too damn short, you know? And hey, just remember, Dean is a good guy. You could do worse. Hell, you have done worse. Remember that jerk you met your senior year of college? What was his name? Doesn’t matter. He was a dick. Don’t date dicks._ **

  
**_Jim_ **

  
Castiel noted three things through the blur of tears. First, James called Matthew Matt. When had he started that? Second, he signed his name Jim. Thirty-nine years as his brother and he was always known as James. The third thing, the ink was smeared in several places. Tears. While he tried to keep the letter lighthearted, his brother had been thinking about his own mortality when he wrote it. One of his own dripped off his cheek and landed on the bottom of the page.

  
He folded the letter and pushed it carefully back into the envelope. He stood up and walked into his closet. On the top shelf was an old wooden box. He took it to the bed before opening it. Before he placed the letter inside, he took out some of the other things. A stack of other letters from James…back when he entered Basic Training. A perfect starfish from a long ago vacation. His medals from swimming. A folded copy of his first published article. There were other trinkets and letters, but he wasn’t in the mood to drift down memory lane. He dropped the letter from James onto the top and closed the box.

  
Castiel knocked once on Matthew’s door and opened it. The boy was on his bed, his stuffed dolphin, Buzz, cradled in his arms. His eyes were red and puffy. He looked at Castiel. “Do you feel like talking?”

  
The boy shook his head. Castiel sat on the edge of the bed. “Sometimes we aren’t going to agree on things, Matthew, but you know I will always love you, right?”

  
The briefest of nods. “If you don’t like my rules, we can talk about them, but I’m still your guardian and until you are older and move off on your own, you have to abide by my rules.”

  
A tear trickled down the side of Matthew’s face and pooled in the shell of his ear. Castiel used his fingertip to brush it away. “I don’t want you to hate me, Matthew.”

  
“I don’ts. I don’ts hate you.”

  
Castiel smiled down at the child. Jimmy’s eyes…his eyes…swimming with tears…stared back at him. “I think Jo and Ellen are back. Would you like to swim now?”

  
“Uh, huh.” Matthew sat up and laid Buzz on his pillow. “Will you swim wiff me?”

  
He didn’t have time. He should have been working on the article and planning out his next dive. “Sure.”

  
As it happened, Matthew talked Ellen into joining them too. The four swam and splashed in the pool until almost five. Jo took Matthew upstairs to bathe him and get him ready for dinner. Cas and Ellen dried off and sat down at one of the patio tables drinking wine.

  
“Tell me about lunch,” Ellen said, taking a delicate sip of the chardonnay.

  
“The food turned out great,” Castiel murmured, hiding his smile behind his wine glass.

  
“Don’t be obtuse.” She kicked him with her bare foot.

  
“It was good. We ate, he included Matthew in the conversation and wemightbegoingoutontheboatSaturday.” The last part was said into his glass.

  
Ellen gaped at him. “What? You’re going out Saturday?”

  
“Not going out…we aren’t dating, Ellen,” he retorted. “Matthew simple invited him to go with us on the boat Saturday and he accepted.”

  
“But you could be dating. He’s easy on the eyes and seems very nice.”

  
“He’ll be going back to the mainland soon,” Castiel said, tipping up his glass and draining it.

  
“So, you don’t have to plan the wedding. Just have fun…get laid.” Castiel managed to look affronted. Ellen put her hand on his arm when he moved to stand. “Castiel, you’ve been alone since I’ve known you.”

  
“I haven’t been exactly celibate, Ellen.”

  
“Having a one night stand or two while you on a photo shoot is fine, Castiel, but you need someone in your life.”

  
“I have Matthew, and you and Jo.” Ellen opened her mouth, but Castiel added, “…and before you say it…I don’t need anyone to warm my bed.”

  
“How did you know I was going to say that?” Ellen gracefully stood up and took Castiel’s empty glass.

  
“Because, I know how you think.” Castiel stood as well and pulled her into a hug. “Thanks for caring, but I’m fine.”

  
After Ellen and Jo left and Mathew was down for the night, Castiel poured another glass of wine and walked to the beach. He sat down on one of the chairs, letting his toes dig into the sand. He thought about James’ letter…about being a parent to Matthew…but mostly about Dean Winchester. Why was he drawn to a man who he shouldn’t want? The captain was leaving and he’d never come back. No, a one night stand would not be enough for Castiel. It was better to keep his desires to himself.

  
***

  
Thursday, Dean spent the entire day filling out forms in triplicate. His hand was cramped from signing hundreds of documents. He was ready for it all to be over. When he got back to his room, he peered around the corner to make sure Cole wasn’t around before sprinting to his room. He knew he was being a coward – a word he’d never associate with Dean Winchester, but even spending another minute with the self-centered guy was enough to make Dean’s skin crawl. He changed out of his BDUs and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. With one more quick peek, he sprinted back to his rental.

  
Using his phone’s GPS, he headed to the North Shore. Just off the highway, Dean spied a brightly painted food truck advertising Kahuku shrimp. He thought that was one of the things Cas fixed him for lunch. The man could really cook. He pulled up next to the truck and got out.

  
“Aloha, what can I get you this fine day?” A huge, bald man sang out from inside the vehicle.

  
Dean scanned the menu quickly. “Uhm…I’ll have the shrimp basket…and a shaved…shave ice.”

  
“One shrimp basket and a shave ice coming right up. What flavor?”

  
“Flavor?” Dean asked dumbly. The man pointed to a chalkboard. Dean read through the fruit flavors and decided. “Blue Raspberry.”

  
“No.” The big man was already fixing his dinner and didn’t even look up.

  
“No? You’re out of blue raspberry?”

  
“No. It will make your tongue blue. Can’t meet nani wahines with a blue tongue.”

  
“I’m not sure I want to meet a nanny…what was it you said?”

  
“Nani wahines. Beautiful girls.”

  
“Oh…okay, no blue tongue. Gotcha. Coconut?” Who knew ordering a frozen concoction would be this confusing.

  
“Good choice, Haole.” Dean wasn’t sure if the man called him something bad, but he seemed nice, so he let it ride.

  
A couple of minutes later, Dean was seated at one of the small picnic tables set up next to the food truck. The shave ice was really good, but the meal was heavenly. Not as good as Cas’, but heavenly just the same. He ate and watched the people walking by. Some carried surf boards and Dean envied the ones that were still out there, skimming over the water. Maybe he should take a surfing lesson.

  
After tossing his trash in the barrel, he got back in his car and continued his drive. He passed a sign that read Makani Kai Marina and slowed down. This was where Cas kept his boat…boats…plural. There was a guard shack and a gate, so Dean didn’t turn in. As he meandered back to Honolulu, he saw a sign advertising a bar. He parked.

  
When he walked in, he had to hold in his laughter. Of all the bars on the island, he picked a gay one. He stepped up to the bar and smiled at the bartender. The man was slim and wearing a pair of cutoffs so short, Dean could see his ass cheeks. “Welcome to Wang Chung’s. What can I get for you?”

  
“Do you have Sam Adams?” Dean asked as he sat on one of the bar stools.

  
“Sorry.” He proceeded to give Dean the beer list. Dean stopped him when he got to the IPA he had last night. “Joe’s coming right up.”

  
Dean watched the television while he sipped his beer. He was almost done and debating whether to go back to his room when a bright orange drink was put in front of him. “What’s this?”

  
“It’s an Orange Splash. The gentleman at the end of the bar bought it for you.” Dean looked where the bartender indicated and smiled politely. The man was obviously military. Dean recognized the look. He appeared to be a couple of years older than Dean. Dean took a sip of the sweet drink. He would never choose anything like it, but it was alright. After a few minutes, the other guy got up and made his way towards Dean.

  
“Thanks for the drink,” Dean said politely. A soft smile gracing his lips.

  
“You’re welcome. Mind if I sit?” He indicated the empty stool next to Dean.

  
“No.” Dean nodded towards the seat. After the other man sat down and got comfortable, Dean spoke again. “You stationed here?”

  
“Hickam. You?”

  
“Fort Hood. I’m here on some personal business and thought I’d out-process while I was here.”

  
“Leaving the military life, huh? How many years?”

  
“Fifteen.” Dean finished the fruity drink and pushed the glass way. He pointed to his beer bottle and the bartender opened the cooler to grab him another.

  
“Shit, and you’re getting out? Five more years and you’d have a nice retirement plan.” The guy was a good looking man. He could definitely scratch Dean’s itch.

  
“Yeah, well, I’ve just seen too much shit.” Dean took a long pull on his beer to get the sweet taste out of his mouth.

  
“I get that. I had a tour in Qatar. Saw a lot of crap.” The guy tipped his fruity drink up and Dean looked away, rolling his eyes. Qatar was a military installation in the Middle East. Compared to where Dean was, Qatar was Disneyland. It was reasonably safe from insurgents. The man already had two strikes against him. He was a fly boy and he drank fruity little drinks. Dean debated the need to get laid versus putting up with this guy. He was attractive, dark hair starting to gray at the temples. His eyes looked blue in the dim lights of the bar. He was slim, but not skinny.

  
“I just got back from Afghanistan,” Dean said, deciding to go for it. A quick fuck…or even a mutual blow job…he could avoid conversation. He turned his body towards the other man, using his body language to show interest. He leaned forward, licked his lips…

  
“So, you saw real action then. That’s admirable. You’re a what…an E5? I’m a pilot…F-22 Raptor.” Ahhh, Dean thought, a real fly boy. God, he hated pilots. Cocky bastards.

  
“Captain, actually.” And there it was, more respect in the man’s eyes. When he thought Dean was enlisted, he was interested on a physical level, but once Dean announced he was an officer…well, that was strike three.

  
“Well, we have an education in common, don’t we?” The man laughed in a conspiratorial way that set Dean on edge.

  
“Most of the enlisted men I knew and fought with were educated, more so than any of the fly boys I’ve ever encountered.” Comprehension at Dean’s sarcasm dawned on the pilot’s face.

  
“Hey, no offense. It was just a joke,” he murmured, his hand touched Dean’s thigh. Dean looked pointedly at the hand and it was removed quickly. “Come on, don’t be mad. Let’s go back to my condo and have a drink. I’ll even fix you breakfast. I make a mean omelet.”

  
Dean stood up and tossed a twenty on the bar. “You know, I haven’t been laid in eighteen months, but I’d still choose my hand over you.” The bartender grinned and winked at Dean. The pilot’s face reddened and he scowled.

  
“I guess the Army doesn’t require its officers to have class.”

  
“Oh, Sweetheart, you’re the one that lacks class.” Dean saluted the bartender with two fingers to his forehead and turned to go. Outside, he shook his head. Damn, at this rate, he wouldn’t get laid for another eighteen months.

  
Here he was, kicked back on his bed at eight o’clock watching a repeat of Mythbusters…he was pathetic.

  
***

  
Castiel finished the article and made plans for the dive trip. He and his crew would head out after he returned from Fort Riley next week. His plane ticket to the base in Kansas was bought and Ellen had arranged for a private estate sale company to help him pack up James’ house. Staying busy kept his mind of Saturday’s boat trip with Dean.

  
The butterflies came Saturday morning. Ellen wasn’t there to tease him about it, which made it easier, but the whole time he was packing the cooler and fixing the food, his stomach rolled. He’d sent Dean a text telling him to meet them at the dock at nine. He glanced up at the clock on the microwave. He had an hour to get his shit together.

  
At the gate, he gave the guard Dean’s name and then parked his Tahoe under the shade of a Japanese cedar. Beth bobbed in her slip, her white hull gleaming in the morning sun. “Unca Casteel, where’s Cappin Dean?”

  
Taking Matthew’s hand to help him aboard, Castiel replied, “He’ll be here soon, Matthew. Can you help me put the food away?”

  
Thirty minutes later, the sails were uncovered, the small motor had been tested and checked for fuel and everything had been stowed. Matthew was in his lifevest and covered in sunscreen. The boy had built up a nice tan in the last eight months, but Castiel didn’t take chances.

  
“Cappin Dean! Cappin Dean!” Castiel looked up from where he was checking a small fray on the jib sheet. Dean, dressed in dark blue cargo shorts and a white t-shirt was coming down the dock. He was wearing a baseball cap and grinned when he caught sight of Matthew waving from the stern.

  
“Permission to come aboard, Captain?” Dean called out jovially.

  
Castiel smiled. “Permission granted, Captain.”

  
“Nope, not anymore. As of yesterday, I’m just Dean Winchester, temporary beach bum.” Dean gracefully jumped onto the deck. He was carrying a small duffle.

  
“Congratulations on becoming a civilian.” Castiel couldn’t help looking down at Dean’s legs. They were muscular and he’d noticed they were bowed at lunch the other day, but now it was more pronounced. Pale with a fine sprinkling of lightly colored hair, Castiel thought they were very nice legs indeed. “You can stow your things in the cabin,” Castiel said, pointing to the hatch. “Matthew, why don’t you show Mister Dean around while I get us underway?”

  
Matthew took Dean’s hand and led him below. Castiel cast off the lines and started the motor. He was just clearing the marina when Dean and Matthew came topside again. “Nice boat, Cas.”

  
Castiel smiled as Dean came up to stand beside him at the helm. “Thank you. Beth helps me de-stress.”

  
“Beth?” Dean looked at him quizzically.

  
Castiel ran his hands over the teak wheel. “Beth, she was named for my favorite Little Women character.”

  
Dean’s laugh was soft and warm. “Figures you’d name your boat after a literary character.”

  
The two men talked about the boat and the surrounding area as Castiel took her past the channel markers. When they got to open water, Castiel quickly unfurled the sails. The wind caught the main sail and the boat picked up speed. Matthew was next to Dean, who was now sitting on one of the built in seats on the port side. Dean had asked if he could help, but Castiel could sail with his eyes closed. He wanted Dean to enjoy himself. As the jib unfurled, he began tacking. Beth skimmed over the water. He heard Matthew laugh and turned. Dean and Matthew had their heads together, talking about something. Dean’s grin was infectious. He wished the man wasn’t wearing sunglasses.

  
Castiel moved as one with the forty foot sloop. They were heading towards a favorite spot of his. They passed Mokoli’i Island and continued on an eastern course. Castiel stood at the helm, relaxed and at home on the deck of a boat. He felt Dean’s presence and looked over his shoulder. “Could Jimmy sail like you?”

  
Castiel shook his head. “No, in high school, I was on the sailing team. James was into girls and partying.”

  
“Sounds like Jimmy.” Dean held onto the railing, staring at the horizon. He seemed softer somehow. Maybe the sea would help him the way it helped Castiel. After a few minutes of companionable silence, Dean said, “Are we headed anywhere particular?”

  
“Yes, Matthew and I have a favorite spot for swimming near Kailua.” Matthew was laying on the bow and as the boat cut through the waves, the spray washed over him.

  
“Doesn’t that make you nervous, him being alone up there?”

  
“Matthew sails with me just about every weekend. He knows the boat and we’ve gone over safety issues. You can’t see it from here, but he’s got a strap buckled onto his lifevest that hooks him to the deck.”

  
Dean nodded. “Jimmy was right.”

  
“About what?” Castiel asked, turning the wheel slightly as the wind changed directions. They were passing Kane’ohe Bay and several boats were around them now. Castiel kept a eye out so he wouldn’t get too close to the other vessels.

  
“He said you would make a great dad.” Dean was looking directly at him and all Castiel could see was his own reflection in the lens of Dean’s sunglasses. His words were sincere though.

  
“I’m trying, Dean. I know there will be times when I will need James’ advice…” He let the sentence trail off. Dean put his hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

  
“Cas, Jimmy had faith in you. You’ll be fine.” Wanting to change the subject, Castiel pointed to a pod of dolphins that were riding along the wake of the boat. Dean leaned over the rail, laughing. Castiel liked the sound and a soft smile touched his lips.

  
Castiel steered them into the small cove. He showed Dean how to trim the sails and then he dropped the anchor. “We can swim for a while and then have lunch.” Castiel pulled off his shirt and tossed it on the bench seat. “Matthew, do you want some juice before we go in?”

  
At Matthew’s positive reply, Castiel bent down to open the cooler. When he stood up again, a juice box in his hand, he gaped like one of the fish he was so fond of. Dean had taken off his shirt. While there were plenty of men out there with perfect bodies, none affected Castiel like Dean’s. Smooth, slightly pale skin…a soft belly…perfect nipples…and that line of hair that ran from his navel to the waistband of his shorts. He unconsciously licked his lips and then caught a flash of white teeth as Dean grinned. He knew he was blushing and flustered, he stuttered, “I…I’m sorry…I’ll just…go get some towels…you should put on some sunscreen.” Castiel heard Dean’s chuckle as he went down the hatch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The places in Oahu that I mention do really exist, I've taken liberties with a few of them, but for the most part, they remain true.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just when I think I've got my shit together and can update on a regular basis, shit happens.
> 
> My oldest had surgery this morning and my youngest was just rushed to the ER in Georgia. She was in the hospital after a mission in the Bahamas and they didn't know what was wrong with her. Low BP and high white blood cell count. They say it's an infection of some sort. Thank you, Einstein. I may or may not be heading to Georgia, so stay tuned.

Friday sucked. The appointment with the Army’s shrink was a complete waste of time. He spent an hour rehashing the events that led to Jimmy’s death and talking about his nightmares. The psychiatrist told him the same thing the others did. It was a mild case of PTSD and he believed with time, the nightmares would lessen. “Yada, yada, yada,” Deam mumbled under his breath as he left the man’s office.

  
Just before noon, Dean signed his final paperwork. Uncle Sam didn’t own him anymore. He was a free man. He was also a man without a job. The only thing left to do now was to take the next couple of days to relax on this lush island before flying back to Fort Hood. He’d pack up his apartment, hook a U-Haul on the back of the Impala and drive down to Dallas.

  
As he packed up his room – since he was no longer employed by the US Army, he couldn’t stay on base any longer – he thought about Sam’s offer. Working for his brother wouldn’t be bad at all. Since he’d been in the military and traveling all over the world, he hadn’t had a lot of time with Sam. It would be awesome…right?

  
He found a reasonably priced hotel to stay in until his flight out Monday afternoon. There was a view of the ocean outside his balcony and he stood looking out for a few minutes. He could get used to waking up to this every morning. Dean pulled out his phone. It was six o’clock in Dallas.

  
“Hey, Dean.”

  
“Sammy, I am standing on a balcony overlooking the blue ocean right now. I’m even wearing a tacky Hawaiian shirt.” He picked up this one, decorated with tiny coconuts and umbrellas, at the gift shop downstairs.

  
“Good for you. So, is it done?”

  
“Yep. You are now talking to a civilian.” Dean leaned against the railing and wondered how much a condo on the beach would cost.

  
“How does it feel?”

  
“Don’t think it’s sunk in yet,” Dean said honestly. He’d been in the military so long that he’d forgotten what it meant to be a regular citizen.

  
The two brothers talked for another twenty minutes before Sammy had to end the call because the after work crowd was coming in. Dean changed into shorts, but left the colorful shirt on.

  
The beach was packed with people of every color, size and age. Dean found a lounger and settled back. He rubbed some sunscreen over his body. God, he was pale. His arms and face were tanned from the sun in Afghanistan, but the rest of his skin was fish-belly white. He set the alarm on his phone because he didn’t want to get burned and then relaxed to watch the humanity around him.

  
When his phone beeped, he rose and collected his things. Slipping his shirt back on, Dean headed up the beach towards the hotel. He saw the small bar next to the pool and decided a drink was in order. Beer in hand, he surveyed the pool area. Half naked bodies were everywhere. He even got a few lingering looks from a couple of attractive women, but he really didn’t feel like making the effort to talk to them. Maybe he should have asked the shrink if all the shit he went through could have an effect on his libido.

  
After he finished his beer, he went upstairs, changed back into jeans and grabbed his car keys. The rest of the day was spent driving around the island and taking pictures. It really was a paradise and Dean found himself not wanting to think about Monday.  
Saturday morning, Dean woke with the sun as usual. He’d have to work on that. There wasn’t a reason to get up at the butt-crack of dawn anymore. For a little while, he was a man of leisure. From the bed, Dean aimed the remote at the television. Ten minutes into a morning news show, he flipped it off. Slowly, he ran his hands down his belly and brushed against the soft curls. Dean closed his eyes. He conjured up a vision of Chris Evans in his Captain American costume. Damn…now, Evans was hot. Dean’s cock lengthened. He’d peel that tight patriotic shirt off the man…Dean ran his thumb over his slit and used the drop of precum along with some spit to make the job easier. Dean spread his legs and used his other hand to rub against his hole. Yeah…Cas would stretch him out…maybe even use his tongue… Dean’s eyes flew open. Chris…he meant Chris, not Cas. “Fuck.”

  
It took a few minutes to get back in the groove. He refused to let his concentration stray away from the hot actor again, but when he came, it was to the image of intense blue eyes.

  
Dean wiped the cum off his belly and chest and pulled on a pair of running shorts. He tied his trainers and took the elevator down to the lobby. He’d never ran on the beach before and after a mile, his calves were aching. On the way back, he stopped at a small cart and bought a Malasada and coffee. The donut was really good, so Dean bought another. Cheeks filled with the pastry, he resembled a hamster and the two college aged joggers that raced by gave him a disgusted look. He winked and waved.

  
His shower only took him five minutes. He’d learned to be quick while on deployment. Over there, five minutes of hot water was a luxury. He picked up his can of shaving cream and frowned, before tossing it into the trashcan. He didn’t have to shave. Maybe he’d grow a beard. Just because he could. “Handsome devil,” he said to his reflection.

  
Twenty minutes later, Dean was at the gate of the marina. “I’m a guest of Cas…Castiel Novak.”

  
The uniformed rent-a-cop consulted his clipboard and waved Dean through. Dean found a parking place and went in search of Slip 31. He followed the signs and heard a happy shout of “Cappin Dean, Cappin Dean”.

  
Cas’ boat was freakin’ awesome. She was about forty feet long and the man standing on her deck looked mighty fine. It was fuckin’ sad that the only person he’d love to crawl into bed with was off limits. Yeah, Jimmy dropped a lot of hints about wanting Dean to meet his brother, but Cas just lost his brother…a quick fuck wouldn’t be cool. Dean was heading back to the mainland on Monday anyway and Cas wasn’t one night stand material. Jimmy would come back and haunt his ass if Dean hurt his twin.

  
Standing next to Cas as the sleek boat sliced through the water, Dean felt more relaxed than he had in a long time. When Cas pointed to the dolphins riding along their bow, Dean couldn’t help but lean over the side and laugh at their antics. The beautiful creatures leapt out of the water in graceful arcs.

  
They anchored in a small cove that reminded Dean of Gilligan’s Island. The water was crystal clear and he couldn’t wait to jump in. He helped Cas take down the sails and listened closely as Cas taught him the names for the different parts of the boat. When Cas announced it was time to go swimming and took off his shirt, Dean had to bite his tongue to keep from whistling. The man was smokin’ hot. Dean had to look away because he was afraid his body would betray him. A boner might be a little hard to explain. While Cas was getting Matt his drink out of the cooler, Dean shucked off his own shirt, kicked off his shoes and took off his sunglasses. It was really beautiful out here. Rays of sunlight danced on the surface of the water and Dean knew the water would be refreshing.

  
Cas straightened up. The look on his face was priceless. Dean knew he wasn’t the only one who was attracted, if Cas’ slack jaw was any indication. When Cas licked his lips, Dean couldn’t help grinning. And the stuttering, God that was adorable.

  
When Cas resurfaced from below deck, Dean was leaning against the rail, hands tucked into the pockets of his cargo shorts. He seemed a bit more composed, but Dean couldn’t resist a wink. Cas actually rolled his eyes and that got Dean laughing again. Dean waited while Cas checked the buckles on Matt’s life vest and then handed the boy a small set of snorkeling gear. Dean watched the kid put on a tiny pair of fins and then he donned his mask and snorkel. Cas handed Dean a set as well and when Dean bent over to pull the fins onto his feet, he felt Cas’ hand on his shoulder. The one with the scar.

  
***

  
Below deck, Castiel had given himself a stern lecture. Dean Winchester was off limits. It didn’t matter that the man was drop dead gorgeous. It didn’t matter that the light dusting of freckles across his nose made Castiel weak at the knees. It didn’t matter that his smile was brighter than the sun…okay, he just sounded like a romance novel. Dean was simply not for him.

  
The wink and the cocky grin just sent that message to the forefront of his mind. Dean knew he was God’s gift to mankind. Castiel couldn’t help the eye roll and Dean’s laughter rang out. Castiel tried and failed to stop his smile. He got Matthew ready by checking his life vest and giving him the miniature set of snorkel gear.

  
Castiel reached back into the storage compartment and pulled out his own gear, plus one of the spare sets for Dean. As Dean bent to put on his fins, Castiel saw the scar on his shoulder. Without thought to what he was doing, he placed his hand over it.

Dean straightened and spun around. Castiel stepped back. “I’m sorry…is that from…”

  
Dean face relaxed and he nodded. “Yeah. I got hit by some shrapnel when the IED went off.” Castiel stared at the puckered, red scar. It was about five inches long. He must have been bleeding badly and in a lot of pain, but he still went to James and held him. Castiel blinked back the moisture, thankful for the sunglasses he still wore.

  
He looked around and saw that Matthew was getting the rope ladder out of the storage compartment. Since he was occupied, Castiel spoke softly, “I don’t think I ever thanked you for being there for James…at the end.”

  
“I wouldn’t have been anywhere else. He would have done the same for me,” Dean replied, his voice barely above a whisper. With one last look at the scar, Castiel nodded and took the rolled up ladder from Matthew.

  
“Rules?”

  
“Tell you iffin I’m tired. Don’t pick up anything livin’. Don’t touch the coral,” Matthew recited seriously.

  
“Good, boy.” Castiel ruffled the boy’s hair and then anchored the ladder to the side of the boat. The end made a splash in the sea below. “Ready?”

  
“Ready,” Matthew said with a clap of his hands. Castiel positioned himself on the sidewall and executed a perfect dive. When he surfaced, he slung the hair out of his eyes and looked up. Matthew was on the edge. Castiel nodded once and the boy landed feet first in the water next to him. Right away the boy pulled his mask over his face and started to dog-paddle around. Castiel looked up again just in time to see Dean slicing into the water about two feet away from him. Dean surfaced and ran a hand over his eyes to brush away the water.

  
“Awesome,” Dean said, swimming a bit closer. They were both treading water.

  
“About fifty yards that way…” Castiel pointed to the east. “…is a small coral reef. The marine life there is incredible. I think you will enjoy it.” The three made their way to the area Castiel indicated and both of the men pulled their masks down. Castiel touched Dean’s arm a few times to point out something interesting and he was rewarded with smiles. Dean’s wide green eyes as he took in the wonder around them made it all the more beautiful to Castiel. He loved showing people his world. Movement out of the corner of his eye brought Castiel’s attention to a green sea turtle. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pointed. The turtle swam right over them and Dean watched it until it was out of sight before tugging Castiel to the surface.

  
“That was freakin’ amazing, Cas. He was huge.”

  
“She,” Castiel corrected automatically.

  
“Whatever…I wasn’t looking between his…her legs,” Dean teased before going back under to continue his exploration. Castiel didn’t bother explaining to Dean that a turtle’s genitalia was inside their bodies. Castiel stayed on the surface for a few seconds, watching Matthew paddling around. He was glad he’d invited Dean. If nothing else, he hoped they could stay in touch once Dean headed back to the mainland.

  
Back on the boat, thirty minutes later, Castiel reapplied Matthew’s sunscreen before passing off the bottle to Dean. The other man was already starting to get pink around his shoulders. Dean managed to get his arms, chest and shoulders covered, but his back was unreachable. “Here, let me.” Castiel took the bottle and squeezed a blob of the lotion into his palm. He quickly went to work rubbing it into Dean’s muscular back. Dean’s skin was warm to the touch and he could feel the salty residue from the sea under his hands. He felt Dean’s spine, raised bumps beneath pale skin. His movements got slower, his mind taking him into dangerous territory. _His fingertips clawing at Dean’s back as Dean thrust into him._

  
“Cas…Cas…” Castiel visibly shook himself and much to his shame, he realized his hands had stopped their movement at the top of Dean’s shorts. Dean was looking over his shoulder, eyes serious. “Not for nothing, man, but the last person who looked at me like that…I got laid.”

  
“I apologize, Dean. I let my mind wander.” Castiel knew he was beet red, but chose to pretend everything was normal. “I’m going to set out our lunch now. Would you mind getting our drinks out of the cooler?”

  
“Sure, Cas,” Dean said, a telltale smirk on his face. The bastard.

  
Castiel avoided eye contact throughout their lunch. Dean complimented him on the assorted sandwiches and the sliced fruit and Castiel politely thanked him. Matthew, oblivious to the tension between the two adults, chattered to Dean about the things they’d seen that morning. With their lunch eaten and cleaned up, Castiel raised the ladder and stowed it, along with their snorkeling gear. He raised the anchor and within minutes, Beth’s sails were up and filled with wind. She cut through the swells as they headed into open sea. Once they were headed in the right direction, Castiel told a yawning Matthew to go below and take a nap. The boy didn’t argue.

  
As soon as the child closed the hatch behind him, Dean came up beside Castiel. Too close to be casual. Castiel stiffened. “How long has it been?”

  
“I don’t understand the question,” Castiel said, his voice taking on a nervous tone.

  
“Yeah, you do.” He could feel Dean’s breath on his neck. “It’s been eighteen months for me, Cas, and I swear I can feel the sexual tension coming from you.”

  
“It hasn’t been as long for me,” Castiel said stiffly, trying for nonchalance. The last time Castiel got laid had been on a photo shoot in New Orleans where he was cataloging crabs in the estuaries surrounding the city. Since Matthew came into his life, sex took a backseat.

  
“Lucky you,” Dean murmured. A larger than normal swell caught the bow and Dean lost his balance, falling against Castiel’s back, his hands gripped at Castiel’s waist for a few precious seconds before he righted himself. Dean didn’t apologize and Castiel found his skin cold once Dean’s presence there was gone.

  
Nothing else was said as the boat rounded the point and the marina came into view. At the mouth of the harbor, Castiel lowered the sails and started the motor. He was concentrating on getting Beth into her slip when Dean finally spoke again. “I’m not gonna lie, Cas. I would love to have you naked under me, but this…whatever this is between us…it’s impossible.”

  
“Impossible? Why’s that?” Castiel knew he was in dangerous waters, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted Dean. Just for a night. Just a taste of forbidden fruit. It wasn’t like they really knew each other. He wasn’t falling for the man. It was sexual chemistry, that’s all. They were both adults. His pep talk about Dean being off limits was being overwritten by the lust he was feeling.

  
“Two reasons,” Dean said, pulling his shirt on. “One, I’ll be leaving Monday and you don’t seem like the one night stand type and two, Jimmy would probably haunt my sorry ass for dicking with his brother. No pun intended.” There was a flash of teeth, but Dean’s smile wasn’t a happy one.

  
“One night stands are the norm for me, Dean, and I can’t comprehend how an intelligent man like yourself believes a person can come back from the dead and haunt you.” Castiel walked up to the bow and leapt onto the dock, taking the mooring line with him. He tied off the boat and jumped back on deck, stopping in front of Dean, finally meeting his eyes.

  
Dean narrowed his eyes and lifted his chin defiantly. “We both may want it, Cas, but it ain’t happening. And you have no fucking idea how badly I hate myself for saying that.”

  
***

  
Dean wanted to take back the words as soon as they left his mouth. They both wanted it…damn, you could almost smell the sexual tension radiating between them…but damn it…Dean had too much respect for Jimmy’s memory. He couldn’t screw Cas and walk away. Cas might say he’d be okay with a quick fuck, but there was something in his eyes that told Dean differently.

  
Cas’ casual shrug at Dean’s words pissed Dean off and he didn’t know why. Was the man just dismissing him? He watched through narrowed eyes as Cas opened the hatch. He heard him calling to Matt. Soon the boy appeared, rubbing his eyes. “Cappin Dean…can you come home with us?”

  
“No, kid. I have things to do tonight,” Dean lied easily. The only thing he had to do was find some dick. His hand wasn’t going to cut it tonight.

  
The three of them gathered their things and Cas locked up the boat. At the end of the dock, Cas stopped. “Thank you for joining us today, Dean. I hope you have a safe flight home on Monday.” The corner of Dean’s mouth lifted in a half smile at Cas’ stiff posture and even stiffer words.

  
“Yeah, thanks, Cas.” Dean knelt down and hugged the boy. “You be good for your uncle, okay?”

  
“Can you come visit us tomorrow?” Matt asked, his lower lip pooched out in a pout.

  
“No, Matt. I’m going to be heading home soon and I’ll be kind of busy.” Home. Home was an apartment in Killeen, Texas. He’d be going home alright, but just to pack his shit up and ship it to Dallas. He hadn’t had a real home since joining the military.

  
Small arms gripped his neck and held tight. “Don’t want you to go,” Matt mumbled tearfully into the front of his shirt.

  
“Hey, now…no crying. I’m sure your uncle will let me Skype with you sometime.”

  
“I know bouts Skping. I dids it with my daddy,” Matt sniffled and finally let go of Dean. Fuck, why did the kid have to be so damn cute. He stood and held out his hand.

  
“Cas, nice meeting you.” And didn’t he sound so freakin’ polite?

  
“Likewise, Dean. You may Skype with Matthew any time you wish. You have my number.” Cas sounded like he couldn’t wait to get away from Dean. Turn a guy down and he wants to take his ball and go home. Two could play at that game.

  
Dean simply threw up his hand in a wave and walked to his car, not looking back. Once he was in the car, Dean hit the steering wheel angrily. Frustrated with himself and Cas, and not knowing why this shit got so complicated, Dean put the car in gear and headed for the hotel. Back in his room, he showered and dressed in a pair of tight, ball hugging jeans and a white button-down. He was going to get laid tonight if it killed him. He looked in the bathroom mirror as he brushed his teeth. So, where did a man wanting some dick go in Oahu? The gay bar where he met the pilot didn’t appeal to him. He spit, wiped his mouth and pulled up Google on his phone.

  
Thirty minutes later, he was in a quiet bar near Chinatown. The bartender greeted him with a smile. “It’s early yet, but give us an hour or so. We have a few drink specials and a Twister contest later.”

  
Dean quirked an eyebrow. “Twister? Like the game…”

  
“Yep, that kind of Twister. Trust me, it’s fun to watch.”

  
“Sounds like,” Dean said. “Just let me have whatever IPA you have on tap.”

  
Dean watched television for awhile, but as people began to fill the bar, he watched them instead. There seemed to be someone for everyone. Bears, butch, twinks…did anyone use that term anymore? Dean always hated it. Dean was indecisive with all the choices. He drank beer and shared a shot of whiskey with a couple of guys that promised him a good time. The more he drank, the less he liked any of them. “Damn motherfucker…” Dean mumbled under his breath. It was getting late and he wasn’t any closer to finding someone than when he walked in the place. The bartender was flirting with him and Dean decided to go for broke. “What time to you get off?”

  
“Eleven,” he said, smiling knowingly. “Hang around and we can have a drink at my place.”

  
Relaxing now that the hard part was over, Dean let the buzz from the alcohol wash over him. He flirted back with the bartender, finding out his name was Keith. He was thirty and had been born on the island. He loved to surf and it showed by his bleached blond hair and dark tan. Dean finished his beer and pointed to the restrooms. Keith nodded and Dean made his way down the narrow hallway. On the wall were several posters and one caught Dean’s eye. A sea turtle was looking directly into the camera. Printed on the corner of the poster was the name Castiel Novak.

  
Dean pissed and washed his hands, his buzz was worse now that he was standing. To be honest with himself, Dean knew he passed being buzzed a long time ago. He was just about shit-faced. He leaned against the wall and pulled out his phone. “I’m fucked.”

  
“Dean, for Christ’s sake, it’s three in the fuckin’ morning,” Sam whined groggily.

  
“I’m fucked, Sam.”

  
“What did you do?” Sam’s voice sounded more alert now.

  
“Cas wanted me to sleep with him and I turned him down. Now, I can’t get the bastard out of my freakin’ mind.”

  
“Cas?”

  
“Pay attention, Sammy. Cas…Jimmy’s brother.”

  
“Oh.” That was it. Just that one syllable.

  
“Oh? That’s all you have to say? Talk me out of calling the bastard, Sam. Tell me it would be stupid.”

  
“Okay, it would be stupid,” Sam repeated.

  
“Yeah, see…stupid. Fuckin’ stupid. The motherfucker said he could do a one night stand. Why the fuck did I turn him down? I could be in his bed right now, Sam…then Monday…” Dean moved his hands like an airplane, too drunk to realize Sam couldn’t see him.

  
“Dean, you’re drunk. Don’t do anything stupid. You said Cas was a nice guy. He just lost his brother. Just…just think about it before you…”

  
“I’m gonna call that motherfucker and tell him I want to fuck his brains out. He wants a one night stand…I can fuckin’ give it to him. Good talk, Sammy. Thanks.” Dean slid his thumb over the end key. Feeling better, he ambled out into the club and went back to the bar. “Hey, can I have my tab?”

  
“We still have almost an hour, Sweetheart.” Dean blinked. Shit, he’d forgotten the bartender. What was his name again?

  
“Yeah, sorry…” Dean stammered. “…uhm…something…” He held up his phone. “My brother needs me,” he lied.

  
“Your loss,” the bartender said, looking pretty pissed off. He slapped Dean’s tab on the bar. Thirty bucks. Dean left him a fifty.

  
Out in the parking lot, Dean leaned against the hood of the rental. He had a message from Sam.

  
**Text from Sammy/10:19 – Don’t do anything stupid.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, didn't mean to be a tease, but for those of you following this story, I thought you might want to see Cas' house.

 

The top left pictures are the kitchen and Cas' study is the top right. Below left is Matthew's room and on the right is the view from the house and the lanai.

 

 

Cas' bedroom is the top left. The top right is the guest bathroom and the living room.  Bottom left is the master bath and the pool area.  Bottom right, the guest room.

When I write a story, I like visuals. From house plans, to maps of cities, even the food they eat. It helps to describe things to my readers.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

With Matthew in bed, Castiel made good use of his alone time. He poured a glass of wine and planned out his next dive. The trip to Fort Riley had been moved forward to Tuesday and he’d be back on the island by Saturday. If he could round up his crew, they could be out on the water no later than Monday. He glanced at the time on his monitor. Almost ten-thirty. Still early, but after a day on the water, he was tired. He’d purposely not thought of Dean Winchester all night. He’d been embarrassed by his behavior. Practically throwing himself at the man…how pathetic was that? After shutting down his computer, he took his glass to the kitchen. His phone chirped.

  
**Text from Dean Winchester/10:23 – Tak in up on offer!!!!!! B here soon.**

  
Castiel stared uncomprehendingly at his phone. What offer? And where was here? Did Dean send him this text by accident? Strange. Castiel locked all the doors and went upstairs. He was stepping into his pajama pants when a loud banging downstairs startled him so that he fell back on his bed, his pants around his knees. Frowning, he finished pulling up his pants, grabbed his robe and went to investigate.

  
Halfway down the stairs, the front door rattled with another steady stream of knocks. Castiel peered through the window and saw a taxi pulling away. Curious. He cautiously opened the door. Dean Winchester stood on his porch. Okay, stood probably wasn’t the best word to use. He was slumped against one of the pillars. “Cas,” he cried out with a wide grin. His attempt at a wave was pitiful, since it only made it waist high.

  
“Hello, Dean.” The man was drunk off his ass.

  
“Aren’t ya gonna invite me in?” Dean attempted to stand up straight and he wove a bit. Castiel’s sigh was more of a huff of frustration. Just what he needed.

  
“I guess I have no choice, since your taxi is gone.” Castiel took his arm and propelled him inside. “At least you had the good sense to hire a cab instead of getting behind the wheel.”

  
“Course I wouldn’t drunk…I’m drunk, Cas, not stupid.” Dean leaned against him as they shuffled towards the kitchen. Castiel needed to get some aspirin and water into him. If he gave him coffee this late, he’d be up all night with his inebriated ass. He pushed Dean down onto one of the dining room chairs. “Are you wearing pajamas?”

  
“Stay right there,” Castiel ordered without answering. Dean gave him a salute and almost poked himself in the eye. “Heaven help me,” Castiel murmured under his breath.

  
Castiel poured a glass of ice water and rummaged in the cabinet for the bottle of aspirin he kept there. Once he located it, he shook out two into his hand. He shook out one more. Dean was going to need it. Taking them to the table, he held out his hand. “Take these.”

  
Dean obeyed. He downed the pills and drank half the water. Castiel pointed to the glass. “All of it.”

  
A cocky grin creased Dean’s face. “I like it when you’re all bossy and shit. You like that in bed too? Cause you know…I’m down with that.” Castiel groaned and rubbed his hand over his face.

  
“Dean, you are intoxicated and I think you should get some sleep before you do or say anything…” Stupid. He wanted to say stupid, but changed his mind. “…you might regret.”

  
“Sleep? No, Cas…I just wanted to take you up on your offer…ya know?”

  
“What offer, Dean?” Castiel regretted asking as soon as the words left his mouth.

  
“You know…when we were on the boat. You wanted me, man. But I was a gentleman and turned you down. An officer and a gentleman…just like the movie. Only, I didn’t wear white…that’s Navy…” Dean’s words were so slurred that Castiel had a hard time following. What was he going on about? What movie? And what did a movie have to do with…sex?

  
“Come on, Dean, let’s get you to b….let’s get you upstairs.” Castiel pulled the other man to his feet and Dean wrapped around him like an octopus. “Dean, I can’t walk with you leg between mine.”

  
“That’s not all I want between your legs…” Dean broke into wheezing laughter. It took a long time and several slaps to Dean’s wandering hands, but they finally made it up the stairs. Castiel all but shoved Dean back on the guest bed. He made quick work of Dean’s boots and socks. “Thanks, Jimmy,” Dean murmured. Castiel paused, his hand on the edge of the bed. Jimmy was a hundred percent straight, Castiel knew that, but did Dean? Did Dean have a crush on Jimmy? Was his attraction he claimed to have for Castiel really for him or for Jimmy. Castiel didn’t want to think about it now.

  
When he stood to tackle the rest of his clothing, Dean was out. A few minutes later, Cas pulled up the covers over Dean’s chest. He’d decided to leave his clothes on, but he did take Dean’s wallet and phone out of his pockets. He turned on the light in the bathroom just in case Dean got sick and shut the door halfway. With one more look at Dean’s sleeping face, Castiel turned out the overhead light and closed the door.

  
“Give me strength,” he mumbled in the hallway on the way to his room. He crawled into bed and was reaching to turn off the lamp when he stopped. He’d been tired, but now he was wide awake. Nothing like a drunk man on your doorstep to get the blood pumping, Castiel thought irritably. He picked up his book and leaned back against the headboard to read. He opened the book to his marked place and sighed. Dean Winchester was in his house. Two doors down. Passed out drunk. He hoped the guy had a hangover from hell in the morning. “I know that’s spiteful, James, but your friend is…is difficult.”

  
If James was alive, Castiel would have been on the phone with him. They would have talked about Dean and laughed. But James wasn’t alive. If he was, Dean would not be in his house right now. He wondered if he would have ever met Dean if James had lived. Then his thoughts turned back to Dean calling him Jimmy. He was still thinking about that when he turned off his light and closed his eyes. Sleep didn’t come.

  
***

  
It seemed that a million animals shit in his mouth while he slept. Dean curled his lip and groaned. Damn, his head hurt. God, it was fuckin’ bright in here. Here? Where the fuck was he? He sat up and blinked. And blinked again. The bed was one of those canopy types with mosquito netting tied up in bunches at the four posters. The view was incredible. From the bed, he could look out over the crystal blue ocean. Palm trees swayed in a gentle breeze. It all came back. He groaned again and flopped back on the pillow. He was still in his clothes from last night sans his socks and boots. He sat up again, this time putting his feet on the floor. Beside the bed was a jar of aspirin, a bottle of water and his phone, wallet and keys.

  
He made use of the pills and water. After putting on his boots, he gathered his things. Maybe he could slip out before seeing Cas. He was so freakin’ stupid. There was a bathroom in the room, thank God. He did his business and looked in the mirror. He looked like fifty miles of bad road. Not shaving for three days and sleeping in your clothes after a drunken night made you look like a homeless person. He splashed water on his face and felt marginally better. He opened the bedroom door and looked up and down the hall. He wasn’t sure which direction to go. Everything was really quiet. He spied the staircase and it hit him on the first step. His car was at a bar near Chinatown. “Fuck.”

  
His plan to escape without seeing anyone was fucked. At the bottom of the staircase, he got his bearings and followed the smell of coffee.

  
Ellen stood at the counter pouring milk into a mug. She looked up and smirked. She actually smirked at him. “Good morning, Captain…or Mister… Winchester.”

  
“It’s just Dean.” He took a few steps into the room and looked around cagily.

  
“Castiel took Jo and Matthew out for breakfast this morning, so you’re safe.” She picked up her mug of coffee and took a sip, eying him over the rim.

  
“Thanks. I need to call a cab.” Dean wanted coffee really bad, but couldn’t bring himself to ask for it. God knows what Cas told Ellen.

  
“I can take you to where you left your car. Just let me have my coffee first. You want some?”

  
“God, yes,” Dean replied eagerly. Ellen chuckled as she got another mug down from the cabinet by the coffeemaker. Dean eyed the counter. Besides the coffeemaker, it looked like that other contraption was for those fancy-assed coffees like Sam drank. Next to it were a variety of flavored syrups, canisters with whole beans and a container of tea bags. She pointed to the milk and sugar bowl. “Cas must like coffee, huh?”

  
She looked up. “We all do, but Castiel especially. He’s not approachable until he’s had at least one cup. Help yourself,” she said sliding the mug across the counter. Dean did exactly that. He poured himself a full mug and took his first sip. He closed his eyes and sighed.

  
“How’s the head?”

  
Dean felt himself redden. “Uhm, alright considering I made a total ass of myself last night.”

  
“Castiel just said you were drunk and showed up on his doorstep. What exactly did you do once you were here?” Ellen went back to her casual pose and took another sip. She was fishing for information. Dean knew it and he knew that she knew he knew it. Dean rubbed his forehead. Too much thinking for this early.

  
“I really don’t remember much. Not even sure how I wound up here,” Dean lied. And Ellen gave him the look. The look perfected by mothers everywhere that said, ‘ _you are lying_ ’. And like most children everywhere, Dean spilled the beans. “I may have implied…thatwehavesex.” Dean visibly flinched, waiting for the slap on the back of his head. His eyes widened when he heard laughter instead. Ellen was laughing. Laughing so hard she had to put down her mug.

  
When she collected herself, she spoke. “So, let me get this straight…you got knee-walking drunk, showed up at Castiel’s front door and asked him to have sex with you?”

  
“For the record, I wasn’t knee-walking…I was more…just hammered, but the rest is pretty accurate, I guess.”

  
“Not surprised he turned you down…last night.” There was just enough of a pause that told Dean that Ellen knew about Cas’ attraction to him.

  
“It was a stupid move. Cas seems like a nice guy and I’m just passing through.” Dean finished his coffee and rinsed the mug before putting it in the sink. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

  
As they got into Ellen’s small SUV, Dean turned to her. “Thanks for the ride, Ellen.”

  
“Not a problem. Cab fare would have been crazy.” They drove in silence for awhile, classical music playing softly from the car’s speakers.

  
“So, you knew Jimmy?” Dean asked, staring out of the side windows at the scenery flashing by.

  
“Yes. Before he was deployed, he would come to the island a few times a year to stay with Castiel. His death hit Castiel hard. Twins have this bond. I know it hit you hard too,” she said softly.

  
“Yeah, Jimmy was just there, ya know. We hit it off right away. When he was…when he died, it left this hole in my chest.” Ellen looked at him sharply.

  
“You didn’t have…feelings for James, did you?”

  
“Fuck…no…sorry…no…just…no,” Dean sputtered. Ick. Jimmy was his best friend for Christ’s sake. And he was Jimmy. The guy who told fart jokes and watched bootleg porn with the enlisted guys. The guy that made fun of Dean when he puked after a night of tequila shots, but got him a cold cloth and helped him back to bed. No, there were no romantic or sexual feelings there…at all.

  
“Yet, you find Castiel attractive?”

  
“Sure. Cas is different than Jimmy. Like night and day different,” Dean said, like that explained everything.

  
“They are twins, Dean. Physically, they are the same.”

  
“Well…yeah, but Jimmy was a joker. He was smart and funny and damn, he had a filthy mind. But Cas…shit…Cas is hot. Those blue eyes…and he’s got a nice body too. He’s super intelligent and stuffy, but he’s got passion…” Dean paused. “It’s hard to explain, but I see them as two totally different people.”

  
They were a block away from the bar when Ellen said, “Castiel is a lonely man. He’s got Matthew now, and of course, me and Jo, but he needs someone in his life to share experiences with…to share adventures with.”

  
“If I lived around here, I’d give it a go.” At her skeptical look, Dean shrugged. “Seriously.”

  
“Strangely enough, I believe you.” Ellen turned the car into the now empty lot of the bar. She pulled up next to the rental, leaving the ignition running.

  
“Hey, did Cas go out for breakfast to avoid me?” Dean didn’t know why he asked, but it had been eating at him all morning. He knew why he wanted to avoid Cas, but couldn’t figure out why the other man left the house to keep from seeing him.

  
“Yes.”

  
“Yes…that’s it? Care to explain?” Dean had his hand on the door latch, but stopped.

  
“I don’t know, Dean. You’ll have to ask him yourself.”

  
“Yeah…well…thanks for the ride, Ellen. It was nice meeting you.”

  
“Don’t be a stranger, Dean.”

  
Once he was in his car and on the way to his hotel, he thought about Cas. Sure, he made a fool out of himself last night, but he couldn’t remember actually trying to force himself on Cas…so why was Cas avoiding him? Just another reason they wouldn’t be a good match. Jimmy was wrong about that.

  
Dean showered, dressed in yet another tacky Hawaiian shirt and shorts, and hit the road. He had a lot of stuff to see and do today.

  
***

  
Across from a table laden with the remnants of their breakfast, Castiel asked Jo about her future plans. She wanted to be a teacher and with only one year left, she was already looking at the different schools in the area. Jo wanted to teach younger children and that led Castiel to ask the question he’d held back on since James’ death.

  
“I know once the school year starts back up, you’ll have a full load, but if you still want to make extra money by watching Matthew for me…”

  
“Of course,” she exclaimed. “I love this kid.” She ruffled Matthew’s hair. “I can work whenever I’m not in class. I’ll have a pretty full schedule, but I talked to mom about it and she says that she can help you out with him while I’m at school.”

  
Castiel felt the weight lifted from his chest. “Thank you, Jo. You have no idea how much of a help you’ve been.”

  
They chatted for a while longer and Castiel knew he kept looking at his watch, but he need to be sure Dean was gone. Knowing Dean saw him as a substitute for James gave him a sleepless night.

  
“Are you waiting for someone?” Jo asked, nodding at his watch.

  
“No, I just…” What could he say? _Sorry, I can’t go home and risk running into Dean_. Jo and Matthew didn’t have a clue Dean was even in the house. “…I was avoiding going home to work on an article about Myrocongridae.” He was going to hell for lying. He was already feeling guilty for calling Ellen at dawn on a Sunday to ask her to come over so he could take Jo out for breakfast. It was Ellen and Jo’s day off. He owed them.

  
“My rock what?” Jo asked with a perplexed look on her face.

  
“Myrocongridae…the moray eel.”

  
“Oh, cool,” Jo responded, already wiping the sticky syrup off of Matthew’s hands. “So, can we go now? I promised to meet some friends at the beach.”

  
Castiel drove them home, with Matthew talking the whole way about wanting to watch Finding Nemo. A movie Ellen had bought Mathew for his last birthday. He’d only watched it a hundred times. Thankfully, Castiel had only seen it about fifty times.

  
Ellen was in his office, her feet up on his desk, when he found her. He tilted his head in question, but didn’t comment. By the look on her face, she had something on her mind. “Jo is giving Matthew a quick bath. Apparently, a child can get syrup inside his clothing.”

  
“Are we going to talk about your emergency phone call and request for our presence on my day off?”

  
Castiel found his shoes suddenly very interesting. “I needed to talk to Jo about her staying on as Matthew’s nanny,” he told his shoes.

  
“Try again.”

  
With a loud sigh, Castiel looked up. “I just didn’t want to see Dean this morning.”

  
“Yes, you said that at six a.m. Tell me the reason.”

  
“You do realize you work for me and not the other way around.” Castiel knew it was a dick move, but he really didn’t want to discuss it. He winced when she stood up and his chair rolled back and bounced off the built-in bookcase behind his desk.  
She didn’t speak as she marched past him and out the door. “Damn it, Ellen. Wait.” She paused in the hall, her spine stiff. She didn’t turn around. “He came over for sex and called me Jimmy.”

  
She spun around. “He what?” Castiel motioned with his head to the stairs and she returned to his office, neither wanting to be overheard by Jo or other little ears. He went to the window and looked out at the view. Since the office was at the front of the house, he was looking at the driveway and yard instead of the ocean. It would have to do.

  
“He showed up here wanting sex.”

  
“And what gave him the idea that was on the table?” She raised an eyebrow.

  
“While we were out on the boat, things got a little tense at one point and I may have suggested that I was willing.”

  
“Uh huh. Go on.”

  
She made him feel like he was in grade school in front of the principal. “And he may have turned me down because I deserved better…yada yada yada.” Another quirk of the eyebrow. Damn her. “Okay, and so apparently, he went out last night and tied one on and thought it would be a good idea to knock on my door late at night. And take me up on my offer – his words, not mine.”

  
“But he was drunk and you said no. It doesn’t explain why you didn’t want to see him. I can understand his embarrassment, but not yours.”

  
“I was helping him into bed and he called me Jimmy.” There, it was out now. She would understand and stop this relentless interrogation.

  
Her soft laughter confused him and he turned away from the window. “I’m glad you find it amusing, but I didn’t. Don’t you see? I think he was in love with Jim…James and sees me as a substitute.”

  
“He wasn’t in love with James, you idiot. He was just drunk and made a mistake. It’s not like he called out his name during sex.”

  
“You can’t know that, Ellen,” Castiel said petulantly.

  
“But I do know that because Dean and I had a conversation about this very same thing this morning,” Ellen said smugly.

  
“What?” Castiel sat on the edge of his desk. He didn’t think Dean and Ellen would have a conversation so personal. “What did he say?”

  
“He loved James. But only as a friend. He described James as a smart, funny man. He described you like…hmmm…like one would describe a lover. He mentioned your eyes and your body. He said you were smart and stuffy but he liked your passion. He definitely knows the difference between you and James and I know for a fact, he wasn’t in love with James. Not by a long shot.

  
Castiel swallowed and exhaled slowly. “Well, it doesn’t matter now. He’s leaving tomorrow.”

  
“Yes, he is,” she said, looking down at her hands.

  
“It’s not like I can ask him to stay,” Castiel retorted.

  
“No, you couldn’t do that.” Ellen stood up and brushed imaginary lint off her jeans.

  
“That would be ridiculous. He’s got family…a life on the mainland.”

  
“Of course, he does.” She moved towards the office door.

  
“Besides, we’ve only just met.” Castiel’s voice had risen and he tried to tamp it down.

  
“Exactly. Completely ridiculous.” Her hand was on the doorknob now.

  
“Ridiculous,” Castiel repeated. She opened the door and stepped out into the hall. That was it. He was done with this stupid conversation.

  
Ellen got to the staircase and turned, a knowing smile on her lips. “Though you could ask him to help you with James’ house. James did suggest that, didn’t he? Just a thought.” Castiel watched her until she reached the top of the stairs and disappeared. It was crazy.

  
He sat down at his desk and rested his chin on his hands. Crazy.


	8. Chapter 8

Dean dragged his exhausted body into bed. He wasn’t as young as he used to be. A drunken night out, a massive hangover and cramming a week’s worth of sightseeing into twelve hours…he was fuckin’ dead. He’d put Cas Novak out of his mind. Well, he tried. When he stopped and got a shave ice, he thought about how he corrected Dean’s term for it. While he watched the surfers, he remembered Cas telling him Matthew wanted to take lessons. Okay, so he thought about Cas a few times, that didn’t change anything. He was flying out tomorrow afternoon.

  
Monday morning dawned with overcast skies. Dean stood on his balcony and watched as dark clouds rolled in across the water. It matched his mood.

  
Dean ordered breakfast from room service and sat on the balcony to wait, his feet kicked up on the railing. He made a mental list of the things he had to do back in Fort Hood. Moving was always a bitch, but being single in the military made it easier. Dean learned a long time ago to travel light. He’d arrange to sell the few pieces of furniture he had and just pack what was left in the Impala. He’d be living with Sam for a while anyway, so he wouldn’t need much.

  
While he ate his breakfast, he sent a text to Sam telling him his flight info and what his plans were. He ended the conversation with a promise to see Sam by the weekend. Dean gathered all his stuff together to pack. His uniforms were spread on the bed. He gave them one last look. He should get rid of them, but they were a part of him for so long. He stuffed them into the bottom of his suitcase.

  
The rain was coming down now. Dean watched from the floor to ceiling windows as the palm trees whipped back and forth from the strong winds. Dean saw the beauty in it and minutes ticked by as he gazed out at the storm. A chirp from his phone broke him out of his trance.

  
**Text from Cas/9:45 – Can you call me at your earliest convenience?**

  
The corner of Dean’s mouth quirked upwards. Who talked like that? Hell, who texted like that? So, the man wanted to talk to him, huh?

  
Dean ran his thumb over the screen a couple of times. It wasn’t a big deal. Really. Just two men with something in common…someone in common. Jimmy Novak. He touched the icon and heard the ring.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Cas.” Dean sat on the edge of the bed and waited. The silence was deafening. “Look, I’m sorry I got drunk and made an ass out of myself.”

  
“It’s okay, Dean. I’m just glad you came here instead of getting behind the wheel of a car.” More silence. Damn this was awkward.

  
“Cas, why did you want to talk to me?” Dean was now playing with the zipper on his suitcase, open, shut, open, shut.

  
“I am flying to Fort Riley on Tuesday to…to…” Fuck. Dean closed his eyes.

  
“To clean out Jimmy’s place,” Dean finished for him.

  
“Yes.”

  
Dean couldn’t imagine going to Sam’s house and packing up his stuff. It would tear out his heart. “You aren’t taking Matt, are you?”

  
“No…no. Ellen and Jo are going to stay at the house and take care of him while I’m gone.”

  
“Good. That’s good.” More awkward silence. Dean trailed his finger down the seam of his jeans. Up, down, up. He heard a deep inhale from Cas’ end.

  
“Dean, I would be…damn it.” Dean smiled at the frustration in Cas’ voice.

  
“You want me to meet you there, Cas? To help?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Wow, that almost sounded painful, Cas. My company that hard to take?” Dean chuckled at Cas’ obvious discomfort.

  
“I think we both know the answer to that question, Dean.” Dean’s finger stopped its travels up and down his seam. He took a deep breath. Holy fuck. The man’s voice did something to his insides, but that sentence was filled with unspoken…what? Promise?  
“Alright.” Dean stood and started pacing the confines of his room. “Alright then. Uhm, I’m flying out this afternoon and I’ll drive up there Tuesday morning. What time is your flight getting in?” Dean couldn’t believe he was so calm about this.

  
“Not until 11:30.”

  
“P.M.?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Good, that gives me plenty of time. I guess we’ll just hook up…meet up Wednesday morning. I’ll give you a shout when I get up.”

  
“Thank you, Dean.”

  
“No sweat, Cas.”

  
“Goodbye, Dean.”

  
“Yeah, bye, Cas.” Dean stopped his pacing. He quickly called Sam.

  
“I may have done something stupid,” he said into the phone after his brother answered.

  
“Please tell me your drunk ass didn’t sleep with Jimmy’s brother.”

  
“No. I can honestly say that I didn’t sleep with Cas.”

  
“That’s good. I’m proud of you, Dean.”

  
“Gee thanks, Asshole,” Dean growled.

  
“Nice to be of service, now what was the stupid thing?”

  
“I agreed to drive to Fort Riley to help Cas clean out Jimmy’s house.” Long silence. What was up with all the awkward silences today?

  
“As in Kansas?”

  
“Last I checked, Fort Riley was still in Kansas. I’m just gonna follow the yellow brick road.”

  
“You sure this is a good idea? I mean…I know you don’t mind helping people out, but Dean, this is going to be emotional for him…and you.”

  
“You think I don’t know that?”

  
***

  
Castiel took his carry-on bags to the car rental area and picked up the keys to his Infiniti. Stowing his things in the trunk, he pulled up the GPS on his phone and plugged in the address to the hotel Ellen had reserved for him. By the time he got there, checked in and got into his room, it was almost one. He was tired and stiff from sitting in a plane for so long. Even in first class, it was not a comfortable experience.

  
He thought about setting his alarm, but said fuck it and fell into a deep dreamless sleep. The opening notes of Flight of the Bumblebee roused him and he growled. He fumbled for the phone he’d left on the nightstand and pulled it to his ear. The cord yanked it back and he cursed. “Fuck…God…Damn…”

  
When he finally got the damn thing to his ear, he was listening to soft laughter. “Hello, Dean.”

  
“Good morning, Sunshine. Well, I found one thing besides your looks you shared with Jimmy. You’re both grumpy in the mornings.”

  
Castiel sat up and rubbed his hand over his face. “What time is it?”

  
“Nine.” Castiel squinted at the LED alarm clock on the nightstand. “I’m about thirty minutes out. Is that enough time for you to wake up, shower and become human?”

  
“Dean, did you drive all night?” Fort Hood, Texas, to Fort Riley, Kansas, must be…what…eight, nine hours?

  
“Yeah. I slept on the plane. You never need to sleep, take an Ambien, man. Fucking pills put you out like you wouldn’t believe.”

  
“Ambien?” Castiel had heard of the prescription sleeping pill. “Do you have sleep issues?”

  
There was a few seconds of silence. Castiel got up and stared at the small coffeemaker that came with the room. It wasn’t in the same league as the one at home, but he thought he could figure it out.

  
“Ever since Jimmy…I’ve been having a few nightmares and the Army’s shrink gave me these to help.”

  
“Oh.” Sensing the man’s need to change the subject, Castiel began talking about his plans for the day. “I am going to the house and pack a few of James’ personal belongings, as well as Matthew’s things. Ellen arranged for someone to deliver boxes to the house around noon. A shipping company is meeting me there at five to pick up the boxes I’m shipping home. An estate person is coming to go over all the items I’m selling. Tomorrow morning, I’m meeting with an attorney and a realtor.”

  
“What do you need me to do, Cas?” Cas. Castiel found himself liking Dean’s nickname. Dean did that with those he cared about, he understood that now. Jimmy. Matt. Not that Dean cared about him like that, but it was still nice to hear.

  
“I could use some help decided what to keep.” Castiel didn’t say that just having Dean there would probably make things easier. He’d done a lot of thinking on the plane. Dean and James had shared a bond of friendship. James cared enough about the man to trust him with his last words to Castiel. That said an awfully lot. James’ letter had assured Castiel that Dean was a good man. Perhaps he could set the foundation for a friendship with Dean.

  
“Anything you need, Cas. Text me the address and I’ll meet you there in a few. I’ll even spring for breakfast.”

  
“Thank you, Dean.” Castiel wasn’t just thanking Dean for the breakfast and Dean picked up on that.

  
“You’re welcome, Cas.” Dean’s tone was solemn. Castiel said a quick goodbye and sent Dean the address. He took a quick shower, not bothering to shave. Pocketing his wallet, phone and keys, he took the elevator to the lobby. He was greeted warmly by the concierge and exited into the warm Kansas morning.

  
Using the rental’s GPS, Castiel drove the short distance to his brother’s house. The single family home was in a nice neighborhood. He’d been to visit James and Rachel right after they bought the house and again when Matthew was born, but the town was still unfamiliar to him. The house looked desolate. The lawn was mowed, only because James paid for a monthly service since his deployment. He made a notation on the legal pad next to him to cancel that.

  
He was unlocking the front door with the extra key James gave him when the sound of a loud engine made him turn. A sleek black car was coming down the quiet neighborhood street. The rumbling stopped as it pulled in behind Castiel’s rental. Dean emerged and Castiel couldn’t help the smile. It figured the larger than life man would have a car like that one. Dean was dressed in jeans and a grey Henley. He was holding a bag from a well known fast food place that Castiel secretly hated. Dean was looking up at the house. “Nice place. Wouldn’t have pictured Jimmy here.”

  
Castiel glanced at the façade of his twin’s home as if seeing it for the first time. “Rachel loved this house. She said it reminded her of her grandmother’s home. James would have lived in a shack if it was what Rachel wanted.”

  
“Yeah, he talked about her some. He really loved her.”

  
“Yes, he did,” Castiel said, entering the house. It smelled musty and Castiel went right to the thermostat, bumping the air conditioner on. Dean stood in the foyer, eyes taking in everything in the open . James didn’t change the house much since Rachel died. Their wedding photo was still hanging above the mantel.

  
Both men stood in the living room, heads swiveling around as if not knowing what to do next. Dean finally cleared his throat and placed his hands on his hips. “I think we should start in the bedrooms. Make three piles. Stuff to keep, stuff to sell and stuff to donate.”

  
“That sounds like a good plan, Dean.” Castiel was thankful Dean was here. He wouldn’t even know where to begin.

  
“But first, we eat and drink coffee.” Dean made his way to the kitchen counter where he unpacked the bag in his hand. Two large coffees, two wrapped sandwiches and two packs of small potato rounds appeared. Dean upended the bag and packets of sugar and creamer fell out. “I wasn’t sure how you drank your coffee, so I got plenty of sugar and creamer.”

  
“Thank you.” Castiel took the lid off his coffee and added a pack of sugar and one creamer. He took a sip and grimaced. Dean caught the look and grinned.

  
“Yeah, sorry it didn’t come out of a fancy assed machine like yours.”

  
“Please don’t think I’m ungrateful, Dean. I do appreciate this.” Castiel gestured towards the meal with his cup, regretting his facial expression. Dean had gone out of his way to buy breakfast, after all.

  
“Lighten up, Cas. I was just joking.”

  
Dean managed to keep up the conversation while they ate the egg concoction on an English muffin. It was greasy and the egg was rubbery, but Castiel finished it. The man had a habit of talking with is mouth full and while bad table manners were a peeve of Castiel’s, he found himself amused.

  
The house was now blissfully cool and the two men decided to start in the guest room because it would be the easiest according to Dean. With both of them working, it only took thirty minutes since the majority was to be sold.

  
Matthew’s room was also easy because all was going to be shipped back to the island except for the furniture. Castiel and Dean talked about anything and everything. They were taking a break in the kitchen, drinking some bottled water that was left in the refrigerator, when the doorbell rang.

  
Castiel opened the door to a young man in a khaki uniform. “I have boxes for a Mister Novak.”

  
He signed for the delivery and Dean helped get them inside. Ellen, ever efficient, had arranged for a tape dispenser and several rolls of tape to be sent too. She even thought about the markers. Now that they had boxes, they went back to where they began.  
Dean called for pizza around one and they took a short break to eat. So far, things were moving along, but Castiel had been avoiding the master bedroom. Dean didn’t mention it and for that, Castiel was grateful.

  
As Castiel was cleaning off the bookcases in the living room, he stopped at the stack of photo albums. Opening the one on top, he whispered, “Oh.”

  
Dean looked up from where he was coiling the cables from the television and DVD player. “What’d you find?” Without answering, Castiel went to the sofa and sat down. This was the scrapbook James mentioned in his letter. “Cas, you okay?” Dean was standing now, a concerned look on his face. Castiel nodded.

  
***

  
“James kept a scrapbook. He told me about it in his letter.” Cas looked shell-shocked and Dean walked over to the sofa. He looked down at the big album in Cas’ lap. On the very first page was a newspaper clipping. The headlines said, ‘Castiel Novak graduates Cum Laude’. In smaller print, was the name of the paper – _The Boston Herald._

  
Dean sat down next to the man. “He was proud of you, ya know? It was always Castiel this and Castiel that.”

  
“I was proud of him too,” Cas said, turning the page. Dean studied the assortment of clippings, photographs, magazine articles and other items that Jimmy had collected over the years about his brother. They were both quiet as page by page, Cas’ life was laid out with tape and glue. Dean didn’t comment on the tears that dripped off Cas’ face. When the final page was turned, Cas closed the book. He was staring at his hands. Dean was at a complete loss, so he just sat there silently.

  
Cas wiped his face and stood up. He gave Dean a soft smile. “I keep thanking you and you might think it sounds trite, but I do appreciate your being here.”

  
Dean stood too and put his hand on Cas’ back. “What are friend’s for, huh? Now, come on, we still have a lot of stuff to do.” Cas looked relieved at Dean’s levity.

  
By four, they had everything done but the master bedroom and the garage. Dean had gotten quite proficient at making up the boxes and they had a system down. He saw Cas looking at the door of the master bedroom and then at the box in his hands. Dean gently removed the box and dropped it on the floor. “We need some more water. Why don’t you run down to the store and grab some while I start on Jimmy’s clothes.”

  
Cas met Dean’s gaze and held it. He gave a brief nod and turned away. A few minutes later, Dean heard the door open and shut. He was bent over to pick up the box when the sound of the door opening again reached him. Cas appeared at the end of the hall. “You are parked behind me. If you give me your keys, I’ll move your car.”

  
Dean took the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Cas. “Just take mine.”

  
It wasn’t until Cas was gone again that Dean realized what he had done. Sam had only driven his baby a handful of times and he’d just given the keys to someone he’d known for a week. “Wow,” he mumbled, before taking the box into Jimmy’s bedroom.  
Dean let his eyes scan the large room. A huge four-poster bed dominated the room. It was made up neatly with a navy blue comforter. On the nightstand was a family snapshot. Dean picked it up. It was of Jimmy, a very attractive woman Dean knew to be Rachel and a newborn Matthew. They were in front of the fireplace in the living room. Dean blew out an exhale and sat the box on the bed. Nightstands were where people kept their personal junk, so Dean started there.

  
Strangely enough, besides a notepad and pen, a bottle of aspirin and an extra cell charger, the drawer was empty. On the other side of the bed, that drawer held a bunch of magazines. Dean chuckled. He found Jimmy’s spank bank. Several issues of Penthouse, Hustler and Playboy were put into the discard pile.

  
He was well on his way of getting the closet done when he felt Cas’ presence. He glanced around. Cas stood in the doorway. “I have this under control. Why don’t you start on the dresser?” Jimmy had already cleaned out Rachel’s things, so it made it easier. Cas handed Dean a bottle of cold water and he stopped long enough to down it.

  
By the time the moving company arrived to take the items going back to Hawaii. Dean leaned against the fireplace while Cas supervised the loading of the truck. As the truck pulled away, another car pulled into the driveway. An attractive redhead got out. She was dressed in tight fitting jeans and a dark blue vee necked t-shirt. Dean straightened up. She was kind of hot. Since Cas had been on his way back to the house, he was the first to greet her.

  
“You must be Miss Milton.”

  
“Yes, Mr. Novak?”

  
“Yes.” Cas pointed to Dean. “And this is my friend, Dean Winchester. He’s been helping me.”

  
“Nice to meet you both.” The woman gave both men an appraising look before indicating the house. “Do you want to get started?”

  
“Of course, follow me.” Cas led her past Dean and into the house. Dean gave her ass a quick look. Nice.

  
Cas was taking her from room to room and Dean decided to check out the garage. Cas wanted to do that last because he knew there wouldn’t be anything in there to ship back home. There were the obligatory lawn tools, a few power tools and a couple of cans of old paint, but nothing exciting except for Jimmy’s car. A black Lexus. He wondered what Cas was going to do with that.

  
When he went back inside, Cas and the redhead were seated at the kitchen’s bar. She had a clipboard in front of her and was making notes on it. “Yes, just sign here and here.”

  
Cas took the pen from her and signed his name. “Thank you, Miss Milton. Here is an extra key.” He slid it over to her. Dean leaned down, propping his elbows on the counter. “The realtor is meeting me here tomorrow morning and I hope to have it cleared out before it’s listed.”

  
“That’s not a problem, Mr. Novak. I’ll have my crew here tomorrow,” she assured Cas, but her eyes were on Dean. He gave her a charming smile before standing. She tossed her hair in the universal mating call. Dean straightened.

  
“I’ll walk you out,” Dean volunteered. Cas’ expression was blank and he nodded, making a big show about folding up his copy of the paperwork. Like a gentleman, Dean opened the front door for her and escorted her to her car.

  
“Are you from Hawaii too?” She asked, turning so she could lean against her car.

  
“No, I was actually born in Lawrence, but I’m living in Texas right now.” Dean saw her face fall, so he turned on the charm. “I’m free tonight though. Maybe I can take you out for a drink…see what happens…” He smiled, flashing his perfect white teeth.

  
“Well…” Movement to his left caught Dean’s eye and he turned his head. The curtain dropped but not before he saw the shadow of Cas’ face. Damn it.

  
“Hey, look, on second thought…I should probably stay and help Cas. It was nice to meet you.” What the fuck was he doing? He had her on the hook. She gave him a quizzical look. Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Mixed signals, I know.”

  
“It’s fine. Nice to meet you too.” She got into the car and Dean headed back to the house. When he came through the door, Cas didn’t look up from the box he was taping shut. “That looks to be the last of it. You wanna go get some dinner?”

  
“I don’t want to intrude on your evening, Dean. You don’t have to stay.” He didn’t even look up. Dean frowned.

  
“You’re not intruding on anything. We both gotta eat, right?” Cas finally met his eyes. He sat the tape roller on the box.

  
“Dean, you owe me nothing. If you want to spend the evening with Miss Milton, please feel free to do so.”

  
“I’m not spending my evening with her, Cas. So, just shut the fuck up about it and let’s go get something to eat.” Okay, so it came out a bit harsher than he intended and Cas was looking at him like he’d just kicked his puppy.

  
“Dean…”

  
“Cas, look, things are good. Right? We’re here, packing up Jimmy’s house. Just two friends…”

  
“Friends?” Cas interrupted. “Are we friends, Dean? We’ve known each other a week. The only thing we have in common is James. After today, we will probably never see each other again. I think the only reason you want to have anything to do with me is because I look just like James,” Cas’ voice had gotten progressively louder until the last words were shouted. Then Cas looked stunned by what he said. Dean was just pissed off.

  
“Wow,” Dean said calmly, nodding his head slowly. “You think the only reason I’m here is because you look like Jimmy? Fuck you, man.” Dean snatched his keys off the counter where Cas must have left them when he got back from his store run. He was almost to the door when something made him turn. Cas was still standing there…the same stunned look on his face. “For the record, Asshole, I didn’t find Jimmy attractive.”

  
Dean grabbed the doorknob and yanked it open. “But I’m his twin.” Cas’ words stopped him in his tracks and he spun around.

  
“Yeah, so what. You might be identical twins, but you’re different. Your voice is huskier. Your hair is wilder…sexier. You don’t shave as often and it looks hot on you. And damn, you are so stiff and uptight that I want to see what you’re like when you lose control. So, yeah, you’re his twin, but I wasn’t attracted to him.”

  
They stood there. Dean with one foot on the threshold. Cas tense, fist clutched at his sides. Dean was the first to look away. He glanced outside and then back again. “We doing dinner, or what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who read my stuff, I've started a FB Group. You can post prompts and I can post my works. https://www.facebook.com/groups/550258875175871/


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A special thanks to Angi, who informed me that tequila with salt and lime was just so yesterday.

Castiel’s stomach turned as he watched Dean flirt with the woman. He told himself it didn’t matter. Dean wasn’t his and never would be. When the door closed behind them, Castiel knew Dean was going to seal the deal. Who wouldn’t want to be with the handsome man? Without conscious thought, he walked over to the large window in the living room and pushed the curtain aside. Castiel wasn’t good at reading body language…unless it was a shark or other sea creature…so he didn’t know what he was seeing. Then Dean glanced up and saw him. He let the curtain drop, embarrassed at being caught watching like some creep.

  
Dean came through the door a few minutes later. Castiel was taping up one of the last boxes. Dean casually asked if he wanted to go to dinner and Castiel tried hard not to roll his eyes. Like he’d go out to eat with Dean and his latest conquest. “I don’t want to intrude on your evening, Dean. You don’t have to stay.” Castiel didn’t look up. He added even more tape to the already sealed box.

  
“You’re not intruding on anything. We both gotta eat, right?” Castiel felt a wave of irritation and he looked up. Dean was leaning casually against a stack of boxes. And that’s how the argument started. Castiel wasn’t in the mood for a fight of any kind, but Dean kept pushing. Dean must have gotten shut down by Miss Milton, but Castiel wasn’t anyone’s conciliation prize. Friends? Dean thought they were friends? And God, Castiel had wanted that, but now…no. He was a substitute for James and it just came out. He hadn’t meant to tell Dean about his suspicions, but it slipped out and now, Dean was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

  
“Wow.” Dean’s voice was deadly calm and Castiel could almost feel a chill in the air. “You think the only reason I’m here is because you look like Jimmy? Fuck you, man.”

  
He grabbed his car keys and headed for the door. Castiel felt a moment of panic. Dean was leaving. He got to the door and turned slowly…deliberately. “For the record, Asshole, I didn’t find Jimmy attractive.”

  
The door was open now. A few more seconds and Dean would be gone forever. “But I’m his twin.” Castiel said softly, but Dean heard it. He heard it and though his voice was still full of anger, Dean set Castiel straight. Dean didn’t see him as a stand-in for James. Ellen was right. Then again, she always was.

  
They stood there, eyes locked, until Dean broke the stare. He took a second to look outside and then turned his head back to Castiel. “We doing dinner, or what?”

  
Castiel raised his chin. He didn’t want to give in. Then Dean lifted a challenging eyebrow. “I’ll need to shower and change.”

  
“Fine.” Dean said stiffly. “Where’s your hotel?”

  
“The Bluemont over in Manhattan,” Castiel replied evenly. He fished his keys out of his pocket and took one more look around the house. It wasn’t a home anymore. Now, it was just a house. Tomorrow it would be empty. A few months from now, a new family would be living here. Castiel hoped their lives weren’t touched with sorrow like James’ family…his family.

  
“Is it pricy?” Dean asked, stepping out on the porch. Castiel, his mind elsewhere, stared at him questioningly.

  
“What?”

  
“The hotel where you’re staying. I’m going to need a room for the night.”

  
“Dean, you are only here to help me, so I will pay for your room.”

  
“No dice, Cas. I pay my own way,” Dean said stubbornly. This time Castiel let Dean see his eye roll.

  
“Whatever you wish, Dean,” Castiel said dryly. Dean gave him a shove with his shoulder as he was locking up the house. It knocked Castiel off balance and Dean chuckled.

  
“You’re a cheeky bastard. Jimmy didn’t tell me that about you.”

  
After giving Dean directions to the hotel, Castiel got into his rental and waited for Dean to back out of the driveway so he could follow. As they headed north out of Junction City, Castiel called Ellen and gave her a progress report. He asked about Matthew and was sorry it was the boy’s naptime.

  
“Is Dean with you?” Castiel hoped she wouldn’t ask about the other man, but luck wasn’t on his side today.

  
“He arrived this morning and was a big help.”

  
“Good, I’m glad you had someone there, Castiel. Something like this…well, you need friends and family to help you through it.” Castiel pulled out of James’ neighborhood behind the black car. They turned left onto I-70. Castiel had lived in Hawaii for so long with its mountainous terrain that he’d forgotten how truly flat Kansas was. The drive from James’ house to the hotel was only twenty miles, but the traffic was heavy this time of day and it took almost forty minutes to reach the hotel. Manhattan had a small town feel even though it was the county seat. Castiel loved the picturesque buildings that made up the downtown area.

  
Dean parked in front and Castiel pulled in behind him. The valet came out and greeted them. Castiel gave his name and handed over his keys. Dean eyed the man with distrust. “Just point me in the right direction and I’ll park it myself.”

  
“There is a parking deck for our guests on North Manhattan Avenue, but I can take good care of her.” Reluctantly, Dean handed over the keys after he got his duffle bag out of the trunk.

  
Once inside, Castiel waited while Dean registered for a room. Castiel was on the fourth floor. Dean’s room was on the second. The two men agreed to meet in the lobby in thirty minutes. The elevator ride was silent. Castiel longed for the camaraderie they’d shared at the house. The car stopped on Dean’s floor and he got off without a backwards glance. By the time Castiel slid his keycard into the door, he’d almost talked himself into calling Dean to cancel their dinner plans. Dean seemed to take their attraction for each other in stride, whereas Castiel was afraid. He’d faced Great Whites offshore from the Marino Rocks in Adelaide, South Australia, but just the thought sitting across from Dean Winchester was making his palms sweat.

  
He emptied his pockets on the dresser and something fell to the carpet. He had to get on his knees to reach under the large piece of furniture and felt around. Castiel pulled out the silver dollar James had given him on his graduation day. It was minted the year Castiel was born. “Are you trying to tell me something, James?”

  
***

  
Driving through this small area of Kansas brought back a few memories. He’d spent his childhood just a couple hours east of here. He hadn’t bothered to put in a cassette and the rumble of the Impala’s engine was the only noise. Dean was in a mood. He knew he was partly to blame for the argument. Flirting with the woman wasn’t the smartest thing he’d ever done. He felt like he was blowing hot and cold when it came to Cas. No wonder Cas thought he was an asshole. Things had been going great until he fucked it up.

  
Tossing his bag unceremoniously on the king sized bed, he took in the room. For two hundred bucks a night, he expected more, but he supposed it was nice. He picked up the amenities menu and hummed to himself. He perused the list of local restaurants and was pretty impressed there were so many within walking distance.

  
He quickly showered and dressed into another pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He pulled on a plaid shirt, leaving it unbuttoned. With one last look in the mirror, he grabbed his wallet and phone and headed to the elevator. He had about ten minutes to kill before Cas was to meet him. Just enough time for a shot of whiskey in the lounge downstairs. The bartender nodded as he walked in. “Evening. What’ll you have?”

  
“Whiskey, neat.”

  
He put the shot glass down in front of Dean. “That’ll be six dollars.”

  
Dean pushed a twenty across the bar and shot the drink back. The burn of the alcohol made him grimace and he felt the warmth all the way down to his belly. He pushed the glass towards the bartender and held up his finger. The other man poured the amber liquid into the glass. “Rough day?”

  
“Yeah,” Dean answered. “And I’ll need a bit of liquid courage to get through the night.”

  
The man chuckled. “It can’t be that bad.”

  
Movement to his right caught Dean’s eye and he turned his head to watch Cas cross the floor towards him. “You have no idea,” he said to the bartender. The man looked from Dean to Cas and back again.

  
“Damn, I’m straight and he’s fuckin’ hot.”

  
Dean didn’t bother to answer since Cas was within earshot. He pulled out the stool next to Dean. “Nothing for me,” Cas told the bartender and the other man walked to the other end of the bar, leaving them alone. Dean shot back his whiskey and blew out a hot breath.

  
“I almost didn’t come.” Cas’ voice was low and had a slight edge to it.

  
“What changed your mind?” Dean asked, eyes fixed on the neat line of bottles behind the bar.

  
“James.” Dean turned at that, confusion evident on his face. “My brother thought the world of you. We have a mutual attraction and honestly, it scares me to death, but I like you, Dean. God help me, I like you.”

  
Dean pondered Cas’ admission for a few moments. He cleared his throat, smiled and lifted his empty glass. “I like you too, Cas. So, does this make us buddies now?”

  
“It gives us possibilities, Dean.” Cas stood before Dean could react. “Let’s go find something to eat.”

  
The bartender winked at Dean and mouthed, “Go get ‘em, Tiger.” Dean flipped him off with a grin as he followed Cas out of the bar.

  
“Where do you want to eat?” Dean asked Cas’ back. Cas turned his head and shrugged.

  
“Anything within walking distance?” Dean agreed and they went to the front desk. Cas asked the clerk what she suggested and she steered them towards the Little Apple Brewing Company. The two blocks went quickly since both men had long strides. Cas pulled open the door and they stepped into the dim interior. “Bar or table?” Dean asked before the hostess could reach them.

  
“Table,” Cas answered just as the petite brunette spoke.

  
“Table for two?” Dean nodded with a polite smile and they were led to a booth near the back. She set menus before them and told them their server would be with them shortly. Dean found the burgers right away and made his choice.

  
“Hi, my name is Tabitha and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I start you with one of our brews?” The woman looked to be in her late twenties, big busted with a narrow waist. Dean smiled at her.

  
“I’ll take the Black Angus.” A good stout would be great with the burger he was planning to order. When she turned to Cas, he ordered the same. After she left, Cas clasped his hands on top of the table and met Dean’s gaze.

  
“I think getting you a room was a waste of money.” Cas voice was low and huskier than usual and Dean felt a familiar stirring in his gut.

  
Using humor to defuse the heat he suddenly felt, he chuckled. “Don’t hold back, Cas…tell me what you really want.”

  
Cas tilted his head slightly to the right, eyebrows coming together in confusion. “I thought I conveyed…”

  
“I got it, Cas,” Dean said, relieved when Tabitha appeared with their mugs of dark beer.

  
“Are you ready to order?”

  
“Yeah, I’ll take the Bacon Cheddar Burger. Cas?”

  
“I’ll have the twelve ounce ribeye, rare. Baked potato, butter only.”

  
Tabitha disappeared again and Dean took a healthy gulp of his stout to hide his sudden case of nerves. It was rich and creamy, American style with just the right mixture of malt and hops. Dean was impressed. Cas was watching him, his own mug untouched on the table. “You’re buying.”

  
“Okay?” Cas replied.

  
“It’s only fair. You want to get in my pants, you gotta at least buy my dinner.” Dean loved how Cas’ lips twitched as he fought a smile.

  
“Very well. I’m buying.” The next several minutes, they played a staring game. Any other time, Dean would have felt the need to fill the silence with useless conversation, but with Cas, it wasn’t necessary. It was comfortable. Dean spent the time deciding how the evening was going to unfold. Dean Winchester, who’d never been nervous about sex was feeling a wee bit anxious. This was a onetime thing. They both knew it. Tomorrow, Dean would head back to Fort Hood, pack his shit and move to Dallas. Cas would be returning to Hawaii. Sure, they’d probably call a couple times, maybe shoot a few texts here and there, but eventually that would stop. And for some reason, that was a depressing thought.

  
After their meal was brought to the table, Tabitha engaged them in a chat about baseball, which was playing on the large screens scattered around the bar. Cas obviously wasn’t much of a sports enthusiast, but he listened intently to Dean’s commentary about the Royals. After she left them, Cas asked, “What are your plans now that you are a civilian?”

  
Dean took another sip of his stout and leaned back. “Sammy owns a really nice bar in Dallas and he’s offered me a job tending bar until I decide what I want to do. I’ve got some money saved up, so that gig will be okay for awhile.”

  
“So, you would be fine being a bartender?” Cas pushed his plate away and leaned forward, elbows on the table.

  
Dean shrugged. “I guess.”

  
“There is nothing wrong with that profession, Dean, but it seems like a waste after your military career. What was your degree in?” Cas really looked interested, so Dean found himself talking about how he went to college for two years before joining the Army. He finished his degree once he was enlisted and then went through officer training school.

  
“I started out wanting to be an electrical engineer, but changed my major to architecture instead.”

  
“That is a commendable undertaking, Dean. Have you thought about pursuing that now that you are out of the Army?”

  
Dean huffed out a soft bark of laughter. “Cas, I’m thirty-eight years old. Who’s going to hire an architect that old who’s never practiced the profession? No, I’m better suited to being a bartender.”

  
“You are selling yourself short, Dean.” Dean was starting to feel uncomfortable with the conversation. Cas was beginning to sound like Sammy. He looked around for Tabitha and held up his hand. She came right over and brought their check. Cas pulled it towards him and laid down a gold American Express card. Dean was suitably impressed.

  
***

  
The walk back to the hotel was unnerving for Castiel. Sex usually came after a companionable drink with a handsome stranger. Castiel was in uncharted waters with Dean. The closer they got, the slower Castiel walked. Dean moved ahead of him and turned around, so he was walking backwards. A devilish grin was on his face. “Nervous, Cas?”

  
“Of course not,” he lied.

  
“Liar,” Dean retorted. Castiel frowned at him and tried to push him out of the way. Dean ducked to the left, laughing at Castiel’s look of frustration. “Come on, Cas, I’ll be gentle,” Dean purred seductively, his lascivious wink made Castiel shake his head in amusement.

  
They entered the hotel and Dean steered him towards the bar. The bartender looked up from the drink he was mixing and grinned. “You’re back.”

  
“Yeah, someone needs to lighten up. Give the man a shot,” Dean called out. The bar wasn’t crowded on a weeknight, but the few patrons that were there gave Dean their attention.

  
Castiel held up his hand. “No shots. Just a beer will be fine.”

  
“Tequila, the good stuff.” Dean held up two fingers and the bartender picked up a bottle of Patron Silver. He sat the shaker of salt in front of them, but Castiel pushed it away. “Cinnamon and orange slices, please.”

  
Dean gave him a look of disgust. “Dude, cinnamon?”

  
“If you are going to force me to do shots, I should get to pick what I want.” Dean shrugged and nodded to the bartender.

  
“Set it up.” A bowl of orange slices and a small plastic bottle were sat in front of them. Castiel hadn’t done shots in years. Dean waited for Castiel to show him what to do. He picked up one of the fruit slices and sprinkled it with the cinnamon. Dean followed suit and the both bit into the orange at the same time. They picked up their glasses and clinked them together. The alcohol burned and made his eyes water. Dean grinned and slapped the glass down on the bar. “Not bad.” He laughed and nudged Castiel’s elbow. “Still nervous?”

  
“I’m fine, Dean.” Castiel was able to handle his liquor. The two beers at the restaurant and the tequila hadn’t even phased him. Dean had a jump on him since he’d had a drink before Castiel had come downstairs. Maybe another one wouldn’t be so bad. He motioned to the bartender to pour than another.

  
Two more shots later, Dean was pleasantly buzzed by the lazy way his eyes were watching Castiel’s mouth as he licked one of the extra orange slices. Dean wasn’t nearly as drunk as he was the other night. This Dean was funny and oddly cute. And if the warm hand on his upper thigh was any indication, Dean grew more affectionate the more he drank.

  
Castiel caught the bartender’s attention and asked for their tab. Dean snatched it from the guy’s hand before Castiel got reach for it. “I got this,” Dean said, pulling his wallet out of his jeans.

  
“I thought I was paying?” Castiel asked smoothly. The corners of Dean’s eyes crinkled in a sexy way and Castiel felt the sudden desire to kiss him there.

  
“Nah, you got dinner. I can get the pre-sex cocktails.” The bartender laughed out loud, shaking his head at Castiel.

  
“You have your hands full, my friend.” Castiel blushed, but returned the man’s smile.

  
“Come on, Dean. I believe we need to get you upstairs.” Castiel stood and pulled Dean to his feet. Castiel noted that Dean walked fine, not stumbling at all. When the other man moved forward to push the elevator button, Castiel’s gaze lingered on Dean’s slightly bowed legs. Why were they so damn sexy to him? Maybe it was because it was the one small imperfection of the perfect man. Dean turned and leaned against the wall. He let his eyes run up and down Castiel’s body. Castiel was beginning to think Dean wasn’t as drunk as he made himself out to be. The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. As soon as they closed behind them, Dean moved closer. He could smell his shampoo and the clean scent that was all Dean. Standing this close, Castiel noticed the slight height difference. Up until now, he thought they were close to the same, but Dean was actually about two inches taller.

  
“I suppose since you bought dinner, I owe you a kiss,” Dean whispered, bringing his lips bare inches from Castiel’s. He could feel the warmth of Dean’s breath, smell the barest hint of oranges.

  
“I don’t want you to feel you owe me anything, Dean,” Castiel kept his voice equally soft. He was lifting his hands to pull Dean closer, but the door opened. Dean stepped back with a wink. They hadn’t discussed it, but it was Dean’s room they were standing outside of. Dean inserted the key card and stepped back so Castiel could enter first. The room was identical to his. Castiel tried not to look at the bed. He sensed Dean’s presence behind him and closed his eyes. This was really happening.

  
Hands came to rest on his waist and he instinctively leaned back against Dean’s chest. Soft lips brushed over the back of his neck. “I love your hair.”

  
Castiel couldn’t help it. He gave a small snort of laughter. Dean spun him around. “Hey, I’m trying to be smooth here. Laughing is not the response to get you laid, Dude.” Dean’s smile took the sting out of the words.

  
“My hair?” Castiel asked, tamping down the silly laughter threatening to bubble up.

  
“Yeah, I noticed it the very first time I met you. It looked like you’d just crawled out of bed after a thorough fucking.” Castiel’s eyes darkened at the mental image.

  
“Is that what you want to do, Dean? Give me a thorough fucking?” His voice was rough and the smile faded from Dean’s lips.

  
“That’s what I’m going to do, Cas. Fuck you until the people in the lobby downstairs know my name…” Castiel blinked as he tried to make sense of Dean’s words and then he laughed again. Dean grinned.

  
“You are smooth, Dean Winchester. Very smooth.” The tension was broken and Dean bussed his lips against Castiel’s once before taking off his shirt. The t-shirt he wore was tight fitting and Castiel could see the outline of Dean’s nipples. He remembered the day on the boat how Dean looked without his shirt. He couldn’t wait to get his mouth on that smooth expanse of skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it's a cliffhanger. Sex is on the horizon, but just think of this chapter as foreplay.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the delay in updating this. My computer developed issues and after four days, I finally am back up and running.

Once he’d flung his shirt somewhere in the vicinity of his bag, Dean moved back into Cas’ personal space. He loved how Cas was looking at him like he wanted to eat him alive. Dean reached up to unbutton Cas’ shirt. He heard the small hitch in Cas’ breathing as Dean let his knuckle skim over the warm skin of Cas’ belly. “Dean.” The word was like a warning growl and it sent a shiver along Dean’s spine. It was nice to know he wasn’t the only one affected.

  
They hadn’t even really kissed yet, but Dean knew that once that happened, things would move quicker and right now…right now, he just wanted to take his time. He pushed the shirt off Cas’ shoulders and let it fall to the floor. “Shhhh, let me just see you,” Dean murmured, letting his fingertips trail down Cas’ sternum…down past his naval…along the line of dark hair to the top of Cas’ jeans. Dean made short work of the buckle of Cas’ belt and undid the button with a twist of his fingers.

  
His eyes saw how tight Cas’ fists were at his sides. Dean smiled softly. Cas was holding himself back, letting Dean have his way…for now. The other man was coiled like a tight spring. Slowly, he unzipped Cas’ jeans. Dean slipped his hand into the waistband of Cas’ boxers and Cas grunted when Dean found him. Firm, solid flesh. Velvet smooth.

  
Cas took a long ragged breath and unclenched his fists. He raised his hands to hang loosely on Dean’s hips. He let his head fall back in full submission and Dean was lost. The beautiful column of his throat was just waiting for Dean’s mouth. With a soft moan, Dean leaned in and let his lips touch the strong pulse point at the base of his neck. He breathed in the scent of the citrus soap provided in the hotel’s shower. Dean lazily stroked Cas’ thick cock while nuzzling further up towards the line of Cas’ jaw. “Want you, Cas,” he mouthed, as he reached the sensitive area under Cas’ ear.

  
Hands shot up and gripped the sides of his face. Cas’ mouth crashed down on his. Dean’s lips parted in shock and Cas’ tongue was inside of him, sweeping over his tongue, his teeth. Cas retreated, only to take Dean’s lower lip between his teeth and nip. With his fingers splayed across Dean’s cheeks, Cas let his thumbs caress Dean’s cheekbones. He pulled back, his mouth hovering less than an inch from Dean’s. Dean opened his eyes and met Cas’ heated gaze. “I hate being teased,” Cas growled softly before taking Dean’s mouth again. The kiss was bruising and Dean clung to Cas’ hip with his left hand, while his right still held onto Cas’ cock like a lifeline. Someone moaned…one of them whimpered…their tongues tangled in a dance as old as time itself.

  
Releasing Dean, Cas reached down and pulled Dean’s hands from his pants. He kept his eyes on Dean as he toed off his shoes and reached down to remove his socks. Dean quickly pulled his t-shirt over his head and threw it somewhere. He kicked off his boots and yanked his socks off. By the time he got to his jeans, Cas was completely naked. His cock jutted out in front of him, proud and wet with his arousal. Dean licked his lips, hands momentarily frozen on his zipper. “Fuck…”

  
Cas’ eyes blazed. “I would suggest you get those jeans off before I do it for you.” Dean gulped and couldn’t get out of the offending item of clothing fast enough. His boxer brief joined the pile on the floor. He gave his cock a quick stroke. It was unneeded since he was rock hard. His brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders, but he did remember to make a grab for his bag. While he was bent over rummaging around for the bottle of Astroglide and the strip of condoms he was sure he’d packed, Cas came up behind him. Hands on Dean’s hips, cock nestled between the crack of his ass, the heated skin of his chest against his back. Thank God, he had his hand on the supplies because his mind blanked. He couldn’t have told anyone his own name at that point. Teeth scraped along his shoulder and his cock twitched in happy jubilation. “You’re not moving fast enough, Dean.”

  
“Cas.” It came out as a whine and Dean knew he was close to turning in his man card. It was time to take back control. He took a deep breath, steadied his hands and rolled his hips back. He felt the drag of Cas’ cock against his ass and heard Cas’ frustrated moan. He spun, catching Cas off balance, and with a shove, the other man landed on his back, bouncing once as the mattress took his weight. Cas’ smile was feral. Dean tossed the supplies next to Cas and then took Cas’ ankles in his hands and parted his legs. He crawled between them.

  
He needed a taste. Leaning down, Dean licked a stripe up the underside of Cas’ cock. The man bucked at the sensation and Dean pushed down on his hips to hold him still. He looked up through his eyelashes. Cas’ pupils were blown and he was up on his elbows to enjoy the view. Dean swirled his tongue around the head. The scent of Cas’ sex was heavy and filled Dean with want.

  
Dipping his tongue into the slit, he lapped at the precum beaded there. The sound Cas made wasn’t human. Yep, Dean was back in control. Still holding Cas’ hips firmly to the mattress, Dean licked and kissed up and down the length of his cock, never taking him inside his mouth. Cas was panting now. His eyes had a wild look, the blue darker…stormier. When Dean got to the base, he dipped lower, dampening Cas’ balls with his tongue before taking one gently into his mouth. Cas’ head dropped to the bed, a long groan escaping his mouth. Dean released it and sucked in the other one. He watched Cas’ fists clench tighter around the hotel comforter.

  
“Damn you…” Cas gasped out, making Dean chuckle as he nuzzled lower still. He scraped his teeth easily over the area under Cas’ sac and the other man came apart. His head thrashed and he cried out Dean’s name. Dean didn’t let up. He slid his hands from Cas’ hips down to his thighs, pushing them up and apart with the flat of his palms. When his tongue made contact with Cas’ hole, Dean felt the other man’s muscles seize. “DeanDeanDeanDean,” Cas chanted, his eyes tightly shut now. His chest was heaving like he couldn’t get enough air.

  
Dean swirled his tongue around and around Cas’ entrance. While his tongue played, Dean’s fingers moved up and down Cas’ thighs and he felt the muscles relax under his hands. His own cock was heavy between his legs, but for the first time, he wasn’t in a hurry to reach the finish line. He froze for a split second. He’d spent the last ten minutes, maybe longer, doing his best to please Cas. Not that he ever left a lover unsatisfied, but this time it wasn’t a means to an end. He spared a glance up. Cas still had his eyes closed. His skin was flushed with his arousal. Dean thought he was one of the most beautiful people he’d ever seen.

  
Apparently, Dean’s short break to collect his thoughts was long enough that Cas realized something was up. He opened his eyes and propped up on his elbows again. Dean didn’t give him a chance to question it. He gave Cas a comical leer and grabbed the bottle of Astroglide. Cas arched an eyebrow in response, but didn’t speak.

  
Dean sat up on his knees and popped the cap with his thumb. “You doing okay there, Cas?”

  
“I passed okay about eight and a half minutes ago,” Cas said, a corner of his mouth lifting in a half smile.

  
“Well, hang on, because Act Two is about to begin.”

  
***

  
Dean took Castiel apart and put him back together again. The man was definitely talented, but then, Castiel never doubted that. What he hadn’t expected was the patient way Dean rocked his world. There wasn’t a rushed bone in Dean’s body. It had been so long since a lover took the time to metaphorically bring him to his knees.

  
He was trembling and was teetering on the brink of orgasm like a teenage boy on his first date. Dean was licking his hole and Castiel was reveling in the sensation when Dean stopped. Castiel could feel his warm breath at his entrance, but Dean’s tongue was gone. Castiel opened his eyes and braced himself on his elbows. Dean met his eyes and for a split second, he looked confused. The silly face he made wiped away the expression and Castiel wondered if he’d imagined it.

  
Sex for Castiel was always serious. Not necessarily serious emotionally, but he’d never laughed with anyone before. Talk was either porn worthy or polite words of encouragement. With Dean, it was light banter, peppered with cries of passion. A roller coaster that he never wanted to get off of.

  
At the touch of Dean’s fingers, cool with lube, Castiel let his head drop back, but remained on his elbows. Again, Dean was patient. Painfully so. Castiel couldn’t help but to rock his hips, fucking himself on Dean’s finger.

  
“That’s it, Babe.” Dean’s voice was laced with desire. Castiel couldn’t catch his breath. Dean was taking to Goddamn long. Raising his head, he looked down his body at Dean. Intent on watching his finger take Castiel apart, he wasn’t paying attention to Castiel’s sudden frown. It was time to move this along. With reflexes honed from years of scuba diving and running marathons, Castiel snatched the lube out of Dean’s hand, rolled up, locked his knees around Dean’s shoulders and flipped him on his back. Castiel was astride the man in less than two seconds.

  
When he looked down at Dean’s shocked expression, he gave a small shrug. “You were taking to long.”

  
“Seriously, Jeez, Cas, it’s called foreplay,” Dean said, his voice full of sarcasm, but Castiel noted his hands were already on Castiel’s thighs like they belonged there.

  
“Foreplay has its moments, but not now.” Castiel squirted a healthy blob of the cool gel onto his fingertips and reached behind him. Dean’s eyes widened and his mouth open in a silent gasp. Castiel eased a finger into his ass just as Dean wrapped his hand around Castiel’s neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Dean’s tongue swept inside Castiel’s mouth and he felt the tingle in his toes. The man sure knew how to use his mouth.

  
As Castiel prepped himself, he let his hips rut against Dean’s, their cocks sliding against each other, slick with the evidence of their arousal. Their kisses were now wet and sloppy, peppered with small moans and sounds of pleasure from both men. He could feel Dean’s short fingernails digging into his back and the low level of pain just escalated his need for the man.

  
Castiel’s fingers scrabbled on the bed, blindly searching for the strip of condoms. Once he found them, he ripped his lips from Dean’s and sat up. Dean growled until Castiel used his teeth to open one. Castiel took Dean’s cock in his hand and stroked it up and down before rolling the condom down Dean’s shaft.

  
“You good?” Dean asked, eyes on their cocks.

  
Castiel didn’t answer. He lifted his hips and moved forward enough so he could guide Dean in. Using his left arm to steady himself, he gripped Dean’s cock and eased down. Dean practically purred like a large jungle cat when the head of his cock breached Castiel’s tight sphincter. Castiel closed his eyes and let the sensation wash over him. Inch by inch he sank down until he was seated on Dean’s strong upper thighs.

  
Dean was looking up at him again, eyes hooded, pupils wide. Castiel let his body adjust for a few moments. He let his hands roam over Dean’s chest and belly, enjoying the smooth skin. He thumbed over Dean’s nipples and Dean arched his back, pushing in deeper. Castiel moaned and moved his hips forward and back slowly. “Cas…” Dean hissed.

  
They let their bodies set the rhythm, rocking against each other. Dean brought his knees up and dug his heels into the mattress to give him more leverage to push up into Castiel. Rough, raspy breaths and the slap of skin against skin seemed loud in the room. Castiel loved the drag and pull of Dean’s cock as he rode the other man.

  
When he felt Dean’s hand on his cock, he started fucking into Dean’s fist. “Yeah, come on, Cas…that’s it, Babe. Ride me.”

  
Castiel was close. The flare of heat in his belly barely registered before it hit him. “God…Dean…” he cried out as his hips thrust erratically. He let his head loll forward, lungs fighting to pull in enough air. Dean was pumping up into him, his eyes shut. Castiel kept his gaze focused on the man below him as he chased his own orgasm.

  
Dean inhaled sharply and his body tensed. Castiel could feel the throb of Dean’s cock as he emptied himself. They remained still, both trying to regain their breath. Dean shifted under him and his softening cock slipped out. Castiel rolled onto his back next to Dean. He was vaguely aware of Dean disposing of the condom.

  
Castiel’s next coherent thought came when he woke. It was still dark in the room. A second or two went by while he assessed the situation. He was in a hotel room…Dean. He was with Dean. He turned his head and saw the outline of another body and he smiled. The sex had been amazing. Whatever happened next between the two of them, he’d have that memory. He rose up on his elbows and looked at the hotel’s alarm clock on the nightstand. It read five-thirty. Too early to wake up. He closed his eyes. A minute later, he opened them again. He was wide awake.

  
Quietly, he slipped out of bed. He dressed quickly and spent a few moments staring down at Dean. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Soft snores and a bit of drool at the side of his mouth made Castiel smile.

  
As he let himself into his room, he had his plans for the day in his mind. He’d take a quick run on the treadmill downstairs in the hotel’s gym. After that, he’d shower and go meet the attorneys. He should be back to the hotel by ten and maybe he could talk Dean into spending one more night.

  
Forty-five minutes later, he was showered and dressed. The front desk clerk smiled at him when he approached. “I need to leave a message for Mr. Dean Winchester, please.”

  
“Any your name?”

  
“Novak. Castiel Novak.”

  
She made a few taps to her keyboard and said, “We have two Novaks staying with us,” she said conversationally. She gave him a pen and some hotel stationary. He wrote a quick note and let Dean know he’d be back at the hotel around ten and to please wait for him.

  
He found himself whistling as he got into his rental.

  
***

  
Dean rolled over and winced. The sun was shining into the open curtains. He guessed he hadn’t bothered to pull the drapes last night. He snuggled back with his pillow and then he remembered where he was and who he was with. Smiling he turned over. The other side of the bed was empty.

  
He tried not to be disappointed. The sex had been incredible and Cas fell asleep right afterwards. Dean had watched him sleep for a short time and yes, it was a bit on the creepy side, but who would know? He showered and dressed before packing his bag. He wanted to have breakfast with Cas before getting on the road. Figuring he’d gone back to his room sometime during the night, Dean called the front desk.

  
“Could you ring Cas Novak’s room, please?” He glanced at the clock by the bed. It was close to nine. He hadn’t slept this late in years.

  
“Novak? N-O-V-A-K?”

  
“Yeah.” A few seconds ticked by before the clerk came back on the line.

  
“I’m sorry, Mr. Novak checked out about fifteen minutes ago.”

  
“Oh…well…thanks.” Dean hung up the phone and frowned. He hadn’t expected that bit of news. So, Cas was into the one night stand thing after all. Dean told himself he wasn’t upset. He was still telling himself that when he checked out and tipped the valet. By the time he drove over the Kansas state line into Oklahoma, he was fuming. Led Zeppelin wasn’t even dulling the slow burn of anger. With his phone dead from not charging it…he did have other things on his mind…Dean wasn’t able to call Sam until he was home. There were two missed calls from Cas. Dean didn’t want to hear excuses.

  
Later that night, in the privacy of his apartment, he let the anger give way to bitter disappointment. He wasn’t sure why he felt hurt. It wasn’t like Dean and Cas could start any type of relationship. Christ, they were a fourteen hour plane ride apart. Before he could second guess himself, he got back into the Impala and rode around the backs of some of the stores around Fort Hood. By the time he got back to his apartment, he had enough boxes to tackle the kitchen. It was well after two before he crawled into bed. Cas was probably back in Hawaii by now. Dean thought about sending a sarcastic text, but decided against it. Better to just forget him.

  
In less than a week, Dean was covering his first shift at his brother’s bar. He was over Cas Novak. He’d said so to Sam on several occasions. Sam just needed to stop giving him those looks. It wasn’t even like he brought Cas’ name up either…not much anyway.

  
Dean flirted with lots of people over the following two weeks, but never went home with anyone. He just wasn’t into it. It didn’t mean anything. Since the bar was closed on Mondays, he and Sam made plans to have dinner. Dean was going to get to meet Hannah, Sam’s girlfriend, for the first time.

  
Sam was already waiting for him in the small restaurant owned by one of Sam’s friends. He was alone. “Where’s Hannah?”

  
“She’s on her way,” Sam said, motioning for the server to bring two beers. Dean sat across from him, leaving the seat next to Sam for Hannah.

  
“Cool.” Dean picked up the menu and started reading through it, but he felt Sam’s eyes on him and looked up. “What?”

  
“Have you talked to him?”

  
“Who?” Dean asked innocently. He knew damn well who Sam meant.

  
“Cas,” Sam said, with an exhale of irritation.

  
“Why should I talk to him? He’s not important, Sam. We didn’t even know each other that well…hell, if it weren’t for Jimmy dying, I’d have never met the guy.”

  
“Something happened between the two of you...”

  
“Nothing happened,” Dean interrupted. “Nothing,” he stated a bit more forcefully.

  
“Dean, don’t lie to me. You’ve been wearing your ass on your shoulders since you got here. You sit around my house watching television. You don’t go out. And as far as I know, you haven’t been laid since you got back.”

  
“You make me sound like a slut, Sammy,” Dean replied, letting his cocky smile hide the truth. The truth was that he hadn’t felt like sleeping with any of the pretty girls or nice looking guys who frequented the bar. The truth was that whenever he did get his rocks off in the shower or in bed at night – alone – it was blue eyes that he saw.

  
Sam was giving him that look. The one that informed Dean that Sam wasn’t buying his bullshit. “Sam, can we just drop it?” Dean was saved by the arrival of Hannah. The cute blonde surprised Dean. She wasn’t Sam’s usual type. This girl looked like she was a perfect match for Sam. When she smiled, it lit up her face. Sam stood up and bussed her quickly on the lips, before they both sat down on the other side of the booth. She held out her hand and Dean took it, bringing it to his lips for a light kiss.

  
“It’s nice to meet you, Hannah. Please don’t feel bad if you fall for me. I’m the better looking brother,” he teased. Sam rolled his eyes and Hannah giggled, but wrapped her fingers around Sam’s hand. Their conversation about Cas was forgotten as Dean and Sam’s girlfriend got to know each other. She was funny and smart. By the end of the meal, Dean decided Hannah really was perfect for his brother.

  
It was later, after getting back to Sam’s place that his thoughts turned to Cas again. Sam and Hannah were spending the night at her place, leaving Sam’s apartment to Dean. He turned on the television and put is feet up on the coffee table, remote held loosely in his hand. He’d typed out three or four emails to the man, but always deleted them. The first three were angry, but the last one showed his hurt. He couldn’t wait to delete that one.

  
After the first few days, the calls from Cas stopped. Dean never answered and he deleted the messages before listening to them. Looking back, it was a stupid thing to do. He should have kept them just to hear what sorry excuse Cas came up with.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you see any mistakes, please let me know so I can fix them. My stuff is usually un-edited.

“Ellen.” Her name was said with a bite to it, the tone used only when he was really pissed off. His crew usually cleared the decks when his voice dropped to freezing temperatures. Ellen, however, wasn’t cowed by his mood.

  
“Castiel, just send him an email.”

  
“No. I called him. I left him messages. I am not going to send a damn email begging for an explanation,” Castiel rose from his chair and walked towards the office door. He paused. It was his office, why was he the one leaving? Because Ellen was in it for the long haul apparently. She opened her mouth to continue the same argument they’d had for the last two weeks, but Castiel held up his hand. “Enough, Ellen. He just wanted a quick fuck and I was stupid enough…” He stopped at Ellen’s look of maternal indignation at his language. He started to apologize, but really, it was his fucking house.

  
“You are so damn stubborn,” she said, still not making a move to leave his domain. He looked at the door longingly before walking back to his desk and sitting. He stared down at his keyboard. He had work to do. The photos from the last dive were sitting in a file waiting for him to go through. The magazine article was sent out yesterday and he couldn’t be happier to have that off his back, but now he’d been asked to speak at the University of Texas in Austin as a guest instructor. He’d decided to turn it down, but Ellen wouldn’t hear of it. It wasn’t like Austin was that close to Dallas.

  
“Yes. I am stubborn,” Castiel admitted. “And now, can I get back to work?”

  
After Ellen left, Castiel spent the next hour flipping through photographs. They were good. Not great. It was like something was off. He blamed it on the lighting, the weather and even the subject matter. It wasn’t that fact that he’d been out of sorts since he returned from the mainland.

  
When he heard Matthew, up from his afternoon nap, outside by the pool, he closed the file and went to the window. A smile touched his lips. He thought back to the previous night. The two of them had gone on another of their moonlight swims. Castiel let him stay up a little longer than usual and as he was tucking him in, Matthew called him Daddy. Castiel almost corrected him, but he thought of what James had written and also what Dean had said. So, he just kissed the boy’s forehead and left the room. He’d felt giddy the rest of the night and then immediately felt guilty once he’d gotten into bed. He’d gained a son, but at the cost of his brother.

  
That night, he made Kahuku shrimp for dinner and was reminded of Dean’s reaction to his cooking. Dean. He’d tried so hard not to think of the man with the beautiful smile. That morning started so good. Waking up beside Dean. Seeing him relaxed in his sleep. The meetings with the attorney and the realtor went off without a hitch and Castiel was looking forward to getting back to the hotel. He’d bypassed the desk and went right to Dean’s room. He knocked and the door was opened by one of the hotel housekeepers informing him that Dean had checked out. It hurt. God, had it hurt. Like a fool, he’d called Dean several times.

  
As he boarded his plane to go back to the island, he vowed to forget Dean. Forget the amazing sex. Forget the way he laughed. Forget how he’d thought they’d had a connection. Once he was home, he threw himself into his work. He finished the article, scheduled not one, but two dives. And he spent a lot of time with Matthew.

  
The trip to Austin was scheduled and from what the university said, the class was full. Since it would be a week long course, Castiel decided to take Jo and Matthew along. Ellen reserved a suite for them. Flying with a four year old wasn’t the easiest undertaking, but Jo was a Godsend. She’d packed a large bag of small toys, books and DVDs.

  
It was dark when they landed at the Austin-Bergstrom International Airport on Saturday. Matthew was asleep on his shoulder as they walked to their rental. Thankfully, the rental company provided a booster seat for Matthew and Castiel strapped him into it.  
With Mathew and Jo both down for the night, Castiel found that he wasn’t tired. He opened his laptop and connected to the hotel’s wi-fi.

  
If asked to explain his reasoning behind his next action, he’d be hard-pressed to do so. His fingers arbitrarily typed Sam Winchester and Dallas into the search engine. He knew Dallas was a good three hours away by car.

  
Google informed him that Sam Winchester was the owner of the Win Some Saloon. He found himself searching through the search engine’s images. There were several pictures of the interior of the bar. It was big and modern. Castiel found himself enlarging some of the pictures to see if there were any of Dean behind the bar. Disappointed and feeling stupid, he shut down his computer.

  
Morning found him exhausted. Three cups of strong coffee later, he’d made his decision. He gave Jo a handful of cash and one of his credit cards. Her plan was to spend the day at the zoo with Matthew. Castiel assured her that he’d see her late that evening. Castiel stopped by the university to meet with the department head and assured him that he would be there bright and early on Monday morning. Then he headed north. He pulled into Dallas just after one and quickly located the bar. Not expecting it to be open, he was surprised to see people coming in and out.

  
Castiel sat in his car until the heat caused a trickle of sweat to roll down his back. He shut the car door and took a deep breath. He wanted answers.

  
***

  
Sundays were usually slow at the bar, but with the charity event downtown, the place was packed for lunch. He placed to plates of nachos in front of the couple from Oklahoma here to visit their first grandchild. He shared a smile with the three co-eds at the end of the bar and picked up his Coke to take a sip. It was almost to his mouth when the door to the bar opened and a very familiar man walked in. He almost dropped the can. Sam, who was sitting at the bar going over some applications, saw his shocked face and glanced over his shoulder before facing Dean again. “Who is that?”

  
“Cas,” Dean said softly. Sam spun on his stool, taking the guy in. Dean thought he looked good. He was overdressed for the bar. A light brown suit, blue shirt and dark blue tie – he was dressed more for church than the Win Some. Dean knew the exact moment that Cas spied him. The man’s eyes widened and he froze a split second before coming forward. He stopped right next to Sam, who was trying hard not to stare.

  
“Hello, Dean.” Dean’s stomach was doing somersaults. He schooled his expression to one of boredom. He kept his tone polite, but cool.

  
“Cas.”

  
“I would like to speak to you, please,” Cas said, and damn if his voice was just how Dean remembered it. Sexy as fuck.

  
“So, talk,” Dean replied belligerently.

  
Cas pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes. “Alone.”

  
“Well, the thing is…I’m working, Cas.” Dean’s voice was controlled, but inside his mind was racing. Why was Cas here? To prove his point, he picked up a towel and began wiping the bar.

  
“You’re due for a break, Dean,” Sam chimed in. Dean’s eyes shot daggers at his brother. Sam stood. “I’ll take the bar for you.” To Cas, Sam held out his hand. “Sam Winchester, Dean’s brother.”

  
“Castiel Novak.” Cas shook Sam’s hand and then his traitor of a brother came around the end of the bar and took the towel out of Dean’s hand.

  
“You can use the office,” Sam offered.

  
“No,” Dean barked sharply. Then softer, since people were starting to stare, “No, we’ll take a walk.” Taking a steadying breath, Dean walked around the end of the bar and without waiting to see if Cas was following, pushed open the door. Shoulders hunched, hands in his pockets, Dean took off down the sidewalk. He was walking fast just to fuck with Cas. He didn’t need this. He’d almost forgotten the whole damn thing…the awesome sex…the way he kissed…the smell of his aftershave.

  
“Dean, could you slow down?”

  
Without answering, Dean saw the entrance to the park up ahead. The Klyde Warren Park was a beautiful spot of green among the skyscrapers of the downtown area. He passed it every day on his way into work, but never stopped there. On a sunny Sunday afternoon, kids were playing in the grass. Some college kids were playing Frisbee and several families were staked out on the scattered tables. Dean stopped at the edge of the fountain, not facing Cas. “You can talk now.”

  
He heard Cas’ exhale of frustration. “I don’t understand why you are so damn pissed off, Dean. I could see you being shocked by my visit, but I don’t get the anger.”

  
Dean rounded on him. “You don’t get why I’m pissed? That’s rich, Cas. I wake up after a night of great sex and you’re nowhere to be found. I thought you just went back to your room to change or something, but I was told you’d checked out. Fuckin’ checked out. Jesus, I get that you didn’t want to get involved with someone like me, but that was pretty fuckin’ cold.”

  
Cas was just staring at him, eyebrows furrowed together like Dean was a fucking bug under a microscope. “Dean, I left a message for you at the front desk asking you to wait for me so we could have brunch when I returned from my meetings. I came back to your room and housekeeping was already cleaning it. You are the one that checked out, Dean.”

  
Dean opened his mouth, then closed it. No, that couldn’t be true. “There was no message, Cas. I called the front desk and asked for you by name…fuck, I even spelled it for her. So, man up and stop the lies. I don’t really care. It was just a one night stand anyway.”

  
Cas squared his shoulders and his face reddened in anger. “I don’t lie,” he spat out. “I don’t even know why I bothered to come here. James was wrong. Fucking wrong.” He spun around and began walking back the way they’d come.

  
The fountain splashed, children laughed, somewhere a dog barked, but Dean only heard a rushing in his ears. Cas sounded so adamant. Cas was at the park’s entrance now. “Damn it.” Dean started running. He caught up with the other man at the corner and grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. Cas slung his hand away and stepped off the curb. A car screeched to a halt and the driver laid on his horn. “Son of a bitch. Motherfucker’s going to get himself killed,” he muttered before throwing up his hand to the driver and chasing after Cas.

  
This time, Dean grabbed the man’s arm before he reached the next intersection. Cas spun around. “Leave me alone, Dean.”

  
“Listen, get your panties outta your ass and slow down before you get yourself killed.”

  
“I don’t need you to tell me what to do, Dean. It’s not like you’d care anyway.”

  
“Fuck you, Cas. I was the one who got fuckin’ left in an empty bed.”

  
“I told you, I left a note,” Cas roared and bystanders were starting to gather. Fuck his life. They were in front of the travel agency which just happened to be next door to the Win Some.

  
“Yeah, well, guess what…I didn’t get it,” Dean yelled back and the door to the travel agency opened. The stuck-up guy who always looked at Dean like he was pond scum stepped onto the sidewalk.

  
“Is there a problem here?”

  
“No,” both men turned as one and shouted at the preppy man in the seersucker suit. He frowned and stepped back.

  
“Please leave before I call the police,” he said before slipping back inside like he was afraid Dean would kick his ass. And Dean sure felt like pounding on someone right now.

  
Their eyes locked again, both angry and breathing heavily. Then Cas seemed to deflate. His shoulders sagged forward and he looked away. “I’m sorry I bothered you, Dean.”

  
Dean watched Cas turn and walk down the sidewalk. He stopped at a blue sedan parked at a meter and pushed the unlock button on the key fob. Dean couldn’t move. He wanted to. He wanted to run up to him and tell him he believed him – that he knew it was some horrible mistake. He met Cas’ eyes through the windshield and bit his lower lip. He closed his eyes as the car disappeared around the block. With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Dean pushed open the door of Win Some and strode up to the bar. Sam was pulling a draft and looked up. “What did you do?”

  
“Nothing. Not a Goddamn thing,” Dean spat out. He washed his hands and started loading glasses into the dishwasher rack.

  
“Dean…”

  
“Not a word. I’m not in the mood, Sam.” Luckily for Sam, he kept his mouth shut. He left Dean to work the bar while he went back to his paperwork. An hour later, Dean couldn’t stand the pitying looks anymore. “He said he left me a note and that he didn’t check out.”

  
Sam looked up and tucked his pencil behind his ear. He leaned back on the stool and studied Dean for a few seconds before speaking. “But you don’t believe him.”

  
“Fuck, I don’t know what to believe,” Dean said, shrugging and picked up a lemon from the bin just to have something to do with his hands.

  
“It’s easy to check.” Sam pulled out his phone.

  
“Huh? How?” Dean picked up a lime and began tossing the fruit from hand to hand.

  
“What was the name of the hotel?”

  
“The Bluemont.”

  
“Date you checked out?” Dean checked his phone’s calendar app and gave the date to Sam. Sam punched in a few buttons.

  
“Yes, this is Castiel Novak…” Dean smirked. “…I checked out of your hotel on May Thirteenth and I need to clarify something. Could you give me my check out time, please?” Sam waited and then frowned. “Novak. Yes, Castiel. Oh, interesting.” Dean frowned while he waited for Sam to wrap up the conversation. “Thank you for your time.” Sam ran his thumb over the screen and sat his phone on the bar. He looked up at Dean. “Castiel Novak checked out at eleven a.m., however there was another Novak staying at the hotel. _She_ checked out earlier that morning.”

  
Dean tossed the fruit back into the bin and braced his hands on the bar. He felt like shit. “I fucked up.”

  
“There was no way for you to know, Dean. Maybe you can fix it.”

  
“You didn’t hear him, Sam. He was just so…done.”

  
“You never know unless you try. The Dean I know and love isn’t a quitter.” Dean rolled his eyes, but Sam pressed on. “Dean, if he didn’t matter, you wouldn’t be this torn up about it.”

  
“I’m not fuckin’ torn up about anything. It was just one freakin’ night. Jeez, you act like we were dating or something.” Dean turned his back on his brother and picked up a bottle of Jack. He poured himself a shot and threw it back. It burned his throat and warmed his stomach. He put the glass into the rack.

  
His shift was over at seven and he drove back to Sam’s place. The guest room was stacked with boxes of all his belongings. He’d need to start shopping for his own place soon. He knew he was cramping Sam’s style, even if his brother never said so. He felt at loose ends. Damn Cas for coming here and making him remember that night. Fuck him for not being the one in the wrong. He flung himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Even if he wanted to find Cas, Dallas was fuckin’ huge with hundreds of hotels. He pulled out his phone and located Cas’ number, thanking God and everything that was holy, he hadn’t deleted the number.

  
He typed out the text and stared at the words. God, he was pathetic. He counted to ten and hit the send button.

  
***

  
**Text from Dean/7:42 – I’m sorry. Can we talk?**

  
Castiel stared at the screen for a solid minute. His mind wasn’t really processing what he was seeing. Matthew was lying on the bed next to him watching a DVD on his portable player. Jo was in her own room and Castiel could hear her television through the thin wall that separated them.

  
He’d gotten back to Austin in time for dinner and over a meal of Tex-Mex, he listened as Jo and Matthew talked about their day at the zoo. If he was quieter than usual, Jo didn’t mention it and Matthew didn’t seem to notice in his excitement to show Castiel his new stuffed tiger and t-shirt.

  
Back at the hotel, Jo got Matthew bathed and dressed in his pajamas. He’d be sharing the king size bed with Castiel. He’d already laid out his suit for the next day and set the alarm on his phone. He was going over his class notes when his phone chirped.  
What was Dean apologizing for? Believing him to be a liar? It still stung. For a brief moment, he thought of ignoring the text.

  
**Text to Dean/7:45 – Why?**

  
Let Dean think about that. He knew he was being childish, but he was still reeling from their meeting in Dallas. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but it wasn’t the public argument on the street. Several minutes went by and he realized Matthew had fallen asleep. He removed the headphones from the boy and sat the DVD player on the dresser. He made sure he was covered before kissing him on the forehead.

  
Castiel gathered his class documents and laptop. Dressed in pajama pants and a light robe, he went into the suite’s living room. Sitting everything on the coffee table, he got himself a Sprite out of the mini-fridge and popped the top.

  
**Text from Dean/7:52 – Jumping to conclusions is a bad habit of mine.**

  
Castiel actually smiled at the screen. He walked out to the balcony and shut the door behind him.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Hey. I…uh…didn’t expect you to call.” Castiel sat down on one of the bistro chairs and gazed out over the city. Dean’s hesitant voice eased the tension in his shoulders.

  
“You indicated you wished to talk.”

  
“Yeah.” There was silence and the seconds ticked by. “Cas?”

  
“Yes, Dean?”

  
“Just so you know, I would have stayed.” Castiel closed his eyes and let his head fall backwards.

  
“I would not have left without saying goodbye, Dean.”

  
“Yeah, I get that now.” More silence. But Castiel didn’t feel pressed to fill it. “Hey, Cas?”

  
“Yes?”

  
“Where are you staying?”

  
“The Hotel Ella in Austin,” Castiel answered.

  
“Austin? Fuck. I thought you were in Dallas.” Dean sounded genuinely upset.

  
“I am a guest lecturer at the University of Texas this week.” Castiel wondered if Dean would have come to see him if he was in Dallas instead of Austin.

  
“Oh…yeah…that’s cool.”

  
“Matthew is here with me. That is…if you want to come see him. Of course, it’s a long drive, so don’t feel like...”

  
“I’m off Wednesday and Thursday. I could maybe come down.”

  
“That would be nice, Dean. I know Matthew will love to see you.”

  
“What about you, Cas?” Castiel smiled softly.

  
“I would love to see you too, Dean.” The silence was longer this time and Castiel worried that Dean was regretting his decision.

  
“I’ll send you a text when I’m on my way.” Castiel felt his face heat. Dean was coming to see him. Well, him and Matthew.

  
“Goodnight, Dean.”

  
“Night, Cas.”

  
Castiel was still sitting on the balcony when Jo opened the door. “You okay out here?”

  
“Very much so.” She raised an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of her mother. To stave off questions he knew she would feed back to Ellen, Castiel stood up and stretched. “I think I’ll go to bed.”

  
“Mr. Novak, it’s only eight-thirty.” And didn’t he feel foolish? She was giving him an amused look. “Are you sure you're okay?”

  
“I’m fine, Jo. Just tired. The drive to Dallas and all…need to get up bright and early for class,” Castiel rambled.

  
“Yeah, so when I told mom you went to Dallas, she asked why.” Jo was successfully blocking the door to get back into the room. He was trapped.

  
“A friend. I have a friend there,” Castiel said, hoping it would end the questioning.

  
“Captain Winchester?” Jo asked with an innocent smile.

  
“Please don’t tell your mother.” Ellen would make such a big deal about it.

  
Jo laughed softly. “So, you want me to lie to my mom?”

  
Castiel pulled himself up to his full height and tried to look intimidating. “You are very much your mother’s child.”

  
“Smart, savvy, beautiful…shall I go on?”

  
“Don’t you think it’s past your bedtime?” Castiel tried evasion. It worked…somewhat. Jo turned and walked back to her room, but he could hear her laughter. He knew she’d call Ellen as soon as the time zones meshed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, told you I'd fix it. Weren't they just adorable on the phone with each other?


	12. Chapter 12

Dean hung up the phone and realized he was smiling. Yeah, he needed to stop that shit. He went to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer before settling in front of Sam’s sixty-inch television. He flipped through the recorded programs on the DVR and found the latest episode of Lucifer. Damn, the guy was hot.

  
Monday nights were busy with the business crowd. Dean served happy hour drinks to suits all night. They were decent tippers, but they could be dicks. By quitting time he was tired of making dirty martinis. He helped Sam with closing and together the two men locked up. It was the first time since Cas’ visit that he and his brother got to talk. If Sam noticed Dean’s better mood, he didn’t say anything until now.

  
“You’re in a good mood. You haven’t bitched about the customers all day.”

  
Dean shrugged. “What can I say, Sammy? No one managed to piss me off today.” He made it to the door first and inserted his key in the lock. He flipped the light switch and both men entered the home. Sam went straight to the stereo to turn on some music. It was that classical crap. He said it helped him to unwind after a night at the bar. Dean couldn’t really complain since his brother was letting him stay at his place, but damn, classical. Dean grabbed two beers out of the fridge and met his brother in the living room. They sat in their respective places, Sam in his recliner and Dean sprawled on the couch, feet on the coffee table. “I’m going to Austin on Wednesday, be back sometime Thursday night,” Dean mentioned, taking a large gulp of his beer.

  
“Austin? What’s going on there?” Sam used his remote to turn down the music.

  
“Nothing, just need to get out of town for a couple days,” Dean said evasively.

  
“Dean, you’ve only been in Dallas a couple weeks. You act like you’ve been stuck here for years or something.” Sam was giving him one of his classic bitchfaces.

  
Dean picked up his phone off the coffee table. “Hey, look at the time. I’m heading for bed.” He stood up quickly and was halfway across the room before Sam could react.

  
“You’re hiding something.” Sam got up to follow him. Dean ducked into his room and almost got his door shut before the Sasquatch stuck his big-ass foot against it. “Tell me.”

  
“Jeez, Sammy, last time I looked, I was over twenty-one. I can come and go as I please.” Sam just continued to stare at him and Dean caved. He always caved when Sam gave him the look. The “I’m your little brother and I love you, no matter what stupid thing you do” look. Dean flopped down on his bed and clasped his hands behind his head. “I sent a text to Cas apologizing.”

  
Sam sat down on the chair next to the small desk where Dean kept his laptop. “And? Wait. I’m proud of you, Dean. Now, and?”

  
Dean gave him a bitchface of his own. “And, so we talked and I’m going to see him.”

  
“Cool. And he’s in Austin? Why?”

  
“He’s teaching some class this week.”

  
“Is this a booty call, Dean? Please tell me it’s not a booty call.”

  
“A – I’m too freakin’ old for booty calls. B – I’m disturbed you are using the term booty call. And C – Matthew is with him, so sex is out of the question.”

  
Sam leaned back on the back legs of the chair. “Dean Winchester is driving three hours to spend time with a man and no sex is involved. My brother may be growing up. I’m so proud,” Sam said, pretending to tear up.

  
“Bite my ass. And get the fuck out of my room.” Dean threw his pillow at his brother, who just laughed and tossed it back.

  
Sam stood up and his expression became serious. “I am proud of you, Dean. I always have been. And seriously, I hope you and Cas can work things out.”

  
“Yeah, well, long distance romances don’t work, ya know? He lives in Hawaii. It’s not like I can jump in the car and visit him for the weekend.” Dean stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. “I’d settle for being friends. I think Jimmy would have liked that.”

  
“You’re a smart man, Dean. You’ll figure out something.” Sam closed the door behind him. Dean let his jeans drop to the floor and kicked them off. He needed a shower. He smelled like cigarette smoke – just one of the drawbacks of working in a bar.

  
The hot water sluiced over his back and he rolled his head around, letting his neck pop out the kinks. It felt good. He squirted a healthy amount of bodywash into his hand and began to lather his arms…his pits…his chest…down his stomach. Another squirt and his hand moved to his dick. He washed his cock, his balls and reached behind to clean his ass. His mind wandered back to the short showers he had to take in Afghanistan. You never had time to get your rocks off. Sam’s house had a huge fuckin’ water heater though. He could stay in for fifteen or twenty minutes without running out of hot water. Definitely enough time to jerk off. And speaking of…

  
Dean ran his hand up and down his length. He took a deep breath and tightened his grip. A small moan escaped his lips and he leaned against the cool tiles. Dean closed his eyes and tried to imagine someone…anyone…Lucifer…what was his real name? Tom…something.

  
He bit down on his lower lip to keep quiet. He never could be quiet during sex…even solo sex. He stroked his cock, twisting his hand when he reached the head…just the way he liked it. He pictured Lucifer…no, Tom…on his knees with lips swollen from kissing. His dark hair made darker by the water. Blue eyes looking up at him while he took Dean’s cock deep in his throat. Dean tugged and stroked faster. His other hand cupping his balls and rolling them in his palm. “Yes,” he hissed. He was close now. He could almost feel Cas’ hands on his hips…on his thighs. His orgasm hit him like a freight train.

  
As his mind cleared, he realized the actor’s face had been replaced with Cas’ sometime during his road trip towards ecstasy. Fuck. This thing with Jimmy’s brother was getting damn confusing. One minute he wanted to fuck his brains out, the next, he wanted them to be friends. He let his forehead thunk on the tiles. He was so fucked. He just couldn’t seem to get the man out of his thoughts.

  
***

  
Castiel’s classes were filled to capacity. He enjoyed the open discussions, but had to steer them away from photography and back to the topic a few times. Several students brought magazines and books with his pictures in them and wanted autographs, but he had to tell them he’d sign stuff after class was over. By the end of his first day, his hand was cramped from signing his name.

  
When he finally got a break to eat, Victor Henrickson, the professor of Behavioral Ecology of Dolphins, Porpoises and Whales, met him outside the student activity center and together, they walked to one of the student and faculty dining facilities. Since the weather was nice, the two men sat outside. The campus was bustling with activity even though it was the summer session. Castiel and the professor discussed the effects of pollution on the population of ocean mammals in great detail while they ate their sandwiches. The subject soon turned to something less depressing and Castiel found himself showing pictures of his boats, Matthew and his life in Hawaii. By the time they got back to the lecture hall, Professor Henrickson had an invitation to visit Castiel and go diving.

  
With only one afternoon lecture, Castiel was free by two-thirty. He met Jo and Matthew by the hotel’s pool. Matthew excitedly told him about their day at the Austin Children’s Museum.

  
“And they had trains, Unca Daddy…and steps that was different colors…can we paint our steps different colors? I got to make a mask. It’s in the room. And they have a…a…light…” He looked at Jo for assistance.

  
“A giant Lite Brite.”

  
“I’m glad you had fun, Matthew. What are you plans for tomorrow?” Castiel rented another car for Jo to use while they were here. He knew she researched things to do with children in Austin and she had quite a list.

  
“Jo says we are going to a big playground.” Castiel quirked an eyebrow at Jo.

  
“Mount Playmore,” Jo provided. Castiel remembered it from Jo’s list. Matthew would have fun at the giant indoor and outdoor playground.

  
“Wednesday, Dean is coming to visit us,” Castiel told the boy. Matthew’s eyes lit up.

  
“Really? Can he comes with us to see the bats?”

  
“If he wants to,” Castiel murmured, forgetting he promised Matthew he’d take him to see the bats emerging from beneath the Congress Bridge.

  
Castiel waited on the balcony with a glass of wine while Jo and Matthew changed for dinner. He took out his phone.

  
**Text to Dean/4:58 – Would you like to see the bats emerge on Wednesday night?**

  
Less than a minute passed before his phone chirped.

  
**Text from Dean/4:59 – Is that a euphemism?**

  
Castiel chuckled and typed back.

  
**Text to Dean/4:59 – No. Get your mind out of the gutter.**

  
Jo came to the door. “We’re ready.”

  
Castiel stood and took his wine glass into the room. His phone chirped again. He didn’t check it until they were in the elevator.

  
**Text from Dean/5:01 – It’s happy there.**

  
Castiel hid his smile. The man was ridiculous. He looked up from his phone and Jo was watching him. He cleared his throat. “Where do we want to eat tonight?”

  
“There’s an Indian restaurant close by,” Jo suggested.

  
Matthew looked up and opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel knew what was coming and headed it off. “You are thinking of Native Americans, Matthew. Indians are from India.”

  
He still looked confused and said, “Who fights with the cowboys then?”

  
“Native Americans were driven off their lands by the cavalry…” Castiel was set to go into his lecture when both Jo and Matthew rolled their eyes. “Sundays during football season, the Cowboys fight several NFL teams,” he stated matter-of-factly. He heard Jo groan and was still wearing his smug face when they stepped out of the hotel.

  
Jo pointed to the left and suggested they go on foot since it was only a ten minute walk according to the booklet in their room. Castiel knew he’d be carrying Matthew on the way back, but it was nice to stretch his legs. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, but this was family time and he could text with Dean later. As he finished off his goat curry, his phone vibrated again. A rush of pleasure went through him. Dean wanted to talk to him…wanted to get to know him. His teasing texts gave Castiel hope they could be more than friends.

  
“I don’t see how you can eat goat,” Jo complained as he popped the last morsel in his mouth.

  
“Don’t knock it until you try it. I first tasted it while I was in Jamaica photographing fire coral and Dasyatis Americana.” At her blank look, he corrected himself. “Southern Atlantic Stingray.”

  
Conversation turned to the marine life and cuisine of the Caribbean and soon the server brought their check.

  
***

  
Dean chuckled to himself when he typed out the words, It’s happy there. Yeah, so what if he was flirty. Dean imagined Cas’ smile. He frowned. Was he sending Cas mixed signals? He didn’t want to be one of those guys. Would Cas think this thing was all about sex?

  
He waited for Cas’ reply. A few minute went by.

  
**Text to Cas/5:10 – I’m up for seeing the bats.**

  
Time to get back on track. Friends. Bros. He waited.

  
**Text to Cas/5:20 – Hey, you still there?**

An hour later, he was still waiting and there was a sinking feeling in his stomach. What if he upset Cas by flirting?

  
**Text to Cas/6:19 – Did I piss you off? I didn’t mean anything by the whole flirting thing. We’re friends. Right?**

  
And he got nothing. He worked the bar, but his previous good mood was gone. He was cashing out the group of cougars at the end of the bar when he heard his phone chirp. The women had been coming on to him all night and he’d been friendly, but not encouraging. One of them had even been bold enough to write her number on a cocktail napkin. Ballsy. He actually liked that in a woman. She was a good fifteen years his senior, but she was attractive. He was about to tell her he got off at ten when his phone chirped again. He walked away and took it out.

  
**Text from Cas/7:45 – Sorry about that. We went out for dinner.**  
 **Text from Cas/7:46 – I am not angry, Dean.**

  
So, he didn’t piss Cas off. But the other man didn’t answer the friend question. He was over-analyzing this. Cas seemed like a shoot from the hip kind of guy. If he wasn’t interested, he let Dean know. Wouldn’t he? Where was Jimmy when he needed him? He imagined that conversation and almost laughed out loud.

  
_“So, do you think your brother likes me?”_

  
_“Define like, Winchester?”_

  
_“Like like-likes me?”_

  
_“What, are you twelve?”_

  
_“Don’t be an ass, Novak. Just answer the fuckin’ question.”_

  
_“Maybe? Fuck, I don’t know. Ask him yourself.”_

  
_“But you’re his twin. You know how he thinks.”_

  
_“Christ on a crutch, Winchester. Just grow a pair and ask him what he wants from this thing you’re both tap-dancing around.”_

  
_“I might not want to know the answer.”_

  
_“Fuck me sideways, Winchester. You’re freakin’ pathetic.”_

  
Okay, so, by the end of his imaginary conversation with his friend, Dean wasn’t smiling anymore. He was still processing the older women’s tabs and he looked down at the napkin next to the register. He wouldn’t be calling her. He wouldn’t be telling her what time he got off. He needed to man up and decide what he wanted. And an easy lay wasn’t it.

  
Tuesday, Dean got up and did his laundry and cleaned up Sam’s house. The place was a pigsty. Sam was already gone to audition a couple of new bands for the next few weekends. Live music pulled in a crowd and Sam made sure Fridays and Saturdays were booked with decent music. His shift started at four. In less than twenty-four hours, he’d be heading south to see Cas. Dean Winchester, soldier, leader, officer – was scared shitless. He felt inside his shirt and touched Jimmy’s dog tag. If his friend was listening, he hoped he’d help him through this.

  
Dean left the house at nine the following morning. He’d sent one brief text to Cas on Tuesday telling him what time he was leaving and how they would met up. Cas had responded telling him he didn’t get out of class until three on Wednesday, but he was welcome to go to the hotel and meet up with Jo and Matt. Cas had reserved him a room.

  
Once he was on the interstate, he opened his baby up, making the drive in just under three hours. He located the hotel and whistled when he pulled up to the entrance. The hotel looked like she belonged in the Civil War era. He grabbed his duffle and went straight to the reception desk. “I have a reservation for Winchester.”

  
The clerk smiled at him and clicked on her keyboard. “Dean Winchester?”

  
“Yes, ma’am.” Dean pulled out his wallet and passed his credit card over the counter.

  
“Oh, your room was paid for by Mr. Novak,” she informed him. Dean smiled and shook his head.

  
“I will thank Mr. Novak personally, but you can charge it to my card.” She stared at him for a few seconds and then accepted his card reluctantly. Once he was checked in and had his key, he took the elevator to the third floor. His room was classically elegant. For three hundred bucks, it better come with a masseuse and someone to read him a bedtime story.

  
Cas told him Jo and Matt were planning on spending the afternoon at some dinosaur park and Cas was supposed to meet them there after class. He called Jo’s phone number that Cas had given him. It rang twice before she picked up.

  
Ten minutes later, they were meeting in the lobby. Matt pulled away from Jo’s hand and ran across the tiled floor to be swept up in Dean’s arms. He hugged the boy tightly and realized he’d missed the kid. After catching up for a bit, the three got into the Impala. Dean was adamant about driving. The park was about twelve miles east of Austin. He spied the sigh and turned off the main road. Matt was practically bouncing in his booster seat. Dean assumed it would be pretty lame, but he found himself enjoying the park through Matt’s eyes. He and Jo took a fuckton of pictures of the boy.

  
After the hike through the park to see the life size replicas of the dinosaurs, they let Matt dig for fossils in the huge sandy area. They were finishing up there when Cas called. He was at the park entrance and wanted to know where to meet them. Dean stomach knotted.

  
They agreed to meet at the gift shop. Matt ran straight for the display of toy dinosaurs. Dean kept glancing through the glass door until he spotted Cas walking towards them. He was dressed like a professor. Khaki slacks, a black shirt and blue tie, all pulled together with a tan blazer. Dean’s mouth went dry. He’d never had a college professor that hot. Cas greeted Jo and Matt first and then turned to Dean.

  
“Hello, Dean.”

  
“Hey.” Jo conveniently took Matt’s hand and led him over to the fossil replicas available for purchase. Cas was looking into his eyes and Dean didn’t want to look away.

  
“I hope Matthew has been behaving himself.”

  
“He’s been great. He’s a good kid.”

  
Cas was the one to look away first. His eyes tracked Matt’s progress through the store. “I thought…if it’s okay with you…we could have dinner and then go to the Congress Bridge to watch the bats emerge.” Dean forgot to breath for a moment as Cas took off his blazer and tie. He tucked the tie into the pocket of the jacket and folded it over his arm.

  
Dean blinked and his mind went south. Cas was looking at him strangely and Dean pulled himself back to the conversation. “That’s cool. I’ve always wanted to see the bats.” Dean remembered the teasing texts from earlier in the week and felt his face heat. “Well…uhm…I promised Matt I’d buy him a Velociraptor.”

  
“I thought he’d prefer the Tyrannosaurus Rex,” Cas murmured, following closely behind Dean.

  
Dean turned. “No, man, the Velociraptors are badass. They were awesome in Jurassic Park. And I loved the way they trained them in Jurassic World. T-Rex’s just have big heads and little arms.” Dean laughed at his movie quote. Cas looked at him quizzically. “You know…from Meet the Robinsons?”

  
“Is that a movie?”

  
“Damn, Cas, you have a kid now. You need to get your nose out of books and watch movies.”

  
“I shall remember that, Dean.”

  
Dean helped Matt pick out the promised toy and Cas bought the boy a set of deep sea dinosaurs. Dean grinned at the marine biologist. He pointed to the set. “Bet the sea creatures weren’t nearly as cool as the ones on land.”

  
“I believe the Elasmosaurus was just as fierce as your Velociraptor, Dean.”

  
“Nope, a pack of Velociraptors would destroy your big fish. Right, Matt?”

  
“Right, Unca Dean.” Dean looked down at the boy. He’d called him Uncle Dean. It really didn’t mean anything. Cas was watching him, waiting for a reaction of some sort. Dean ruffled the boy’s hair.

  
Cas seemed to collect himself. “The Elasmosaurus was many times bigger than your puny lizard, Dean. It would take several to bring down this one.” Cas held up the package. “And then only if they could swim. I think your logic is skewed.”

  
“Whatever.” Dean rolled his eyes for Matt’s benefit. As they checked out, Dean realized the butterflies that he’d held captive in his stomach all day were gone. He could do this.


	13. Chapter 13

Seeing Dean again did things to Castiel’s insides. His palms were sweaty. Dean looked so good. Their night together came back in brilliant Technicolor. He wanted him. Not just his body, but the smile, the intelligence, the silly sense of humor, the way he talked to Matthew.

  
Matthew accepted Dean. When he called him Uncle Dean, he saw Dean’s face soften. The man blinked a couple of times before running his fingers through Matthew’s hair. It took Castiel a few seconds to speak. He covered his emotions with a short lecture about the Elasmosaurus.

  
Outside, in the parking lot, there was a bit of confusion about who was riding with who. Dean’s car had the booster seat in it and so Matthew rode with him. Jo rode with Castiel.

  
“He’s really nice,” Jo said, once they were on the road back to Austin.

  
“Who? Dean?”

  
“Of course, I was talking about Dean. I think he likes you.”

  
“I like him too,” Castiel replied softly.

  
“So, you gonna invite him back to Oahu?”

  
“It’s not like that, Jo. Dean lives here in Texas. He’s got a job now…a brother here. I’d like to think that we are friends…”

  
“Friends?” Jo cried out. “Seriously, Dude, friends don’t look at each other the way y’all look at each other.”

  
“Did you just call me ‘dude’?” Castiel asked as a way of deflecting the conversation.

  
“Sorry, Mr. Novak,” she mumbled, but she didn’t sound apologetic. Not that Castiel cared. He glanced in his rearview mirror. The black car was right behind him.

  
Back at the hotel, he gave his keys to the valet. Dean was getting out of the Impala. “Shall we take your car to dinner?”

  
“Yeah, we ready now? It’s kind of early.”

  
Castiel looked at his watch. It was a quarter past five. “We eat early because of Matthew.”

  
Dean glanced into the backseat and nodded. “Oh…right.” Castiel could not fault him for not being aware that small children needed a schedule. He didn’t know anything about kids when James entrusted him with Matthew. For the first few weeks, they ate at eight or nine at night and he’d let Matthew stay up until the boy would fall asleep in front of the television. James and Ellen were quick to educate him on the basics of child-rearing.

  
Jo got in the back with Matthew and Castiel took the passenger seat. The car was perfectly restored. He ran his hand over the dashboard. Dean grinned over at him. “Isn’t she beautiful?”

  
“She is. Did you do the restorations yourself?”

  
“Sure did. It took me over a year. She was my father’s car and when I got her, she was a mess. I got her going again and then got into a wreck about eight years ago. Totaled her, but I couldn’t let her go. It took a lot of money and hours to get it done a second time. Sam thinks I should keep her in a garage and only take her out for car shows, but hell, it’s like keeping the best china for company. You should enjoy what you have every day, because one day you might not be…” Dean trailed off and Castiel knew he was thinking about James.

  
“That is my philosophy on life as well, Dean. You never know what tomorrow will bring.”

  
“Yeah…well…where are we going to eat?” Dean changed the subject and Castiel was grateful.

  
“Jo?” To Dean, he added, “Jo has a list of restaurants she wants to try while we’re here.”

  
“That’s cool. So, Jo, where to?” Dean asked, pulling out into traffic.

  
“Freedmen’s. It’s on San Gabriel Street.” Castiel knew she was reading from the small notebook she kept in her purse. “It’s supposed to be the best barbeque around and they have something called a whiskey wall. We can eat outside if we want and everyone recommends the Holy Trinity Plate.

  
“Wait. Go back to the whiskey wall. What’s that?” Dean asked and Castiel gave him an amused look at the man’s obvious excitement.

  
“Hold on, let me Google,” Jo said. A minute ticked by. “Okay, so, it says there are over seventy-five bottles of whiskey from all over the world.”

  
“Sweet Baby Jesus, we’re going to heaven,” Dean murmured reverently.

  
Parking was problematic and Dean finally found a spot about a block away. The four of them got out of the car and began walking. About halfway there, Dean scooped up Matthew and plunked him down on his shoulders. Matthew squealed with delight.

  
The building didn’t look like much, but the smells of smoked meat made Castiel’s mouth water. They were seated outside at Jo’s request, but Dean wanted to see the Whiskey Wall. He grabbed Castiel’s arm and dragged him back inside. “There is a God,” he breathed out and Castiel laughed. Dean was staring at the shelves filled with beautiful bottles like a kid in a candy store.

  
“Can I get you something?” The bartender, an attractive man wearing a denim shirt, asked with a smile.

  
“What do you recommend?” Castiel inquired since Dean seemed to need a moment.

  
“For you, I’d recommend the Ol’ Schmokey. It suits you.” Castiel tilted his head, confused.

  
The bartender grinned. “Your voice, man. You should be doing radio. It’s smokey and hot.” His words got Dean’s attention and Castiel forced himself not to react as Dean’s hand came up to lightly rest on his lower back.

  
“I’ll have one of those then. Thank you,” Castiel said politely. “What about you, Dean? Decide yet?”

  
“Yeah, I’ll have the Michael Collins Single Malt.”

  
“Good choice, Sir.” The bartender began mixing Castiel’s drink first. He pulled down a bottle of Old Forester and added a dash of some liquid. At Castiel’s look, he explained, “Smoked orange, smoked pecan bitters and oak smoke.” When he was done, he brought down a bottle of amber liquid from the shelf. He poured it into a short tumbler of ice. “You want to run a tab?”

  
“Yes.” Castiel slid his American Express over the bar. “We are seated outside.”

  
They picked up their drinks and went back to their table. Matthew was engaged in a conversation with a pretty server. She looked up when the two men arrived. “Good evening. I’m Tiffany and I’ll be your server. Can I start you with an appetizer?”

  
***

  
Dean wasn’t a jealous person. So, the flare from the green-eyed monster was unexpected. The bartender was just being nice. After all, that’s his job. Compliment the customers and they bought more alcohol, right? But it was Cas he was complimenting. Dean went all possessive with the hand on Cas’ back. Cas probably thought he’d lost his mind. It didn’t prevent him from keeping his hand though. Nope, he kept it there until they stepped through the door to the outdoor seating.

  
They ordered their food and Dean found he was enjoying listening to Matt. The boy was pretty smart for his age. He liked the way Cas interacted with the kid too. Jimmy would be proud. Cas didn’t talk down to him and answered all his questions honestly.  
The Holy Trinity Plate was phenomenal. Dean ate the ribs, sausage and brisket with gusto. Jo got it too and Dean was amazed that the small girl put such a health dent in the meal. Cas had the chicken.

  
“Boring,” Dean teased. “Real men eat ribs, Cas.” Cas quirked an eyebrow up and Dean knew he’d have something to say about it if Matt wasn’t there.

  
Since he was driving, Dean didn’t have another whiskey, even though he wanted it. The one he had was smooth. He’d have to talk Sammy into stocking it. Cas had another one though. He ordered it from their server, so Dean didn’t have to go kick some bartender ass.

  
Cas paid for drinks and dinner, so Dean decided he’d pay for breakfast in the morning. He wasn’t the girl in this relationship. Not that they had a relationship…just friends…just friends…

  
The drive to Congress Bridge took about ten minutes. Dean found parking near the bridge and paid the six dollar fee. They still had about forty-five minutes before sundown, but Jo wanted to get a good spot on the bridge. Dean hoisted Matt up on his shoulders again and they trudged out onto the walkway. People were already gathering.

  
“Unca Daddy, where is the bats?”

  
“They are still under the bridge sleeping, Matthew. These are Mexican free-tailed bats and they are female. The males roost in other colonies.”

  
“You’re like a really cute Wikipedia,” Dean murmured in Cas’ ear. Jo heard though and snickered. She pulled out her cell phone and began typing rapidly.

  
“Puppies and kittens are cute, Dean,” Cas said dryly.

  
“Can we has a puppy, Unca Daddy?” Dean snorted. He wasn’t touching that conversation. He sat Matt down on his feet and mumbled something about going back to the information kiosk. Dean picked up a t-shirt for Matt and one for Jo, guessing her size. On the way back to the small group, Dean pulled out his phone and took a few pictures of them. The crowd was growing thicker and Dean was worried that Matt wouldn’t be able to see, so he picked him up again.

  
“Can you see alright, Buddy?”

  
“Uh huh, Unca Dean. I can sees.” And yeah, there was that fluttering in his chest again. He loved kids, but never gave a lot of thought to having his own. He watched Cas out of the corner of his eye. The other man was talking to Jo about bat babies. He really was a gorgeous guy. He almost wished he lived in Hawaii.

  
The sun was turning the sky into a glorious orange that faded into a million shades of pink. As if someone threw a switch, the crowd quieted. Dean heard it first – the tiny squeaking sounds. “Matt, listen.”

  
“I hear it,” Matt whispered, his hands gripped Dean’s hair. Dean winced. Dean saw a black shape flutter by and then more. Soon hundreds of bats emerged from under the bridge, swooping and squeaking. It seemed to take forever. Matt was awestruck. Cas grinned at him and Dean smiled back. As the stragglers finally took flight, Dean spread his arms like wings. Matt giggled and did the same. He didn’t notice Cas taking the picture.

  
By the time the crowds thinned and they got to the car, it was dark. Matt was almost asleep in his arms and Cas reached out. “Let me carry him for awhile, Dean. He gets heavy.” Dean didn’t complain. His arms were a bit tired. Cas buckled the yawning child into his seat and the adults got into the car. It was a quiet ride back to the hotel. Seeing such a beautiful, natural phenomenon made Dean want to reflect on life. He wanted to find someone to have more moments like this with. Little things he took for granted, like waking on a lazy Sunday morning…he took it for granted, but sharing it with another person… He looked at his passenger. What would it be like to wake up beside Cas every morning? He swallowed hard. It was a pipe dream. Cas had a life in Hawaii. He was rich and famous. Dean was an ex-soldier…a freakin’ bartender. He didn’t have anything to offer.

  
When the elevator stopped on the third floor, Dean turned to say goodnight, but they all trooped out. “Jo, can you take him, please?” Cas asked and Jo nodded. She reached out her arms and took the now sleeping boy. She continued to walk down the hall. When she was several yards away, Cas spoke softly. “Where is your room, Dean?”

  
“Uhm, 309,” Dean pointed stupidly. Did Cas want to have sex? Dean hadn’t prepared for that. Oh, yeah, he’d hoped, but after their evening, he’d put it on the back burner. He fumbled with the cardkey. It took three tries because the first two it was upside down. Real smooth, Winchester. He swore he heard Jimmy’s voice.

  
Inside the room, Dean stood stiffly staring wide-eyed at the bed. The only person he’d slept with in a year and a half is standing right behind him. Right. Behind. Him. He spun around and Cas took a step backwards. “Dean, are you okay?”

  
“Uh, yeah, sure…” Nervously, Dean began to unbutton his shirt. Cas raised an eyebrow.

  
“Dean, I didn’t come to your room to have sex with you.” Dean’s hands froze. Shit.

  
“Yeah, I knew that. I was just…going to change…shirts.” Cas’ lips twitched and he turned away. Fucker. “I’m glad you think this is funny, Cas.”

  
“I don’t. Really.” He sure looked smug though. Dean growled and pulled two beers out of the mini-fridge. They would probably cost him ten bucks each, but he needed something to d with his hands. He sat on the edge of the bed.

  
“So, what did you want to do? I’m fresh out of board games.”

  
Cas loosened his tie and sat down next to Dean. “I’m floundering here, Dean. I’m attracted to you, but a relationship between us would be complicated, even if you were agreeable. I want us to be friends and I’m hoping you can remain in Matthew’s life. As much as I do want you sexually, I’m not going to settle anymore. I want someone to come home to…someone to wake up with every morning…someone to help me raise Matthew. He’s my responsibility now and I have to make sure his needs come first.”

Throughout his whole speech, Cas stared at his hands clasped between his knees.

  
Dean didn’t speak for a few moments. He had to let Cas’ words sink in. “Can I ask you something?”

  
Cas looked up and nodded. “Sure.”

  
“If I lived in Hawaii, would you risk dating me?”

  
“Yes.” There was no hesitation and that spoke volumes to Dean.

  
“That’s cool. I’d like to date you too…that is…if I lived in Hawaii. And I’d like to be a part of Matt’s life. He’s a great kid, Cas. Jimmy would be proud of how you are with him.”

  
“You really think so? Sometimes, I feel overwhelmed. He has so much energy and asks so many questions. I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up.”

  
Dean put his hand on Cas’ arm. “Even biological parents fuck up, Cas. If you are anything close to the man Jimmy thought you were, you’ll be fine. He had faith in you. And hell, so do I.”

  
“Thank you, Dean. That means a lot.” Cas stopped talking, but Dean sensed he had something else to say. Cas’ hands smoothed down the crease of his slacks. “Sometimes, I think you knew James better than I did,” he whispered.

  
Dean lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, searching for the right words. Cas shifted so he could see Dean, drawing one knee up. “Jimmy was always ready with a joke, ya know? He made me laugh. When he was serious though, all he talked about was you and Matt.”

  
Cas let his body fall backwards so that he was lying next to Dean. “He never let me shorten his name. I tried to call him Jim once.”

  
Dean chuckled softly. “I called him Jimmy his first day at camp. He hated it. Soon, all the guys were using it. Eventually, he just went with it. I think it made him feel like one of the guys. We all knew each other and Jimmy didn’t think he fit in with us. We were rowdy and obnoxious. Jimmy was all West Point and proper. The men loved him though. He told me once that knowing they liked him made him humble. Those men would have taken a bullet for Jimmy…and he felt the same. And basically, that’s what happened. He died for his men.” Dean felt Cas’ knuckles brush against his. He turned his head and saw a single tear leak from the corner of Cas’ eye and roll down to his hairline. Dean’s hand lifted to brush it away, but stopped himself.

  
“I am so proud of him,” Cas said softly.

  
“Yeah, well, it was mutual.” The silence was comfortable. Neither man felt the need to fill it. Dean let his eyes close.

  
“Do you ever think about settling down with someone?” Dean raked his teeth over his lower lip, giving himself a second to think about his answer.

  
“Yeah. For a long time…when I was in the Army, I didn’t want to put anyone through that. Military spouses have it hard. I wanted it, but didn’t let myself look for it. Does that make sense?”

  
“Of course, Dean. I worried about James when he was deployed. I would imagine it would be doubly hard on a spouse.”

  
“But now…now that I’m out…I don’t know…I want the whole thing. Breakfasts, Sunday mornings in bed, kids, a dog… Damn it, I sound like a Goddamn girl.”

  
“No one is going to revoke your man card, Dean.” Dean huffed out a bark of laughter and elbowed Cas in the ribs. “Yeah, well what about you, Asshole. What are you looking for?”

  
Cas let out a long exhale. “Someone to share in raising Matthew. Someone who will treat Matthew like his own son. Someone to kiss good morning. Someone to travel with me. A person I can lie in bed and talk to until the wee hours of the morning…” Cas’ voice faded. Dean didn’t dare speak. Isn’t that what they were doing? Dean’s hands clenched and unclenched. Did Cas see Dean as that special someone? Finally, he got the nerve to turn his head. Cas’ eyes were closed. When he resumed talking, his voice was barely audible. “Someone I could show my world to…the beautiful colors under the ocean…” Cas’ breathing even out. The man was asleep. A smile touched Dean’s lips. He closed his eyes, just wanting this to last a little while longer before waking Cas so he could go to his own room.

  
***

  
Castiel was startled out of a very lucid dream by the alarm on his phone. He sat bolt upright, sending Dean’s arms dropping to the mattress. He looked around wildly, stopping the loud buzzing quickly. Dean grumbled and reached for him again. They must have fallen asleep. He remembered their conversation. They’d shared intimate thoughts with each other. He’d been wrapped in Dean’s arms. Castiel wanted to sink back to the mattress and let his body melt into Dean’s once more. He gazed down at the other man. His lashes fanned across his cheeks. Cas tentatively reached out a finger. He lightly touched Dean’s freckles. Did Dean even know how beautiful he really was? Could he feel Cas’ desire for him?

  
He pulled his hand back and sighed as he stood up. “Dean.” He wasn’t about to have another misunderstanding. Dean didn’t move. “Dean,” he said a little louder. Dean opened one eye with a soft groan.

  
“Wha?” Castiel had an ‘ahhh’ moment at Dean’s sleepy eyed look.

  
“Dean, I have to go get ready for class. I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye.” Dean struggled to sit up.

  
“Okay…yeah…” He rubbed his hands over his face and blinked a couple of times. He stood up and hid a yawn. “So…class…”

  
Taking pity on the incoherent man, Castiel spoke slow and concise. “I’m going to my room to shower and get ready for class. I don’t get out until later this afternoon. I’m sure Matthew would enjoy having breakfast with you before you head back to Dallas.”  
“Guess we won’t be seeing each other again…” Dean’s hand went to the back of his neck and he looked away.

  
“Did you want to see me again, Dean?” Castiel held his breath.

  
Dean’s eyes met his. He seemed to be struggling with what he wanted to say. Castiel shuffled from one foot to the other. “I’d like that, Cas.”

  
Castiel’s mind raced to put together a plan. “Next month, I’m going to the Baja Peninsula to photograph sharks for the Ocean Institute. You could come with me. I’ll be using one of their vessels, but bringing my own crew.” Castiel winced as his eager tone.

  
Dean’s wide smile eased his worries. “Cool. You don’t think they’d mind if I came along?”

  
“Not at all.” Castiel returned the smile. “I can text you the details.”

  
“Great. Or you could just call…texts are fine though.” Dean was blushing. He was actually blushing and Castiel wanted to kiss him. He backed up a few steps.

  
“Good. I will call you. Goodbye, Dean. Please be careful driving home.”

  
“Sure, Cas. Bye.” He threw up his hand in a wave and Castiel let the door click behind him. He leaned on it, taking a deep breath – and then another. He really didn’t remember the walk back to his suite. Matthew and Jo were still asleep. With Matthew in his bed, he was very quiet as he prepared for his day. Thirty minutes later, he slipped out of the room and caught the elevator.

  
His first lecture on the tracking of sea turtles lasted until lunch. Professor Henrickson met him at the door to his room. “Lunch?”

  
“Yes. Thank you.” The two men walked across the lawn towards the same place as they ate before. Castiel got a salad and picked at it. He wondered if Dean was on the road yet. He was so focused on his thoughts that he didn’t realized the professor was talking to him until he laughed at Castiel.

  
“Should I start calling you the ‘Absent Minded Professor’?”

  
“I apologize. A…friend…is driving back to Dallas today. I was wondering if he’d left already.”

  
“No need to apologize, Castiel.” Castiel did his best to be a better meal companion after that. His next lecture, a panel discussion with two other professors, on the Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill, was to start at one. He had fifteen minutes of free time. He found a secluded area right outside the hall and started to text Dean. With only two words typed, he decided to call instead. If Dean was on the road, a call would be safer for him.

  
“Hiya, Cas.”

  
“Hello, Dean. Are you home yet?”

  
“No, but close. I had breakfast with Matt and Jo and hung out with them for a while. Right now, I’m about forty miles south of Dallas.”

  
“I can’t talk long. I have a panel discussion in a few minutes, but I just wanted to make sure you were safely on your way.”

  
Dean chuckled. “Yeah, Cas, I’m safely on my way. What’s your discussion about?”

  
“The effects of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill and its effect on marine life.”

  
“That happened back in 2010, didn’t it?”

  
“Yes. I dove the structure a month after it happened. It was horrific.”

  
“Damn, Cas. You’re pretty awesome, you know that?” Castiel was confused. Why did diving on a defunct oil well make him awesome?

  
“Thank you, Dean, but I’m not anything special.”

  
“Yeah, you are, Cas. You travel the world taking freakin’ amazing pictures, you do all this stuff to save the oceans, you’re a guest lecturer and you’re raising a terrific kid. That makes you awesome in my book, Dude.”

  
“Dean…” Castiel started.

  
“Get to class, Professor. Talk to you soon.” He hung up. Castiel stared at his phone. Dean thought he was awesome. Smiling, he walked back into the building.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I humbly apologize for the delay in updating. I went on a business trip and planned to get a lot of writing done in airports and on the planes, but at the TSA gate, my laptop got switched with someone else's and so....best laid plans and all that.
> 
> I did get a pretty decent prompt out of the experience. Stay tuned.

Dean didn’t go back to sleep after Cas left, even if it was the buttcrack of dawn. He undressed down to his underwear and got under the covers. He really couldn’t believe he’d fallen asleep in his clothes. He checked email and sent a text to Sam before setting his phone on the nightstand. He smiled to himself. Cas was so freakin’ adorable in the morning. His normally untamed hair was standing on end and his sleepy eyes did things to Dean’s libido. And speaking of libido…Dean trailed his fingers down his happy trail and under the waistband of his boxers. His cock was semi-hard and a few strokes of his hand was all it took to get it fully erect. With a frustrated sigh, he shoved his boxers down to mid-thigh. He used his left hand to cup his balls, rolling them in his palm, as his other moved up and down his shaft. He closed his eyes and pictured Cas. Blue eyes blown with lust, that hot, gravelly voice of his saying all kinds of dirty things. He used this thumb to smear the precum over the head, making the glide a bit easier. His fantasy continued. Cas leaning over him, Dean’s legs over his shoulders, driving into Dean over and over. Fucking him harder and harder until Dean can only hang on for the ride, muscles too weak to work anymore. His hand moved down under his sac, pressing at the male version of the g-spot. His right hand was moving faster, bringing him closer to release. Back arched, Dean hissed and spilled over his belly.

  
His heart thudded in his chest and he relaxed into the bedding. A minute ticked by and the cum on his stomach began to cool and get uncomfortable. Dean grimaced and sat up. “Shower time,” he mumbled to himself.

  
Once he was ready to face the day, he called Cas’ suite. Jo answered and agreed to meet him downstairs with Matt for breakfast. Dean ordered pancakes and bacon. Jo ordered a smoothie that made Dean wrinkle his lip in disgust, but when she ordered oatmeal for Matt, he put his foot down.

  
“No way is he eating oatmeal. He’s a growing boy. Matt, you want pancakes?”

  
“Uh huh, Unca Dean. I love pancakes.” Dean gave Jo a superior look and she rolled her eyes.

  
Dean asked Jo about her college classes and how she liked working for Cas. The young woman seemed to think the sun rose and set on Castiel Novak. He couldn’t help fishing for information and tried not to feel guilty about it. “So, he ever lose his temper?”  
“Mr. Novak? Oh, yeah, he yells sometimes, but once he’s done, he’s done. He’s not like some people who hold grudges. I’ve never been on the receiving end – mostly his crew gets the rough stuff. He wants everything perfect because he worries about everyone’s safety. Someone forget to fill half the scuba tanks once and they were about ten miles out. Mr. Novak lost his sh…” she looked down at Matt and blushed. “…his temper.”

  
“You go on the dive trips?” Dean asked between bites of his breakfast. Matt wasn’t paying much attention to them. The child’s focus was on the service dog seated a few tables over.

  
“I’ve only been once. He needed me to help with Matthew. It was amazing though. His pictures are just so…”

  
“Awesome,” supplied Dean. She grinned and nodded her agreement. “He invited me to go on a dive with him.”

  
“Really? You will have a blast.” She made sure Matt was still enthralled with the dog before whispering, “Are you and Mr. Novak…dating?”

  
“No. Our current living arrangements would make that impossible. I just think we could be friends.” Dean wasn’t about to tell the girl anything that happened between him and Cas. What happened in Kansas, stayed in Kansas.

  
Dean steered the conversation to Matt, drawing the boy’s attention back to his breakfast. Matt gobbled up the syrup drenched pancakes like a champ. Jo groaned as Dean poured syrup on the child’s bacon and had him taste the ‘maple goodness of pork’.

  
As much as Dean would have liked to go to the Hamilton Pool with them, he had to get back to Dallas. His laundry awaited him and he needed to get some groceries for Sam’s house. The man ate like a fuckin’ hamster and Dean needed red meat, pork and snack food. He hugged Jo goodbye and picked up Matt. “Hey, Buddy, be good for your uncle, okay?”

  
“Okay,” Matt said solemnly. Dean kissed his forehead and sat him down next to Jo. It wasn’t until he was in his car that he realized leaving Matt had been painful.

  
He was about forty-five minutes from Dallas when his phone rang. He fumbled with the thing and saw it was Cas. He smiled and answered, “Hiya, Cas.”

  
They talked for a few minutes and Dean was impressed by Cas’ upcoming lecture. He was a washed up soldier and Cas was a famous professor, writer and photographer. It was an unlikely friendship, but Dean would take it. Maybe some of Cas’ awesomeness would rub off on him. He’d told Cas he was awesome, but the man seemed to want to argue with him about it, so Dean cut him off and told him to get to class. Dean was still wearing a stupid smile when he took the exit ramp into Dallas.

  
***

  
Castiel finished up his week of lectures and the three prepared for their long flight home. Dean had kept in touch with a steady stream of selfies, random texts and an occasional phone call. Like Pavlov’s dog, Castiel smiled every single time his phone chirped. While nothing had been said about taking their budding friendship to the next level, Dean did flirt shamelessly with him. It was nothing blatantly sexual, but there was some innuendo that was hard to ignore. And some were just bad.

  
**Text to Dean/3:47 – Getting ready to board.**  
**Text from Dean/3:48 – I’d let you enter my cabin any day, Dude.**  
**Text to Dean/3:49 – Does that sort of line work on anyone, Dean?**  
**Text from Dean/3:50 – With enough alcohol, I’m considered suave.**  
**Text to Dean/3:51 – Remind me to order a drink from the flight attendant then.**  
**Text from Dean/3:52 – That’s cold, man.**

The flight home was long and traveling with a child wasn’t always pleasant. Midway over the Pacific, Matthew became whiny and refused to take a nap. Nothing Castiel or Jo could do would stop the temper tantrum that followed. By the time they were cleared for landing, everyone on the plane wanted to throw Castiel and Matthew into the ocean. Matthew fell asleep during the final approach and Castiel avoided all the other passengers’ glares as he disembarked with the boy in his arms.

In the two weeks since his lecture series ended, Castiel and Dean sent texts back and forth several times a day. Dean would send silly pictures of himself and Castiel secretly treasured them. Dean seemed excited for the upcoming trip and informed Castiel that he was taking scuba lessons. Castiel didn’t let on how excited he was that Dean wanted to enter his world.

Ellen teased him unmercifully about Dean, thanks to Jo’s running commentary about the trip to Austin and Dean’s visit to see them. Castiel assured her they were just friends.

The date of the trip drew closer and Castiel stayed busy inventorying equipment to be shipped and supplies to be bought once they landed. They would be landing on Isla de Cedros, an island just off the coast of the Baja Peninsula. The research vessel, on loan from the NOAA, was waiting for them there.

Castiel flew in on Tuesday to get everything ready. He met with Dr. Roche, a marine biologist from the Pacific Shark Research Center. The other man would be tagging sharks in the area to track growth and migration. Castiel was to photograph and assist. His crew was already on board the vessel. The NOAA’s boat was captained by a small man named Garth Fitzgerald. Dr. Roche also brought along his crew. All in all, with Dean, the boat would house twenty men and women.  
Wednesday was spent on the boat cataloging supplies and settling into their living quarters. Castiel’s cabin held two bunks. Dean would be in with him. Castiel found himself glancing at the time frequently as the sun began to set. Dean’s plane would be landing at nine. Before Castiel left Oahu, he’d sent Dean a list of things to bring along. Cas was nervous. Their texts and phone conversations had become personal and in some instances, very deep. It was easy to talk when you weren’t face to face with someone. Would the playful camaraderie disappear?

The drive to the airport in the open Jeep wasn’t long enough to calm Castiel’s nerves. It didn’t help that one of Doctor Roche’s interns, Bela Talbot, begged to ride along. Castiel hadn’t elaborated on Dean’s role with the crew. When asked, he described Dean as an extra diver and associate. It was no one’s business. Miss Talbot was pushy. He didn’t like her, but refusing to allow her to go would seem petty. Her attempts at flirtation were met with slow blinks and slight shakes of his head. His crew was well aware of his sexual orientation and he knew Balthazar knew he was gay. After all, they studied together one summer at the Oceanic Institute. She would find out soon enough that her advances weren’t wanted.

The intern followed Castiel into the small terminal. Castiel stood at the window and waited until he saw approaching lights from the north. Dean was almost here. His palms grew sweaty and he wiped them on his cargo shorts.

The intern had wandered off to the gift shop, so Castiel could have his mild attack of nerves in silent dignity. The plane landed and taxied down the runway. Castiel watched as the steps were rolled to the door and finally, the door opened. Passengers began to disembark. Dean stepped out, dressed in jeans and a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Damn, he looked good.

As they made their way into the terminal, Castiel felt a moment of indecision. Did he hug Dean? Shake his hand? Nod a greeting? Dean took the decision out of his hands by dropping his carry-on and pulling Castiel in for a crushing hug. “Heya, Cas.” Dean’s eyes twinkled in the flickering fluorescent bulbs of the airport and his grin was infectious.

“I’m glad you are here, Dean. I think you will enjoy this experience.” God, he sounded so uptight. Bela picked that moment to meander over to them.

“Dr. Novak, is this our missing crew member?” She positively purred and her eyes looked at Dean in a predatory way. Jesus, was the woman that needy for a man? She made a barracuda look like a guppy.

“This is Dean Winchester. He is part of my team,” Castiel said stiffly. And if he emphasized the word ‘my’, so be it. “Dean, this is Bela Talbot, one of the interns on board.”

Oblivious to Bela’s desire to mate, Dean nodded politely and mumbled a quick ‘nice to meet you’, before ambling over to the baggage carousel. Castiel was pleased to see Dean’s brand new gear bag. He’d sent a picture to Castiel of his certification from Open Water class.  
Ignoring Bela, Castiel helped Dean with his bags and they made their way out in to the warm night air. They stowed Dean’s gear in the back of the Jeep and Dean took shotgun after Castiel sent Bela a warning glare.

***

Dean walked into the bar on Thursday afternoon with a purpose. That morning, he’d signed up for a dive class. Between the class and the gear he’d need, his credit card took an eight hundred dollar hit, but he was excited to start.

With his classes in the mornings and his work schedule, Dean was worn out, but he still managed to find time to talk to Cas. And yeah, he flirted. When he sent bad pick-up lines to Cas by text, he would imagine Cas’ smile and it always made him smile. Of course, he would then frown, because damn it, men didn’t go around making googily eyes at their phones.

As the days passed, Dean marked the calendar in the kitchen with a big red ‘X’. He spoke with Cas almost daily and they sent texts several times a day. Dean loved taking selfies of himself doing random silly faces just to see Cas’ response.

The day finally arrived. Dean’s new gear bag was packed with his diving equipment and his carry-on was stuffed with shorts and t-shirts. Cas gave him a short list of stuff he’d need and it all fit in a duffle and a backpack. Sam drove him to the airport. They hadn’t discussed his visit to Austin, but he felt Sam supported him in this…whatever this was with Cas.

Dean had to promise Sam he’d be careful and not play with any sharks before he could board the plane. Over-protective shit. That was supposed to be his job as the big brother, not Sam’s.

As the captain informed them of their impending arrival, Dean began to get nervous. Over the last few weeks, they’d become friends…close friends, but the conversations hadn’t been face to face. Would Cas pick up on his desire? If he did, how would he feel about it? In that hotel bed, they both made their wants and needs known, but they never talked about trying a relationship. A long distance relationship. Four thousand miles between them. It would never work.

From the window, Dean saw the runway lights. The twin engine plane jolted as its wheels hit the tarmac. Dean stood as soon as the engine died. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and grabbed hold of his duffle. It seemed to take forever for the ground crew to wheel the stairs to the doorway.

Inside the cool air of the terminal, Dean spied Cas right away. He grinned and dropped his bag, enveloping the man in a fierce hug. Dean couldn’t take his eyes of Cas. He was wearing baggy cargo shorts and Dean had a sudden image of those muscular runner’s legs wrapped around him. He barely registered Cas’ introduction of some intern. Betty?

Seeing Cas behind the wheel of the Jeep, wind blowing his hair, Dean was once again struck by what a beautiful man he was. Beautiful wasn’t a word Dean would normally use to describe a man, but in Cas’ case…

“We’ll be spending the night on the boat and will be leaving at first light,” Cas was saying. Dean nodded and was about to ask about sleeping arrangements, when Becky…Betty…put her hand on his shoulder from the backseat.

“We have an extra bunk in our quarters, Dean,” she yelled over the wind whipping across the Jeep.

“Dean is bunking with me, Bela,” Cas yelled back. Dean saw the man’s hands tighten on the wheel and he looked like he wanted to smite someone. Interesting. Dean glanced back at the now pouting intern and pursed his lips as he faced forward again. Was Cas jealous? Very interesting indeed.

Cas drove the Jeep out to a dock. Dean inhaled the scent of salt air, the tang of fish and diesel fuel. A large, white boat was moored about a fifty yards out. It was lit along its deck with white lights. Cas dropped Dean’s bags into a small skiff. Dean, ever the officer and gentleman, held out his hand to Bela and helped her into the boat. He hid his smile at Cas’ steely glare.

The small engine was loud in the quiet of the small cove, but the ride out took less than a minute. Cas expertly pulled the skiff next to the larger vessel and made short work of tying off. Dean boosted Bela up the ladder and he followed. Cas passed his bags up to him and he deposited them on the deck. Once Cas was aboard, Cas led the way into a hatch. The doorway opened into a large room with two long tables. “This is the mess hall. We also meet here to discuss the day’s assignments.”

There were a few people sitting at one of the tables playing what looked like Cards Against Humanity. They all looked up. Cas pointed to each in turn. “Charlie is my equipment specialist, Meg is my videographer, Kevin and Claire are interns, Harry is Dr. Roche’s logistics coordinator and Chuck is the crane and sling operator. Everyone, this is Dean Winchester.” They all greeted him and Cas continued on his way. Bela drifted off and Dean was secretly glad. She creeped him out with her constant touching.

“Our cabin is in here,” Cas said, pushing open a door and stepping aside. “I have settled into the bottom bunk, but if you prefer it, we can switch.”

“Nah, I’m good with being on top.” Dean hadn’t meant it the way it sounded, but Cas’ face was priceless. The man’s eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “But you know, bottom is just as good.”

“I shall remember you have no preference,” Cas said straight-faced, but Dean could see the corners of his mouth pulling upwards.  
The cabin was small. Two bunks and a desk – about the size of a walk-in closet. Dean placed his backpack on the top bunk and looked around for a place to stash his bag. Cas opened a small cabinet. “You can stow your things in here. Your dive gear can be stored with mine out on the deck. I’ll let you unpack and you can just meet me in the mess hall.” Cas picked up his dive bag and disappeared out the door. Dean rested his forehead on the bunk’s railing. How was he going to keep from going insane with Cas in such close proximity?


	15. Chapter 15

Castiel could not escape his cabin fast enough. What had he been thinking by inviting Dean along? Their attraction wasn’t fading, in fact, it was becoming more apparent that it was growing stronger.

Once on deck, Castiel stowed Dean’s dive gear alongside his own in the compartments near the stern. Several of the boat’s crew were milling around. He’d been on this boat a number of times, so he was familiar with the captain and his men. He threw up his hand in greeting.

“Hey, Doc,” the first mate, Benny, called out. Castiel winced. While he held a Doctorate of Marine Biology, he hated the term doctor. It seemed pretentious.

“Good evening, Benny. And it’s Castiel.” Benny just grinned.

Torn between wanting to spend time with Dean and dreading being near the attractive man, Castiel took his time returning to the cabin. He strolled through the mess hall. The same group of people were still playing cards and Charlie beckoned him over. “So, tell us about the new guy, Boss.”

Six pairs of eyes looked at him and all coherent thought left his brain. “Uhm. Dean.”

Charlie’s laugh was musical. “Yes, you did introduce him. We know his name. What’s his story? He looks a bit old to be a student, not that he’s old or anything and I suppose anyone could be a student…” Her cheeks were tinged with pink as she attempted to backtrack.

Castiel smiled nervously. “No, he’s not a student. He is a military veteran, a friend of my brother’s and I just thought he’d like to see what I do…what we do,” he corrected quickly. Charlie’s eyes took on a calculating gleam and Castiel made a hasty retreat.

When he opened the cabin door, Dean was sitting on the lower bunk checking his phone. He looked up. “Heya, Cas. Reception sucks.”

“Yes. Once we get out in open water, your phone won’t be of use. I should have mentioned that. We do have a radio on board for emergencies.”

“I’m not worried. I can go without email and social media for a few days.” He stood and stretched. “I don’t know about you, but I’m beat.”

“Of course. The head is just around the corner,” Castiel said, gesturing towards the door. He watched Dean grab his shaving kit and a bundle of clothing and disappear out the door. Castiel quickly took off his clothes and pulled on a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt. Even though the men’s head was big enough for a three grown men to shower, use the toilet or brush their teeth, Castiel decided to wait until Dean returned to do his own nightly routine.

A few minutes later, the door opened and Dean entered. He was wearing a pair of black pajama pants with the batman emblem scattered over them. Castiel smirked. “Batman?”

“I am Batman,” Dean said, face a mask of seriousness.

“Uh huh,” Castiel muttered with a roll of his eyes.

“It’s true. Have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?” Dean’s was the face of innocence and Castiel could not help bursting into laughter. He took his own shaving kit and exited the room, still laughing.

He was putting his toothbrush back into its travel holder when Balthazar entered the shower wearing nothing but a towel. “Hello, Darling. Talk on the boat is that your new protégée is hot.”

“Let me guess. Bela.”

“Well, of course, she’s hot for him. She’d be hot for a male shark if she could figure out how to get him in her bed.” Balthazar dropped his towel and leaned over to turn on one of the three showers. Castiel averted his eyes. Balthazar would find a way to tease Castiel if he caught him looking. Their friendship ran deep and while his friend swung both ways, they’d never crossed that line. “So, spill. You never bring anyone extra on trips.”

“I brought Matthew and Jo.” Balthazar looked down his regal nose at him. Still buck naked. Castiel’s eyes never moved from his friend’s face. “Okay, Dean is…was a friend of James’. He came to see me in Hawaii and we have become…friends.” Castiel could have kicked himself at the slight hesitation.

Balthazar’s eyes lit up. “Oh, goodie. Castiel’s got a boyfriend,” he crowed loudly.

“Shhhh. Jesus, Zar, can you just…not tell everyone on the fucking boat? And he’s not my boyfriend. We are friends.”

“You’ve slept with him though?”  
“Shouldn’t you be showering or something?” Castiel knew he sounded testy, but he didn’t want to have this discussion where anyone could just walk in.

“Very well, but keep your eyes on Bela. She’s a wildcat.”

“She crosses me and we may enter port with one person short,” Castiel mumbled, but it was loud enough for Balthazar to catch it and he roared with laughter.

“The green-eyed monster is showing, Darling.” Balthazar pulled the shower curtain closed behind him. Castiel made his way back to the cabin. It was going to be a long trip.

When Castiel turned out the lights ten minutes later, both men were quiet. He could hear Dean shifting around above him, trying to get comfortable and then all was silent. It took awhile for Castiel to sleep. He listened to Dean’s soft snores for a long time.

***  
Dean woke to the throb of a big engine and movement. He opened his eyes and stared at a riveted ceiling right above his head. Where was…oh…ohhhhh. He leaned over and peered into the bottom bunk. It was empty and neatly made. He rolled out of the bed and opened his cabinet to find some clothes. It only took him ten minutes to dress in cargo shorts and a t-shirt and brush his teeth. Making his way topside, he stepped out on deck. The sun was glaring off the azure water and after a quick glance, Dean realized he couldn’t see land. He wondered how long it had been since they left the dock.

“Dean.” Dean turned and saw Cas standing with a bunch of other people near the bridge. He waved and climbed up the ladder. When he got to the top, he noticed there were more people than he thought. He recognized some from the night before, but most were strangers. Cas came forward. “Come on up, we were just having a safety briefing. I’ll introduce you to everyone.” Dean followed him to where everyone else was standing. “Everyone, this is Dean Winchester. He will be joining us on this dive. Dean, this is Captain Fitzgerald.”

A wiry man came forward and held out his hand. “It’s Garth. Welcome aboard the She-Devil.”

“And this is his first mate, Benny.” The big man nodded. “Adam, Ash, Samuel, Alistair and our cook, Rufus.” Dean acknowledge each one.

“Doctor Balthazar Roche and his team, Cain, Gordon, Ed, and you met Harry, Chuck and Bela last night.” Dean picked up on Cas’ cool tone when he said Bela’s name. Dean took quick note that the majority of the girls wore shorts and bikini tops. Bela was not wearing shorts and her bathing suit was just this side of being x-rated.

“And my team, you met last night, Charlie, Meg, Kevin and Claire.”

“Okay, now that the niceties are out of the way, let’s move on,” the one Cas called Doctor Roche said. He waved everyone over to a large map spread out on a table. While everyone gathered around, Dean’s eyes drifted to the bridge. No one was steering the boat and he tugged on Cas’ arm. Cas turned.

“Cas, uhm…does this tub have an auto-pilot?” Dean motioned towards the large, unattended wheel.

Cas smiled softly. “Yes, the She-Devil is a very expensive vessel. Garth set our heading early this morning. Don’t worry, he’s keeping his eye out for other boats.”

They joined the others. Roche was pointing to a spot on the map. “We’ll drop anchor here first. It’s about 400 meters. We’ll set up to do tagging there. We are looking for juveniles, four foot or less. Garth’s men will bait them in for us and get them out of the water. Castiel will be in the water doing his thing and Meg will be filming. Any questions?” Dean listened with a growing sense of dread. Cas would be in the water with sharks. He understood what Cas did for a living. He got it, but now, on this boat, it was becoming reality for Dean. He felt queasy all of a sudden.

“Dean? Are you okay?” Cas was looking at him strangely and Dean gave him a weak smile.

“Yeah, just hungry.” Dean wasn’t the least bit hungry at that moment in time, but it seemed like a good excuse to cover that sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Rufus probably has breakfast going. Let’s head to the mess hall.” Cas led the way down the ladder. Most of the team followed behind them.

The meal was served buffet style and Dean took a small portion of eggs, potatoes and bacon. Cas took a cup of yogurt and some fruit. “That all you having?”

“I don’t eat heavy before a dive,” Cas replied before taking a seat at one of the long tables. The table filled and Dean didn’t have a chance to talk to Cas alone again until they were dropping anchor. Dean stood on deck watching the boat’s crew throwing bloody fish into the water. Everyone seemed to have a purpose and Dean felt like he was in the way, even though no one mentioned it.

He saw his chance to talk to Cas when the other man began stripping off his shirt. “Heya, Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?” Cas looked up, shirt still in his hands. For a second, Dean could only stare at the man’s chest. God, he was beautiful.

“Is this safe?” Dean felt like a fool for just blurting it out like that.

“Is what safe, Dean?” Cas looked perplexed.

“Tossing blood in the water and jumping in to take pictures of sharks…Jeez.” Dean stared out at the lightly rolling ocean around them, fists clinched at his sides.

“Dean…” Cas’ voice was gentle. “I’ve been doing this for years. I take precautions. We all do. Yes, it can be dangerous and I won’t put you in the water during a tagging session.” Dean felt the brush of Cas’ fingers on his arm and he finally turned his head to meet Cas’ eyes. “Don’t worry.”

“Easy for you to say,” Dean muttered, but he managed to return Cas’ smile. Cas tilted his head as their eyes met and held.

“Someone’s gonna burn,” Charlie sang out, startling them both. She held up a bottle of sunscreen and poked a finger on the pink skin of Dean’s shoulders. Dean took the bottle and squirted a large dollop in his palm. Under his eyelashes, he could see Cas tracking his hand as it smoothed the lotion up and down his arms, chest and stomach. Charlie had wondered away again and Dean decided to live dangerously.

“Could you do my back, Cas?” Cas looked like he was torn between wanting to run and throwing Dean down on the deck and fucking him blind.

“Uhm…sure.” Cas took the offered bottle and Dean turned around, offering his back. He felt the cool glide of Cas’ hand and it brought back memories of their night together. Dean’s game was backfiring. He was the one getting turned on. He gulped and stepped away.

“Yeah, that should do it. Thanks, Cas.” Dean crossed the deck without looking back.

The next thirty minutes was chaos, or so it seemed to Dean. Everyone was moving quickly around the boat. Cas and Meg were in their scuba gear, waiting on the dive platform near the stern. The boat crew were on the starboard side of the boat with large fishing poles and what looked like nooses. Roche and Bela were on the deck near a sling. Dean heard a splash and Cas was in the water. He stepped to the stern to watch. Charlie was handing him a large camera and then she passed another one to Meg. Dean swallowed hard as they disappeared under the sea.

“We got one,” came a shout from Benny. It was like a choreographed dance. A small shark was hooked and brought near the boat, then a noose was slipped over it and tightened. In one motion, the shark was on the deck being tagged with a radio transmitter. Kevin and Claire picked up the creature and placed it in the sling and it was lowered back into the water. This process went on for the next hour. Dean was so into what was going on that he didn’t noticed Cas getting back on the boat.

A cool, wet hand splayed across his lower back and a whispered, “I’m safe,” came behind his left ear. Dean felt the need to pull Cas against him, but resisted. Instead, he grinned.

“Get some good pictures?”

“Hope so. They are schooling below the boat. It’s beautiful.”

The crew took shifts eating lunch and by late afternoon, they’d tagged over a hundred juvenile sharks. The captain weighed anchor as everyone pitched in to clean the deck.

***  
Castiel was a walking study in sexual tension. As if watching Dean rub himself with sunscreen wasn’t bad enough, he’d been asked to apply the silky lotion to Dean’s broad back. Knowing Dean was just as affected as he was the only thing that kept him from screaming.

Thankfully, his dive kept him busy and cooled him off. He took hundreds of pictures of the schooling sharks. They were mainly juveniles and posed no threat, but he kept his bang-stick looped on his wrist just in case.

Back on board, he’d found Dean and assured him of his safety. He’d been touched that Dean was concerned. As they weighed anchor, Castiel stopped to admire Dean as he stood at the rail. He was wearing aviators against the late afternoon sun. His cargo shorts were riding low on his hips and Castiel had the sudden urge to run his fingertips of the rise of bone jutting out above the waistband. “He is gorgeous, isn’t he?”

Castiel turned his head to his friend. “Very much so.”

“Why the hesitation, Castiel? You’ve always gone after what you want,” Balthazar said softly.

“Dean is…different. I find myself wanting more.”

“Ah, I see,” Balthazar nodded sagely. “You wanted happily ever after.”

“Yes.”

“So, what’s stopping you?”

Castiel shrugged. “Dean and I have different lives. He lives on the mainland. I don’t think a long distance romance would work for either of us.” Castiel stiffened as Bela approached Dean, laying a light hand on his arm. She smiled up at him and he growled. Beside him, Balthazar laughed.

“Perhaps you should stake a claim on him, show him you want more.”

Dean was looking down at the woman, but Castiel noted his stiff posture. After a moment, Bela frowned and turned on her heel to walk away. Dean looked up and caught Castiel’s gaze. He straightened from his hunched position on the rail and strode towards them.

Balthazar nudged his elbow. “The Castiel I know never backed down from a challenge.”

Dean stopped directly in front of them. “I’ll just go check my notes,” Balthazar mumbled to no one in particular and walked away.

“Bela is a beautiful woman,” Castiel said, eyes on the horizon.

“If you like the manipulative, cold type,” Dean responded and Castiel chuckled.

“So, not even tempted?”

“Not in this lifetime. Cas…”

“Dean…”

“You first,” Dean said quickly.

Castiel turned away to lean on the rail. He saw Dean settle into the same position beside him. Castiel didn’t know how to begin. He felt the heat of Dean’s elbow against his own. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dean staring out at the water as the boat plowed through the rolling swells. Seagulls called overhead, hoping for a handout. “I just hope you are enjoying yourself.” Castiel closed his eyes. He’d taken the coward’s way out.

“Yeah, it’s great,” Dean’s words were stiff…polite.

“Did you have something you wanted to say?”

“No. It wasn’t important.” They were saved from the awkward silence by the dinner bell. Castiel was secretly glad he didn’t get another chance to be alone with Dean for the rest of the evening.

The dinner conversation consisted of the next day’s plans. Garth had turned the boat towards shore. They would travel south along the coast until they reached the small inlet near Punta Abreojos. Pinging from last year’s tagged sharks told of a possible breeding ground for hammerheads. Dean participated in the conversation and asked intelligent questions. Castiel was pleased to see his friends and the crew accepting him.

One by one, everyone slipped off to their cabins. It had been a busy day and tomorrow would be just as hard. Dean stood up. “I guess I’m going to hit the hay.”

“I’ll be along shortly. I want to upload my photos first.” The excuse was lame. Castiel knew it and by his expression, Dean knew it. God, he was a coward. Castiel went to the cabin that was allocated for the mission’s computers. It was empty, so he sat down and inserted his memory stick into one of the laptops. His mind wandered as the files transferred. He wished James was just a phone call away. His twin had always been there to help Castiel figure things out. Now, he seemed to be floundering. Was he falling for Dean? Surely not. Love didn’t happen overnight…or in a few weeks time. Love took time. He rubbed his tired eyes.

With the files transferred, he had no other excuse to avoid his cabin. Quietly, he opened the door. The small lamp was lit, but he could see Dean’s shape under the covers. He was facing the wall and didn’t move when the door clicked shut. Castiel undressed and grabbed his towel.

The cool shower took care of the salty film on his skin and it also helped him relax. He vowed to try to bring back the easy friendship they’d shared since their time together in Austin.

The morning brought choppy water and scattered clouds. Garth informed them a squall was moving in, but if they made it to the inlet before it hit, they’d be protected from most of the wind. The boat cut through the rough sea. The majority of the crew stayed below deck, playing games or talking. Balthazar had pulled Castiel aside to go over the plan for the next dive. With the bad weather, it would be postponed until the storm passed. Castiel’s eyes never drifted far from Dean though. He was happy to see that whatever Dean had said to Bela seemed to deter her from chasing him. He watched as Dean threw back his head in laughter at something Charlie said. His chair scraped the floor as he stood up abruptly and left the mess hall. He climbed up on deck.

The rain had let up, but the wind whipped his hair into his eyes. He pushed it away and strode to the bow. To the port side, he could make out the coast. “It’s beautiful out here,” Dean’s baritone sent a warm shiver up his spine.

“Mother Nature is putting on a great show,” Castiel responded as lightning flashed in the distance.

“Did I do something to…I don’t know…piss you off or something?”

Castiel spun towards Dean. “No. Of course not. Why do you ask, Dean?”

“Things are just…off between us,” Dean said, meeting his eyes.

Castiel sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I promised myself I would try to get back our friendship this morning. I wanted it to be comfortable like it was in Austin. I seem to have failed miserably.”

“Cas…hey…you didn’t fail at anything. Our friendship…it’s fine.”

“Then why do I feel so…so…fuck…I don’t know,” Castiel voice rose in frustration. Dean took a step forward and put his fingertip to Castiel cheek.

“Maybe because you’re fighting what’s happening here, Cas.” Dean’s face moved closer and Castiel met him halfway. The kiss was soft. Castiel seemed to sink into Dean. He felt Dean’s fingers in his hair, but the kiss didn’t deepen. It was more of a soft press of their lips, affectionate, tentative. Dean pulled back, but his hands stayed framing Castiel’s face. “Just something to think about.” With a smile, Dean turned and disappeared down the ladder. Castiel’s hand rose to his lips, touching where Dean’s had been moments before. He closed his eyes and held onto the rail, letting the wind cool his flushed skin.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in updating. In lieu of the shootings in Orlando, I fell into a funk. It could have been my daughter, my friends...I'm sure some of you were just as affected as me. I felt small and stupid writing fluff when so many had just died. It took me a few days to realize that doing something productive, something I enjoyed, would help me deal. 
> 
> This chapter was supposed to be all fluff and romance, but my muse told me different. There is a bit of homophobia here, because it has reared its ugly head in the news. Fuck those people. Love is love.

Dean held onto his cool until he cleared the ladder. Then his hands started shaking. What had he done? “I kissed him. I kissed him,” he repeated to himself. And it wasn’t just a kiss. He basically told Cas that he was open for something. “Something? Right, Winchester.”

“Smooth, Winchester. Way to set the scene. Lightning, rolling sea. Swept my brother right off his feet.” Dean could almost hear Jimmy’s laughter.

“Yeah, real romantic. Now, I’ve got to share a freakin’ cabin with him.”

  
“Do you usually talk to yourself?” Dean spun around guiltily and met Charlie’s amused eyes. How much had she heard?

  
“Not usually,” Dean mumbled, feeling his face reddening.

  
“Trouble in paradise?” Charlie laced her arm through Dean’s and steered him down the hallway.

  
“Paradise…uhm…not sure…” She pushed him unceremoniously into a darkened doorway. She shut the door and flipped the lightswitch. Dean looked around. It looked like a computer room. She leaned against the door and crossed her arms.

  
“This is the Portal of Truth. No lies can be spoken in the confines of these walls.” Dean cocked an eyebrow. Was she on drugs?

  
“You been smoking something, Charlie? Didn’t your parents teach you to share?”

  
“Spill, Winchester. Did you and the Prof have a lovers’ spat? Cause, I gotta tell you…you hurt him and they’ll never find the body.” For a little thing, she was feisty. He pulled himself up to his full height and tried to look intimidating. She giggled. Dean deflated. So much for looking scary.

  
“We didn’t have a fight. And we aren’t lovers.” And that was technically the truth. Wasn’t it? They’d had sex once and that didn’t make them lovers. Lovers meant they were a thing. Dean was leaning towards wanting a thing, but until they figured out what they both wanted in this thing…

  
“Portal of Truth. Portal of Truth,” she chanted.

  
“That is the truth,” Dean shouted and then snapped his mouth shut, glancing at the door in horror. “Shit,” he whispered.

  
Her eyes narrowed. “Wait. You guys are doing the deed, right? Bumping uglies? Fornicating in a biblical sense?”

  
“No. And Jesus, keep your voice down.”

  
“But you want to,” she said gleefully. “You want to hug him…you want to kiss him…you want to marry him.”

  
“What? No…shut up, Miss Congeniality.”

  
“Portal of Truth.”

  
Dean combed his fingers through his hair. “Look, Cas and I are trying to figure some things out. That’s all you’re getting. Got it?”

  
“What’s to figure out? You like him, right? He likes you…so, there you go. Easy peasy.”

  
“How do you know he likes me?”

  
“Everyone knows. Except Bela. Bela is in her own little underground garage of batshit crazy.”

  
“Everyone?” Dean was confused. How did people know? He and Cas weren’t acting like lovers – okay, there was that word again. Heck, they barely touched at all. They acted like friends. Just friends.

  
“Exhibit A – the prof never brings anyone on a dive, except for the kid and the nanny that one time. Exhibit B – do you even realize the way he looks at you when no one is looking? Exhibit C…” she paused. “…well, I can’t think of Exhibit C right now, but I’m sure it’s there somewhere.”

  
“Huh. He looks at me…how?” Cas looked at him. Dean was suddenly quite pleased with himself.

  
“Like he wants to be shipwrecked on a deserted island with you and a bottle of K-Y Jelly.” Dean opened his mouth and found there was no response to that, so he shut it again. Charlie looked way too pleased with herself.

  
“On that note, I think I need to take a scalding shower to erase this conversation from my brain.”

  
“Good talk, Winchester.” She did a pirouette and opened the door. She bent forward and looked both ways down the hall. “The coast is clear. You may leave the Portal of Truth now.”

  
“Weird-o,” Dean said affectionately before brushing past her. Their cabin was empty, so he grabbed his shaving kit and pajama pants and headed for the showers. He was toweling off in the small cubicle when he heard the door open.

  
“Novak and that Dean character think they’re fooling everyone. Shit, everyone on board knows Novak likes dick,” said a voice that wasn’t familiar to Dean. A muscle in his jaw began to tic in anger.

  
“Long as I don’t have to see it,” Another man replied. “Wonder what would happen if the Institute found out Novak was bringing his boy toy on a research expedition?” There was laughter from both men.

  
“Yeah, maybe someone should say something. You’re in the perfect position, Al.”

  
“Don’t call me Al. And I can’t report him on the ship’s radio. The captain would toss me overboard. Novak is perfect in his eyes. Everyone loves the bastard.” Dean wanted to punch someone. He figured out Al was Alistair, the boat’s radio and instrument operator. He thought the other guy was named Walker, one of Roche’s team. Since he was only wearing a towel, knocking out their teeth wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t forget their conversation though.

  
Showers turned on around him and Dean poked his head out. The coast was clear. He grabbed his clothes off the bench and stepped out into the hall. He made it to the cabin without meeting anyone else. Cas still wasn’t there, so he changed into his pajama pants and crawled up into his bunk. He’d just reached for the lamp over his bed when Cas walked in.

  
Cas met his eyes and held them. He swallowed and then cleared his throat. Dean pushed himself up on one elbow. “Dean…what you said…about fighting what’s going on…”

  
“Yeah.”

  
“You are right. I guess I have been fighting my attraction to you. I didn’t want to get involved with someone who couldn’t be there for me. Like I said in Austin, a one time fuck isn’t going to cut it.”

  
“We both want more, Cas. I’m up for trying, if you are.” Dean meant it with every fiber of his being. And it scared him to death.

  
Cas moved closer to the bunk. He stood next to it, his face less than a foot from Dean’s. “Come back to the island with me.”

  
Dean’s eyes widened. “What?” What was Cas asking? Yeah, he wanted something with Cas, but he hadn’t thought about logistics.

  
***

  
Castiel gripped the edge of Dean’s bunk until his knuckles turned white. He needed to hold on or he was afraid he’d pass out. Dean’s expression was one of shock. “I’m…God…I’m not asking you to move in. It’s too soon for that and I have Matthew to consider. I just think…in order to…” Damn, he couldn’t seem to speak coherently. So much for that framed degree on his wall.

  
Dean’s face relaxed a bit and he grinned. “So, you want me to move my ass across the ocean, but not live with you? That sum it up?” When put like that, Castiel knew he came across like a selfish bastard.

  
“I’m sorry, Dean. That was unfair. You have a life in Dallas. Family. I presumed too much. We can work something out. I travel to the mainland two or three times…a…year…” He let the words fade. Seeing Dean only a couple times a year wouldn’t be enough. Just the time between Austin and this trip had been too long. How had he let this man get under his skin so fast? The distance would tear what little they had built down quickly.

  
“Two or three times a year, huh?” Dean ran his fingers through his hair, leaving it sticking up in different directions.

  
“Maybe we can take turns visiting…I could come to the mainland on odd months and you could come to the island on even months,” Castiel said eagerly and then groaned. “This isn’t going to work out, is it?”

  
“We’ll think of something, Cas.”

  
Castiel tried to offer a smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “Sure, Dean.” Castiel thought back to the kiss on deck. He licked his lips and watched as Dean tracked the movement. That kiss had rocked his world. Was Dean even aware what he did to Castiel? What he had done with that one kiss? That kiss meant more to Castiel than their night of sex.

  
He released the death grip he had on the bunk and took a step back. “I should get ready for bed.”

  
Something flared in Dean’s eyes. Lust? Longing? Castiel’s breath caught and he held it. “Yeah, I guess tomorrow will be another busy day,” Dean said softly. He shifted in his bunk and let his head fall back to his pillow, but his gaze remained on Castiel.

  
Since Castiel had showered after his dive, he turned his back and began to strip off his clothes. When he was down to his boxers, he reached for his sleep pants and he glanced over. Dean was staring at the ceiling, his teeth worrying his lower lip. Castiel smiled to himself. No, Dean wasn’t unaffected…not at all.

  
Castiel turned off the light and settled into his bunk. The give of the boat and the lap of the water against the hull made soft sounds, but otherwise it was quiet. Castiel closed his eyes, willing his body to relax. “Hey, Cas?”

  
“Yes, Dean?”

  
“What do you know about the guy that mans the radio…Alistair?”

  
Castiel frowned. Alistair was an ass. He wasn’t sure why Garth kept him on the crew. He’d been in fights before, not with any crew or team member, but at their ports-of-call. He had a problem with his big mouth and alcohol just made him worse. “Why, has he said anything to you?”

  
“No, not to me. I just overheard him talking to someone else. He sounded like a dick.” Dean’s husky baritone drifted through the darkness.

  
“He is a dick. If he says anything to you, please let me know.” Castiel had a lot of pull with the Institute. He wasn’t one to pull rank, but if Alistair says anything to make Dean uncomfortable, his head will roll. Castiel would stake his reputation on it.

  
“You don’t have to ride to my rescue, Cas. I’m a grown man. Fuck, I was a soldier. He fucks with me, I’ll kick his ass.”

  
“I know you could ‘kick his ass’, Dean. I just don’t want you to have too.”

  
“Night, Cas.”

  
“Goodnight, Dean.”

  
Morning brought clearer skies and they lay anchor in the inlet. Dean, dressed in a pair of khaki cargo shorts and a Motorhead t-shirt, sat beside him at the breakfast table. Charlie and Meg sat across from them and Meg was discussing the filming schedule. Castiel tried to pay attention, but the heat from Dean’s thigh pressing against his was distracting. “Hey, is Dean going to get in the water today?” Charlie asked, interrupting Meg’s comment about digital quality.

  
“I thought he could dive today before the tagging started,” Castiel answered. “That is, if he wants too.” Castiel turned his head to face Dean.

  
“Yeah. I’d love to go. I’ve only been in a pool though. I don’t want to get in the way.”

  
“Castiel will make sure nothing happens to you,” Charlie said with a wink towards Dean. Castiel narrowed his eyes at the younger woman. She was up to something.

  
They finished eating and Castiel led Dean to the equipment rack. He noted that Dean donned his gear with speed and efficiency. They both carried their fins to the dive platform and climbed down the ladder. Charlie was there with his smaller camera. The two men sat down to put on their fins and then with a nod to Charlie, Castiel let himself sink into the clear water. Dean followed closely behind. They pulled down their masks and Castiel waited until Dean was breathing out of his regulator before putting his own in his mouth. He signaled to Charlie that they were okay and then he flipped over and kicked. Seeing Dean beside him, he followed the anchor line down. This part of the inlet was only about thirty-five feet deep and he could see the bottom clearly.

  
Soon, the two men were swimming along the sandy floor. Castiel pointed to a large conch moving slowly along the bottom. Dean excitedly pointed to a small coral outcropping. Castiel motioned for him to lead the way. Using his white board, Castiel told him the names of the different types of coral. Seeing his world through Dean’s eyes brought a sense of wonderment to Castiel.

  
Dean reached out to touch a bright red fan of coral and Castiel grabbed his hand, shaking his head. He quickly scribbled ‘fire coral’ on his board. Dean pulled his hand back quickly. They swam on, stopping occasionally so Dean could pick up a shell and examine it. For a moment, Castiel allowed himself to reflect on his life before Dean knocked on his door. James’ death had devastated him. Becoming a new father to Matthew had terrified him. Somehow, Dean made everything seem okay. He’d never forget his brother, but he felt like he could go on now.

  
Castiel blinked back the burn of tears. James always told everyone that would listen that Castiel was the smart twin. It seemed where Dean was concerned, James had been the smarter twin.

  
He swam closer to Dean, who was attempting to pick up a crab without being pinched. As he neared him, Castiel could see the amusement in Dean’s eyes through his mask. Castiel reached down and plucked the crab off the sandy bottom and held it out to Dean. Dean laughed and the bubbles from his regulator burst forth around him.

  
A few minutes later, Castiel pointed to his watch and pointed up. Dean looked reluctant to surface, but Castiel’s tank was getting low and he knew Dean would have used a lot more air since he wasn’t used to diving. Halfway up the anchor line, Castiel stopped Dean by tugging on his weight belt. Dean stopped and looked quizzically at him. Here they were twenty feet below the surface and Castiel wanted to show Dean his feelings. But how?

  
He pulled up his board and wrote the words ‘trust me?’ Dean nodded slowly. Castiel reached up and pulled out Dean’s regulator at the same time he released his from his mouth. Kissing someone while wearing scuba masks is difficult, but he managed. When Castiel broke the kiss, his eyes met Dean’s. He saw warmth and amusement. Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean’s regulator and handed it to him before capturing his own. It wasn’t the most romantic kiss…it wasn’t even a good kiss, but it brought a smile to Dean’s face and that’s all that mattered.

  
***

  
Diving with Cas was awesome. Swimming in the ocean was so different from his weeks in the pool. There was so much to see. The colors were amazing. Cas was so patient. He’d probably seen all of it a thousand times, but he took the time to write on his board, giving names to the things Dean saw. Dean was disappointed when Cas pointed to his watch. He’d already looked at his gauges and knew he was low on air. He remembered that from class, but he was still uneager to head to the surface. Back to the real world.

  
The tug on his weight belt brought his head around to look at Cas. He was right below him on the anchor line. He waited for Cas to scribble something on his board. When Cas turned it around, Dean was confused. Of course, he trusted Cas. There was no question, though there was a millisecond of panic when Cas pulled his regulator out of his mouth. It was replaced with a feeling of floating in space when Cas’ mouth found his. Who knew you could kiss under water?

  
When the kiss ended…thank God it ended when it did, because Dean knew a sudden gasp for air during a kiss would kill the mood…Dean could only stare into those gorgeous eyes, a soft smile touching his lips.

  
Once on the surface, they swam over to the dive platform and hauled themselves up and out of the water. Charlie and Kevin were there to help get their tanks off. “Have fun?” Charlie asked, while she helped him unhook his BC.

  
“It was a fuckin’ blast,” Dean said enthusiastically. Kevin and Cas both laughed.

  
It took a few minutes to get their gear washed and stowed. Cas was acting like he hadn’t kissed the boy under the sea…Dean may have hummed the Disney tune until Charlie giggled and he shut his mouth…but Dean didn’t miss the looks Cas was tossing his way.

  
Dean wanted to pull Cas into the privacy of their cabin and continue what they started, but Roche was calling everyone together to start work. Once again, bloody gore was tossed overboard. Everyone took their places and this time, Dean got to help Kevin and Charlie get things ready for filming. Cas was going to be photographing the tagging process on board today and Dean was thankful when they crew hooked the first shark. Dean whistled. The thing had to be a good six feet long.

  
“Get the sling under her,” Roche called out. Dean wondered briefly how to differentiate between a girl shark and a boy shark. He’d have to ask Cas. The shark thrashed on the deck as they lowered her on board. Cain threw a wet towel over the creature’s eyes and it stopped moving. Bela and Gordon where keeping hoses on her as Roche and Harry attached the tag. Ed repeated the tag number and wrote on a clipboard. The whole process took less than two minutes.

  
They tagged twenty-two large sharks that day. Dean helped when he could, holding the hose that kept the sharks wet and once, helping to guide the sling back over the side to release the shark. He touched the grey skin. It felt like sandpaper under his fingertips. “You know sharks taste through their skin,” Roche said beside him. Dean pulled his hand away quickly and Roche laughed.

  
Lunch was a quick sandwich on the deck before the captain called for everyone to secure the deck. The engines throbbed and the boat headed south. Dean helped Charlie pack up Cas’ cameras. “Where are we going now?”

  
“Next stop, Magdalena Island. Balthazar and Castiel want to tag a few of the migrating Great Whites.”

  
Dean swallowed. Flashbacks of the movie Jaws played in his head. His face must have revealed his fear. She gave him a soft smile. “Hey, don’t worry. You won’t be in the water.”

  
“What about Cas?”

  
“Well, yeah, he’ll be down there, but he’s an expert.”

  
“Yeah, so was that dude in Jaws. That motherfucker ripped right through the cage.”

  
Charlie laughed. “Dean, that was just a movie. We’ve never encountered a Great White that big. Castiel will be in a cage for this dive, but he’ll be safe.” She hefted the camera case and stood.

  
“Right.” Dean wasn’t convinced. Before he’d gone on this trip, he thought Cas just took pictures of cute fish and sea turtles. Knowing he was putting himself in front of man-eating sharks to take a Goddamn picture wasn’t sitting well with Dean.

  
He wasn’t sure where Cas went. He assumed he was with Roche doing some type of science-ey thing. He made his way towards the bow. They were just off the coast and Dean could make out trees and the rocky shoreline in the late afternoon light. The boat was cutting through the water and he enjoyed the salt spray buffeting against his skin. His soldier’s sixth sense told him someone was behind him and he turned his head. Gordon and Bela leaned against the bulkhead. “Nice evening, huh?”

  
“You realize that spots on this boat are in high demand. There are lots of students that want to intern with Professor Roche and Novak,” Walker said, his expression one of intense hatred.

  
“And you point?” Dean turned fully now, his back to the sea.

  
“It pissed a few of us off that Novak’s boyfriend is taking up a space that could have gone to someone worthy.” Bela’s English accent grated on Dean’s nerves. Was it true? Did Cas bump someone so Dean could ride along?

  
“Maybe you should take that up with Cas or Roche,” Dean hated passing the buck, but he didn’t have a response.

  
“Take what up with us?” Three heads turned to see Cas and Roche standing there. When had they come up on them? Bela and Gordon glared at Dean, but remained silent. Dean shrugged.

  
“Bela and Gordon informed me that I’m taking up the spot of some other student who wants to study with you.” Dean was watching Cas’ body language and he could almost see the anger rolling off the man, but it was Roche that spoke.

  
“The Institute only allows for four students per trip. We each get two spots to fill. Where did you get the idea that Mr. Winchester was taking a spot away from another student?”

  
“Someone’s boyfriend shouldn’t be allowed…” Walker started, but Roche stepped forward and got right in the man’s face.

  
“I would be very careful how you choose your next words, Mr. Walker. In fact, I would venture to say you and Miss Talbot have said enough. Dr. Novak cleared Mr. Winchester’s visit with the Institute. So, you see, everything is on the up and up. Well, everything except for my regrets in choosing the two interns that I did. I would suggest both of you work very hard over the next few days. Conduct during a research trip counts towards your final grade and so far, neither of you are scoring very high.”

  
Gordon and Bela beat a hasty retreat leaving Dean, Cas and Roche standing stiffly on the bow. “Cas, is that true? Did you clear it with the Institute?”

  
“Yes, Dean,” Cas’ normally rough voice was lower and Dean could still hear the burning rage under the surface.

  
“Mr. Winchester, Dean, as the two ranking scientists on board, we have a certain amount of freedom. We can choose our students and our crew, but more importantly, we can bring our spouses, children or special guests, if we so choose. Castiel wouldn’t have brought you otherwise. He is well respected in academic circles and I know for a fact, he wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t above board.”

  
“Thanks, Dr. Roche,” Dean said softly, his eyes flicking over to Cas and back again.

  
“It’s Balthazar. Since you are my friend’s ‘friend’, we don’t have to be formal.” Dean could read the quotation marks around the word friend. Did everyone on board think he and Cas were fucking? Cas didn’t seem inclined to correct Roche, so Dean didn’t bother.

  
Roche left them. “Dean, I’m sorry…”

  
“Don’t you fuckin’ apologize, Cas. Don’t you dare,” Dean growled.

  
“Okay,” Cas said slowly. He stepped over to stand beside Dean. Together they watched the sun sinking on the horizon. Cas placed his hand over Dean’s and linked their fingers together. “The University of Texas has been after me to take a full time teaching position for some time now.”

  
Dean closed his eyes and gave Cas’ hand a squeeze. When had things escalated to this point? “You can’t uproot Matt, not after what he’s been through.” Cas’ sigh was filled with the frustration both men were experiencing.

  
“I don’t know what to do, Dean.”

  
“We’ll figure it out, Cas.” But could they? It was unrealistic for either one of them to uproot their lives for something that might just be lust. Not for the first time, he wished Jimmy was here to give him advice. He put his arm around Cas’ shoulders and pulled him close just as the sun put on her final show of the evening.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a roller coaster, so hang on. Good things happen, bad things happen. Breathe.

Castiel barely held it together when he and Zar overheard the vitriol words from Bela and Gordon. Zar had stopped him from making their presence known and they stood just out of sight from the three on the bow. Castiel felt the need to punch someone and that was a strange feeling for him. While James was the one who got into fights, joined the military and got into nasty arguments with people on social media, Castiel was the calm one who never engaged. That is until hateful words were directed at Dean. His fingernails dug into the flesh of his palms.

  
“Calm down and let me handle it,” Zar whispered before pulling Castiel forward. “Take what up with us?” Zar’s voice was cool, yet calm…like he was going to ask about the weather. As he gave Bela and Gordon a severe dressing down, Castiel concentrated on keeping his face neutral. He felt a rush of pride as his friend not only came to his defense, but assured Dean that everything was on the up and up.

  
Now, Dean and Castiel stood on the bow, gazing at the setting sun and had ‘the’ conversation. How to make this thing between them work. The offer from the University of Texas was in the forefront of his mind. They’d said he could be a full time professor, but still take sabbaticals for his work. He wasn’t sure what possessed him to vocalize his thoughts, but Dean’s reaction surprised him. Dean was worried about uprooting Matthew. Dean had put Matthew before everything else. That, in itself, made Castiel more determined than ever to find a way to make this work.

  
Fingers still entwined, they watched the pinks, oranges and yellows fade to darkness. The dinner bell broke them out of their individual thoughts. Dean kept his hand linked with Castiel’s as they made their way to the mess hall. Castiel expected reactions from the crew and teams, but kept his chin up proudly. Charlie saw them first and gave a triumphant thumbs up. Zar smile barely touched his lips, but he nodded and winked. Nothing was said as everyone filled their plates and found seats. Castiel noted that Alistair was sitting with Bela and Gordon. Their table was conspicuously empty save for the three of them. What made it more noticeable was the fact that people were taking chairs from their table and moving them to crowd around the other tables. Charlie caught his gaze and whispered, “Professor Roche may have let a few things slip.”

  
Castiel didn’t feel sorry for them. Their hatred would set the tone for the way they were treated from now until they docked back on Cedros Island. Four days could seem like a lifetime when your co-workers shunned you.

  
As they ate, the tense atmosphere gave way to laughter and stories. Plates were cleared and decks of cards brought out. Castiel touched Dean’s leg and brought his mouth to Dean’s ear. “I need to get my pictures uploaded. It shouldn’t take me more than twenty minutes. Will you be okay here?”

  
“Sure. I’ll hang with Charlie and Claire.” The two women were setting up a game and Castiel knew Dean would be in good hands. As Castiel headed for the door, Garth entered the mess hall. He went straight to where Alistair was still seated and leaned down to say something to the radio operator. Whatever it was didn’t make Alistair happy and he shoved his chair back. Conversation ceased. Garth looked angrier than Castiel had ever seen him. Not wanting to stick around, Castiel ducked into the hall and hurried to the computer room.

  
He’d just sat down when the door opened. Zar came in and pushed the door shut. “It seems that Gordon told Alistair about our little conversation and there were words said in front of some of the other crew members. Words I believe to have been threatening in nature.”

  
“What did that bastard say?” Castiel fingers itched to choke both Alistair and Gordon.

  
“It’s not important, but I have filed a formal complaint against Alistair. According to Garth, that was his third strike. He will no longer be employed when this boat docks on Cedros. And on a side note, Bela and Gordon will not be returning as my interns.”

  
Castiel relaxed. “Good.”

  
“Yes, well, I wanted to give you a heads up. Alistair’s a slimy wanker and I don’t trust him. You and Dean make sure you stay as far away from him as possible.”

  
After Zar left, Castiel uploaded his pictures. His mind on Dean, he didn’t notice Alistair glaring at him from the other end of the hallway.

  
He found Dean deeply embroiled in a game of Apples to Apples. “Come on, Claire. You know atomic bombs are more dangerous than black holes. When is the average person gonna find a black hole?”

  
“When would an average person find an atomic bomb?”

  
“You only picked Charlie’s card because she’s a girl. It’s a freakin’ conspiracy,” Dean complained, but Castiel knew he was only teasing the women. Castiel placed his hands on Dean’s shoulders.

  
“We’ll reach Magdalena Bay by midnight tonight, so we will be starting early. Don’t stay up too late,” Castiel said, before telling everyone goodnight. He opened his cabin door and that was when the attack of nerves hit. Would Dean expect sex? Was Castiel expecting sex? He looked at the bunks and frowned. Logistically, sex wasn’t advised. He was so focused on coming up with a position they could possibly use with the limited space that the door open startled him. Dean grinned.

  
“Scare ya, Cas?”

  
“Yes, you startled me.” Castiel knew his face was reddening. Dean looked at him intently.

  
“You okay?”

  
“Of course. I’m just going to…get dressed…undressed…not naked…” Castiel stopped and covered his face with his hand.

  
Dean didn’t make a sound for all of ten seconds and then he burst out laughing. A deep belly laugh, head thrown back and Castiel stopped breathing at the beautiful sight. “Sorry…” Dean was actually wheezing. “It’s just…” More unabashed laugher.  
Castiel couldn’t help but chuckle. “So much for keeping my cool.”

  
“It’s just good to know you’re as nervous about this as I am.”

  
“I wonder why that is? We’ve had sex. The awkward stage should be over.”

  
Dean shrugged. “Maybe because that was just sex. Now, it’s something…more.” Dean’s face became serious. “Maybe there’s more on the line now.”

  
“Yes. I suppose you’re right.” Dean tugged off his shirt and tossed it into the small pile of laundry he’d been accumulating in the corner of the cabin. “Dean, I’d very much like to kiss you.”

  
***

  
“Dean, I’d very much like to kiss you.” _Way to bring a man to his knees, Cas_. Dean stepped closer and for a few uncoordinated seconds, the two men tried to figure out where to put their hands. Dean’s settled on Cas’ waist. Cas put one hand on Dean’s ribcage and the other on his hip. The feel of Cas’ warm fingers on his skin, tracing up and down his side, gave Dean a rush of heat.

  
Cas was kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Like he wanted to devour Dean. Dean had no choice but to hold on tight and enjoy the ride. Teeth raked across his lower lip, dragging over sensitive flesh with just enough force to ride that line between pleasure and pain. Someone growled…it was answered with a soft moan. One of Dean’s hands had made its way up to tangle in Cas’ hair and he tugged it. Cas’ lips broke from his and he let his head be pulled backwards. Dean’s mouth found the pulse at Cas’ throat. He gently nipped and the need to mark his territory overcame him. He sucked, knowing he was drawing blood to the surface. Everyone would know Cas was his. “Dean.” His name on Cas’ lips…damn. His name – husky and raw sounding.

  
Hands were on his ass, pulling him closer. Dean felt the hard ridge of Cas’ cock against his own. His mind returned to that night. Cas naked. How thick and beautiful his cock was…how muscular his thighs were…

  
Their breathing escalated, coming in hot, loud pants. Cas took advantage of Dean’s moment of daydreaming to kiss him again, forcing his mouth open, plunging his tongue inside. Dean just knew Cas could hear his heart thudding in his chest. Dean felt the cool steel of the door against his bare back. How had they gotten across the floor? Dean allowed Cas to lift his arms and hold them above his head, wrists pressed firmly to the metal. “I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you.” Cas’ words broke through Dean’s sex-starved haze and he met Cas’ eyes.

  
“Cas…I…” Dean stopped himself before he made a complete fool out of himself. “Kiss me.”

  
Cas Novak knew how to kiss. He made Dean’s knees weak. When the man’s hand cupped his dick, Dean would have sunk to the floor had Cas not still been holding his wrists. He felt Cas fumbling with the button of his shorts and sighed, “Yessss.”

  
Cas’ mouth moved along his jaw and he whispered words against Dean’s face. “What do you want, Dean?”

  
“You…anything…fuck…anything…just touch me.”

  
The sound of Dean’s zipper was loud in the tiny room. Dean closed his eyes and let his head thump against the door. Cas lowered himself to his knees and Dean felt his touch along the waistband of his jeans. Cas tugged them down to mid-thigh and Dean sucked in air as Cas took him in his mouth. “Yes…God…yes,” Dean mumbled. Cas tongue swirled around the head and then dipped into Dean’s slit. Cas’ palm was splayed across Dean’s belly, pressing him firmly against the metal. His other one was cupping Dean’s balls, applying gentle pressure.

  
They found a rhythm. Dean rocked his hips in time with Cas’ up and down movements. “Perfect mouth, Babe…perfect,” Dean whispered, his hands combing through Cas’ hair. Cas was damn fine at giving head. Damn fine at kissing. Was there anything this man couldn’t do?

  
Dean was panting heavily now. He could feel the spirals of pleasure building. Cas pulled off and Dean whimpered and looked down. Cas was staring up at him, lips wet with spit and pre-cum…eyes dark with lust. He lowered his head and nuzzled Dean’s bush, inhaling his scent. Dean couldn’t look away. Cas looked so hot with Dean’s cock resting on his cheek as he took Dean’s balls in his mouth. He was so focused on what Cas was doing with his awesomely talented mouth that he almost missed the movement of Cas’ right arm. Dean’s eyes drifted down. Cas was jerking himself off. The head of his thick cock flushed a deep red and Dean could see his slick arousal beaded at its tip.

  
Cas was leaving open-mouthed kisses along Dean’s length now. It felt so good…so hot. “Please…Cas…suck me.” Cas lazy gaze seemed to see into his soul. He engulfed Dean into his mouth again and Dean could feel the ridges on the top of Cas’ mouth. The sensation drove Dean to the edge. “Gonna come, Cas…Cas…”

  
Cas released Dean’s cock, but his hand wrapped around Dean’s shaft and stroked him hard and fast. Dean’s world went black as he fell into the abyss. When he opened his eyes again, Cas was smiling up at him, streaks of Dean’s cum on his cheeks and chin. Dean sank to the floor. He reached for Cas, taking his head between his hands and pulling him in for a kiss. He tasted himself on Cas’ tongue. “You are fucking amazing,” Dean said softly as he used his own tongue to clean Cas’ face. When he was done, he reached between Cas’ legs, expecting a hard cock, but his hand came back wet and sticky. “Hmmmm, I think I owe you one.”

  
“Next time,” Cas murmured. Reluctantly, Dean and Cas got to their feet and finished getting ready for bed. Dean felt a sense of loathing towards the bunks. What he wanted was to crawl into a nice bed beside Cas…wake up beside Cas…instead, they kissed goodnight and got into their beds. Cas turned out the lamp. “Goodnight, Dean.”

  
“Night, Cas.” There was something unspoken between them. Something simmering below the surface. Dean had never felt it before. The need to be near someone. The strong desire to wake with the same person every single day. Did he love Cas? Was this what love felt like?

  
A loud clanging noise woke Dean. He sat up took quickly and hit his head on the bulkhead above him. “Shit…fuck…” He rubbed his head. “Cas?” No answer. Dean rolled off the bunk and Cas’ bed was empty. He quickly dressed in his cargo shorts and another t-shirt. He stepped into a pair of deck shoes and left the cabin. The deck was bustling with activity. Two cages hung over the starboard side, one bigger than the other, supported by the same large crane they used to lower the sharks back into the water. He spied Cas right away. He was with Charlie, Kevin and Meg. They had their equipment spread out around them. Dean made his way over to them. Balthazar raised his hand in a wave from where he was standing with the captain and first mate, Benny.

  
“Why didn’t you wake me?” Dean asked as soon as he got close enough.

  
Cas looked up with a smile. “I just thought I’d let you sleep a bit longer. You haven’t missed anything.”

  
Dean looked up at the cages and remembered that Cas would be going down in one of them. “When are you…” Dean pointed to the cages.

  
“In about thirty minutes. You have time to go get some breakfast. I made sure Rufus kept something warming for you.”

  
“Oh, thanks.” Dean headed below deck. When he walked into the mess hall, Rufus held up a plate. Dean took it with a thank you and walked past Alistair, who was sitting alone at a corner table.

  
As Dean passed, he mumbled the word ‘faggot’, but Dean heard it loud and clear. Dean carefully sat his coffee mug and plate down on a table and gave the man a surly smile. “You have a problem with me, Al?” Dean shortened the man’s name just because he knew it irritated the other man.

  
Alistair stood up. “Yeah, I have a problem with fags. Gonna makes something of it?” He took a step towards Dean. He had about three inches on Dean, but Dean was trained in hand-to-hand combat. He knew he could take him. He was ready to knock the evil smile off of Alistair’s face when Balthazar and Rufus appeared beside him.

  
Rufus caught Dean’s arm at the same time Balthazar said, “He’s not worth it, Dean.” To Alistair, Balthazar said calmly, “Listen to me, you sack of shit, you cause any more problems aboard this boat and I’ll make it my personal mission to see that you never work on a boat again. Do I make myself clear?” Alistair snarled something that Dean couldn’t make out and marched out of the mess hall. Only then did Rufus release his arm.

  
Dean rounded on Balthazar. “I can take care of myself. I don’t need anyone…”

  
“Listen to me, Dean. You probably can take care of yourself, but you get into a brawl with a crew member on board a boat that Castiel is working on, it could cause problems.”

  
“But he…”

  
“It doesn’t matter if he started it. It doesn’t matter that when we reach port, he will no longer be employed on this vessel. What matters is that rumors happen. Castiel has an impeccable reputation, Dean. Don’t do anything to mess it up.”

  
“Don’t worry about that jackass. Me and the rest of the crew, including the Captain, will be watching him closely from now on,” Rufus said quietly. Dean gave a curt nod. He wasn’t happy, but he could understand. He wouldn’t do anything to cause problems for Cas. “Now, eat.”

  
Dean sat down and pulled the plate closer. He’d lost his appetite, but didn’t want to piss the cook off. He wolfed down the food without tasting it.

  
Back on deck, Dean saw that Cas was already wearing his wetsuit. When he walked up, Charlie and Kevin gave them some space. “So, what’s gonna happen?” He knew Cas would hear about the incident with Alistair, but he’d talk about it later.

  
“The crew is already chumming the water. Once we spot a few of the bigger sharks, they’ll lower the cage down and I can start taking pictures. They’ll be offering up some large pieces of meat and I’m hoping to get a few good shots of their jaws retracting back…”

  
“Okay, enough said,” Dean said, holding up his hands. He was feeling queasy and the breakfast he’d forced down was clamoring to make a second appearance. Cas reached out and touched Dean’s face.

  
“Dean, I’ll be fine. I’ve done this hundreds of times.” Cas moved a few inches closer and kissed Dean lightly on the lips. “Don’t worry.”

  
Dean’s hands came up to light rest on Cas’ weight belt. “No guarantees.”

  
***

  
Castiel watched as Dean disappeared below to get his breakfast. Beside him, Charlie was fitting a tank into his BC. “Boss man, you have it bad.”

  
He shrugged. “I suppose I do,” Castiel admitted. His thoughts turned to the previous night and Charlie snorted.

  
“Not sure what you were just thinking about, but damn…it must have been something nice. Your eyes got all googly.”

  
“Googly? I don’t believe there is any such word, Charlie.” Kevin giggled.

  
“Googly is a word, Boss. Right, Kevin.”

  
“Sorry, I have to give it to Charlie on this one. Your eyes definitely went all googly.”

  
Castiel huffed grumpily and bent to attach his regulator to the tank. He went through his pre-dive checklist with Charlie. His gauge showed a full tank. Charlie checked his straps and hoses. He was checking the housing on his underwater camera when Dean came back on deck. He didn’t look happy. After talking to him a few seconds, Castiel assumed Dean’s earlier expression was due to the fact that he was nervous about Castiel’s dive. If they were to make a go of this, Dean would have to get used to Castiel’s relationship with the ocean and all the creatures in it.

  
“You ready, Castiel?” Benny called out from the crane’s control area. Meg’s cage was already sinking below the surface.

  
Castiel held up one finger. He looked back at Dean. “I’ll be fine. You owe me a blowjob, so I’ll be extra careful.” He got the reaction he wanted. Dean laughed. Castiel gave him one more kiss that had the crew whistling and shouting out catcalls. Dean flipped them off with a grin.

  
Kevin waited until he was inside the cage before handing him his camera. With a thumbs up to Benny, the cage began to lower itself into the water. Castiel could already see a few large sharks swimming around. He put his regulator into his mouth and cleared his mask as the cage sank beneath the surface.

  
At first, Castiel was so intent on getting some close-ups of the hammerhead that crashed the party, he didn’t pick up on the bad taste in his mouth. Two Great Whites were circling the cage, getting closer and closer to the large hunk of meat about five feet from Cas.

  
He nodded to Meg, who a short distance away. She was videoing the entire scene.

  
The hammerhead moved in from below, but one of the larger sharks, a female, dove after it. Castiel hit the burst button on his camera and he took several pictures in quick succession. When his heart rate quickened, he blamed it on the excitement of seeing the two species together.

  
After another minute, the hammerhead knew he’d been beaten and swam away, leaving the two Great Whites to take large bites out of the carcass. The odd taste in his mouth was getting worse, but he couldn’t signal with this much action going on. He focused on getting the perfect shot of the female’s jaws.

  
Nausea wasn’t something Castiel ever felt underwater, so at first, he was confused. He’d eaten a light breakfast because of the dive. Surely, nothing he ate would cause him to be sick. As the large male circled closer, Castiel turned to keep him in his sights. A wave of dizziness washed over him and he steadied himself by gripping the bars of the cage. He was breathing faster now. Have to slow down.

  
Meg was signaling to him and he tried to see her hands, but it was blurry. He heard the reverberation of an alarm. The cage Meg was in was surfacing. _Why is she surfacing? We aren’t done._

  
Castiel’s fingers couldn’t seem to find the shutter. He took his camera away from his face and stared at it. He fumbled and it sank to the floor of the cage. The world seemed to spin out of control. The sharks were getting closer…trying to tear him apart… He didn’t want to die. Matthew would be alone. He’d never told Dean how he felt about him.

  
He dropped to his knees and the regulator slipped from his lips.

  
From his cloudy mind, he heard shouting. Hands were pulling at him. The sun was bright and he pressed his eyelids shut. Dean’s voice. Yelling.

  
***

  
Dean was gripping the rail as the sharks circled the cage. The huge, bloody carcass of a goat hung suspended just below the surface. Balthazar and the rest of the team stood beside him, excited because of the stupid hammerhead. It was just one more big-ass shark wanting to eat Cas.

  
He spotted Alistair on the upper deck looking down into the water. The man saw him and grinned. _Asshole_.

  
The minutes seemed to drag. He leaned over to Charlie. “How long is his staying down there?”

  
“He usually gets about sixty minutes off of a tank.” She checked her watch. It was one of those fancy ones with tons of gauges. “He’s been down about ten minutes. Don’t worry about him. He’s got this.”

  
“Right.” Fifty minutes to go. Fifty minutes to watch sharks circling Cas with one thing on their brain. Food.

  
An intense clanging sound made Dean jump. “What’s that?”

  
“Meg’s alarm. Something’s wrong,” Charlie said, her eyes wide. Everyone was scurrying around. Benny was punching buttons on the control panel and the cage Meg was in began to rise. Dean tried to stay out of the way as the cage broke the surface.  
Meg yanked her regulator out. “Get him up. Something’s wrong.” As the crane swung the cage over the deck, she waved people away. “Castiel needs help.”

  
Dean couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Cas. Something was wrong with Cas. Had a shark gotten him? He leaned against rail, his legs weak. Charlie was suddenly in his face. “Dean, hold on. Breathe. Just breathe.” Dean nodded at her and that’s when he saw Alistair laughing as he disappeared around the end of the boat. Bells were sounding around him. Cas’ cage was out of the water now. He could see Cas on the floor of it, still. He didn’t see blood.

  
“Dean, you’re hyperventilating. Slow your breaths. Easy. Look at me,” Balthazar was standing in front of him now. Dean tried to focus on the man’s face. “Dean, inhale.” Dean did as he was told. “Good, hold it. Now, exhale. Concentrate.” Dean closed his eyes. Jimmy was lying in his arms. Blood everywhere. No legs. His legs were gone…blown away. He couldn’t lose Cas. He couldn’t lose another person he cared about.

  
“God…please.” Balthazar wrapped his hand around Dean’s neck and pulled him close. He began to whisper.

  
“Dean. I need you to calm down for me. For Castiel. I think the poor fool loves you. Not sure why. You’re a cocky bastard. He’ll fight for you.

  
The cage hit the deck with a loud, metallic clunk. Ash lifted the lever and it opened. He and Adam pulled Cas out onto the deck. Balthazar was already kneeling beside him. Dean focused on putting one step in front of the other, bringing him closer to Cas’ prone body.

  
“Damn it,” Balthazar shouted angrily. Dean noticed how blood red Cas’ lips were. Balthazar was taking Cas’ pulse now. Dean dropped to his knees.

  
“What’s wrong? What happened?”

  
“Charlie, help me get his wetsuit off,” Balthazar ordered. Charlie went into action. Together they stripped Cas of his wetsuit. His normally tanned skin was so pale.

  
Cas blinked and thrashed. “No…keep them away…Matthew…James…” He was delirious. What was happening? Dean’s blunt fingernails dug into his palms. Then Cas’ back arched off the deck and he started convulsing. Balthazar shoved a rubber strap into his mouth to keep him from biting his tongue. Dean was vaguely aware of everyone standing around. Everyone but Alistair. Dean remembered the evil grin…the laugh.

  
“Give me his Goddamned regulator. Now, damn it,” Balthazar roared. Adam shoved it at him and Balthazar inhaled. He spit it out of his mouth. “Fuck.”

  
“What?” Dean asked, panic rising again. Cas stopped convulsing and his eyes remained closed. “What?” Dean asked again, this time with more force.

  
“Contaminated air in his tank,” Balthazar barked back at him. “Who has keys to the Compressor Room?” Balthazar directed his question to Garth.

  
“Me, Benny, Samuel…that’s it.” Garth looked at his first mate. “Keys…now?” Benny reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring with several keys on it. Samuel did the same thing and he frowned.

  
“Mine’s gone.”

  
“Alistair,” Dean said softly. He met Balthazar’s eyes. “He was laughing.”

  
Garth heard Dean’s words and pointed at Benny. “Take the crew, find him and find those keys. Search his bunk and his locker.” The men scrambled to do what they were ordered to do.

  
Dean bit his lower lip as he stared down at Cas, so still on the deck. “Is he…”

  
Harry dropped a large red bag next to Balthazar with the familiar white cross on it. Together, they set up an oxygen tank and put the mask on Cas. Balthazar pulled out a bag of saline solution and quickly started an IV in Cas’ arm. Meanwhile, Ed and Kevin laid a stretcher beside Cas. “On my count. One…two…three.” They lifted Cas onto the stretcher. “Alright, let’s move him,” Balthazar said.

  
Dean followed as they carried Cas across the deck. Charlie took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “It’s called bad air. It happens when too much carbon dioxide or carbon monoxide gets into the tank. The compressors are inspected several times a year. It could have been an accident…” her words trailed off.

  
“It wasn’t,” Dean spat. “Is he going to…”

  
“No. No, Dean. We got him up in time. He only breathed in the bad air for about fifteen minutes, maybe less. Cas is a slower breather. He’s calm under water. We’ll put him in the recompression chamber. We have one on board. He’ll be okay.”

  
Loud shouting brought them to a stop. Alistair, held by both Benny and Adam, was shouting. “You have no proof. No fuckin’ proof.” Benny held up a key to show Garth.

  
“We found the key in his locker.”

  
“Doesn’t mean shit,” Alistair snarled. Dean didn’t think. He was passed that. He was across the deck in the blink of an eye and his fist connected with Alistair’s nose. The crack of cartilage breaking could be heard. Dean reared back to hit him again. This one connected with his stomach, causing the man to double over. Benny and Adam released him, allowing him to crumble to the deck. “Sue…fuck…can’t let him…”

  
Benny gazed out over the sparkling water. “Nice day. I didn’t see shit. I was too busy looking at the pretty waves.”

  
Adam smiled. “Real pretty day.”

  
Charlie smiled down at Alistair. “Oops, did you fall down?”

  
Dean grabbed Alistair’s collar and pulled him to his feet. “He dies. He comes out of this with any problems. He has a motherfucking headache…I will hunt you down and kill you. Do you understand?”

  
“You heard him threatening me,” Alistair said brokenly, voice nasally from an obvious broken nose.

  
“I didn’t hear anything,” Benny said with a shrug.

  
“Me neither,” Charlie said, placing her hand lightly on Dean’s arm. It had a calming effect on him and he released his hold on Alistair’s shirt. The man swayed and both Benny and Adam caught him.

  
“Until we reach port and the authorities take you, you’ll spend your time locked in the storage room.”

  
Dean didn’t wait to hear what Alistair had to say. He needed to get to Cas. Charlie led him below. They were in a part of the boat he’d never been before. She pushed open a door and Dean saw Balthazar standing next to a large, white tube. Gauges and tubes were all over the side of it and Balthazar was adjusting things. “This is a recompression chamber. Castiel will have to stay in there for the next two hours.”

  
“But he’s going to be okay?” Dean wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to bother Balthazar, but he just wanted to see Cas. Was that possible?

  
“He’ll be okay.” Still holding his hand, she pulled him closer. “Look, you can see him and when he can, he’ll be able to talk to you.”

  
Dean peered into the small, round window. Cas was on a narrow bed. The oxygen mask was gone now, but the IV was still in. “How will his IV get changed?”

  
Balthazar answered, “He’ll wake soon. He can remove his IV. It was just to give him fluids. Once he’s conscious, he can drink the bottled water provided.” Dean turned back to look at Cas again. He felt Balthazar’s hand on his shoulder. “He’ll be fine, Dean,” he murmured soothingly. You can sit with him as long as you want. He should come around soon. I’ll be back to check on him in fifteen minutes or so.”

  
Charlie followed him out, leaving Dean alone. There was a chair next to the porthole and Dean made himself comfortable. He looked through the glass. He could have lost Cas today. Life was too short. Resting his forehead on the chamber, Dean vowed to tell Cas how he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost ended the chapter with Cas passing out, but figured you guys would riot and hunt me down. So, this chapter was a bit longer.


	18. Chapter 18

Castiel woke with a nasty taste in his mouth. He felt foggy. When he finally managed to gain the strength to open his eyes, all he saw was a stark white ceiling. He turned his head and saw the round porthole and the gauges. He was in a recompression chamber. What had gone wrong? His mind slowly cleared and he saw the IV bag hanging to his left.

  
“Cas?” He recognized Dean’s voice coming from the small speaker in the ceiling. He turned towards the porthole and attempted to smile.

  
“Hello, Dean.” His voice was raspy and his throat hurt.

  
“Hey, Baby, listen…there is some bottled water next to you. You need to drink it, okay? Can you do that for me?” Castiel nodded and reached down. His fingers brushed against the plastic and he lifted it. Did Dean just call him ‘baby’? Slowly, he sat up. The chamber was a tight fit and he had to bend his head down, but he managed to drink a few sips. He looked back at Dean. “What happened?”

  
“What do you remember?”

  
Castiel took a few seconds. What was the last thing he remembered? “I went down in the cage. The hammerhead gave me some great shots. I felt sick to my stomach…dizzy…”

  
“We think Alistair messed with your tank. They found the key to the Compressor Room in his locker. He’s denying it, but the local cops are meeting the boat in San Carlos. They’ll probably dust for prints, no one should have their hands on the compressor except Samuel and Benny.”

  
“Alistair?” Castiel couldn’t fathom anyone hating him so much that they’d tamper with his tank. If he would have been on a deep dive, he could have died.

  
“Cas, hey, he won’t ever hurt you again,” Dean said solemnly. “I’ll make fucking sure of it.” The conviction in Dean’s voice sent a shiver down Castiel’s spine. For that split second, he saw Dean, the soldier…the war veteran, and it was scary, but sexy at the same time. He just prayed to never be on the receiving end of that cold expression.

  
Castiel looked down at his arm, then up at the IV bag. It was almost empty. On the shelf next to him was a pack of gauze and a bandaid. Carefully, he peeled off the clear medical tape holding the tubing to his skin. He opened the gauze and sat it on his bare thigh. The IV port came out easily and he pressed the gauze pad to the tiny hole. With one hand and his teeth, he managed to get the bandaid open and onto the wound.

  
“How much longer do I have to be in here?”

  
Zar’s face appeared next to Dean’s. “How are you feeling, Castiel?”

  
“Slight headache, nothing more.”

  
“Good, you have twenty more minutes.” Zar said something to Dean, but no one was holding down the speaker button, so Castiel didn’t hear what it was. Then Dean’s face was alone in the window.

  
Dean seemed to be deep in thought and Castiel took the time for introspection. He lay back down and rested his hands on his stomach. He was dressed only in his swim trunks. He felt Dean’s gaze on him and he turned his head expecting to meet Dean’s eyes, but Dean was staring at his hands. “Dean?”

  
There were his eyes, intent and beautiful. “I could have lost you,” Dean whispered so quietly that Castiel wasn’t sure he’d heard him correctly. It took a moment for his brain to process the words.

  
“But you didn’t.”

  
“Cas…I…” Dean turned away and seemed to take a deep breath. When he met Castiel’s eyes again, there was determination in his stare. “I don’t know what’s going on between us. I don’t understand it, but I do know that there is something here. Crazy as it seems, I want to…I need to be around you.” He exhaled in relief.

  
Castiel smiled. “Love isn’t a tangible thing that you can touch or see, Dean.”

  
Dean looked surprised. “Love…Jeez…I didn’t say anything about…that.” Castiel smiled, a soft smile that barely touched his lips.

  
“No, you didn’t. But I’ve been feeling the same way. I think, in my case, I may be falling in love with you.” Dean opened his mouth, but Castiel raised his hand to the window. “I don’t expect anything from you, Dean. You said we could try to make this work and I admit that I’ve had doubts on how we could do that with the long distance between us, but I think you are worth the risk.”

  
“Risk?”

  
“Putting your heart in someone else’s hands is always a risk.” Castiel waved his hands in the air. “We are so different. You are so passionate. You take life by the horns. I’m more…laid back…for lack of a better term. I’m hoping our differences keep things interesting between us.”

  
Dean laughed. A loud burst that startled Castiel. “Dude, you swim with fuckin’ sharks. You pick up crabs without any fear of being pinched. You are giving your all to raising Jimmy’s kid. If that ain’t passion, I don’t know what is.” Dean’s attention was drawn to something behind him and he nodded. When he looked back through the window, he smiled. “Balthazar says you can come out now.”

  
Castiel sat up and heard the sound of the seal breaking at the end of the chamber. The heavy round door swung open. Zar held out his hand and Castiel took it for balance as he stepped down onto the cool floor. Dean was hovering like he wanted to be there if Castiel fell. Castiel reached his hand out and Dean took it firmly in his.

  
“We’re going to our cabin,” Dean told Zar.

  
“Dean, I really have things to do. Is my camera okay? I need to download the pictures I got.”

  
“Your camera is fine, Castiel and Dean is right, you should probably go rest for the rest of the afternoon. We will be pulling into San Carlos within the hour. If we need your for anything, we’ll come get you.” Dean gave him a smug smile and pulled him out of the room. Zar headed off in the opposite direction.

  
Still barefoot, Castiel allowed Dean to lead him to their cabin. “Dean, I’m okay.”

  
“Uh huh,” Dean mumbled. He shut the door behind them and began to rummage through Castiel’s clothing locker. He made a ‘ah ha’ sound and handed Castiel a pair of pajama pants.

  
“I’d really like to shower first.”

  
“Dress. Now.” Dean put his hands on his hips and Castiel huffed, but unbuttoned his shorts. He let them drop to the floor. Dean averted his eyes. Once he had the pants pulled up, Dean came forward and ran his hands down Castiel’s arms. “You sure you’re okay. You didn’t get hurt when you passed out?” Dean was now massaging Castiel’s scalp. “You didn’t hit your head?”

  
“No, Dean,” Castiel sighed. He wasn’t used to being coddled. “Stop babying me. I’m fine.”

  
“You aren’t fine, Cas. Some psychopath tried to kill you in shark infested waters. I had to watch them pull you out of the water. You weren’t fucking moving, Cas. You were so still…” Dean’s words ended with a hitch in his voice. Castiel pulled him into his arms, using his palm to cradle the back of his head, holding it to his neck.

  
He whispered. “Shhh, I’m okay, Dean. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

  
***

  
_He_ was sorry. Dean tightened his hold and looked into Cas’ eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for, you dumbass.” Dean heard Cas’ short huff of laughter. “Now, get into bed. You need anything? Water? Food?” Dean gave the other man a gentle shove towards his bunk. What he wanted to do was push him down and crawl on top of him...make love...fuck...he meant fuck...until they couldn't see straight.

  
“Water and some aspirin,” Cas said, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

  
“On it. Just relax and I’ll be right back.”

  
Out in the hall, he muttered to himself, “Where am I gonna find aspirin on this tub?” He looked in both directions. Deciding that the kitchen would be the best place to start. At least, he could get the water there.

  
Rufus was chopping apples and there were four empty pie crusts lined up on the counter. “Pie. I think I love you.” Dean reached over and snitched an apple slice.

  
“Seems to me, I’m not the one you need to be telling that to…get your hands away from my apples, boy.”

  
Dean chose to ignore the first part of Rufus’ comment. Was everyone on the damn boat speculating on his relationship with Cas? Relationship. Whoa. Dean Winchester and relationship were never in the same sentence. “Where can I find some aspirin? Cas needs some.”

  
Rufus nodded towards a white cabinet on the wall by the door. “In there. How’s he doing?”

  
“He says he’s fine. Complaining of a headache though. I’m making him stay in bed for the rest of the day.”

  
“He’s a good man. Not sure what Alistair was thinking. He’s about as popular as a turd in a punchbowl on a good day, now…shit…Benny should have let you beat the holy shit out of him.”

  
“Yeah, well, I think I broke his nose. But you’re right, I wish Benny would have let me make shark bait out of him.”

  
Dean shook two of the caplets out of the bottle and opened the huge refrigerator. On the bottom shelf were rows and rows of bottled water. He took one. The boat lurched and he stumbled, gripping the edge of the door. “Shit, what was that?”

  
“We just docked,” Rufus replied, not looking up and never missing a slice with his knife. Dean was impressed. Shit, he’d looked like Captain Kirk when the Enterprise took a hit from the Klingons. He gave the cook a wave and headed back to the cabin.

  
Cas was asleep. Dean stood staring at him. Relationship, huh? Who would have believed Dean could even begin to feel this way about someone else. He was emotionally stunted according to the men and women he’d dated in the past. He feared commitment, at least, that’s what Sam said. He sat the bottle and aspirin on the desk. He should go see what was happening on deck. The local cops were supposed to dust for prints and they’d probably take Alistair into custody. Dean wondered how that would work. Alistair was an American citizen, but they were under Mexican jurisdiction. He took one last look at Cas, dark eyelashes against his pale cheeks. Dean hated seeing him so ashen. He brushed his fingertip over Cas’ jawline. He pulled it away quickly.

  
_“Damn, Winchester…you got it bad for my baby brother.”_

  
“Shut up, asshole,” Dean murmured to Jimmy’s imaginary voice in his head.

  
Everyone seemed to be on deck. Dean looked around. Beside the research vessel, several small yellow boats were docked. Charlie moved up beside him. She followed his gaze. “Abalone fisherman.”

  
“Oh.” The high-pitched keening of a siren had them both turning. A black pickup careened to a stop, Policia Federal stenciled in white on the side. Three men jumped out of the back and two got out of the cab. Dean’s eyes widened. They looked scary. Garth and Balthazar met them at the gangplank. There was a whole lot of gesturing and rapid fire Spanish. “What are they saying?”

  
Charlie shrugged. “Don’t have a clue.”

  
A few minutes later, one of the policemen boarded carrying a black case and Benny pointed to the compressor room. The man bent down and opened the case. Dean had seen enough CSI shows to know they were dusting for prints. Two others followed Garth and Balthazar below deck. Minutes later, they came out with Alistair in handcuffs. He was subdued, but managed to glare at Dean as he was led down the gangplank. Balthazar joined them. “Well, that’s that.”

  
“What will happen to him?” Charlie asked, watching them put Alistair, none to gently, in the back of the truck.

  
“We will file formal charges once they let us know if his fingerprints are on the compressor. I have no doubt they will be.” He looked over at Bela and Gordon. “I just hope this has scared some sense in those two.”

  
“Fat chance,” Charlie said, snidely. “Bela’s always been a bitch and Gordon creeps me out. Always has.”

  
Balthazar frowned. “I had no idea they were that bad. But anyway, they will never work on a research vessel again. At least not one of ours.” Balthazar put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “How’s Castiel?”

  
“Resting. He’s still so pale.”

  
“Try to keep him quiet. He won’t be diving anymore on this trip. In fact, I’ve called the Institute and we are returning to port. We collected a lot of data and tagged our quota of sharks. Castiel isn’t going to be happy, so I suggest you do something to distract him.”

  
Dean felt his face burning. Charlie giggled beside him and Balthazar’s eyebrows went up comically. “Not that, you idiot.”

  
***

  
Castiel’s headache woke him. The lamp had a towel thrown over it, so the room was dim. “Dean?”

  
“I’m here.” Dean’s voice came from the bunk above him. He watched as two legs swung over the edge and dropped to the floor. Dean moved to sit on the bed and Castiel scooted towards the wall, so he’d have room. “How do you feel?”

  
“My head still hurts. I guess I fell asleep and missed the aspirin.”

  
“Yeah. I didn’t want to wake you. Hold on.” Dean reached over towards the desk and handed him two pills. While Castiel took them, Dean opened the water bottle and pressed it into his palm. Castiel swallowed a few sips.

  
“What time is it?”

  
“It close to six.” Dean’s teeth flashed white in the darkened room. “You’ve had a good nap.”

  
Castiel cocked his head sideways. “The boat isn’t moving.”

  
“No, we are still on Cedros.” Castiel pursed his lips and Dean continued. “Don’t worry, the police came and got Alistair. Garth just got word about an hour ago that the prints on the compressor were his. Garth and Balthazar went down to the police station and filed formal charges. He’s being charged with attempted murder.”

  
“Attempted murder…he tried to kill me…” Castiel couldn’t fathom someone wanting to harm him for being gay.

  
“Hey…hey…it’s over now.” Dean shifted on the bunk and lay down beside him. The bunk was narrow at best, with two men, they were packed like sardines. Dean couldn’t figure out where to put his arms and finally Castiel couldn’t help laughing. “Can you just…” Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand and placed it on his hip. His left hand was now on Castiel’s waist and his right was tucked beneath his head. “There.” They were nose to nose.

  
“Dean…thank you,” Castiel whispered.

  
“For what?”

  
“Just being here.” That was the moment Castiel realized he wanted Dean to be with him always. He wasn’t just falling in love with the man…somehow, it he had already fallen.

  
“Sap.” Dean kissed him lightly on the lips. “You feel like eating something?” Castiel took Dean’s words for what they were – change the subject before it gets too deep.

  
“Yes.” Dean managed to stand without banging his head and he waited while Castiel changed into a pair of worn jeans and a short-sleeved shirt. He slipped his feet into his old pair of deck shoes. “Ready?”

  
“I’m always ready for food,” Dean said with a grin. He held out his hand and Castiel took it.

  
The majority of the crew and teams were in the mess hall. When they entered, everyone began to talk at once. Castiel had to swear he was alright at least a dozen times. Dean pushed him down into a seat while he got Castiel’s meal for him. “Dean seems to be enjoying playing nursemaid,” Zar said with a smirk.

  
“I think it’s romantic,” Charlie added. With Dean talking to Rufus and filling their plates, Castiel took the opportunity to talk to Zar.

  
“I think Dean may have left out a few things. Can you tell me what happened from the time you got me out of the cage?”

  
Zar clasped his hands together on the table in front of him. He quickly told Castiel about Dean’s mild panic attack, the way Dean punched Alistair and the way Dean wouldn’t leave his side the whole time he was in the recompression chamber. He’d just finished when Dean put down a plate in front of him. A large slice of apple pie was added. There was more food than Castiel could possibly eat. He was about to say something when he saw that Dean’s plate was just as full. He hid his smile and picked up his fork.

  
Dean was his champion…his defender. Now, all he had to do was convince Dean to move to Hawaii.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be warned. If you are reading this in a space you aren't supposed to, one of the photos at the end is x-rated.

Sex was out of the question. Cas was still recovering, even if the stubborn man didn’t think so. Dean waited outside of the shower stall, just in case Cas needed him. He leaned against the wall and listened. He imagined the water running over Cas chest, down his thighs…damn it…no sex…no sex…no sex. He shook of the x-rated thoughts. “Hey, Babe, you doing okay in there?”

  
“Yes, Dean,” Cas sounded just so done with Dean. It made Dean smile. He could turn it up just a bit.

  
“Not dizzy or anything?”

  
“No, Dean.”

  
“How’s the head feeling?”

  
“It’s fine, Dean.”

  
“Should I get you some more aspirin?”

  
“I’m fine, Dean.” There was a bit of bite behind his words and Dean couldn’t help but laugh. Cas heard and pulled back the curtain enough to look out. “You are just fucking with me, aren’t you?”

  
“Hey, just being a good boyfriend.” Dean’s eyes widened and he wished he could call the word back. Boyfriend? That made thing kind of permanent. Cas was looking at him quizzically, that cute head tilt thing going on.

  
“Is that what I am? Your boyfriend?” His voice was soft and Dean realized that Cas was okay with it.

  
“Yeah. If you want to be…that is…” Dean knew he was blushing. “God, I sound like I’m in high school. Want to go steady?”

  
Cas smiled. “I would love to go steady with you, Dean.”

  
“Oh, God…sorry…” Dean and Cas turned to see Kevin standing at the door, a towel wrapped around his waist. “I’ll come back…”

  
Dean laughed so hard, it sounded like a donkey braying. “Dude, it’s okay. Cas and I were just playing around.”

  
“Dean’s right, Kevin. I’ll be finished in a moment.”

  
Kevin eyed one of the open stalls, then he looked from Dean to his towel. Dean rolled his eyes and put his hand over his eyes. “Feel free.” He waited until he heard the shower curtain slide on its metal bar before removing his hand. Perfect timing, Dean thought, as Cas opened the curtain and stepped out to get his towel. Rivulets of water streamed down his body and Dean tried to watch all of them at once. His view was disrupted by a huge rectangle of green terrycloth. He decided then and there that he hated towels.

  
In their cabin, they both changed into their sleep pants. Dean reached up to pull himself into his bunk, but Cas caught him around the waist. “No sex…no sex…no sex,” he mumbled under his breath.

  
“What?” Cas asked, skimming his lips down Dean’s bare shoulder. Dean’s head fell back on its own volition and Cas took advantage to move his mouth to that spot right behind Dean’s ear that…Really…Turned…Him…On.

  
“Sex...”

  
“Yes,” Cas said against his skin. His hands were gliding over Dean’s sides – up and down. He could feel Cas’ cock hardening through the thin cotton of his pants.

  
“We shouldn’t…”

  
Cas made this purring sound at the same time his hand reached into the waistband of Dean’s pants, wrapping his hands around Dean’s half-hard shaft. “Want you,” Cas whispered. Before Dean could respond, Cas propelled Dean to the desk and pressed his palm to the back of Dean’s neck. His next words were so dirty that Dean gave up trying to be good. “I’m going to lick your ass until you beg me to fuck you, Dean. I’ll open you up nice and slow…and God, I’m going to fuck you hard and fast…”

  
Dean couldn’t speak. He pushed his ass out, silently giving Cas his permission to do whatever he wanted. Cas kissed a line down Dean’s spine and when he got to the elastic band of his pants, they were yanked down to pool at Dean’s feet. He sensed Cas settling down on his knees and even though he was expecting it, having Cas part the cheeks of his ass caused him to gasp.

  
The combination of hot tongue on his hole and stubble rubbing at the sensitive skin of his ass overloaded Dean’s mind. All he could do was hang on for the ride. His arms shook, so he went down onto his elbows, head dropping between them. He couldn’t remember the last time he got rimmed, but he knew, without a doubt, that Cas was an expert. The man had Dean moaning like a porn star. He could feel the wet slip of Cas’ tongue dipping inside as the muscle relaxed under his onslaught. He was so hard he ached. “Cas…come on…” Dean wasn’t sure what he wanted…for Cas to continue or for Cas to fuck him.

  
Cas pulled away and Dean felt small kisses on each of his cheeks. Dumb sap…

  
He looked around as Cas pulled himself to his feet. His face was wet with spit and damned if he didn’t look hot. Cas opened his locker and rummaged around. A few seconds later, he held a bottle of lube and a condom in his hand. Dean grinned.

“Expectations?”

  
“Hope,” Cas said sheepishly. He ran his hand down Dean’s flank. “Lots of hope.”

  
Dean dropped his head, emotions swirling around in his head. Damn the man for being so…fucking perfect. He heard the tell-tale sound of the cap being snapped open. The cool gel caused goosebumps on Dean’s arms. At the same time Cas’ finger slid into him, he felt Cas’ mouth on his back, leaving more kisses up and down his spine. The initial intrusion made Dean tense, but Cas’ mouth was now sucking marks onto his shoulder. “Relax, Dean. I have you.” And Dean knew he did. He could count on one hand how many times he bottomed, but he knew without a doubt, this man was going to ruin him for anyone else.

  
***

  
Castiel left tiny marks on Dean’s left shoulder as his finger moved in and out. “Relax, Dean, I have you.” He felt Dean’s muscles relax and his mouth drifted to Dean’s other shoulder. He felt the puckered skin of Dean’s scar. He kissed it and he heard Dean’s small intake of breath. “You are perfect,” he whispered and he pushed another finger into Dean’s tight heat. Dean’s moan went straight to Castiel’s cock. Time moved slowly as he gently and painstakingly opened Dean up. With every push inside, Dean rolled his hips, begging for more with his body. With every sound that Dean made, Castiel would rain kisses on his shoulders, his neck and the soft skin in the middle of his back. He was sensitive there. Castiel loved how Dean gasped when Castiel licked and sucked him in that area.

  
He’d been careful not to brush against Dean’s prostate, but Dean was ready for him now. With a crook of his finger, Castiel searched for it. “God…Cas. Again…please.” Castiel couldn’t help his smile. Dean was so responsive to him. A light sheen of sweat was beading along Dean’s back. Castiel obeyed Dean’s wish and stroked over it again. “Cas…now…baby…pleasefuckmeplease.”

  
Using one hand and his teeth, he opened the foil packet. His other hand continued thrusting into Dean. He fumbled with his pants, growling in frustration when he almost dropped the condom. He finally got them down to mid-thigh. He quickly rolled the latex sleeve down his shaft and carefully pulled out of Dean. Dean whimpered and Castiel stared down at the expanse of muscular back and ass. He snatched the lube off the desk and filled his palm with it. Quickly, he coated his cock with it, eyes never leaving Dean’s beautiful body.

  
Gripping the base of his cock, he nudged Dean’s entrance. He rubbed the head up and down the cleft of Dean’s ass, enjoying the erotic picture it made. If only he could go bareback. He closed his eyes and imagined himself sliding into Dean without anything between them. “Stop teasing,” Dean growled.

  
Castiel chuckled. “Impatient?”

  
Dean turned his head. “I’m bent over a cold metal desk and my legs ain’t as young as they used to be.” There wasn’t any heat behind the complaint, but Castiel couldn’t prolong it anymore. He pushed in and didn’t stop until his hips were against Dean’s ass. He could hear Dean panting, open-mouthed.

  
“Dean? Are you okay?”

  
“Yeah. Just…give me a sec.” Castiel used his sleep pants to wipe the lube off before rubbing Dean’s back in slow, rhythmical circles. Dean began to move his hips. “Okay…I’m ready.”

  
Carefully, Castiel eased out until just the head was inside and then he slowly pushed back in. Dean felt so good around him. Hot and slick. His hands found purchase on Dean’s hips and he pulled out again. Deliberately slow. In and out…enjoying the drag of Dean’s rim with each and every push.

  
“Damn it, Cas.” Dean whispered harshly. “Fuck me like you mean it.”

  
Castiel leaned down until his chest was against Dean’s back and he could whisper in his ear. “I promised I’d fuck you hard and fast. Is that what you need, Dean. Hard and fast?”

  
“Fuck…yes…” Anything else Dean was going to say was cut off with the snap of Castiel’s hips. He set a punishing rhythm that had Dean grunting. Castiel let his hands move up to Dean’s shoulders to get a better grip. Faster and harder. The slap of skin on skin. Moans of pleasure. The movement of Dean’s right arm as he stroked himself. Both losing themselves in absolute abandon. “Cas…” Just one word – a hitched whisper was the only warning Castiel got before Dean’s muscles tensed and his body went still. Castiel’s cock felt like it was in a vice. It was there…right…there. His release so strong that everything went black for a millisecond. He let himself sink down onto Dean’s back, feeling his strong heart pounding next to his. Aftershocks rocked both of them.

“Cas…knees…”

  
Castiel started to laugh and in doing so, slipped out of Dean’s body. Dean grunted as Castiel slowly straightened and pulled away. Dean winced as he stood, using the desk for support. “I’m too fucking old to fuck standing up.”

  
“I’m older than you,” Castiel said with a quirk of his lips. “and I’m not complaining.” He tugged off the condom and wrapped it in a tissue from the desk before tossing it into the small trashcan.

  
“Well, next time, you can be the fuckee and I’ll be the fucker.” Dean took the sting out of his words by grabbing Castiel’s hand and pulling him closer.

  
“I don’t think ‘fuckee’ is an actual word,” Castiel replied right before Dean’s lips met his. The kiss was gentle, almost chaste. When Dean pulled back, Castiel was struck by the look of absolute adoration in Dean’s eyes and he knew it was mirrored in his own.  
The next morning was spent logging in data. He’d left Dean to sleep, while he ate a quick breakfast with his team. When they tried to bring up the subject of Alistair, Castiel calmly steered them back to work. “While this trip has been cut short, Balthazar assures me that he has tagged enough sharks to satisfy the Institute. We need to help him enter the data. Charlie will be assisting me with going through the photographs. Meg, you need to be taking notes on the film you shot because it will need to be edited as soon as you get back. Any questions?”

  
“Where’s Dean?” Charlie asked with an impish smile. The others weren’t successful at hiding their own smiles.

  
“Sleeping.”

  
“Yeah, I guess he was worn out after yesterday…you know…the stress and all.” Meg stifled a snort at Charlie’s words.

  
“Yes, he was quite worried about me,” Castiel’s eyes returned to the clipboard in front of him. “Now, let’s get back to…”

  
“Castiel, how many degrees do you have?” Zar’s voice echoed in the mess hall. Castiel tilted his head and looked at his friend, confused. Zar knew his educational background.

  
“I currently have three,” Castiel answered, his voice uncertain.

  
“You would think a man with three friggin’ degrees would know that sounds carry in a boat…with metal walls.”

  
***

  
Dean almost bumped into Balthazar, who was blocking the doorway into the mess hall. He stopped himself just in time and winced as he heard the man giving it to Cas in that clipped British tone of his. He peeked over Balthazar’s shoulder and Cas was turning fifty shades of red. Going for broke, Dean tapped his arm, smarmy grin in place. When Balthazar turned abruptly, Dean said, “Dude, don’t be jealous. It’s not a good look on you.” He clapped him on his back for good measure.

  
The room erupted in laughter and Balthazar’s lips twitched, letting Dean know the man hadn’t been really upset. “Novak, I would suggest a ball gag for your boyfriend.”

  
The laughter escalated. “I will take that under advisement, Zar,” Cas said with a deadpan look on his face. Charlie actually had to wipe her eyes she was laughing so hard.

  
Balthazar cleared his throat. “The captain advises that we’ll be back at home port by tomorrow morning. My team has a lot of data to upload. We get it all done by dinner, the captain said we could stop and swim some. I suggest you hop to it.” Everyone moved at once, except Cas. Dean walked up and sat next to him.

  
“Guess we were a bit loud, huh?”

  
“Perhaps a bit,” Cas replied, leaning into Dean.

  
“You need me to do anything…or should I just stay out of the way?” Dean’s hand rested comfortably on Cas’ thigh. He’d never been one for PDA’s before, but he found he liked touching Cas.

  
“The majority of work for my team involves uploading the pictures, Kevin and Claire will be assisting Zar’s team. With one man down on the boat’s crew, Garth might have something for you to help with.”

  
“Yeah, that would be cool. I’ll go ask.” Dean kissed Cas and stood up. Cas picked up his clipboard and they parted ways at the door.

  
The helm was quiet. Garth was holding the wheel and staring straight ahead. He turned when he heard Dean’s tread on the deck. “Hey, Dean.”

  
“Hey. Look, I know you’re a man down and Cas suggested that I might help you with…stuff.” Dean shrugged because he’d never worked on a boat before and had no idea what it entailed.

  
“Have you ever worked a satellite radio?” Dean knew he wasn’t talking about the satellite radios used in cars to play your favorite songs. He nodded.

  
“Some. We used them when I was deployed. All of us had to have a working knowledge of them.”

  
“Good, you’re hired. Benny and Samuel have been taking shifts, but they have other things to do. I’d appreciate the help.” Garth picked up a handheld mic and spoke. “Hey, Benny, can you come take the helm?”

  
“Sure thing, Cap.”

  
Garth turned back to the bow. Dean followed his gaze. The water was so blue. For someone who’d never been around the ocean much, Dean found himself at home on this boat.

  
“I just want to apologize to you for Alistair. I’ve already told Castiel how sorry I was. What he did…I just had no idea he was that…fucked up.”

  
“Hey, not your fault, man. You had no way of knowing he was batshit crazy,” Dean assured the smaller man.

  
“I’m still the captain of this vessel and it’s my job to keep my crew in line.”

  
“Yeah, well, you tried,” Benny said from the door behind Dean. To Dean, he said, “The captain tried several times to get him transferred off our boat, but his uncle sits on some board somewhere and has a lot of pull.”

  
“Is this gonna cause a shitstorm for you, Captain?” Dean asked, concerned at the flack Garth, Balthazar and Cas could get.

  
“No, the institute is behind us on this one. Attempted murder trumps any pull Alistair’s uncle may have had.” Garth indicated the wheel. “Benny, take her while I show Dean the radio room. He’s going to be helping until we reach port.”

  
“Thank you,” Benny said, his face showing relief that the job wasn’t his anymore.

  
Garth showed Dean the basics and told him all he had to do was monitor the channels for weather reports, vessels in the area and listen for any incoming messages from the institute. Dean figured it out easily enough and sat down to watch the screens in front of him. During the course of the morning, several people walked by and stopped to talk. They treated him like he was one of them, not just Cas’ guest. Dean found that he liked that feeling.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More "nice" pictures at the end.

The ribbing aside, Castiel had a good day. Dean was working in the radio room and seemed to be enjoying having something to do. Castiel and his team got their assignments done by early-afternoon. Balthazar’s team was finished soon after. Castiel noted that since Alistair’s arrest, Bela and Gordon had kept their heads down. The rest of the group ignored them. Castiel leaned against the bulkhead and wondered how anyone could let hate screw up their lives like that. They were kicked out of the intern program, which would leave bad marks in their transcripts. Castiel knew how gossip carried in academic circles and rumors of their behavior would get out. He exhaled and straightened. Garth promised they’d stop at one of the coves to get some fun in before they made port.

  
He made his way to the galley, where Rufus was finishing up a stack of sandwiches. “Need any help?”

  
“Sure.” The older man looked around and nodded towards some fruit. “You can peel and chop that. I’m trying to keep things simple for the picnic.”

  
Castiel finished with the fruit and helped Rufus pack the food into a large cooler and a big, plastic tote. Another cooler held bottled water, juice and sodas. Castiel heard the sound of the engines reversing. “Looks like we’re here. Are you going to join us on the beach, Rufus?”

  
“Are you kidding? Do I look like I need fun in the sun? No, I’m taking my time off to read and relax.”

  
“Good for you.” Castiel left the galley and found Dean in the radio room. “Hello, Dean.”

  
Dean looked up and a smile lit his face. “Heya, Gorgeous.”

  
“Can I borrow the ship-to-shore before we hit the beach?”

  
“Sure.” Dean got up and offered Castiel his chair. Castiel expertly flipped a few switches and put on the headset. He heard the ringing.

  
“Hello, Novak Residence,” Ellen said, her voice sounding tinny.

  
“Ellen, it’s Castiel.”

  
“Castiel, how is the trip going?”

  
“Long story. We are cutting the trip short by four days, so I’ll be home earlier than planned.”

  
“Is everything okay?” She asked, sounding concerned.

  
“Yes. How is Matthew?”

  
“He’s fine. He misses you.”

  
“I miss him. Is he around?” He glanced up. Dean was leaning against the doorway, a small smile touching his lips.

  
“He’s napping. I can go wake him.”

  
“No. No, that’s okay. He’s grouchy when his nap is disturbed. Just tell him I love him and I’ll see him soon. I will call with my flight arrangements.”

  
“Take care of yourself, Castiel. Oh…wait…how are things going with Dean?” Again, he glanced up at the man in question. He was thankful for the headset.

  
“Fine.” He heard her soft laugh loud and clear.

  
“He’s there, isn’t he?”

  
“Yes.”

  
“Shall we expect a guest when you return home?”

  
“No…I don’t think so. It’s…”

  
“Complicated?”

  
“Yes. Something like that.”

  
“Castiel, everything has always come easy for you…this time you may have to work for it.”

  
Castiel frowned. Everything didn’t come easy for him. That was ridiculous. Again, Ellen laughed. “I can see your expression from here. You know it’s true. School, photography, one night stands…” He winced at the last one.

  
“I need to go now, Ellen.”

  
“Coward.”

  
“Goodbye, Ellen.”

  
“Take care, Castiel.” Castiel flipped the switch and hung up the headphones.

  
“Everything okay at home?” Dean moved closer, placing his hands on Castiel’s shoulders and began to massage them. Castiel leaned into it. God, the man had perfect hands.

  
“Yes. Matthew was napping.”

  
“You’ll see him soon,” Dean said softly, his thumbs working at the tight muscles in his neck.

  
“Uh huh.” Dean chuckled.

  
“Hey, come on, guys…you can do that crap later. We have a beach party to start,” Charlie said, leaning her head in the room.

  
***

  
The smaller boat was used to transport the food over to the beach and was tied off. Everyone else went over the side, splashing and laughing. Even Garth joined in the fun. Dean swam towards shore, stopping when his feet touched the sandy bottom. Castiel was slicing through the water like a freakin’ Olympic swimmer. Dean watched him walk up the beach, shaking the water out of his hair. “Go get ‘em, Tiger,” Charlie said, treading water beside him.

  
“Shut up.” He knew he was blushing.

  
“If you could see your face when you look at him. It makes me believe in fairy tales.”

  
“Uh huh,” Dean took a step closer to shore, not wanting to get into this conversation with the perky redhead, even if she was growing on him.

  
She grabbed his arm and her expression turned serious. “He’s a good man, Dean. And he looks at you the same way. I’m rooting for you two. I think everyone on board is…well, not Bela and Gordon, but they don’t count.” She let go of his arm and found her footing on the bottom.

  
“Thanks…I think.” He looked up at Cas helping unload the boat. Cas peered out over the water and caught Dean’s stare. Dean could see that brilliant smile from where he was. “How do I know?” He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Charlie smiled softly.

  
“You just know when you can’t imagine your life without them…or when you want to wake up with them every morning…or just seeing them across a room makes your heart beat faster.” She gave a tiny shrug. “Come on, let’s hit the beach.”

  
Together they waded through the water until they got to the warm sand. Cas came up to them, he had a camera around his neck. “Are you hungry?”

  
“Not yet,” Dean answered. He looked at the beautiful rock formations just down the beach. “I want to go exploring.” He held out his hand and Cas took it. He rolled his eyes are Charlie’s exaggerated sigh.

  
“Is everything okay, Dean?”

  
“Yep.” Dean continued to lead them towards a natural arch. A few seconds went by.

  
“Are you sure…”

  
“Shut up, Cas,” Dean said softly, pulling him along. Cas didn’t say another word, Dean took that as a sign of trust. Trust was important in a relationship, wasn’t it? Yep, he answered himself. They got to the arch and Dean stopped to look up. It had to be seventy feet to the apex. “This is really cool. You don’t see shit like this in Texas.”

  
“I suppose not.” Cas adjusted his camera and took a few shots.

  
“I guess you see a lot of beautiful things like this living in Hawaii,” Dean said, watching Cas taking a close up of some sort of crab.

  
“Hawaii is a natural wonder, but Texas has its own kind of beauty. Wildflowers, the rivers, caverns, you…” Cas didn’t look up, still intent on getting the perfect shot of the little creature.

  
“I’m not…” Dean stopped and started again. “You said you thought you were…” Dean rubbed his neck and looked out to sea. Maybe it would be easier to talk about if he wasn’t staring at the man. “…you were falling…” Damn. He couldn’t seem to say the ‘L’ word.

  
“That I was falling in love with you?”

  
“Yeah, that.” He heard Cas soft chuckle, but didn’t turn around. “So, how do you know…like what is it about me…that…caused those…feelings.” If the men could hear you now, Winchester, they’d die laughing. Captain Winchester has balls of steel. Come on, man up. “Shut up, Jimmy,” Dean said under his breath.

  
“I suppose it is a combination of things. You’re kind, smart. You have a strong sense of who you are and your place in this world. You loved my brother and he loved you. You like Matthew and it shows in the way you interact with him. I can’t lie, there is a physical attraction, but you have a good soul, Dean.” Halfway through Cas’ speech, Dean turned his head to look at Cas. He still had his eye against his viewfinder, clicking pictures.

  
“I don’t know if I’m capable of…loving someone, Cas.”

  
“We agreed to try things out, Dean. I’m not asking for declarations of love or fairy tales.” Dean remembered Charlie’s words, “It makes me believe in fairy tales.”

  
Castiel finally put his camera down, letting it dangle from its strap around his neck. He reached up and put a hand on Dean’s jaw. After a moment, he kissed Dean softly. “We should get back before they send out a search party.” Dean nodded and followed Cas back to the beach.

  
Some were in the water, but most were seated on the sand, drinks in hand. The two men joined them, grabbing a sandwich and soft drink each before sitting near Charlie, Kevin and Claire. The late afternoon sank behind the horizon and they lit a bonfire with driftwood they collected. Dean and Cas sat with the shoulders touching, hands not quite clasped together, just an occasional caress over knuckles with their thumbs.

  
As the fire died, the talk turned to whispers and then Garth stood and brushed off the sand. “We need to get moving.” Everyone groaned, but they all pitched in to clean up their mess. The boat made several trips back and forth until everyone was on board. It took another hour or so before they all had their showers. The engines rumbled to life and the large vessel headed north.

  
After a heavy session of making out, the men got into their own bunks. Dean listened as Cas’ breathing became deep and even. He replayed Charlie’s words. “You just know when you can’t imagine your life without them…or when you want to wake up with them every morning…or just seeing them across a room makes your heart beat faster.”

  
For once, Dean woke before Cas. Or maybe it was that he just slept fitfully all night, his mind swirling with thoughts of a future with Cas…and Matt. Was he ready for fatherhood? Not that he would be Matt’s father. But a future with Cas meant a future with Matt. His own childhood had a lot to be desired and having kids wasn’t something he ever dreamed about. He stayed still, listening to the hum of the engines. He knew Garth and Benny took turns through the night. They were supposed to make port this morning. Then what? Cas would fly home to Hawaii. Dean would fly back to Texas. When would they see each other again? He closed his eyes. When had life gotten so damn complicated? He laughed softly. Now, he knew what was going on when people put ‘it’s complicated’ as their Facebook status.

  
***

  
As the boat docked, the teams gathered their equipment and followed the protocol for packing up the computers. Goodbyes were said. Hugs were exchanged and finally it was just the boat crew, Castiel, Zar and Dean. Castiel had called the airlines and switched his flight to leave the next morning. Dean was leaving on the same flight. The small plane would take them both to Mexico City where they would separate with Castiel flying on to LA and Dean landing in Dallas.

  
Castiel was fine as long as he stayed busy. In less than twenty-four hours, Dean would be getting on a plane home. These few days had been amazing and now, it was almost over. Would the progress they made towards each other fade?

  
His cameras were packed in crates and would be in the cargo hold of the plane. He double-checked them to make sure the tags were correct, even though he trusted Charlie. These were his babies. “The car’s here, Cas.”

  
Dean stood at the rail of the boat, looking at the busy pier. A large SUV was idling there. Benny used a dolly to get the crates down the gangway and Dean helped him load them in the back. They stowed their luggage and Castiel thanked Benny for his help. They shook hands with promises to see each other ‘next time’. The ride to the hotel was done in silence.

  
Castiel paid the hotel staff to store the crates and they took their bags to the second floor. The hotel was small, but nice. Dean didn’t say anything when the bellman put their luggage in the same room. “Shall we go downstairs and have lunch?”  
“Yeah, I’m starving.”

  
They found a cantina just a few doors down and ordered a couple of bottles of Dos Equis and Pescado Estilo Ensenada. The fish was freshly caught and tasted wonderful. The tension Castiel felt earlier was gone. He was sitting with the man he’d grown to love in a short amount of time and he refused to think about what tomorrow would bring. Dean pushed away from the table and rubbed his belly. “Damn, that was good.”

  
“Yes, it was. What do you want to do now? There are some interesting things to see in the area…” Dean’s gaze was heated and Castiel stopped talking. Dean let his eyes drop to Castiel’s lips and he unconsciously licked them. Dean stood abruptly, the chair scraping loudly over the old wood floor. He grabbed Castiel’s hand and tugged him quickly towards the door. Castiel reached in his pocket and tossed several pesos on the table.

  
Dean pushed the elevator button once they were back at the hotel. After a second, he growled and turned his head this way and that. “Come on,” he exclaimed and pulled Castiel towards the stairwell. By the time they got to the second floor landing, Castiel was amused and was about to make a joke about Dean’s impatience, when he was slammed against the wall. Dean’s mouth was on his and Castiel opened for him. He let Dean take what he needed. He felt Dean’s hands scrabbling to get his shirt untucked from his jeans.

  
Using all his willpower, he took his hands and placed them on the sides of Dean’s face, stopping the heated kisses. “We need to get into the room, Dean.” He watched as the glaze left Dean’s eyes and Dean nodded curtly. Castiel inserted the key card and the door swung open. Before he could put his wallet on the dresser, the door slammed shut.

  
Dean wrapped his arms around him from behind and began an assault on his neck. Dean’s teeth grazed against his skin and he shivered. His cock was getting interested very fast. Dean ground his pelvis against his ass and he could feel the other man’s erection. “Want to fuck you so bad,” Dean whispered hoarsely in his ear. Castiel stepped forward and turned to face Dean. He began to unbutton his shirt slowly. Dean’s eyes followed every movement. Dean continued to watch while Castiel stripped for him, first his shirt, his shoes, his belt. When he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, Dean smirked. “Commando?”

  
“Complaining?”

  
“Fuck, no.” Castiel smiled and let his jeans fall to the floor. He kicked them off. Knowing he had Dean’s undivided attention, he stroked his cock to a full erection. He ran his thumb over the slit and rubbed the slick evidence of his arousal over the head. A low and dirty sound came from Dean’s throat and he was pushed backwards onto the bed.

  
Dean didn’t take as long as Castiel to undress. He had everything off in record time. “Supplies?”

  
“My bag, outside pocket.” Dean just about tore the zipper open getting into it. Dean’s impatience was causing Castiel’s heart to beat erractically. Having someone want him that bad was exciting. He could feel his hole twitch. He wanted to be fucked, but first he wanted to bury his face between Dean’s ass and eat him until he screamed.

  
Dean knelt on the bed and lowered himself over Castiel. The kiss was hard and needy. Soon, they weren’t even kissing anymore, it was just hard presses of lips and teeth. Dean was riding his thigh, rubbing his cock up and down. Using the same move as he’d done the first time they’d had sex, Castiel expertly rolled them until he was on top. Dean blinked in confusion. “I want to eat your ass.”

  
“You got a dirty mouth, Cas,” Dean said with a devilish grin, but he spread his legs in invitation.

  
Castiel kissed and sucked on Dean’s nipples until they were reddened and swollen. Dean was watching him with lazy eyes, his breaths coming hard and fast. He didn’t rush Castiel though. After a time, Castiel moved lower and dipped his tongue into Dean’s belly button. Dean giggled. Castiel looked up, eyebrows raised. “Ticklish?”

  
“Shut up,” Dean said, face blushing.

  
When he got to Dean’s bush, he inhaled Dean’s scent. Musk and sweat…addictive. He ignored Dean’s cock, even though it was begging to be sucked. Precum glistened at the tip, a trail slick on Dean’s belly. Castiel used his hands to push Dean’s thighs apart even further, baring him to Castiel’s gaze. He rubbed his thumb over the spot under Dean’s balls that was guaranteed to make a man forget his name. It had the desired effect. Dean’s moaned and let his head fall back on the pillow. Dean’s hole was devoid of hair and Castiel wondered if his lover manscaped or if it was natural. He licked at the puckered entrance. Dean gasped out Castiel’s name and curled his fist around his cock. “Fuck…fuck…feels freakin’ awesome.”

  
While Castiel licked and sucked at Dean’s hole, Dean was stroking his wet length. Castiel settled Dean’s legs over his shoulders and used his hands to lift Dean’s ass. He lapped hungrily, loving the sounds Dean was making. He could feel the tight muscle relaxing from his onslaught. His cock was heavy between his legs and he wanted relief, but giving Dean pleasure was such a turn on. He dipped his tongue inside and Dean arched off the bed. “Jesus…Cas…” Dean’s hand was squeezing his cock tightly now, like he was trying to stave off an orgasm. Castiel lifted his head.

  
“Don’t stop, Dean. I want to make you come.” Dean’s eyes widened and stared straight into his. He opened his mouth, but didn’t speak, he just nodded and his hand picked up the pace.

  
Castiel worked his tongue in and out faster and faster. Dean’s hand was a blur and he was whimpering. Castiel loved the sound of Dean losing control. He was so close. Castiel’s spit was dripping between the cheeks of Dean’s ass, leaving a wet stain on the bedspread. He ran his finger through it, getting it ready. He watched. He waited. Never stopping the movement of his tongue. Dean reached down and cupped his balls and Castiel inserted a finger next to his thrusting tongue. Dean cried out and bucked, his heels digging into Castiel’s back. Castiel slowly pulled his finger and tongue from his lover’s body. Dean, spent, lay sweating and gasping for air. Castiel rose up on his knees. Ribbons of white cum striped his stomach and chest. Dean slowly opened his eyes. “Give me a minute,” he whispered between harsh breaths.

  
“We have plenty of time,” Castiel said affectionately. He ignored his own hard cock and lay beside Dean, gathering him close. He kissed Dean’s sweaty forehead and murmured into his ear until the man fell asleep. He watched Dean sleep and counted the freckles on his face. Yes, he was definitely in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With it being a holiday in the US, this will be my last chapter until next week. I have family coming in and I will be entertaining. Hopefully, the sex will keep you from coming after me with tiny pitchforks.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have this chapter up earlier this week, but between car problems and family visiting...well, I failed miserably. 
> 
> It is all uphill from here, my faithful readers. Hang on for some good times ahead. I'm predicting rainbows with a chance of scattered unicorns.

The rest of the day and into the night was spent in bed. They ran the gauntlet of sexual positions. When the alarm went off the next morning, neither man wanted to move. Cas finally groaned and rolled out of bed. Dean heard the shower start and sighed. He joined Cas. The mutual handjob wasn’t as enthusiastic as yesterday’s events. Both men were quiet as they dressed and packed their bags. The short ride to the airport by taxi was tense. Dean didn’t feel like talking and Cas’ commentary on the passing scenery was like salt into his wounds. He tried to smile and pay attention. Really, he did.

  
Unfortunately, the small plane was full and they couldn’t sit together. Cas was near the front and Dean was stuck in the tail section beside a middle-aged man with severe body odor. It wasn’t helping his sour stomach. The quick breakfast they shared at the hotel was threatening to make a second appearance.

  
When they landed in Mexico City, Dean pushed people out of his way. A few expletives were sent his way, but he didn’t care. Once he was inside the air conditioned terminal, he stopped and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes against the glare of the fluorescent lights. His head throbbed. He felt a hand on his waist and opened his eyes. Cas looked concerned. “Are you okay?”

  
“Yeah…just felt sick. I hate flying.” Dean knew it wasn’t just the flying that had his head feeling like it was in a vice, but he wasn’t going to dump his stupid insecurities on Cas.

  
“Stay here. I’m going to get you some water.” Cas left his bag next to Dean’s and sprinted down the terminal. Dean let his head roll back to rest on the wall.

  
“Sweetheart, here, drink this.” Sweetheart? Dean felt his eyes burn and he blinked quickly. He wasn’t going to cry like a fuckin’ baby. He took the bottle and gulped down half of it. Cas, forehead lined with worry handed him a single-dose packet of Tylenol. Dean took them gratefully.

  
_“Vuelo 1231 a Los Ángeles dejando en la puerta 16”_

  
_“Flight 1231 to Los Angeles leaving at Gate 16”_

  
Cas looked down at his watch and cursed. “Dean, I…”

  
“Cas, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” Dean watched Cas as he closed his eyes to kiss Dean. Dean kept his open. He needed to remember this moment. The kiss was filled with everything they didn’t have time to say.

  
“I love you, Dean,” Cas whispered as he picked up his bag and backed away. Finally, he turned and strode towards his gate. Dean kept his eyes on Cas’ retreating back until he turned a corner. Feeling numb, he picked up his duffle and went to locate his own gate.

  
He slept during the flight into Dallas. Sam was waiting at baggage claim. They hugged briefly. “Did you have a good time? You got some sun. Did you get to dive any?”

  
“Yes. I did. And yes,” Dean said, watching the baggage carousel go around. He spotted his dive bag and waited patiently for it to come around to him.

  
“You okay?” Sam asked quietly, reaching around Dean to snag his bag off the conveyor belt. He hefted it over his shoulder and looked intently at Dean. Dean sighed.

  
“I’m fine. I’m tired and I’ve been stuck in flying tin cans all day. Let’s just get out of here.” Sam didn’t look convinced, but thankfully, he didn’t say anything else.

  
When Sam unlocked the apartment, it smelled wonderful. Dean’s stomach growled. A blond head poked around the corner of the kitchen. “Hi, Dean. I’m finishing dinner.”

  
Dean lifted an eyebrow at Sam. “Hannah is cooking dinner? Here? In your apartment? How cozy.”

  
“Shut up.”

  
Later, when he was ready for bed, he saw some female clothing in a laundry basket on Sam’s bed. Since Hannah and Sam were busy with a movie, Dean wandered into Sam’s bathroom. A extra toothbrush hung next to Sam’s. Toiletries were scattered around and unless Sam was wearing makeup these days, Hannah had been spending some time here while Dean was away.

  
His own room was musty and he turned on the ceiling fan. He glanced at the pile of boxes he’d yet to unpack after his deployment and move from Fort Hood. He glanced at the time. Cas wouldn’t be landing in Oahu for another two hours. Dean picked up his guitar, sat on his bed and strummed.

  
He hummed for awhile and then it evolved into words.

  
_“I’m shameless, oh honey, I don’t have a prayer_  
 _Every time I see you standing there,_  
 _I go down upon my knees…”_

He stopped and laid the guitar aside. What was he going to do?

  
Dean must have dozed off because his phone woke him. He snatched it up. “Cas?”

  
“Hello, Dean. I’m going to assume your flight was okay.”

  
“Yeah, it was fine. You home?”

  
“Not quite. I’m waiting for Ellen to pick me up. She got held up by an accident.” Seconds ticked. Dean could hear the sounds of the airport.

  
“Hey, Cas?”

  
“Yes…wait, there’s Ellen. Let me call you when I get home. Damn, I keep forgetting about the time difference. Call me when you wake up. I don’t care what time it is. I’ll sleep with my phone on. Love you. Bye.”

  
“I love you,” Dean whispered to empty air. He typed in the words, ‘I miss you’ and sent the text.

  
***

  
Castiel tossed his bags into the trunk and got into the passenger seat. Ellen pulled out of the busy airport traffic and onto the highway. He let his head fall back on the headrest. “God, I’m beat.” He and Dean hadn’t slept much and he’d spent the entire day in planes. He didn’t sleep well in aircraft, so he’d done some work on a new article he was thinking of writing.

  
“I guess so. Jo is spending the night, so you can sleep late in the morning.” She veered onto Wilikina Drive. “Tell me about your trip.”

  
Since they had thirty minutes before he could close his eyes and sleep, Castiel gave her the highlights. When he got to the incident with Alistair, Ellen burst out with some very colorful language. “Ellen, calm down. I’m okay. He won’t be getting out of Mexican prison any time soon.”

  
“I hope he never gets out. Maybe someone will shank him,” Ellen snarled. Castiel would have laughed, but he knew Ellen was deadly serious. They drove in silence for awhile and Castiel almost dozed off. “And how is Dean? Have you talked to him since you left this morning?”

  
“Briefly. I was on the phone with him when you pulled up. He made it home okay. I was worried about him at the airport. He was complaining of a headache and he looked so pale, but he said he was fine.”

  
“When will you see each other again?” Ellen turned onto their road.

  
“I don’t know.” Castiel was relieved when Ellen pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine. She helped him get his bags into the house and patted his arm.

  
“Glad you’re home.” Castiel stood at the doorway until he could no longer see her taillights. He locked the door and made his way up the stairs. He stripped down and sat on the edge of his bed. He plugged his phone in and noticed the text message.

  
**Text from Dean/12:58 – I miss you.**

  
Castiel smiled and crawled under the covers. He missed Dean too. So very much. Exhaustion took its toll and Castiel fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

  
An insistent chirping woke him and he fumbled for his alarm clock. Hitting the button didn’t stop the noise. “Wha…. He opened one eye and reached for his cell phone. “Lo.”

  
“Cas? Sorry I woke you.” Dean’s voice woke Castiel like no amount of caffeine could come close.

  
“No, it’s okay. I wanted to hear your voice.”

  
“Sap.” Castiel smiled and leaned back on the pillow.

  
“I wish you were here,” Castiel said softly.

  
“Yeah, me too.” Dean switched the conversation to less emotional topics and Castiel found himself listening to Dean’s plans for his work week. He enjoyed the deep timbre of Dean’s voice. “Look, I need to get ready for work. You get some more sleep, Babe.”

  
“Goodbye, Dean. Talk to you soon.”

  
“Bye.” Castiel should have ended the call with an ‘I love you’, but with Dean not reciprocating his feelings, he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

  
He tried to go back to sleep, but he heard Matthew’s footsteps in the hall and couldn’t wait to see him. He slipped on a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. He could hear the boy whispering in his room. He stopped at the doorway. Jo was sitting on the floor showing Matthew how to tie his shoes. Matthew looked up and saw him. He squealed and almost ran Jo over in his haste to get to Castiel. Castiel picked him up and hugged him close, breathing in the smell of the child. “I missed you, Matthew.”

  
“Missed you too, Unca Daddy.” Castiel closed his eyes as emotions coursed through him. Matthew began to squirm and Castiel sighed as he put him down. He’d wanted to hold him just a bit longer. Jo rose from the floor.

  
“Mom’s downstairs. I think she saved you some breakfast.” With Matthew babbling excitedly about what he did while Castiel was gone, the three went downstairs.

  
The days passed slowly. Castiel and Dean talked daily. Castiel kept busy with the new article and going through all the pictures he took of the sharks. He’d spent a lot of time looking at the pictures he’d taken of Dean on his dive and random photos of him around the boat. He printed a few and slipped them in his nightstand drawer.

  
On his second Saturday back, he took Ellen, Jo and Matthew for a sail on Beth. Ellen stood by him as he steered the boat out of the marina. “You’re ahead of schedule on your article.”

  
“I am,” Castiel replied, his eyes on the horizon.

  
“You could take some time off.”

  
“I’ve thought about it.” And he had. He could take Matthew for a week’s vacation in Dallas. He’d mention it to Dean when they talked that evening. He actually smiled as the boat cut through the water.

  
“I’m kind of busy with the bar, Cas. We wouldn’t be able to see much of each other. And you couldn’t hang out here with Matt. Bars aren’t great places to bring kids.” Castiel felt his chest tighten. Dean didn’t want him to come. He was too busy. He knew the drill. This was just the beginning of the end. The next day, he didn’t answer Dean’s call. It would be better if he weaned himself off Dean.

  
***

  
The first week after Dean’s return sucked. He worked and came home. The highlight of his day was his calls from Cas. He was changing his sheets and gathering his laundry when his brother entered his room. “We need to talk.”

  
Dean looked up, a pair of jeans still in his hand. He tossed them into the basket. “Sounds ominous.”

  
“I think it’s time for you to move.” Dean stood stock still for a few seconds and then sat heavily on the bed.

  
“Yeah…I get that. Hannah is here now and you’re getting serious. I’ll start looking for my own place. Don’t sweat it, Sammy. I’m a big boy.” Dean forced a grin.

  
Sam tapped his hand on one of the boxes stacked along the wall. “This isn’t about Hannah moving in, Dean.” Sam shook his hair out of his eyes and met Dean’s squarely. “This is about you and Cas.”

  
“Cas? What’s he got to do with me finding my own place?”

  
“Your own place needs to be in Hawaii. You love him.”

  
“Sam, seriously? You need me at the bar. Christ, if I moved to Hawaii, we’d never see each other. And you seem to be forgetting that I’d have to find a job over there that paid enough to even get my own place.”

  
“Cas would help…”

  
“No,” Dean snapped. “I’m not living off Cas’ dime, Dude. I’ll pay my own way.”

  
“Dean,” Sam’s voice was softer now and Dean hated to hear the pity in it. “…you’ve never unpacked. This isn’t your home.” Sam backed out of the doorway. “Just think about what I said. I’m not kicking you out, Dean. I’d never do that. You’re my brother and I love you. I want you to be happy. Cas makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

  
Dean shrugged, not wanting to admit that Sam was right about any of it. Sam quietly shut Dean’s door, leaving him in a room full of cardboard boxes.

  
He spent his day off lying on his bed with his laptop. It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t hurt to look at job openings and apartments for rent. It really didn’t mean a thing.

  
On Tuesday, Dean clocked in and met Sam behind the bar. He waited until Sam finished serving a pitcher of beer to a group of suits. “I think you need to advertise for another bartender.”

  
Sam eyed him contemplatively. “You made up your mind?”

  
“Yeah,” Dean shrugged and straightened the already straight row of top shelf liquor. He groaned when Sam pulled him into a hug. “Jeez, you big lug, get off me.” Dean held onto Sam a little longer than necessary.

  
At closing time, Dean poured them both a shot of Jameson Irish whiskey. “He might not even want me anymore,” he said to himself more than Sam.

  
“That’s crap.”

  
“Yeah, well…he hasn’t told me he loved me…” Dean winced and rubbed the back of his neck. He sounded like a high school kid. Might as well finish it. “…in a couple of weeks.”

  
“Have you said it to him?”

  
Dean had the decency to blush and turn away. “No,” he mumbled.

  
“Dumbass.”

  
When Cas called to tell him he wanted to come see him, Dean panicked. He rambled on about being busy and shit. He could hear the pain in Castiel’s voice and he didn’t fix it.

  
Arrangements made to ship his things, Dean nervously waited at the concourse. He’d packed enough to last him a couple of weeks. He’d already found a small apartment. It was expensive, but Dean knew he could swing it if he was frugal. He had two interviews set up, both with security companies. They liked the fact that Dean was a veteran and could handle dangerous situations.

  
_“Delta Flight 5312 to Honolulu, now boarding at Gate D24.”_

  
Dean picked up his carry-on and got in line to board. He accepted the offer of a drink and handed over his credit card. Fourteen hours later, the plane taxied to a stop outside the terminal. A beautiful woman in a grass skirt placed a lei around his neck and he thanked her. Last time he landed, he’d been reeling from Jimmy’s death. Now, he was facing his future.

  
When the cab dropped him off at the hotel, he stared at the number to Cas’ house. It was just after eleven and Ellen would be working. He prayed she answered the phone. It rang twice.

  
“Novak residence, Ellen speaking.”

  
“Ellen, it’s Dean. If Cas is there, don’t let him know it’s me.”

  
“Castiel is in town at a meeting. Dean, why don’t you want him to know you’re calling?” Her voice was laced with suspicion.

  
“I’m in Honolulu.”

  
“You didn’t answer my question.”

  
“I…I’m here to find a job. I have a place to live and as soon as my stuff arrives, I can move in. I just want to have everything in place before I see him.”

  
“And why is that?” Boy, she sounded cool. Like she was protecting her cub or something.

  
“Cas would…damn it…I have to be able to stand on my own two feet before I…”

  
“Dean, you are a stupid man and I’m proud of you.” He could hear a smile now and the vice that held his heart loosened.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Weaning himself off of Dean was easier said than done. Other than the conversation about Castiel’s proposed visit to Dallas, Dean seemed his usual self. He sent pictures, mainly selfies that made Castiel smile and roll his eyes. He sent Castiel random texts with topics ranging from the weather in Dallas to a rant about the price of Dean’s favorite candy bar. Castiel responded to some, but not all. He kept the telephone conversations brief, often using Matthew or work as an excuse to get off the phone.

  
Another week came and went. Ellen was acting strange and spending a lot of time texting. Ellen didn’t text…anyone. When he asked her about it, she was evasive. He wondered if she’d met someone. He’d love to see Ellen in a relationship. Maybe then she wouldn’t be riding his ass all the time to settle down.

  
On the following Sunday, Jo and Ellen wanted to take Matthew to the Hawaii Children Discovery Center. Since the weekends were usually his time to devote to Matthew, Castiel balked and said that they could all go. Ellen informed him of a meeting with the new landscaper he had at ten. Castiel didn’t recall having problems with the people who did the yard now, so he went to his office and looked at his calendar. There, in Ellen’s neat handwriting was the name of a landscaping company. Castiel stared at the entry. When had she put it down? It wasn’t there yesterday. And what was wrong with the other landscaping crew?

  
Now, he was sitting at his desk, Ellen, Jo and Matthew left thirty minutes ago. He sat with his head resting on his palms. He felt at loose ends. It was five minutes until ten and the doorbell rang. He peered out the window, but didn’t see the expected truck of a landscaping crew. A silver Altima sat in his driveway.

  
He pulled open the door and froze. Dean was standing there, looking better than he had a right too. Castiel knew he looked like an owl, wide-eyed and staring. “You gonna ask me in, Cas?”

  
“Yes…God…yes…of course.” He wanted to grab Dean and kiss him senseless, but he was confused. Why was Dean here and why didn’t he let Castiel know he was coming? Did he want to break up with him in person?

  
Dean walked past Castiel and stepped into the living room. Castiel read his body language for a clue. Dean’s shoulders were hunched forward and his hands were in his pockets. His eyes flicked around the room rapidly, never staying long on anything…or Castiel. He appeared nervous.

  
“Would you like a drink? Coffee…I mean coffee.” Castiel took a step towards the kitchen but Dean stopped him.

  
“Cas.” Castiel stopped and met Dean’s eyes. Dean took a step towards him. “Cas, I have something to tell you.”

  
This was it. Castiel closed his eyes and worried his bottom lip. He felt the lightest of touches on his face and blinked open. “It would make this a lot easier if you kept your eyes open, Babe.” Castiel nodded once.

  
“These last few weeks without you have been rough.” Dean looked away, out towards the blue expanse beyond the green lawn. “I can’t settle for a long distance thing, Cas. I just can’t.”

  
“I understand, Dean.” Cas took a step away. The scent of the man was driving him insane. “It isn’t fair to either of us. You should find someone closer to you. Someone who deserves you.”

  
Dean blinked and then his eyes narrowed. “Wait, did you just tell me to find someone else? What the fuck, Cas? Damn it,” Dean growled and stomped a few steps away. “This isn’t how I planned this. Christ, I’ve made a mess of this.”

  
Castiel tilted his head. What was Dean talking about? Wasn’t he trying to let him down? “Okay, I’m going to start over,” Dean said, throwing his hands up in supplication. “I realized that I don’t want to live without you. I haven’t been…forthcoming…with my plans because I wanted to have everything in place before I told you. I didn’t want you to try to help me. This was something I needed to do on my own. I love you and I hope to God you still love me, but we aren’t ready to move in together. Ellen says we should really spent some time dating. We have Matt to think about too…so, I just want…”

  
“You love me?” Castiel followed Dean’s rambling words as best as he could, but his focus zeroed in on the three words that made his heart race.

  
“Yeah, duh. But you didn’t let me finish…” Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean so fast that Dean didn’t have time to react. He kissed the lips he’d missed so much. The kiss was possessive and it took Dean a few seconds to get on board with the assault. Castiel’s need to touch and taste Dean was so great that he didn’t understand why Dean was pushing at his chest until he broke the kiss. “Cas.”

  
Breathing heavy, Castiel dropped his hands to his sides. “I’m sorry. I thought…”

  
“Babe, it’s cool. God, you know I love kissing you, but I need to get this out.” Castiel nodded towards the sofa.

  
“Perhaps we should sit.” Dean nodded and flopped down on the couch. Castiel sat stiffly in the armchair to his left. Castiel remained silent. Dean took a deep breath. Then another. He wiped his hands on the faded denim of his jeans, gave Castiel a weak smile and began.

  
“Like I said, I’ve been having a tough time of it. I felt disconnected from you…” Dean stood up and began to pace. “Sorry, I can’t do this sitting down.” Castiel leaned back into the cushions and waited patiently. “Okay, so anyway…when I left the Army, I packed all my shit and moved in with Sam. I thought I’d live there a few weeks and then get my own place. But I never found the time, ya know?” Since it was a rhetorical question, Castiel didn’t comment. “When I got back from the trip, I realized all my stuff was still in boxes. I never settled in with Sam and never put any effort into finding an apartment. Sam made me see…things. Made me see that maybe I was waiting for you all along. Maybe Jimmy figured it out. Maybe he was smarter than both of us.”

  
Castiel looked down at his hands. He’d been thinking along those lines himself.

  
***

  
Dean was rambling. He knew it and couldn’t stop. Cas was just sitting there looking at him like he hung the fucking moon or something. He’d been so fucking shocked that Dean said he loved him. Didn’t Cas know? Did he really need the words? “Long story short…I made some calls and I have a job here. I found an apartment…it’s small, but rent is high here. Ellen helped me find a couple of places that sold used furniture and she’s been helping me with utilities and shit.”

  
“Ellen? You are who she’s been texting with?” Dean shrugged.

  
“I guess. I mean, we’ve been texting…” For a smart guy, Cas seemed to be focusing on the little shit instead of the big picture. He hadn’t said anything about Dean moving to fucking Hawaii. Dean was beginning to believe he’d made a mistake. It was obvious by the hot kiss that Cas wanted him still, but maybe he liked it better when Dean was a few thousand miles away. Did Cas just want a roll in the hay every once in a while when they were in the same time zone? Insecure Dean was freaking out, but his soldier instincts told him Cas wouldn’t throw around the words ‘I love you’ unless they meant something. He had to know. He had to ask. “Do you still love me?”

  
Cas’ eyes met his and his head tilted slightly to the left. “Dean, do you even need to ask?” The question was spoken so softly that Dean had to replay the words in his head twice to make sure he heard correctly.

  
“Yeah, I guess I do. The last couple of weeks…it’s like you’ve been…I don’t know…cool.”

  
Cas stood and came towards him. He took Dean’s hands in his and held them tightly. His face was inches from Dean’s and Dean couldn’t look away from those expressive eyes. “You never said you loved me, Dean. When you acted like you didn’t want me to come visit you, I started having doubts. I’m so sorry. I do love you. I don’t think I could ever stop.” For the first time in his life, Dean couldn’t find words. The two men stood, hands clasped, foreheads touching, just breathing. The panoramic view of the ocean through the windows was something a romance writer would wax poetic about, but it was nothing like the blue in Cas’ eyes. Dean knew he made the right decision.

  
Vaguely remembering the layout of the house, Dean tugged Cas up the staircase to the second floor. At the top of the landing, Cas took the lead and propelled them towards his room. Dean’s jaw dropped. The guest room had been gorgeous. Cas’ room was breathtaking. Bamboo floors. Sliding walls of windows, open to let the breeze in. A private balcony overlooking the beach. And the bed – wrought iron with a canopy of mosquito netting. Paradise.

  
Slowly, almost shyly, the men undressed. Dean wrapped a hand around his flaccid cock, stroking it subconsciously while looking at Cas. The man’s body was perfect. Skin, darkened by hours in the sun, all except for the pale area from waist to mid-thigh. As he stared unabashed, Cas’ cock lengthened. Cas stood with his hands by his sides, letting Dean drink in his fill. “You are so fuckin’ beautiful, Cas.”

  
“As are you, Dean,” Cas whispered and padded over to him. He reached his hand up to cup Dean’s jaw, applying enough pressure to bring Dean’s face to his. This kiss was different than the one earlier. This one was filled with a quiet passion that spoke volumes of Cas’ feelings for Dean. Dean didn’t realize he was moving until he felt the bed on the backs of his knees. He sat, wrapping his arms around Cas’ lower back, his palms splayed over Cas’ warm skin. He nuzzled his belly and delved his tongue into Cas’ naval. Dean smiled when he felt Cas shiver. He kissed each of Cas’ gloriously sexy hipbones. He could feel the velvety hardness of Cas’ cock resting against his neck. With a quick glance up, he took Cas into his mouth. Cas curled his fingers into Dean’s short hair and moaned. Dean took him deeper, loving the small gasp of pleasure he got for his efforts.

  
Dean let his hands slide down to grip Cas’ ass. Gently, he pulled them apart and rubbed against Cas’ puckered entrance with his forefinger. “Dean…” His name on Cas’ lips, said like a caress, made Dean’s own cock twitch in anticipation. He could feel the muscles in Cas’ butt tense and relax in a steady rhythm as Cas slowly fucked his mouth. Dean closed his eyes and let his throat go slack. Cas went deeper still, his bush brushing against Dean’s lips. Dean inhaled his musky scent and hummed his satisfaction around Cas’ shaft. It must have felt good, because Cas tightened the grip on his hair and gave a feral growl. Dean lifted his head, letting Cas’ cock slip out of his mouth. Meeting Cas’ lust-blown gaze, Dean swirled his tongue around the head once more before shifting back on the bed. He held out his hand. Cas took it and allowed Dean to pull him down on top of him.

  
They kissed and rutted against each other until the kisses lacked substance, only the brush of lips and the exchange of breaths. “Fuck.” Breath. “Me,” Cas murmured. He rolled off Dean and reached for the nightstand. Dean got up on his knees, hand on his aching balls. He watched as Cas grabbed a small pump bottle from the drawer. When he handed it to Dean, Dean quickly scanned the label. Natural Anal Lubricant. Dean chuckled. Leave it to Cas to get the expensive stuff. Cas was holding up a condom between two fingers. Dean pushed the pump and filled his palm with the silky, slippery gel. Cas spread his legs, heels down and knees bent. Dean took a few moments to drink him in. He licked his lips. Damn, Cas was hot.

  
Dean took his sweet time opening Cas up, despite Cas’ complaints for him to go faster. Cas was a mouthy bottom and Dean loved it. He had a filthy mouth. “Fuck my ass. God damn it, Dean, want your cock inside me. Need to feel your cock. Fuck me.” The litany was driving Dean nuts. His own cock was dripping from his arousal. He watched his fingers disappear in Cas tight hole. When he pulled out, his body seemed to try to suck him back in.

  
He rubbed his hand on Cas’ thigh. “You ready, Babe.”

  
Cas narrowed his eyes. “Yes, damn it.”

  
“I love it when you’re needy,” Dean teased and rubbed the head of his cock against Cas slick hole. Cas opened his mouth to make another snide comment, but Dean stopped him by sliding his cock in. He drove it home and Cas arched up to meet him. Dean didn’t move. His hips were flush with the backs of Cas’ thighs. Cas let Dean move his legs so that they wrapped around Dean’s waist. “You set the pace, Babe.” He felt Cas dig his heels into the small of his back.

  
Cas set a furious pace. Bucking up, meeting Dean thrusts with his own. The sweat poured off of Dean’s back. Cas’ legs were slippery with it, but he still managed to hold onto Dean and drive him forward. Dean couldn’t have said a word if he wanted to. All he could do was gasp for breath. Cas’ body was so hot and slick…score one for the expensive lube…

  
Dean was close. The heat was building in his belly. “Cas…” he managed to say between the clawing need for air.

  
“Yes…” Dean watched in awe as Cas’ head fell back and he cried out. He felt the warm evidence of Cas’ orgasm on his stomach. Cas’ body clinched around him, milking him. He thrust one last time and emptied himself into Cas. He collapsed onto Cas, still joined to him. He could feel Cas’ fingers running over his damp shoulders. Dean picked up his head slowly and kissed Cas’ chin…his jaw…finally, his mouth.

  
“Love you so much.”

  
***

  
The last few weeks had been amazing. Castiel couldn’t remember a time when he was happier. Dean seemed to like his new job as security for the governor. He’d trained with the local police task force and was now on a special detail that guarded the state capital. Dean had even made a few friends. Two of them were currently out by the pool drinking beer. Castiel watched from a window. Dean was leaning against the side of the pool holding a beer, while the other two sat next to him, legs dangling in the water. Castiel had to admit, both of Dean’s friends were fine looking men. He’d be jealous if he didn’t think the two men were already into each other.

  
Matthew was still napping and since it was Sunday, Ellen and Jo were off. Castiel had come in to get the platter of hamburgers for the grill, but he’d stop to admire his boyfriend. Dean was deeply tanned now. He kept his hair cut in the military tradition, even though he was a civilian now. Dean had been living on the island for five weeks. He spent most nights at his own apartment and Castiel found that he was getting more and more frustrated by that. Every time Castiel brought up the topic of Dean moving in, Dean would brush him off.

  
Ellen had tried to explain it to Castiel. She’d said that Dean felt the need to stand on his own feet. To get comfortable with himself. Castiel understood, but he still wanted to be with Dean all the time.

  
Picking up the plate of meat, Castiel stepped through the doors onto the lanai. Steve, the head of the task force that trained Dean, jumped up to help. Castiel waved him away. “I have it. But you could grab me a beer.” Steve went over to the cooler and Castiel watched as his partner, Danny, kept an eye on his movements. Castiel smiled. Those two were tap dancing around each other like he and Dean used to do.

  
Dean winked at Castiel, knowing exactly what he was thinking. Dean told his friends on several occasions that they acted like an old married couple. Dean waded to the steps and got out of the pool. His shorts hung low on his hips, pulled down by the weight of the water. Dean had lost a bit of his belly during his training. Castiel found that he missed it. Oh, Dean looked damn good, but his soft tum was one of Castiel’s favorite things to kiss. He came over to Castiel and kissed him. “Isn’t it time for Matt to get up?”

  
“It should be any time now,” Castiel replied, lifting the lid of the grill. Castiel loved Dean all the more for the way he was with Matthew. The boy adored Dean and Dean really stepped up when Castiel had to fly to the mainland last week. Dean moved in for a few days and the two of them had a sleepover. When Castiel had called to check in, they were having a Toy Story marathon.

  
Dean rubbed his hand up and down Castiel’s bare back and then joined Steve and Danny back at the pool. Castiel flipped the burgers and scanned the items already on the table. Dean had brought the groceries for this get-together. Apparently, Dean thought they were feeding an army.

  
Castiel was laughing at the dunking Steve and Dean were giving Danny when the door to the house opened. Matthew was standing there, rubbing his eyes. “Matthew, did you have a good nap?”

  
“Uh huh.”

  
“Why don’t you go change into your swimsuit?” The boy disappeared back inside the house.

  
Steve and Danny stayed until dark. Dean walked them to Danny’s car, a pretty sweet Camaro. Not nearly as sweet as Dean’s Impala that just arrived by ship two days ago. Castiel was a bit jealous of Dean's 'baby'.

  
Matthew was in the bathtub, exhausted after a day in the pool with Castiel, Dean and his two new honorary uncles. “Daddy?”

  
Castiel’s breath hitched as it often did when the boy called him daddy. He started leaving off the uncle prefix a week ago. “Yes?” Castiel left his seat on the toilet and sat on the bathmat by the tub. He reached into the water and pushed a toy submarine towards Matthew’s foot.

  
“Is you gonna marry Unca Dean?” Castiel’s eyes flew to Matthew’s innocent ones.

  
“Why do you ask?”

  
“Cause you hold hands wiff him and kiss him.” The child rammed Castiel’s submarine with a yellow, plastic boat.

  
“Well, yes, I do, but we need to wait awhile until we get married.”

  
“Why?”

  
“Because that’s what grownups do.”

  
“Why?” Matthew added a rubber duck to the flotilla.

  
“We want to get to know each other better.”

  
“But why? You loves him, doncha?”

  
“Yes, very much.” Castiel was at a loss to explain adult relationships to a five year old.

  
“Then you needs to marry him. You don’t want him to marry somebody else, do ya?” Castiel hide his smile behind a cough.

  
“No, I don’t want Dean to marry anyone else.” At that moment, he noticed Dean in the doorway, eyebrow raised at what he’d obviously overheard. “We were just discussing relationships.”

  
“Pretty deep subject for bath time, doncha think?” Dean propped his hip on the counter and crossed his arms.

  
“Daddy says you have to wait to gets married.”

  
“Whoa. Wow. Look at your duck. He’s about to run into your shark.” Castiel laughed out loud at Dean’s attempt to steer the conversation away from marriage. He had a feeling they would have an interesting talk after Matthew was put to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Steve and Danno made a guest appearance. They are in Hawaii after all. I ship them.


	23. Chapter 23

Dean liked his new job, but more than that, he loved being with Cas. They’d gotten closer and he’d learned a lot about Cas. Not once in the month that he’d been in Hawaii did he regret the move. If…and that was a big ‘if’…something happened between him and Cas, he’d probably stay here anyway. He’d already made friends.

  
Steve and Danny were fun to hang out with. The three of them were relaxing by the pool, drinking beer and shooting shit. Cas was in the house getting the burgers. Dean planned this impromptu cookout. He’d even gone grocery shopping and got all the stuff. Danny brought the beer. Steve…well…Steve just brought himself. After knowing him a couple weeks, Dean realized the ex-Navy Seal never remembered his wallet. Danny bitched at him all the time about it.

  
“Yeah, so finish your story,” Steve said, nudging Dean with his beer bottle.

  
“So anyway, the only way to get her here was to put her on a ship.” Dean took a long gulp of his beer. “It costs me a thousand bucks. And all the fuck I could think about the whole time was that freakin’ ship hitting an iceberg or something and sinking with my baby on board. I even dreamed about that stupid song.”

  
Steve began to hum ‘My Heart Will Go On’. Dean made a show of punching Steve in the stomach. Steve blocked it easily.

  
“Dean, dude, there are no icebergs between the Port of LA and here,” Danny interjected.

  
“Hey, it could happen. With global warming and all that…” Steve started. Danny rolled his eyes.

  
“Steve, would you listen to yourself? Global ‘warming’…” Dean chuckled because he could just about see Danny’s quotation marks. “…warming is the key word.”

  
“I’m not a scientist, but with the polar icecaps shifting, an iceberg could…” Steve was once again interrupted by his partner.

  
“No…just no.”

  
“You two need to just fuck already, man. Jeez, you already act like a married couple. You might as well get the benefits,” Dean said, sinking down in the water to get his shoulders wet. The sun was beating down and he was getting hot.

  
Both men gave him the stink eye and he shrugged. “Just calling it like I see it.”

  
Cas saved him from getting his head held underwater by making his appearance at the lanai doors. Steve hopped up to help him. Cas had his hands full with the plate of raw burgers and a handful of grilling implements. He waved Steve away though and set up the grill. Good food and good friends. Dean looked around the table and felt at home.

  
That night after seeing Steve and Danny off, Dean climbed the stairs. Cas was giving Matt a bath and as he neared the bathroom, he overheard the conversation between father and son. Huh? Father and son. Cas did make a great dad. He wasn’t sure if he could have done that good a job if he’d been left to raise Sam’s hypothetical kid. Jimmy would be proud of Cas. Course, Jimmy was always proud of Cas. Dean liked to think Jimmy would be proud of him too.

  
Cas’ words brought Dean back to the present. “No, I don’t want Dean to marry anyone else.”

  
What the fuck? Dean stared at Cas, he knew his eyebrow was probably touching his hairline.

  
“We were just discussing relationships.” Cas looked a bit like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

  
“Pretty deep subject for bath time, doncha think?” Dean leaned a butt cheek on the counter and crossed his arms.

  
“Daddy says you have to wait to gets married.” Matt looked up at him with such trusting eyes. Like Dean knew all the answers. Only he didn’t and that sucked.

  
“Whoa. Wow. Look at your duck. He’s about to run into your shark.” Dean scooped the duck out of harm’s way and just ignored Cas’ laughter.

  
Conversation tabled for now, Cas helped Matt into his pajamas and tucked him into bed. Dean was always made a part of this nighttime tradition when he was around, which was most nights. They’d nixed the idea of spending nights together because neither wanted to answer any questions Matt would surely come up with. It was hard to get out of Cas’ bed and drive back to his apartment though.

  
He listened as Cas read the boy a bedtime story. When Cas closed the book, he kissed Matt and told him he loved him. Then it was Dean’s turn. He sat in the place Cas vacated, on the edge of the bed. “Do you remember what happens tomorrow?”

  
“Uh huh. Kono is giving us a surfing lesson.”

  
“Yep.” Kono was another member of Steve’s team. A native Hawaiian, the girl was beautiful and athletic. She’d been surfing since she was Matt’s age and agreed to give both Dean and Matt lessons. Dean kissed the boy’s forehead and returned his soft hug. “Goodnight, Sport.”

  
“Night, Unca Dean. I loves you.”

  
“I love you too, Matt.” He felt a stab to his heart because Jimmy would never get to see Matt learn to surf or celebrate another birthday. He’d never get to see Matt grow into a man.

  
As the two men walked down the hall to Cas’ room, Dean took Cas’ hand and pulled him close. When he saw the sadness on Dean’s face, Cas immediately put his palms on Dean’s cheeks. “What is it, Dean?”

  
“Just thinking about Jimmy and how he didn’t get to see…” Dean stopped and swallowed. He was feeling stupidly emotional for some reason. The last thing he wanted was to start to cry in front of Cas. Instead of finishing, he tugged Cas into the bedroom. Cas locked the door and allowed Dean to undress him. Dean sank to his knees and took Cas’ flaccid cock into his mouth. He closed his eyes and used his mouth to bring Cas off. Cas protested, wanting to move to the bed, but Dean wouldn’t let him go. Dean swallowed Cas’ cum and left small kisses up and down Cas’ length.

  
Cas drew him to his feet and murmured into Dean’s neck. “My turn.”

  
“I’m good.” Dean’s cock hung soft between his legs. He knew Cas noticed.

  
“Dean, are you okay? You aren’t upset by what Matthew said, are you? He just doesn’t understand what marriage is. Please, don’t let it bother you.” His voice was low and pleading.

  
“No, I’m just tired…and thinking about Jimmy…” He shrugged. “Sorry.”

  
“God, Dean, don’t you dare apologize. We have a lifetime to have sex…” Dean put his finger to Cas’ lips.

  
“Shhh. Go to bed, Cas.” Dean knew Cas wouldn’t forget this conversation and they’d have to talk about it sooner or later. For now, he just wanted to be in Cas’ arms.

  
A short while later, Cas drifted off to sleep. Dean stared down at him in the dim light from the bathroom. An old Steven Tyler song came to him and he sang it softly.

  
**_“Don't want to close my eyes_**  
 ** _I don't want to fall asleep_**  
 ** _'Cause I'd miss you baby_**  
 ** _And I don't want to miss a thing_**  
 ** _'Cause even when I dream of you_**  
 ** _The sweetest dream will never do_**  
 ** _I'd still miss you baby_**  
 ** _And I don't want to miss a thing_**

  
**_Lying close to you feeling your heart beating_ **   
**_And I'm wondering what you're dreaming_ **   
**_Wondering if it's me you're seeing_ **   
**_Then I kiss your eyes_ **   
**_And thank God we're together_ **   
**_I just want to stay with you in this moment forever_ **   
**_Forever and ever”_ **

  
Dean kissed the place right over Cas’ heart. He kept his lips there and felt the steady beat. “I love you, Cas.”

  
Quietly, he got up and dressed. With one last look at the beautiful man in the bed, he unlocked the door and made his way out of the house. He spent the long drive back to his apartment thinking. Was he crazy for even thinking about a future with Cas? The man was scary smart. He had three degrees for Christ’s sake. Dean barely got his one and only. The self doubt wouldn’t let him sleep and it showed the next morning.

  
He looked in the mirror and winced. He hoped the shower and an entire pot of coffee would help.

***

  
Castiel and Matthew were supposed to meet up with Dean at the beach. Matthew was so excited, he wasn’t listening to Castiel and a headache was forming behind his eyes. When they finally got into the SUV, Castiel was swallowing aspirin with his travel mug of coffee.

  
He found a parking space and gathered up the towels, sunscreen and other things they’d need for a morning at the beach. As they reached the sand, both of them took off their flip flops. Castiel saw Steve and Danny talking to a beautiful, young Hawaiian woman. He assumed this was Kono. Dean had told him stories of how good she was with a gun and hand to hand combat. Thinking of Dean made Castiel realize his boyfriend wasn’t with them. “Good morning,” he said to the group. Matthew ran up to Steve and hugged his legs, then he did the same to Danny.

  
“Morning, Cas.” Steve introduced Castiel and Matthew to Kono. She knelt down to be on the boy’s level and began a conversation about surfing. Castiel looked back towards the parking lot.

  
“Has anyone heard from Dean?”

  
Both men shook their heads and Castiel pulled out his phone. It wasn’t like Dean to be late to anything. Kono was helping Matthew with his life jacket and with a backwards glance to Castiel, she led him down to the water. A couple of surfboards were sticking out of the sand. Dean’s phone started to ring.

  
“Yeah,” Dean’s voice came through.

  
“I just wondered where you were. We are all here.”

  
“On my way.” Dean hung up before Castiel could reply. Castiel returned the phone to his pocket and frowned.

  
“Everything okay?” Steve asked after Danny trudged down to where Kono was letting Matthew stand on one of the boards.

  
“I’m not sure,” Castiel said with a shrug. “He wasn’t himself last night.”

  
“Hey, Dean’s good. Don’t worry about him,” Steve said, placing a comforting hand on Castiel’s shoulder.

  
“Matthew was asking questions last night about marriage and I think Dean got a bit…spooked.”

  
Steve whistled. “Kids, huh?”

  
“Yes…kids.” Castiel began walking down towards the water, lines of worry etched on his brow.

  
Dean arrived almost fifteen minutes later. He gave no excuse why he was late, but Castiel noted he looked tired. His eyes had bags under them and he was unshaven. His answers to Castiel, his friends and even Matthew were short. Castiel tried not to let it get to him.

  
Kono was out past the breakers with Matthew on her board. She sat behind the boy and he was standing, her hands on his small waist. Dean, Danny and Steve were further out. Dean was still trying to gain his balance on his borrowed board. Castiel sat on a beach chair and observed, trying not to think the worst about Dean’s behavior.

  
As lunchtime approached, they found a picnic table near one of the many food trucks that frequented the beaches. Steve and Danny kept giving Dean strange looks and that didn’t make Castiel feel better. It wasn’t just his imagination that something was off.  
“Have you taken Dean to Morimoto’s yet,” Steve asked conversationally.

  
“No, I’d like to, but it’s hard to get a table there,” Castiel answered. He let his hand rest on Dean’s bare thigh. Dean continued to eat without looking up.

  
“That’s because you didn’t know the right people,” Steve said with a grin. “Now, you do. Can you get a sitter for tonight?”

  
“Yes, Jo or Ellen could…”

  
“Great.” Steve pulled out his phone and walked a few paces away.

  
“Steve thinks he’s Mister Big Shot because he knows Morimoto,” Danny informed them.

  
“He actually knows him?” Dean asked, speaking for the first time since they sat down.

  
“Yeah. We had a case that involved his restaurant and for some reason, he and Steve hit it off. I don’t get it,” Danny said, shaking his head.

  
Steve returned to the table. “You have a table for two at seven.”

  
“I don’t know…” Dean started. “…I have to get up early for work.”

  
“Don’t be a pussy, Dean,” Steve said, covering Matthew’s ears with his hands. “Go out with your man. You don’t want him getting scooped up by someone else, after all, he’s quite the catch.” Steve had no idea how close his words were to Matthew’s. Dean pushed away his plate forcefully and got up.

  
“I got stuff to do,” he said shortly and then began walking towards the parking lot. Castiel sat stunned. Matthew looked confused by the tension from the adults.

  
“Go after him, Cas,” Steve said, obviously concerned with Dean’s behavior.

  
“I don’t think…”

  
“You both might be thinking too much,” Danny murmured. “Go, we got the kid.”

  
Castiel rose and began to run after Dean. He got to him right as Dean reached the parking lot. “Dean,” he called out and Dean stopped but didn’t turn around. “Talk to me.”

  
“I can’t.” Castiel had faced sharks, barracuda and most recently death, but he’d never been more scared.

  
“Why not?” Dean turned around. He didn’t meet Castiel’s eyes though. His eyes were focused somewhere over Castiel’s right shoulder.

  
“Cas, please. Just let me go.” Dean’s words were barely a whisper. Let him go? Castiel always scoffed at the term broken heart, but at that moment, he felt his shatter into a million pieces.

  
“I cannot stop you, Dean. However, I would request that you take the time to say goodbye to Matthew.”

  
“Just tell him I’ll see him later.” It was said almost flippantly and Castiel saw red.

  
“You…you just storm into our lives…fulfilling some promise you made to my brother and…and now, you decide we aren’t worth your time. You can fuck with me, but I will not allow you to destroy a little boy that loves you…you selfish son of a…”

  
“Cas…Cas.” Dean eyebrows were drawn together in a confused frown. “Slow down. What are you talking about?”

  
Castiel, fists still clinched at his side, opened his mouth and closed it again. A few seconds slipped by. “You said to let you go.”

  
“Jesus Christ, Cas. I just meant for now. Not forever. Did you really think I could walk away from you? From Matt? I love you.” He turned away and took a few steps before rounding on Castiel. “Wow. You thought…damn it, Cas.”

  
“But you were distant…since last night…I knew something was wrong.” Castiel noticed that several people were staring at them and he lowered his voice. “You wouldn’t talk to me, Dean.”

  
“I was just having a minor freak-out, okay? Matt got me thinking and I realized that I’m just a washed up soldier. I don’t have anything to offer you, Cas. I need to find myself before I can offer you a future.”

  
“You stupid bastard,” Castiel muttered, looking heavenward, hoping for guidance. “We don’t live in the nineteenth century. I’m not expecting a dowry. I don’t give a fuck about your earning potential. I love you. You, Dean. The man who swept me off my feet. The man I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with.” Now, a small crowd had gathered, including Steve and Danny.

  
“You really want to marry me?” Dean sounded small and unsure. Castiel wanted to go to him and shake him until he understood how much he loved him.

  
“He said it, didn’t he?” Steve chimed in. Several people giggled. For the first time, Dean seemed to notice their surroundings. Blushing, he rubbed the back of his neck.

  
“Maybe you two need a bit of a timeout before your date tonight,” Danny suggested.

  
“Seven o’clock. Morimoto’s. Table for two. Don’t fuck this up,” Steve ordered.

  
Steve and Danny ushered Dean to his car. Kono came up from the beach with Matthew and their things. She laid a comforting hand on Castiel’s arm. “Sometimes men are just stubborn and all they need is a swift kick in the…” She looked down at Matthew and pursed her lips.

  
“Yes.” Understanding her unspoken word, Castiel took Matthew’s hand and headed for home.

  
***

  
He couldn’t believe Cas would think he’d just walk away. Didn’t he have any faith in him? In them? Steve and Danny stood by his car, blocking the door. He watched Cas pull out of the parking lot. “You both going to stand there giving me the evil eye?”

  
“I’m just amazed,” Danny finally said. “Fucking amazed how there could be two colossal dumbasses on one tiny island.”

  
“Cas really isn’t…” Steve started.

  
“Not Cas. You.” Danny poked his finger into Steve’s chest. “You two are like fuckin’ cavemen. You just go around willy-nilly…afraid to use your words.”

  
“Willy-nilly,” mouthed Dean, squinting at Steve. Steve shrugged.

  
“He gets a bit crazy sometimes,” Steve offered as means to an explanation.

  
Danny threw up his hands. “You need to sit down over a romantic meal and tell the man how you feel, Dean. Men are allowed to talk about their feelings now. Doctor Phil said so.”

  
“He knows how I feel,” Dean said petulantly.

  
“Oh, yeah, that was pretty obvious by the little show you two put on for the tourists.”

  
“Come on, Danno, you can’t blame Dean for everything. Cas just needed to give Dean some space.”

  
“Space? Space, Steve? How much space do you need?” Dean looked back and forth between his friends. He didn’t think this was about him any longer.

  
“Guys…hey…I should get going. I have a date tonight…remember? If you could just…” He put his hands on Steve’s rigid arms and physically moved him aside. The two men were glaring at each other. Looks like he and Cas weren’t the only ones that had shit to work out.

  
Dean made his escape and headed back to his apartment. With the rest of the afternoon ahead of him, he decided to get some laundry done and call his brother. After he talked to Sam for close to thirty minutes, he settled down to watch some television. He napped and woke with a start. The digital clock on his DVR told him it was already five-thirty.

  
He showered and shaved. He even splashed on some cologne. Naked, he stood in his closet and stared at his choices. He’d never even heard of this Morimoto place, but he bet it was fancy. He settled on a suit. He couldn’t remember the last time he wore one. The black suit was a bit loose in the waist, but he cinched his belt a bit tighter. Training with the Five-O guys had him dropping ten pounds. He knotted his blue striped tie and checked himself in the mirror. “Not too shabby, Winchester.”

  
_“Not shabby at all. Just treat my brother right. I’m pulling for you two.”_

  
Dean took his phone and flipped through the pictures until he found those of Jimmy. He sat on the brown second-hand couch and stared at the picture one of his men had taken of the two of them walking towards the chow hall. It was forty-eight hours before Jimmy lost his life.

  
“You knew all along, didn’t you? You son of a bitch. You knew I’d fall for him.” It hit him like a blow to the back of his head, just like Jimmy used to give him. “You thought I was good enough for Cas,” he said in awe. “Thanks, man.”

  
He could almost hear a whispered, _“You’re welcome.”_

  
At six-fifty, he pulled up in front of the restaurant. A valet quickly opened his door for him. He fisted his keys. He hated anyone to drive his Baby. The young man ran his eyes over her sleek body and whistled. “She’s beautiful, Sir.” The grip on his keys loosened.

  
“Scratch her and they’ll never find the body.”

  
“Dean… I do apologize for my boyfriend’s threats. He won’t kill you,” Castiel placed his hand on the small of Dean’s back and steered him inside. Dean looked around.

  
“Snazzy.” The dining room was simple. Wood floors, pale green chairs, white modern light fixtures. An attractive Polynesian woman nodded her regal head at them.

  
“May I help you?”

  
“My friend, Steve McGarrett, said we had reservations at seven,” Dean told her.

  
She checked her tablet and motioned for them to wait. She disappeared through a door. “Hope Steve wasn’t fucking with us.”

  
“I don’t think Steve would do that,” Cas murmured as he took in the patio area that could be seen through the huge plate glass windows.

  
Dean saw a formidable looking Asian man coming towards them. He was wearing a white chef’s coat. “You are friends of Steve,” he said in broken English.

  
“Yeah,” Dean answered, wondering if this was the famous Morimoto.

  
“I am Masaharu Morimoto. Welcome. Enjoy.” He bowed slightly and Dean found himself bowing back.

  
The woman returned and she showed them to a secluded table in the back of the dining room. “Would you like something from the bar?”

  
“Beer. An IPA, if you have it,” Dean responded.

  
“I’ll have a glass of your house white, please,” Cas answered with a smile.

  
She brought their drinks and left them again. “You see any menus?”

  
Castiel looked towards the hostess’ desk and tried to get her attention. She didn’t see him. “Maybe our server will bring them.”

  
Dean was halfway through his beer when their server appeared with a platter. He sat it in the middle of the table. “Oysters, Toro Tartare and the Chef’s own sashimi.”

  
“Uhm, we didn’t order this,” Dean said, staring at the array of raw seafood.

  
“Chef Morimoto chose this as your appetizer. He was told this was a special night. Enjoy.” Dean stared at the platter and then up at Cas.

  
“You eat this raw stuff?”

  
“Yes, Dean. Have you ever tried it?”

  
Dean made a face and shook his head. “Nope. And I don’t want to start now.”

  
Cas picked up an oyster and sucked the slimy thing down. “Is the big bad soldier afraid of a bit of raw fish?” Cas’ eyes twinkled with merriment.

  
“I’m not afraid…it’s just…” Cas was giving him a look that told him he’d never hear the end of it if he didn’t at least try some. It wasn’t bad. The oyster almost came back up, but the other stuff was okay. Cas ate the rest of the shellfish. “You know they’re supposed to make your horny.”

  
“I’m aware they are an aphrodisiac, Dean.”

  
“So, you gonna want to jump my bones after this?” Cas took a sip of his wine and winked.

  
“Maybe.”

  
The server returned to replace the appetizers with their salads. Dean groaned when the server was out of earshot. “Is anything cooked in this place?” He poked at what looked like small octopus tentacles laying atop the romaine lettuce.

  
“Calamari is good, Dean, and it isn’t raw. It is steamed.”

  
Terrific. He was going to kill Steve. He ate around the tentacles.

  
The next course was more his speed. “May I present Kakuni, a braised pork belly with congee and gobo.” Dean wasn’t sure what congees or gobos were, but it looked like bacon to him.

  
The entrée was brought out by two servers and the chef, himself, accompanied it. “I have made you a seared duck breast with a confit spring roll and Wagyu filet, sliced thin, cooked medium rare with a Maui onion jus.” The chef bowed and seemed to be waiting for them to take a bit. Dean popped a piece of the steak into his mouth and his moaned, closing his eyes in ecstasy. When he opened them again, both Cas and the chef were smiling at him. “Enjoy.” The chef and his entourage left them.

  
“Damn, Cas, this steak is freakin’ awesome. It’s like a fuckin’ orgasm in your mouth.”

  
“Wagyu beef is imported from Japan. It is well known for its quality. The cattle are massaged daily and fed only the best food.”

  
“Huh. Sounds expensive.”

  
“Normally about two hundred dollars a pound,” Cas said matter-of-factly as he took another bite of the duck. Dean choked.

  
“Two hundred…holy shit, Cas.” Dean began trying to calculate the cost of the meal. His credit card had six hundred dollars left on it. He really was going to kill Steve McGarrett. He’d skin him alive.

  
“Dean, calm down and finish this wonderful meal the chef’s prepared for us.” He smiled a soft smile that made Dean’s groin tight. “Don’t worry about the cost.”

  
“Easy for you to say,” Dean muttered, but if he was going to max out his credit card, at least he was going to clean his plate. He’d just pushed his plate away and patted his stomach, contemplating loosening his belt right there at the table, when the server came over with a coffee service. The freshly roasted beans smelled amazing.

  
“Your dessert will be right out,” he said as he cleared their table.

  
“Dessert? I don’t think I can eat another bite,” Dean groaned. He was definitely going to have to loosen his belt.

  
“Maybe we can share it,” Cas suggested and the server nodded.

  
The dessert turned out to be a coconut sorbet topped with tropical fruits and toasted coconut. Dean dug into it, full belly forgotten. “It ain’t pie, but it’s pretty damn good.”

  
Now that the meal was over, Dean knew the inevitable was about to happen. They were going to talk. Once the server cleared the rest of the dishes and refilled their coffee cups, he left them alone.

  
“Dean…”

  
“Cas…”

  
“You first,” Dean said quickly.

  
Cas clasped his hands on the table in front of him and took a deep breath. “I love you.” When Dean started to respond, Cas held up a hand. Dean closed his mouth. “You love me.” Dean nodded. “I think our biggest problem is communication. Don’t you agree?”

  
“Sammy says I’m not good with using my words,” Dean admitted ruefully.

  
“And I tend to jump to conclusions,” Cas said sheepishly.

  
They were silent for a time, just staring into each other’s eyes and Dean had to admit it was a chick flick moment and he didn’t care. “So, talk to me, Dean. Why were you so upset?”

  
Dean blew a breath out, ruffling the hair falling over his forehead. “Here’s the thing, Cas. I just want to be able to bring something to the table if we…when we…take this to the next level.”

  
“Explain what you mean by ‘bring something to the table’?

  
“I want to be able to pay my way, Cas. Right now, I’m a glorified security guard. I’m not comfortable living off your income.”

  
“Fair enough. Can I ask what you consider the next level?”

  
Dean ran his finger around his collar. The tie and tightly buttoned starched shirt were strangling him and it was suddenly hot in the restaurant. “You gonna make me say it?”

  
“Yes,” Cas gave him a soft smile and his eyes seemed to sparkle in the candlelight from the white taper in the center of their table.

  
“Living together.” There he said it.

  
“Just living together or were you thinking of marriage?” Fuck, Cas said the ‘m’ word. Dean had never thought about the ‘m’ word until he’d met and fell for Cas. It was still scary as fuck though. Dean raised his hands in supplication, wiggling his fingers. “Words, Dean.”

  
“Maybe marr…you know what…let’s get out of here.” Dean made to stand, but seeing Cas’ frowny-teacher face made him sit his butt back down. Cas tapped his fingers on the table, making a dramatic show of waiting. “Fine…you win…marriage. I just don’t think it would be cool for me to move in because of Matthew.” Dean felt like he was being old fashioned. He’d lived with a couple of women before. So, why was this thing with Cas different?

  
“I think I love you all the more for putting Matthew first.” Cas reached over and took Dean’s hand, running his thumb over Dean’s knuckles. “So, we date…get engaged…plan a wedding?”

  
“Yeah, I guess so,” Dean responded. For some reason, none of that scared him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Danny were just supposed to play a cameo role, but they may have had other ideas. For those of you who watch Hawaii Five-O, these two are known for their arguments. Morimoto has made a guest appearance on the show. He is a world famous chef and does have a restaurant in Hawaii.
> 
> The song Dean sings to a sleeping Cas was I DON'T WANT TO MISS A THING. Written by Diane Warren and performed by Steven Tyler of Aerosmith. If you haven't heard it, please listen. It is incredibly moving.


	24. Chapter 24

Castiel placed his American Express on the black folder without even looking at the bill. Even if it was a thousand dollars, it would have been worth it. He was thankful the server brought it while Dean was in the bathroom because he would have insisted on paying or at least, sharing in the cost.

  
On the way out, Chef Morimoto stopped them to ask about their meal. Both men gushed over the experience and promised to return. Dean managed to hold his tongue until they were in the entryway waiting for their cars. “How much?”

  
“How much?” Castiel tried to look innocent. He knew what Dean was getting at.

  
“The damn bill, Cas. How much was it?”

  
“I didn’t look.” Castiel nodded towards Dean’s car as it was brought to a stop in front of them. “You will be following me home, won’t you? The oysters seem to be working.”

  
“What do you mean, you didn’t look? And don’t use sex to change the subject.” The valet’s eyes widened comically. Dean snatched the keys from him. After a moment, he growled and reached for his wallet to tip the man. The poor guy scurried away. Another restaurant employee brought Castiel’s car up behind Dean’s.

  
“I mean, I didn’t look. Ellen will check my statement and if I went over my limit, she will inform me.” He didn’t tell Dean that he had no limit on his card. Dean was very touchy about finances at the moment. “So, sex?”

  
Castiel didn’t think the sound Dean made was human. When the other valet handed Castiel his keys he finally spoke. “I’ll follow you home, but I call the shots tonight.”

  
He was never, ever one to broadcast about his sex life, but the little devil on his shoulder couldn’t resist. “Oh, Baby, please don’t spank me.” The two valets stood with their mouths agape and Dean was trying very hard to fight back a smile.

  
“Bastard.”

  
“One point for me,” Castiel whispered to himself when he got into the SUV.

  
Dean’s headlights stayed on his tail the entire way home. He was thankful that Jo and Ellen decided to let Matthew have a sleepover at their house. When he pulled into his driveway and shut off the engine, his cock was already half hard.  
He didn’t wait for Dean to get out of his car. He was already unlocking the door when Dean came up behind him. Hands gripped his waist and warm breath ghosted over his neck. “I’m going to fuck you until you scream,” Dean whispered, his voice low and sexy in his ear.

  
“Good thing I don’t have close neighbors then,” Castiel said dryly and pushed the door open. Their clothes made a trail from the front door to the lanai doors. Castiel found himself being kissed senseless in his pool. Strangely enough, he’d only skinny-dipped in his pool a handful of times. All pre-Matthew.

  
He felt Dean’s hand between his legs, squeezing his balls with enough pressure to show he meant business. Castiel liked riding the line between pleasure and pain and his cock was throbbing with need. Dean broke the kiss and with a grin, he swam away. Castiel sank under the water and opened his eyes. With the pool lights, he could see Dean swimming towards the deep end of the pool. Castiel was willing to play his game. He didn’t give chase. He pulled himself up on the side of the pool and watched as Dean surfaced. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?” Castiel called out.

  
“Shut up,” Dean responded, but he was smiling so hard, Castiel could see his dimples. He slipped back under the water and swam to Castiel. His head came up between Castiel’s thighs. “Uhm…what have we here?” He ran his fingertip up the underside of Castiel’s cock. It twitched under his touch. He lowered his head and took Castiel into his hot mouth. Castiel groaned and ran his hands through Dean’s wet hair.

  
Dean teased him. He’d take Castiel fully into his mouth and then pull off. He’d rain kisses down the length and then suck one of his balls into his mouth. It was driving Castiel to the brink of madness. When he looked up at Castiel and winked, Castiel hissed the word ‘cocktease’. It made Dean laugh and he swam away again. Seeing Dean playful after the last twenty-four hours melted Castiel’s heart. He slipped into the water and gave chase.

  
They frolicked like a couple of children, splashing and trying to dunk each other. Their laughter echoed off the sides of the pool. “I’m looking pruny,” Dean muttered, holding out his hand for Castiel to see.

  
“I don’t believe pruny is a word, Dean.” He took Dean’s hand and kissed each wrinkly fingertip before clasping it in his and leading Dean towards the steps. He opened the cabinet by the lanai doors and handed Dean a towel before taking one for himself.

  
“Why don’t you get us a drink, Cas?” Dean nudged Castiel towards the kitchen. As he opened a bottle of wine, he heard Dean’s tread on the stairs. With his towel around his waist and the two glasses in his hands, he followed.

  
When he got to the door of his bedroom, he froze. Soft music was playing and candles were lit. Dean was lying in the middle of his bed, hand stroking his hard cock. “Hey, you,” he murmured.

  
“What’s this?” Castiel had candles in his room for stormy nights when the power went out, but he didn’t have a stereo.

  
“It’s called romance. I made a playlist a couple of days ago.” Castiel sat the glasses on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed.

  
“Romance, huh?” Castiel recognized Chopin’s Etude Number Two. “Chopin?”

  
“Surprised?” Dean asked, his hand trailing up and down Castiel’s arm.

  
“A bit.”

  
“Jimmy played classical stuff at night to help us all relax.”

  
“James and I had to take piano lessons. I hated it, but surprisingly enough, James fell in love with it.”

  
Dean moved his hand to Castiel’s hip, using his thumb to rub circles. “I think less talk and more action is called for.”

  
Castiel didn’t need to be told twice. He turned around and crawled up the bed, straddling Dean’s hips. He took one of Dean’s nipples in his mouth and used his teeth to pull at it. Dean’s reaction was what he’d hoped for. He arched up and hissed, thrusting his hips against Castiel’s thigh. Castiel hummed as he soothed it with the tip of his tongue.

  
His hands roamed over Dean’s skin, still cool from the water. He would never tire of touching Dean. Satisfied that the nipple was properly stimulated, he moved over to the other one. “Cas, Babe…” Dean’s hips were still thrusting upward, trying to find friction.

  
“Hmmm, for someone…” Castiel bite lightly on the swollen bud. “…who wanted to be…” Castiel raised his head and looked at Dean with hooded eyes. “…in control, you’re being awfully passive.” Dean blinked at him for a few beats and then Castiel laughed was he was flipped onto his back.

  
“You stay right here. Don’t move.” Dean placed Castiel’s hands above his head and then leapt off the bed. Castiel followed his movements as Dean stepped inside his closet. What was he up to? When Dean came back to the bed a few minutes later, he had two of Castiel’s ties in his hand. Castiel quirked one of his eyebrows, but didn’t speak. He wanted to see what Dean was going to do.

  
Dean went to the left side of the bed and took Castiel’s arm and tied it to the headboard. He walked around the bed and did the same on the right. Castiel pulled a bit to test Dean’s knots and nodded his approval. With a playful smirk on his face, Dean crawled back on the bed and positioned himself over Castiel’s chest, knees on each side of Castiel’s head. Castiel’s eyes went from Dean’s eyes to his cock that was now inches from his mouth. Dean rubbed his thumb gently over Castiel’s lips once and then he applied pressure. Castiel opened his mouth and Dean pushed his cock inside. Without taking his eyes off Dean, Castiel closed his mouth around it and swirled his tongue around the head. “Yeah, that’s it, Cas. Can you take it all?”

  
***

  
Cas nodded as best as he could and then adjusted his neck. Dean continued to push in. Cas’ eyes watered a bit as he fought his gag reflex. Dean brushed his fingertips over Cas’ cheek to steady him. “You look really hot with my dick in your mouth. Those pretty lips wrapped around me…” Dean lifted up and put all his weight on his knees, his hands on the headboard for balance. He started to move his hips up and down, slowly fucking into Cas’ mouth. The wet heat, the tightness of his throat and the soft noises Cas was making were everything Dean could ever fantasize about. In and out, he pumped…slow rolls of his hips. The visual alone was enough to make him blow his wad. Cas’ hands tied, his head positioned to take every inch of Dean’s cock and those beautiful eyes looking up at him through it all. God, how he loved this man.

  
His hips rose and this time, he pulled out. Seeing Cas’ mouth chasing it was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. “Easy, Baby,” he whispered. “We need to get ready for the main event.” And Dean had plans. Wonderful, sexy plans.

  
Careful, not to knee Cas in the face, Dean scooted over to the edge of the bed and reached down to the bottom drawer of Cas’ nightstand. In the weeks that he’d been in Hawaii, they’d had a lot of fun using the contents of that drawer. He found the thin vibrator he was looking for. He took the condoms, the fancy lube Cas favored and the toy out of the drawer and put them on the bed. Cas looked at them briefly, his hands twisting against the silk of the ties, but he didn’t ask questions. Dean was enjoying this quiet Cas.

  
Dean moved between Cas’ legs, gently pushing them apart with his legs. He squirted some of the lube onto his fingers and reached down to rubbed around Cas’ entrance. “See, here’s the thing, Cas. I love fucking your tight ass, but having your dick inside me is just as mind-blowing. And I know you feel the same way and that’s why tonight, I’m going to give you the best of both worlds.” Cas opened his mouth to speak, but Dean held up his finger. “Shhhh.” He wagged his finger from side to side to reiterate that he wanted Cas to stay silent. During this entire exchanged, he was pushing into Cas, a little at a time. The vibrator he’d picked out was only about as big as his index finger. There wouldn’t need to be much stretching involved. Not on Cas’ part anyway.  
He made a big show of slicking up the vibrator with more lube and then turning it on its lowest speed. The soft hum could barely be heard. He winked at Cas, which got him a scowl and then slowly inserted it. Cas squirmed a bit when Dean found his prostate. He would keep it on low. Dean didn’t want to cause Cas pain by too much direct stimulation. He’d learned that the hard way.

  
Once he was sure it was in to stay, Dean lubricated his fingers and lay back, spreading his legs to give Cas ample viewing pleasure. He saw Cas’ eyes widen as he figured out what Dean was up to. “Dean…”

  
“You’re talking too much, Cas. Just watch, Babe,” Dean said softly as he pushed his finger into himself. Cas’ eyes shot down to where Dean’s hand breached his body. As Dean fucked himself, Cas’ breaths become faster and harsher. Yes, his lover was definitely turned on. Dean glanced at Cas’ cock lying on his belly, hard and wet. He could see Cas’ abdominal muscles straining. The look of wanton arousal on his face made Dean’s own cock throb and he had to stroke it with his other hand.

  
In Dean’s head, he’d planned to draw this out, but damned if he was going to make it much longer. Three fingers might be enough, if he went slow. Cas was hung though and the last thing he wanted was to put a damper on their evening by hurting himself. Cas was still watching him intently, barely blinking.

  
When Dean was finally ready, he sat up. For good measure, he moved the vibrator in and out of Cas’ ass a few times, loving the quiet hitches in Cas’ breathing. He pushed it in one final time and then ripped open the condom. He quickly rolled it down Cas’ shaft and mounted. Raising up on his knees, he guided Cas’ cock to his hole. Cas was wide eyed now, staring up at him and Christ, if he couldn’t see all the love shining out of those baby blues. As he slid slowly down Cas’ dick, he let his head fall back. The feeling was intense. The stretch…the burn…

  
Once he was seated on Cas thighs, he stopped and took a couple of deep breaths. “Want to touch you,” Cas said shakily. Dean could only imagine what Cas was feeling with his cock buried in Dean’s ass and the steady vibration against his prostate. Dean began to move, his hips rolling slow and steady, barely pulling off of Cas.

  
“I know, Babe. Soon, I promise,” Dean whispered. He felt sweat popping out on his brow from the strain of holding himself rigid. He put his hands flat on Cas’ chest and rose up until just the head of Cas’ cock was inside of him. He could feel it tugging at his rim. He sank back down with a sigh. Under him, Cas was trembling. “So good, Cas. So fucking good.”

  
Up and down…Cas’ hips were making small thrusts up in time with Dean’s movements.

  
“Dean…Dean…God…” Cas’ head was moving side to side now. The vibrator hummed softly. Dean was close. All of his senses were in overdrive. The smell of sex was heavy in the air and the noises Cas was making should be Goddamned illegal.

  
“Gonna come, Cas. Gonna come for you, Baby.” Dean stroked his cock, fist tight around the hard flesh. He pumped furiously. “Fuck…Cas…ahhhhhh.” His release was hot in his hand, spilling over Cas’ taut stomach. He stopped moving, his muscles contracted almost painfully. Hanging his head forward, he fought to regain his breath. Cas was still pushing into him in short, quick thrusts.

  
Dean reached back, palming Cas’ balls. They were tight. He tugged at them and Cas cried out his name. He could feel the throbbing of Cas’ dick inside of him as Cas filled the condom. Cas lay limp beneath him. In the candlelight, he was glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. Dean lifted off of him, holding onto the base of the condom until he could remove and dispose of it. One day soon, maybe they wouldn’t need them anymore.

  
Carefully, Dean untied the knots at Cas’ wrists. He rubbed the reddened marks between his hands, driving the blood back into Cas’ hands. When he finally lay down beside Cas, he found the other man staring at him. “What?”

  
“I love you so Goddamn much, Dean.” Cas traced a fingertip over Dean’s face before wrapping his hand around his neck and pulling him in for a deep kiss.

  
Dean used to have the mindset that after sex, you either slept, got up and went home or hinted that your partner get up and go home. Cuddling up with someone or making out after being spent never appealed to Dean until Cas. They couldn’t get enough of touching and kissing each other, even when neither was up for round two. The kissing was replaced by whispers of apologies for the way the both handled the situation. Dean promised to be more open and Cas promised to listen better and give Dean some space when he needed it. Eventually, the stickiness and drying sweat forced them to get up and shower.

  
His last thought as he drifted off to sleep that night was it would be nice to wake up with Cas again. Not since the Baja trip had that happened.

  
***

  
Too much movement on the bed made Castiel snarl the word, “Stop.” He didn’t know what it was, but it was pissing him off and it ruined the dream he was having…something that involved Dean’s perfect ass.

  
“Someone’s grouchy,” was sang in a falsetto, which caused Castiel to cover his head with a pillow. “Come on, Cas, wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.”

  
“It is moments like this that I find myself wondering what I ever saw in you,” Castiel muttered, his voice muffled by the pillow.

  
“You know you love me.” Dean said and Castiel could hear the smile in his voice. He felt Dean’s hand on his lower back. It drifted lower to the swell of his ass. He tossed the pillow away and rolled to his side.

  
“I do love you.” He was reaching for Dean to bring him in for a morning kiss, fuck the morning breath, when the slamming of the door startled them both. Castiel reached for the clock by his bed, somehow having got knocked to the floor last night. “Fuck.”

  
“What time is it?” Dean asked at the same time he was scrambling for his underwear.

  
“Ten. Fuck.” Castiel hadn’t sleep past eight in years. “That’s Ellen with Matthew.” There was a pounding on the stairs and then Ellen’s panicked voice.

  
“Matthew, Honey, stop. Come back here. Daddy will be down in a minute. Want a cookie?” Castiel almost wanted to laugh at Ellen’s high-pitched bribe. The noise stopped and then the steps faded. Matthew would do anything for a forbidden snack. Cookies at ten in the morning were definitely forbidden.

  
“What are we gonna do?” Dean asked, already buttoning his dress shirt from the night before.

  
“He’s five. Perhaps we won’t have to really explain anything. It’s already mid-morning, we can say you came over for a visit.” Castiel pulled on a pair of clean jeans and a polo shirt. A few minutes later, they were ready to face the music.

  
Matthew was sitting at the dining room table, a glass of milk and an empty plate in front of him. “Daddy,” he said, grinning. Then he saw Dean. “Unca Dean. I had a sleepover with Aunt Ellen and Jo. Did you have a sleepover with Daddy?”

  
“So much for not explaining anything,” Dean muttered in his ear. Ellen was facing the window, but Castiel watched her shoulders shaking with laughter.

  
“I…uhm…we…Dean…”

  
“Yeah, Buddy, your Daddy and I had a sleepover,” Dean told the boy with a smile. He walked over and ruffled the boy’s hair. “Did you have fun at Aunt Ellen’s?”

  
“Uh huh. We watched the bug movie.” Dean looked at Castiel quizzically.

  
“A Bug’s Life,” Castiel supplied. Who would have known that he’d become an expert on children’s movies over the last year.

  
“That sounds cool, Sport. Now, I’ve got to get out of here.” Castiel watched as Dean kissed the child and gave Ellen a brief one-armed hug. Castiel walked him to the front door. Dean put his hands on Castiel’s hips and tugged him close. “I’ll talk to you tonight.”

  
“Alright, Dean.” They kissed. It was soft and slow. Dean moaned into it and seemed reluctant to let Castiel go. “What does your week look like?”

  
“Work tomorrow and the rest of the week. What about you?”

  
“I have to go out tomorrow and get some photos of some of the various starfish in the area for National Geographic. They are working on a documentary and want me to come up with some ideas.”

  
“Uhmmm,” Dean hummed against his throat. “Be careful.”

  
The weeks flew by. They spent as much time together as they could. Saturdays, they took the Beth out and the three of them would spend the entire day together. Dean seemed to work a lot and Castiel tried to be understanding. Sometimes he’d say something and Dean would get defensive, but they would remind each other of their pact and things would settle back to normal.

  
It wasn’t until late November that Castiel found out that Dean wasn’t just working. He’d come over and after eating and putting Matthew to bed, Dean asked him to go for a walk. Something was on Dean’s mind, but Castiel hadn’t wanted to push.

  
They kicked off their shoes and walked along the beach. The sand was still warm from the afternoon sun. “I need to talk to you about something, Cas.”

  
“Okay.” Dean’s voice was serious and Castiel couldn’t help the clinching of his gut.

  
“I’ve been training with Steve and Danny and the governor has given Steve permission to add me to the task force.”

  
Castiel stopped walking. The task force? Five-O? That was dangerous work. Danny had been shot just three weeks ago. Oh, Danny was fine, but still… “Dean, I don’t…” He stopped. What could he say? Dean was constantly talking about needing a purpose. He hated being on a security detail. He called himself a rent-a-cop.

  
“You’re pissed.”

  
“No…not…” Maybe he was. “Why didn’t you tell me? I hate that you felt the need to hide something like this from me, Dean. Honestly is important to me…to us.”

  
Dean had turned around to face Castiel. He looked down at the sand, shuffling his feet. “I know. I felt like shit for keeping it from you, but I wasn’t sure I’d have a chance. And, God, if it didn’t work out…I didn’t want you to see me as a failure.”

  
“Don’t be stupid, Dean. I could never see you as a failure.” His lover…his friend…needed to stop feeling so inadequate. “I love you,” Castiel whispered and ran his finger across Dean’s cheek. “I’m mad, yes, but I will try to understand.”

  
“Thanks, Babe. That’s all I ask.”

  
“When do you start?”

  
“Steve wants me to start next week.”

  
“Oh. Okay.” Castiel looked out over the water, inky black with silver ripples from the half moon overhead.

  
“Cas, this is important to me. I want you to be proud of me,” Dean pleaded.

  
“I’m always going to be proud of you, Dean. Always.” Castiel’s disappointment and anger disappeared as fast as they arrived. He took Dean’s hand, interlacing their fingers.

  
“I am beginning to understand how you feel about me diving with sharks now.” Castiel teased. “Just promise me you won’t take chances. Be more like Danny. Less like Steve.” Dean’s laughed was loud on the quiet beach.

  
“Promise,” Dean vowed, crossing his heart dramatically.

When they got back to the house, Dean showed Castiel his new badge. Castiel made a few jokes about the size of his gun and the sex that night was playful. When it was time for Dean to leave, Castiel realized that maybe it was time for them to talk about the next level.  Dean leaving after sex was getting more and more painful.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't get the image to upload - not sure if it's Imgur or AO3, but I will keep working on it.

Dean and Chin were in the war room, finding incoming flights for a potential witness, when the big glass doors opened. They both looked up. Cas, holding Matt by his hand, entered. Matt pulled away and ran to Dean. “Hey, Little Man, what are you doing here?”

  
It had been two months since Dean got his shield and became part of the elite team known as the Five-O. His life was awesome. The job kept him on his toes and the team treated him like _ohana_.

  
“Daddy says we needed to give you one more kiss goodbye before we leaves.”

  
“I’ll just go check on Kono,” Chin said with a quick goodbye to Cas and Matt. Once they were alone, Dean leaned into Cas for a kiss.

  
He whispered into his ear, “you said goodbye last night.” Cas and Matt were flying to the mainland for an interview with the National Geographic people. Dean had volunteered to keep Matt with Ellen’s help, but with Jo having finals and Dean neck deep in a case, Cas thought it would be better for everything if Matt went with him.

  
“Matt wanted to see you once more before we left for the airport,” Cas said, returning Dean’s kiss. “we are going to miss you.”

  
“I’m going to miss you too, Babe. It’s only for a week.”

  
“Daddy says it’s seven whole days,” Matt yelled from across the room where he was looking into the glass door that led to Steve’s office. “Where’s Unca Steve?”

  
“Steve is out working, Sport.” He turned back to Cas. “You call me when you get settled in the hotel, okay?”

  
“I will, Dean.” Dean took one more kiss and Cas gathered up Matt. He watched them as they left. Kono and Chin were entering as they got to the door. Kono bent to hug the little boy and his two co-workers waved goodbye to them.

  
Kono patted his shoulder when she got to the smart desk. “When you going to marry that man, Dean?”

  
Dean shrugged. Everything was working out. His job…him and Cas…so, what was he waiting for? “I’ve only known him seven months, Kono.”

  
“No time limit on falling in love, Dean,” Chin offered, already typing on the smart desk.

  
“I love him, that’s not the problem.”

  
“What’s the problem?” Kono asked, peering over at what Chin was doing.

  
“I just want Cas to be sure. By marrying me, that makes me a stepparent to Matt. That’s fuckin’ huge, Man.”

  
“I don’t think Cas is dragging his feet. That man thinks the sun rises and sets on you. I think you should just go for it. You do want to marry Cas, don’t you?” Kono was looking at him questioningly.

  
“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” Dean meant it. He’d had a lot of thoughts and daydreams about being married to Cas. Having a family – just the three of them…maybe another kid down the road sometime.

  
“Life’s too short, Dean. Don’t let it pass you by,” Chin murmured. Dean was aware Chin had lost his wife a few years back.

  
Their phones all buzzed at the same time. Dean looked at his text message from Steve. “Looks like we’re rolling.”

  
The three jogged out of the building and got into the Impala.

  
Later that night, Dean sat in his apartment alone. Most evenings were spent with Cas and Matt. His apartment was a place to come to sleep and shower. It would be a long week. Knowing Cas wouldn’t be calling until morning, Dean found a movie on his television. Halfway in, his mind wandered back to the conversation with Kono and Chin. They were right. Life was too short.

  
The week dragged by. The highlights were Cas’ calls. The team took pity on him and he found himself eating burgers at Steve’s house with the whole gang the night before Cas was supposed to come home. He made the mistake of telling Chin he was going to propose and since then, everyone was giving him their ideas on where and how to pop the question.

  
“I still say at the top of Waimano Falls,” Steve said, flipping the burgers.

  
“Yeah, it would be really romantic for both of them to be huffing and puffing from that long-ass hike,” Danny responded.

  
“Kuilima Cove at sunset,” Kono suggested.

  
“The top of Aloha Tower,” Chin chimed in.

  
Danny shook his head at everyone and put his arm around Dean’s shoulders. “Just take Cas out on his boat and sing him a romantic song…then ask.”

  
“Ahh, that’s so romantic,” Kono whispered. Dean looked around at his friends and they were all nodding.

  
“Okay.” He had the plan, now he had to decide when.

  
***

  
Castiel and Matthew returned from the mainland on Thursday evening. Dean picked them up at the airport and helped Castiel unpack. Matthew fell asleep in the car, so he was put right to bed. Dean stood by the hamper and caught the dirty clothing as Castiel tossed it from his suitcase. He told Dean about his trip and how he couldn’t wait to work more with the people at National Geographic.

  
The interview had gone very well and the Society wanted to film a documentary based on his photography. He was more than thrilled.

  
As he opened the drawer to put his extra socks away, he spied the black velvet box tucked into the back. He shut it quickly. The ring had been there for a month. He was waiting for the right time. With Dean’s odd hours and Cas’ work, it just never seemed like the right time. He wanted it to be romantic, but he wasn’t that type of guy. He should probably as Ellen for some advice.

  
Saturday dawned sunny and balmy. Dean was meeting him at the marina for a day out on Beth. Castiel loaded the cooler into the SUV and went back into the house to gather the rest of the things. Matthew was coming down the stairs, dragging his backpack.  
“When is Kono and Grace gonna be here?” Kono and Danny’s daughter were taking Matthew for a day of surf lessons. When Kono asked Castiel if she could take his son for the day, Castiel made his plans.

  
“You have everything?”

  
“Yep,” the boy answered. He held his backpack aloft. “Sunscreen, towel, life jacket, juice boxes and money for lunch.”

  
Castiel heard the honk of a horn and walked Matthew out to Kono’s car. Grace was already in the front seat. At ten, Grace, hasn’t reached the age where she thinks Matthew is a pain.

  
The marina was bustling with activity and Castiel parked in his assigned space. He saw the Impala parked nearby. Dean was already on the boat and grinned down at Castiel. “Morning, Babe.” He’d given Dean a key to the sailboat a few weeks ago, along with a placard to show him as a boat owner, so he wouldn’t need to sign in each time they went out. He took the cooler from Castiel and stowed it below. Castiel put the food in the galley and soon, they were underway.

  
Dean stood behind him at the helm as the wind filled the sails. As the boat cut through the water, Dean leaned forward, his chest pressing to Castiel’s back. Castiel grinned as water sprayed over the bow. He was so incredibly happy. The velvet box was tucked into his bag below and in a few hours, Dean Winchester would be his fiancé. Unless he said no. Castiel frowned. Surely, he wouldn’t say no.

  
He felt the brush of Dean’s lips along his collar. “Hey, why the frown?”

  
“Oh…no reason…just thinking…about…”

  
“About?” Dean prodded.

  
“Matthew…and…uhm…school.” Castiel wasn’t good at lying or thinking on the fly.

  
“School? Is he having trouble?” Matthew just started kindergarten this year.

  
“No, nothing like that. He loves school. His teacher is very nice.”

  
“Then what’s going on?”

  
“Nothing. Really, Dean. Will you trim the main sail?” Dean stepped away with a puzzled frown. He watched as Dean easily manipulated the sail. He’d learned a lot about sailing over the last few months.

  
When Castiel eased the boat into the quiet lagoon, Dean set the anchor while Castiel took down the sails. The boat rocked gently under their feet. Dean went below to grab their towels and Castiel pulled off his shirt. When Dean came back up on deck, he was holding his guitar. “You aren’t going swimming?”

  
“Not right now. I thought I’d play something for you.” Dean was biting his lower lip nervously. Castiel didn’t know why. Dean had played and sang for Castiel and all of their friends before. It couldn’t be stage fright.

  
“Alright.” Castiel sat down on one of the bench seats and Dean sat opposite him. Dean tuned his guitar, not looking at Castiel. It gave Castiel a chance to watch the way the gentle breeze ruffled Dean’s short hair, the way the sunlight danced across his skin. Finally, Dean looked up at Castiel.

  
**_If a picture paints a thousand words_**  
**_Then why can't I paint you?_**  
**_The words will never show_**  
**_The you I've come to know_**

  
Castiel recognized the song. It wasn’t the type that Dean normally chose to sing.

 **_If a face could launch a thousand ships_ **  
**_Then where am I to go?_ **  
**_There's no one home but you_ **  
**_You're all that's left me too_ **  
**_And when my love for life is running dry_ **  
**_You come and pour yourself on me_ **

  
**_If a man could be two places at one time_ **  
**_I'd be with you_ **  
**_Tomorrow and today_ **  
**_Beside you all the way_ **

  
Dean sat the guitar aside and finished singing the song a capella.

  
**_If the world should stop revolving_ **  
**_Spinning slowly down to die_ **  
**_I'd spend the end with you_ **  
**_And when the world was through_ **  
**_Then one by one the stars would all go out_ **  
**_Then you and I would simply fly away_ **

  
He dropped down to one knee in front of Castiel and let the words fade.

  
“Cas, I never knew love until I meet you. That might sound cheesy, but it’s true. I can’t imagine my life without you and…and…” Dean reached into the pocket of his cargo shorts and pulled out a velvet box. For an instant, Castiel wondered how Dean found the box he’d brought and hid in his bag. “Cas, will you marry me?”

  
Castiel couldn’t speak. He stared at the simple titanium band in the box. “Cas?” Castiel looked up at Dean’s concerned expression. “Don’t leave me hanging here…if you think it’s too soon…that’s okay. I can wait until…” Castiel put his fingers over Dean’s lips, stopping the words.

  
“I will marry you, Dean Winchester. I would be honored to spend the rest of my life with you.” Dean grinned and bolted up to kiss Castiel hard on the lips. He quickly pulled back and took the ring out of the box. Cas stared down at it as Dean slid it on his finger. Once it was nestled in place, Castiel grabbed the sides of Dean’s face and held him close, pressing their lips together. Dean put his hands on Castiel’s throat, his thumb brushing his Adam’s apple as the kiss raged on. Castiel was hard and he moaned into Dean’s mouth as he rubbed his crotch against Dean’s.

  
Tangled together, Dean led them stumbling below deck. Castiel felt the snap of his shorts give way and the rasp of a zipper. Dean’s touch was searing his skin. They fell together on the double sized bunk.

  
***

  
Dean yanked Cas’ shorts down his legs, flinging them off the bunk. He gazed down at the gloriously nude man below him. “So, fucking beautiful, Cas.” Cas’ skin was flushed light pink under his tan. He tugged off his own shorts and tossed them over his shoulder. His erection jutted from his body and he had to wrap his thumb and forefinger tightly around it to steady himself. Eyes never leaving Cas’, Dean bent to take Cas in his mouth. The salty, bitter taste of precum was quickly lapped away. Up and down Cas’ shaft, he licked and mouthed. Under his hands, Cas’ thighs were trembling. To know he was driving Cas to a shaking mess was the biggest turn on.

  
He licked and teased until Cas was writhing on the bed. “Did you bring any…”

  
“Bag,” Cas all but cried out. Dean smiled and jumped from the bed. He unzipped the bag and moved aside a folded t-shirt, some sunscreen and a black velvet box. He froze. He picked it up and turned to Cas. Cas’ eyes widened. “Dean, I…”

  
Dean was already opening the box. A beautiful tungsten carbide ring rested inside. He looked up. Cas was sitting now, the loose blanket over his lap. “Cas, what…were you going to propose?”

  
“Yes.” Dean exhaled slowly, staring down at the ring.

  
“Wow. Damn, Cas, I don’t know what to say here. I guess I ruined your moment.” Cas sprang from the bed and took Dean’s hand, the one that held the box.

  
“Dean, no. God, no. Your proposal was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was sweet and romantic. Mine would have paled in comparison.”

  
“I just…” Dean couldn’t believe Cas was going to propose to him. If there was a word stronger than love, Dean would be using it right now. He was definitely feeling it. “May I?” Dean indicated the box. Cas took the box and lifted out the ring.

  
“I hope it fits. I had to guess.” He took Dean’s left hand and pushed the ring over the knuckles until it rested snuggly right where it belonged. Dean held out his hand, spreading his fingers wide and admiring Cas’ taste in rings.

  
Cas chuckled and Dean met his gaze quizzically. “What?”

  
“When I proposed, I didn’t plan on us both being naked.”

  
“Guess that’s something we won’t be telling the kids and the grandkids,” Dean said with a laugh.

  
Cas took Dean’s hands in his. “We’ve never talked about kids, Dean. Obviously, you will be Matthew’s stepfather…no…no, I don’t like that term. You can adopt him and he will legally be our son. I think James would approve. But we haven’t discussed…do you even want more children, Dean?”

  
Dean looked down at their joint hands before answering. “Cas, you letting me adopt Matt is…” He was getting choked up and had to swallow a few times. He was grateful Cas was patient. “…is more than I could ever hope for. I love him so much. As far as more kids…honestly, I haven’t really thought about it. Do you want more?”

  
“I’m not sure.” Cas gently pulled Dean back to the bed.

  
“Well, if the time is right, we’ll know,” Dean whispered as they sank down on the soft mattress. The next couple of hours, they talked, held hands and traded kisses. Dean wouldn’t have traded it for the world.

  
When Dean got to work the next day, Kono was the first to notice the ring. She squealed and grabbed his hand. “Cas asked?  Wow, he really did it.”

  
Chin, Danny and Steve gathered around. “Actually, I did it first,” Dean said smugly. “It was romantic and he was blown away.” After all the congratulations were over, Dean told them the whole story. He left out the naked part.

  
Ellen had been so happy when they showed her the rings, she’d cried. Jo just rolled her eyes and said it was about time. They hadn’t told Matt yet. Cas and Dean were taking him out to dinner tonight and were going to explain things then.

  
He met Cas and Matt at Cheeseburger in Paradise. It wasn’t far from HQ, so he was early. He parked and went inside to get them a table. The wall to wall televisions had everything playing from sports to cartoons. He was seated facing the front entrance. Jimmy Buffett music played from speakers and Dean found himself humming along. He spied Cas coming across the parking lot holding Matt’s hand. When they saw him, they both smiled and Dean was stunned at the resemblance to Jimmy’s own smile. “I think I did good, Jimbo,” he whispered as he watched his future family stride across the restaurant.

  
They ordered their meals and while they waited, Cas got Matt’s attention. “Matthew, Dean and I have something important to discuss with you.”

  
Matt stopped coloring on his placemat and looked up expectantly. “What?”

  
“Remember when we talked about people getting married?”

  
Matt nodded, “Uh huh.”

  
“Well, Dean and I have decided that we love each other enough to get married. Are you okay with that?” Matt studied Cas for a few seconds and Dean could almost see the wheels turning in his head.

  
“Yep.” He tucked his tongue between his teeth and began to color again. Cas looked up at Dean as if to ask for guidance. Dean shrugged. Fuck if he knew what to say.

  
“Matthew…do you have any questions?” The boy looked up again and tapped his yellow crayon against his lips.

  
“Does this mean Unca Dean will live with us and I gets to call him Daddy?”

  
Cas got ready to speak, but Dean held up his finger. “Listen, Sport, it does mean I’ll be living with you, but you have a daddy. You can still call me Uncle Dean.”

  
“But if you marries Daddy than you have to be Daddy too.” Cas’ mouth twitched. The bastard was loving this.

  
“Won’t it be confusing if both of us were called Daddy?” Dean asked, just as the server brought their food. She heard the question and smiled brightly. Dean was glad she wasn’t one of those kinds of people. The amount of her tip just doubled.

  
“I don’t know.” The little boy’s lip jutted out in a pout.

  
“Perhaps we can call Dean something else?” Cas suggested. “Papa? Pop?”

  
“Nope, no one is calling me ‘pop’,” Dean said, shaking his head. Matt giggled. The server grinned.

  
“I called my stepdad, Tee. His name was Travis,” she supplied as she sat down the final plate of food.

  
“He could just call me Dean.”

  
“What about Dee?” Cas asked, picking up his fork.

  
“Dee Dee,” cried Matt.

  
“Dee Dee? Why two Dees?” Dean was confused.

  
“Daddy Dean,” Matt said, giving Dean a look like he was stupid. “Dee Dee. Dee Dee,” the child chanted.

  
“Dee Dee it is,” Cas agreed, grinning at the boy. Dean rolled his eyes. They try to have a serious conversation about marriage and what it will mean to all of them and Matt doesn’t give a shit about any of it except what he’s going to call him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song "IF" was written and sang by David Gates. It is an old song, written and released in 1971. Give it a listen.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it. The last chapter. I fell in love with Hawaii in this story and vow to visit there one day soon. 
> 
> I hope you liked this one, but all good things must come to an end and I've got a new story to tell. 
> 
> Hugs and kisses to all my loyal friends and readers.

Castiel and Ellen were cleaning out his closet and dresser to make room for Dean’s things. With the wedding only two days away, he’d put it off long enough. With the huge sliding doors open to the balmy breezes, they could hear Matthew outside on the lawn with Jo. He was playing with his new RC helicopter Steve and Danny got him for his birthday.

  
“I think this is the last of it,” Ellen was saying. A large garbage bag was at her feet and she was shoving a couple of shirts into it. “I’ll drop these off at Goodwill this afternoon.

  
Castiel’s eyes were on the box on the top shelf. “That’s fine,” he said distractedly. She followed his gaze.

  
“I’ll take these downstairs and call Matthew in for lunch.” She hefted the bag and left him alone. He brought the box off the shelf and took it to his dresser. Carefully, he opened it and brought out the scrap book that had been James’. He sat it aside and took out a small box that was all the photographs and mementos he’d kept from his brother’s home. When he reached for the plain manila envelope, a wave of sadness overcame him. He took it and sat on the edge of his bed, clutching it to his chest.

  
“You’d be proud of us, James. Dean is a wonderful, kind man and I love him so much. He’s going to be a good father. I promise to teach Matthew all about you when he’s older. I want him to know who you were, how brave, how smart and how much you loved him.” Castiel licked his lips and opened the letter Dean had delivered all those months ago. That day, he would have never in his wildest dreams thought he and Dean Winchester would be together, let alone, be getting married.

  
“You just knew somehow that he was what I needed.” Tears began to roll down his cheeks and he wiped them away. “You were supposed to be here for this, James. You were supposed to be my best man, like I was yours.” His vision blurred as he reread his brother’s words.

  
“Hey, Cas, I had a few minutes and since Chin and I were out at Ka’ena Point looking into a…” Dean stopped when he saw Castiel. “Babe, what’s going on?” He knelt at Castiel’s feet, looking up at him with so much concern and love in his eyes that Castiel began to cry in earnest. “Shhhh, easy, Babe. Talk to me.”

  
Instead, he handed Dean the letter and Dean silently read through it. He looked up. “I didn’t think…I’m so sorry, Cas. I didn’t think how our happiness…” Castiel shook his head.

  
“No, Dean. Our happiness is what keeps me going. You and Matthew are the two best things that have ever happened to me.” Castiel took Dean’s hands. “I believe this is what James wanted. You and me…together.”

  
“Me too, Cas.” He ran his thumbs over Castiel’s cheeks, wiping away the tears. Castiel gave him a watery smile and sniffed. He pulled Dean to his feet and wrapped his arms around him and that’s when a reflection in his dresser mirror stunned him. Jimmy was standing behind him, a grin on his face. He was wearing his uniform. Castiel blinked and he was gone. “Hey, I left Chin downstairs, I should get back to him. You good now?”

  
“Yes. I just had a moment, I’ll be fine.” Castiel followed Dean down the stairs. Working with Five-O was doing wonders for Dean, both mentally and physically. Castiel’s eyes drifted down to Dean’s butt. Dressed in black cargo pants and a plain black t-shirt – he’d taken to dressing like Steve – his body was showed off to perfection.

  
He heard Matthew’s excited voice in the kitchen and they both followed the sound. Chin was down on one knee talking to the boy about his helicopter. “And Steve can fly one of these.”

  
Matthew looked up. “Did you hear that, Daddy? Unca Steve can flies one of these.”

  
“I did hear that,” Castiel said, ruffling the boy’s hair. Ellen was setting out a platter of sandwiches. “Will you be able to stay for lunch?”

  
Dean shook his head. “Can’t.” It didn’t stop him from grabbing a sandwich and taking a big bite. “Gotta head back.” He pushed the platter over to Chin. Ellen took a couple of cans of Coke from the refrigerator and two plastic bags from one of the kitchen drawers.

  
“Let me pack some to go then,” she said, slipping sandwiches into the bags.

  
A few minutes later, Dean and Chin left with their lunches and Castiel sat down with Ellen, Jo and Matthew.

  
With Dean working late, Castiel spent his evening with Matthew curled around him on the couch watching Toy Story. Castiel’s mind kept slipping back to his vision of James in his room. It was obviously a figment of his imagination, but it seemed so real.  
When he tucked Matthew in bed that night, he spent a few moments looking at the shadow box Ellen had made for the boy. The folded flag and all the medals looked beautiful against the black background. “Those was Daddy’s.”

  
“Yes, there were, Matthew. Your father was a brave man…a hero.”

  
“Dee Dee says Daddy was his bestest friend.”

  
“That’s right. He misses your daddy as much as we do,” Castiel said, turning back to the child. He sat on the edge of the bed. On the bedside table, were two framed pictures, one of James and one of Cas and Dean leaning against the Impala. “We are lucky that Dean found us and wants to make us his family.”

  
“How many more days?” Matthew was starting to get into the spirit of their wedding, especially since he was told he’d be a big part of it.

  
“The day after tomorrow. Saturday.”

  
***

  
Dean was stuck with airport duty. He’d taken today off to get the last minute stuff done for their wedding. It could be worse, he could have pulled the short straw and gotten flower duty.

  
_Flight 1423, arriving at Gate 10B from Los Angeles._

  
Dean waited by the gate until his brother’s head appeared over the other debarking passengers. Hannah was walking beside him. Dean grinned at the couple. Sam had popped the question to the cute blonde at Christmas and they’d set a June wedding date. He hugged Hannah first and then was picked up off the ground by his Sasquatch of a brother in a bone-crushing embrace.

  
Between the two of them, Dean was exhausted by wedding questions by the time they got to his apartment. He was letting them sleep in his room while he took the couch. He took the time to call Cas and make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything. He could hear Balthazar’s voice in the background.

  
He imagined Cas’ house was crazy. His whole crew came in for the event. Dean was looking forward to seeing them again. The last time Cas went out on an expedition, Dean couldn’t go because of a case. He loved his job, but not being able to see Cas for a week at a time was getting old. It did give him some alone time with Matt though and for that he was grateful.

  
They’d had dinner the night before last and the three of them went for a moonlight swim. They tucked an exhausted Matt into bed and Dean could barely wait to get his hands on Cas.

  
The sex was awesome, as usual. They’d both gotten a bit kinky lately, but that night was slow and easy. Dean didn’t want to get out of bed and go home, but it had been his decision to live apart. He really didn’t have regrets about that. Over the last few months, they’d really gotten to know each other and since both of them had a temper, it meant that Dean had a place to go and cool off. He wouldn’t have that once they were married, but they’d worked out a lot of their issues already. Hopefully, their fights wouldn’t be as bad now.

  
Hannah went to bed early and that left Sam and Dean to have a heart to heart talk. “So, tomorrow is the big day,” Sam said, as he popped the cap off a beer.

  
“Yep,” Dean answered, putting his feet up on the coffee table.

  
“No regrets? No cold feet?” Dean looked around the apartment, boxes were packed up and stacked against the wall. Cold feet? Not a chance.

  
“Not a one and no,” Dean replied softly. “Cas is it for me, Sam. Crazy as that sounds, it feels like I waited my whole life for him. And Matt.”

  
“You know I’m happy for you, Dean. Talking to you these past month…I can just hear how good things are.”

  
The conversation turned to funny stories from their childhood and then to poignant discussions of their parents and Jimmy. Sam, like the good best man he was, made Dean stop drinking after the sixth beer. After he went to bed, Dean reclined on the narrow couch, thankful it would only be the one night. He opened up the pictures on his phone and scrolled through slowly. He stopped on the picture he’d taken of Jimmy interacting with a young boy. The boy was about Matt’s age. “I miss you, Jimbo,” he whispered to the silent room.

  
He knew Jimmy would be happy for him. Oh, he’d give him a hard time, that was for sure. “You must be proud of yourself, huh? Your secret plan to get Cas and I together worked.”

  
Dean leaned over to sit his phone on the end table and gasped as he saw a figure standing there. “Jimmy?” His friend was smiling, his blue eyes, so much like Cas’, were dancing with mischief. When Dean blinked, he was alone in his living room. He lay back down and stared at the ceiling. It was just his imagination. He slept great that night, waking up refreshed and ready to marry the man of his dreams.

  
Morning brought several panicked calls from Cas. “Did you remember to pick up your suit?” Dean sighed heavily with each call. His response was always, “I took care of it, Cas. Relax.”

  
He dressed in the tan pants and matching vest. He tied his tie and stared at his reflection. He was really doing this. “Hope you have my back, Jimmy.”

  
The drive to Cas house was filled with Metallica. Loud guitar riffs and pounding drums to keep him grounded. He taken Sam and Hannah to the rental car company and they were right behind him in a silver Versa. Sam’s knees were up around his elbows, but it was the only car they had available. The driveway was already full of vehicles of every shape and size. Dean found a spot on the edge of the front lawn and Sam pulled in behind him.

  
Ellen swung the door open before he could open it. “Everything is fine. Cas is a nervous wreck. I’ve tried to calm him down, but you know how he can be when he wants everything to be perfect.”

  
Dean nodded, introduced her to Sam and Hannah, and then took the stairs at a jog. Cas’ bedroom door was closed. He knocked once and opened the door. Cas was standing at the wall of windows, looking out at the ocean. He turned at the intrusion. “For someone traditional, you are breaking one of the wedding commandments…thou shalt not see your betrothed before the ceremony.”

  
With a laugh, Dean walked to Cas and placed his hands on the other man’s hips. “First of all, weddings don’t have commandments and second, who uses the word betrothed anymore? Anyway, Ellen said you were having a meltdown.”

  
“Meltdown? I don’t think I’ve ever had a meltdown in my life.” Cas leaned closer and rested his forehead against Dean’s.

  
“Well, she may not have used the word ‘meltdown’. You’re not having second thoughts are you?”

  
“God, no. I’ve never been more sure of anything. I just want today to be perfect.”

  
“You, me and Matt are becoming a family today, Cas. I can’t think of anything more perfect than that.”

  
“I love you, Dean Winchester,” Cas whispered, bussing his lips against Dean’s in a light kiss.

  
“Yeah, well, I love you more, Dumbass. Now, finish getting ready. Put on your party face and let’s get this show on the road.” Dean watched as Cas tied his bow tie. He still couldn’t tie one of those…give him a regular Windsor Knot any day.

  
Ellen must have been a wedding planner in another life, because everything looked amazing. Rented chairs sat in straight lines on the sand, each with a lei of white orchids adorning them. Pink cabbage roses ran the length of the aisle, fastened to the chairs. The alter was built of large bamboo poles and gossamer fabric draped over it. Small pale green floral garland hung in ropes giving it a whimsical look. With the backdrop of the ocean, it was beautiful. Their guests were seated and waiting for them.

  
A man in traditional Hawaiian robes stood under the altar waiting for them. Dean took Cas’ hand in his and they walked through the sand, both barefoot. Framing the altar, were Balthazar and Sam. Matt stood beside Balthazar in a suit that matched theirs. The boy was grinning from ear to ear.

  
For Dean, the ceremony went by in the blink of an eye. They chose to do traditional vows, but at the end, Cas met Dean’s eyes and said, “Aloha au ‘ia ‘oe.”

  
Dean replied, “Aloha aku nô, aloha mai nô.”

  
The reverend placed his hands over theirs and chanted, “Ka honi mai me ke aloha.” They kissed and both took Matt’s hands to face their family and friends.

  
“I would like to introduce the Winchester-Novak family. Aloha,” the reverend said with a flourish.

  
***

  
As Cas and Dean were congratulated by their guests, a group of workers began to set up for the luau. As the sun began to set, a large bonfire was started on the beach. Colorful blankets were laid out and the bar was open. Castiel held his glass of champagne and watched his husband laughing with their friends. Matthew was playing with a group of children at the water’s edge, his pants rolled up to his knees. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

  
“You did good, my friend.”

  
“I know, Zar. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

  
Kamekona, the owner of a food truck and dear friend of the Five-O team, called for everyone’s attention and they took their seats on the blankets. Dean ran over and scooped Matthew up in his arms. He swung him around and Castiel smiled at the boy’s giggles. Dean settled them on a blanket next to Castiel.

  
Polynesian drummers began a heart-pounding beat and Hula dancers ran to the center and began to dance. After that, servers brought trays of traditional Hawaiian food around. Coolers of beer and other beverages were spaced around for convenience.  
The drums got louder and then a group of men marched over the sand. They were dressed in malos, the Hawaiian loincloth. They walked by the fire and lit their batons. The ends flared and soon everyone was caught up in the passionate ceremony. The batons flew into the air, spinning flames lighting up the night sky. Castiel looked over at Dean and he seemed mesmerized by the hard muscled young men. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d be jealous.”

  
Dean threw back his head and laughed. “Just window shopping, Babe. They’re pretty to look at, but you’re the one I married.”

  
“Dee Dee, what’s window shopping mean?” Matthew asked, tugging at Dean’s sleeve. It was Castiel’s turn to laugh.

  
“Yes, Dean, care to explain.” Dean gave him a dirty look and then told Matthew to go tell Ellen he was ready for dessert. Easily sidetracked by anything sweet, the boy ran off to find Ellen.

  
Castiel pulled Dean to him and murmured in his ear, “If you dress like that, we could try role-playing.”

  
Dean quirked up an eyebrow. “Yeah? Elaborate, Cas.”

  
“You could be the fierce warrior and I could be a shipwrecked sailor.”

  
“Hmmm, that has possibilities.”

  
Much later, as the festivities slowed and their friends drifted away to their hotel rooms, Castiel and Dean danced slowly to music from the stereo system. Ellen and Jo had taken a sleeping Matthew to their condo for the week. In lieu of a honeymoon, they were packing the Beth up tomorrow and taking her for a week long cruise around the Hawaii Island chain.

  
When the beach was empty and all the guests were gone, Castiel led Dean into the bedroom. Someone, probably Ellen, had lit candles and soft music was playing. Rose petals were tossed over the comforter and Dean chuckled. “Rose petals? Wow, that’s ch…”  
Castiel shut him up with a searing kiss. Clothing fell to the floor and soon hands roamed over warm skin. Small gasps of pleasure came from both men as they touched and kissed their favorite places on each other. Dean loved to have his lower back caressed. It made him purr like a large jungle cat. Castiel would do anything Dean wanted as long as he sucked on Castiel’s nipples.

  
As Castiel sank into Dean, unsheathed by a condom for the first time, he felt his control hanging by a thin thread. The hot, velvety walls milked his cock. Sweat slickened bodies entwined in the golden candlelight. Sounds of pleasure and softly spoken words of love and promise shared space with the sounds of skin against skin and swift intakes of breath.

  
**Twelve Years Later…**

  
_Pomp and Circumstance_ played over the loud speakers as the graduating class marched into the stadium. Matt looked relaxed in his dark cap and gown. When he walked by them, Dean grinned and Matt returned it. He’d worn that tacky tie despite Cas’ veto. After everyone was seated in the stands, the principal took the microphone.

  
“Please welcome the Kalani High School Class of 2028’s Valedictorian, Matthew James Winchester-Novak.”

  
The crowd applauded and a dark haired, blue-eyed, young man stepped up to the podium. From the third row, an elite task force whistled and stomped. One row back, a band of sunburned academics clapped longer and louder than everyone else. At the end of the first row, two men held hands as they watched their son smile at the crowd.

  
“Good evening, ladies, gentlemen, family and friends of the graduates of Kalani High School’s Class of 2028. I could go back and reminisce about the last four years spent in the halls of Kalani, but instead I want to focus on where we will be in the next four years. Whether it’s upholding the law, saving the oceans, writing the next great novel or delivering a child into this world, all of us must make sure the word success is associated with what we do.”

  
Dean felt Cas squeeze his hands. They’d both heard Matt’s speech a hundred times already, but hearing it today was somehow different.

  
“We must set a great example for those that come behind us, but mostly, we must let our actions make a statement to the world. Wherever we come from, whatever our color, sex or cultural background, we can come together in success to achieve greatness together as one voice.”

  
Cas leaned against him. “James would be so proud.”

  
“He’s here,” Dean whispered. And he was sure his friend was watching.

  
“Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, ‘ _Do not go where the path may lead; go instead where there is no path and leave a trail._ ’ Let’s leave a trail others will be proud to follow. Make a difference. Work hard. Be safe and be happy.”

  
“We, the Class of 2028, want to extend our gratitude to all the teachers and faculty that worked so hard to help us reach this point.”

  
Matt personally thanked his football coach, his science teacher and his swim coach. His speech was awe inspiring. At least, in Dean’s eyes it was, but then, he was a little biased.

  
“Most of you don’t know that my father, Captain James Novak, was killed in action when I was five years old. He died a hero, saving the lives of his men. His best friend, Captain Dean Winchester, made him a promise that if something happened to him, he would deliver letters home to me and my uncle. He fulfilled that promise. In doing so, he set in motion a chain of events that gave me a new family. My letter from my father told me to love my Uncle Cas and become a son he could be proud of. It also told me that Dean would become a major part of my life. I’m not sure how my father knew that those two men would get together, but they did. Castiel Winchester-Novak and Dean Winchester-Novak raised me to be the man my father would be proud of. They taught me to work hard, love hard and play hard. Dad, Dee, I love you both so much.”

  
Dean blinked back tears. He hadn’t heard this part. He wouldn’t cry. He would not look at Cas. Cas was probably stoic and dry-eyed. Their son’s eyes met his and Jimmy’s smile was there, right where it was supposed to be.

  
“I hope I made my two dads proud. Without them, I wouldn’t be half the student, half the man, half the human being I am today.”

  
“So, Class of 2028, good luck and remember graduation is only the beginning.”

  
At the party afterwards, on the lawn of their house, Matt told their family and friends that he’d been accepted to the University of California – Berkley to study environmental engineering. He was taking the torch from Cas to try to save the environment.

  
Dean stood by Sam and Hannah, who was expecting their second child. He watched his husband in a deep discussion with Kevin Tran, now a professor at the University of Texas. Cas had gray in his hair now. Instead of making him look older, Dean thought it made him look sexier. Dean hair was turning silver too, but he didn’t like to talk about it. As the sun set over the ocean, Dean thought he saw a man dressed in a military dress uniform standing by the palm trees. He narrowed his eyes, trying to make him out. The flash of white teeth set in a smile made him inhale sharply. Jimmy. He turned to find Cas. Cas was staring at the same spot. He watched as his husband’s hand rose as if to wave farewell. When he looked back to that place where Jimmy stood, there was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aloha au 'ia 'oe  
> (I love you)  
> Aloha aku nô, aloha mai nô  
> (I give my love to you, you give your love to me)  
> Ka honi mai me ke aloha  
> (And with love is a kiss)

**Author's Note:**

> An IED is an explosive device usually buried. When it is stepped on, it triggers the explosive. It does massive amounts of damage.


End file.
